Yup @
Adam Strange, he has quite obvious Ne-POLR, as he also has trouble picking hobbies for himself to do. He has quite some free time as a bachelor student, but doesn't know what to do. I asked him what his goals are, to which he replied that he wants to learn a new skill and meet people. I recommended him to do the Dutch language course that our university offers, so he can socialize better with the people here. He thought it a good idea, but still procrastinates on it, because he isn't sure if it is
the best idea. I found that an odd way of thinking, because he doesn't have any alternatives in mind and now just wastes his time. He admitted, though, that he frequently suffers from choice paralysis and that this is something that he wants to work on the coming years. He also struggled with picking a dish at the restaurant that we ate at.
He listens to my advice, but then still desires to infinitely mull over it himself, because he holds some sort of belief that he has to do everything himself in the end. If only he would let me help him, he would progress much faster, especially since I already experienced all the ups and downs of the bachelor and can thus easily advise him on what mistakes not to make. I, on the other hand, do take his recommendations to heart. For instance, I'm exercising more and going outdoors more frequently (studying programming is such a sedentary lifestyle). He also convinced me to trim down some of the social contacts that I have been maintaining for the past half a decade without much selection.
Many people, including my LIE professor and SLI study coach, had implored me to do so throughout the years, but I always tried to eat my cake and have it too by going the clever way. I organize about two group activities every month, so I keep in touch with all my old high school friends at once and my political friends, and I make several appointments on a single day, because then the other days I can fully focus on studying.
But the ESI bicycle friend was the first one who made a good argument on reducing
the frequency of some social contacts I have,
not the number. Everyone else always told me to reduce the number of my social contacts, so I would have more time for studying, yet I have always gotten where I needed to be regarding my study in the end. I thus saw no urgency to make any sacrifices for it, if I knew that I would make it regardless. He, on the other hand, plainly told me that if I'm friends with everyone, I'm friends with none. And that hit home. If I want deep connections with my friends, I have to invest a lot of time in a few of them, instead a little time into many.
I would say that I have good and loyal friends, and contact with most of them I have been able to maintain relatively well, because instead of watching Netflix or gaming like other people do, I spend my time maintaining my large social network. But he does have a point, some of the people I feel closest to, I have seen as little or even less often than people who I deem merely mates or just pals even. And especially with the COVID lockdown plus my master's study it happened that some of my friends I hadn't seen in months, but some pals every month or even twice a month. That's not how things should be. So by just telling me that the number of friends I'm trying to maintain comes at the cost of the depth of my friendships, he was able to convince me where none other could.