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Thread: ILI Self-Help: how to construct an artificial SEE on your own

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    Default ILI Self-Help: how to construct an artificial SEE on your own

    I've been reviewing some of my self-sabotaging behaviors that had puzzled me (as to, why do I do them even when I know I shouldn't). And It occurred to me that the reason is I want to get into a good mood --- sounds stupidly simple, but can be explained by 3 socionics concepts:


    Functional:
    activating childlike Fi, PoLR Fe: emotions are weak, scattered, easily changeable. Not in control of my emotion


    Reinin dichotomy: constructivist V.S. emotivist
    ILI is classified as constructivist: uncritically influenced by emotional cues (F judging either in leading or activating function) so tend to avoid emotional contact, can be "emotionally hooked" even when it's undesirable. More worries about and responsible for doing things (T) rather than changing emotional atmosphere (F) in communications


    (BTW I think why ILI and ESI get into fights is because, both being constructivist, both will compete taking care of the doing things, and no one is regulating the emotional atmosphere)


    Dualization:
    Since SEE is emotivist (F judging in creative or suggestive), they will see adjusting emotions as a "job" in communications and actively build the right emotional atmosphere. Their strong Fi/Fe is going to "regulate" ILI so there's a solid direction in how you should feel


    The obvious solution is to find an SEE.
    But it's hard.



    People have complained about the overly dreamy/ideal portrayal of dual relations, and there's a reason. Mostly in alpha quadra, the socion experts have strong values in NeFe and their go-to solution is seeking help from others. In theory it's perfect because a dual can cover your weakness and utilize your strengths.


    But in reality it's hard to find the right dual (even if you got the right type you may not get the right health/self-growth level). For gamma quadra especially ILI it's not a natural solution to seek others for problem-solving because of Ne ignoring and Fe PoLR, whereas in alpha quadra even the most socially isolated LII has Fe valuing.


    Of course it's healthy for gamma quadra to interact and get back to community, but to rely on "finding another person" as the ultimate solution for life is a bit ridiculous. Not going the solve the problem right now.


    Is there another solution?


    I'm going to propose a hack. (You can still put finding a dual as the long term solution, but this may help solve some problems right now)


    How to construct an SEE influence on your own:


    SEEs take care of ILI's emotions by treating it as a job that can be worked with (Fi creative), whereas ILIs by themselves treat emotions like something biological, innate, something you cannot change/manage.


    The hack is to reverse that natural tendency. Think like an emotivist. Don't just be activated by emotions, but also take care to manage them, and use them as a solution rather than just a source of problem.


    Example: an LIE coworker once recommended strongly to say I FEEL GREAT! (with the exclamation mark) whenever someone asks how you feel. I didn't understand that trick back then. But now I see that LIE, being an emotivist, is regulating his own and other people's Fi by doing this.


    Aesthetically I prefer more refined and understated emotions. But a simple dumb sounding "I FEEL GREAT!" is incredibly effective in organizing all the scattered emotions into a single strong beam that is truly motivating to start a productive day.


    I've thought of 3 ways to train myself:
    - start with very simple statements to regulate my emotions daily (once you get over the mental block of "this is dumb", it can be quite entertaining)
    - look at some SEE motivational videos/speeches to strengthen Fi no matter how stupid you find the content is. The important thing is the emotional strengths.
    - Utilize Se to look for cues everywhere to encourage Fi strengths, e.g. saw a kid running for school and tell self "seize the moment" (once again you need to get over the mental block of how dumb this is)


    This Fi training is of course only covering a fraction of what SEE can do. The Se part is not covered here. SEEs can help ILIs with Se in these 2 ways:
    1. pushing ILI's Se to get them moving
    My thoughts: life can also do this. Life is Se. It's probably slower than SEE's direct push, but over time you'll feel the pain if you are not moving.
    2. covering ILI's Se weakness by doing Se things for them
    My thoughts: as adults let's stop counting on other people to do things for you. With developed NiTe, ILI's can usually get out of tricky Se situations and train Se strengths gradually. Train your role Si can help Se development in an indirect way.


    My sincere wish for everyone to find their perfect dual. I FEEL GREAT!

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    Local Legend Toro's Avatar
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    Don't wait for someone else to complete you.
    Bound upon me, rush upon me, I will overcome you by enduring your onset: whatever strikes against that which is firm and unconquerable merely injures itself by its own violence. Wherefore, seek some soft and yielding object to pierce with your darts.

    -Seneca

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    Quote Originally Posted by Toro View Post
    Don't wait for someone else to complete you.
    Exactly

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    Psychology BSc and statistics MSc Armitage's Avatar
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    Cool Mood-lifting tips

    Some ideas to uplift my emotions that may help ILIs as well:
    -> Go exercizing, the endorphine rush will soon cheer you up. Even if this sounds too Se-heavy, a simple walk through the park will already alleviate your mood, fresh air clears the mind, and sunlight boosts the mood. Also, you might come across a nice SEE jogging through the park, which will be further encouragement to make your daily walk through the park.

    -> At the end of the day write three things on paper that you did well and three things for which you are grateful that day. When done frequently it will improve your self-confidence, as well as your interaction with other people, because you'll feel genuinely happier around them, instead of sullen. Use paper to write it down on, because writing combines your motoric memory with your episodic memory of that day, which makes the positive items stick better in your mind. The time it takes to write something down on paper also forces you to repeat the positive item in your mind, as long as that you're still writing it, which also makes it stick in your memory better. This is in stark contrast to typing on a computer, which is quickly done and quickly forgotten. This is why I'm also one of the old-fashioned people who still write their course notes on paper.

    -> If all else fails, buy liquor, a very large box, and a fishing line. Also saw a branch of a tree. Take the box and tilt it, so that you can use the tree branch as a pillar. Bind the fishing line to the branch. Then place the liquor underneath the box and write in big crayon letters: FREE BOOZE!!! Et voilą, you have built your very own SEE trap, now you only have to wait in the park until that cute jogger comes along for her morning run.

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    to use and improve skills of 2 superid functions

    Se - manual work and art, controlling physical world, body physical training
    Fi - understanding and sharing feelings of other people, understanding what they like or not, trying to fit what other people like to be liked them more

    Reinin traits are baseless

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    Quote Originally Posted by Armitage View Post
    Some ideas to uplift my emotions that may help ILIs as well:
    -> Go exercizing, the endorphine rush will soon cheer you up. Even if this sounds too Se-heavy, a simple walk through the park will already alleviate your mood, fresh air clears the mind, and sunlight boosts the mood. Also, you might come across a nice SEE jogging through the park, which will be further encouragement to make your daily walk through the park.

    -> At the end of the day write three things on paper that you did well and three things for which you are grateful that day. When done frequently it will improve your self-confidence, as well as your interaction with other people, because you'll feel genuinely happier around them, instead of sullen. Use paper to write it down on, because writing combines your motoric memory with your episodic memory of that day, which makes the positive items stick better in your mind. The time it takes to write something down on paper also forces you to repeat the positive item in your mind, as long as that you're still writing it, which also makes it stick in your memory better. This is in stark contrast to typing on a computer, which is quickly done and quickly forgotten. This is why I'm also one of the old-fashioned people who still write their course notes on paper.

    -> If all else fails, buy liquor, a very large box, and a fishing line. Also saw a branch of a tree. Take the box and tilt it, so that you can use the tree branch as a pillar. Bind the fishing line to the branch. Then place the liquor underneath the box and write in big crayon letters: FREE BOOZE!!! Et voilą, you have built your very own SEE trap, now you only have to wait in the park until that cute jogger comes along for her morning run.
    Agree jogging/walking is very helpful in lifting the energy level. I try to challenge my Se by running outside no matter how bad the weather is, to get a sense of overcoming natural elements (even when it's just light raining

    Always meant to try the appreciation exercise (would be a great way to collect Fi cues) but never stuck to it. Writing it down sounds like a good idea Will try the free booze idea hahaha

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    to use and improve skills of 2 superid functions

    Se - manual work and art, controlling physical world, body physical training
    Fi - understanding and sharing feelings of other people, understanding what they like or not, trying to fit what other people like to be liked them more

    Reinin traits are baseless
    Reinin traits have hits and misses for me. Some of them are very accurate when I observe myself and others (constructivist, tactician, obstinate, etc.). Others are too convoluted to be useful.

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    Yeah, I'd advise against that.
    It seems really great in the beginning, but after a while, I was just an empty shell with lots of psychosomatic problems.

    Also, if you get good at it, people might end up thinking that's who you really are and be mad if it slips off because that isn't what they signed up for.
    It's an extremely heartbreaking thing to know people only like the fake mask you put on while each hint of honesty gets met with disdain.

    Just reading this I feel like throwing up, this isn't a viable long term solution. It can patch up at best, but fall away from those people you need this with.

    Anyone can become genuinely happy and from this happiness, kindness and openess naturaly happens.
    Type descriptions tend to describe the worse of people, because it's at their worse people are the most different, similar to enneagram's goal being to develop the qualities of each type, and that's similar to the idea of balancing chakras, of building yourself into manifesting the best of each.

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    Quote Originally Posted by adage View Post
    Yeah, I'd advise against that.
    It seems really great in the beginning, but after a while, I was just an empty shell with lots of psychosomatic problems.

    Also, if you get good at it, people might end up thinking that's who you really are and be mad if it slips off because that isn't what they signed up for.
    It's an extremely heartbreaking thing to know people only like the fake mask you put on while each hint of honesty gets met with disdain.

    Just reading this I feel like throwing up, this isn't a viable long term solution. It can patch up at best, but fall away from those people you need this with.

    Anyone can become genuinely happy and from this happiness, kindness and openess naturaly happens.
    Type descriptions tend to describe the worse of people, because it's at their worse people are the most different, similar to enneagram's goal being to develop the qualities of each type, and that's similar to the idea of balancing chakras, of building yourself into manifesting the best of each.
    Ummm I feel you are extremely trigger by this. So I'm not going to comment on your experience.

    Rest assured I'm not putting on a fake mask. I've done that for years before. Since then I've taken out layers after layers of masks, completely broken down my egos, and walked my way back to being real.

    This is more of a life energy reorganization for doing things that are truly meaningful to me.

    However I can understand your worries. For someone at a different life stage this might lead them astray. So everyone please READ THIS THREAD CRITICALLY AND EXPERIMENT WITH CARE

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    Finally, a guide for self-dualizing :V

    But I have to say, the more I feel in touch with my own Fi - Se, the more I want a dual (want, not need)

    "I feel GREAT" soud like some thing come frome those stupid Self-help book lmao. But basically I think we can use any word to push ourself into more active mode:

    - I feel excited

    - This is interesting

    - I'm gonna put some dirt in your eyes

    - I'm gonna kick their asses







    I mean don't be Bully Maguire

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tarnished View Post
    Finally, a guide for self-dualizing :V

    But I have to say, the more I feel in touch with my own Fi - Se, the more I want a dual (want, not need)

    "I feel GREAT" soud like some thing come frome those stupid Self-help book lmao. But basically I think we can use any word to push ourself into more active mode:

    - I feel excited

    - This is interesting

    - I'm gonna put some dirt in your eyes

    - I'm gonna kick their asses







    I mean don't be Bully Maguire
    I'm pretty sure Tobey is ILI, funny enough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vis View Post
    Ummm I feel you are extremely trigger by this. So I'm not going to comment on your experience.

    Rest assured I'm not putting on a fake mask. I've done that for years before. Since then I've taken out layers after layers of masks, completely broken down my egos, and walked my way back to being real.

    This is more of a life energy reorganization for doing things that are truly meaningful to me.

    However I can understand your worries. For someone at a different life stage this might lead them astray. So everyone please READ THIS THREAD CRITICALLY AND EXPERIMENT WITH CARE
    Seems like we are on a similar page.

    But yeah, I worry about peeps taking it as "play the social game and be inauthentic" but I guess it's in the air where I live.

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    Quote Originally Posted by OnlyLurking View Post
    I'm pretty sure Tobey is ILI, funny enough.
    LOL

    Now it make sense. Rage can also put you in Se mode, but unhealthy one.
    Last edited by Tarnished; 02-09-2022 at 03:37 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by adage View Post
    Yeah, I'd advise against that.
    It seems really great in the beginning, but after a while, I was just an empty shell with lots of psychosomatic problems.

    Also, if you get good at it, people might end up thinking that's who you really are and be mad if it slips off because that isn't what they signed up for.
    It's an extremely heartbreaking thing to know people only like the fake mask you put on while each hint of honesty gets met with disdain.

    Just reading this I feel like throwing up, this isn't a viable long term solution. It can patch up at best, but fall away from those people you need this with.

    Anyone can become genuinely happy and from this happiness, kindness and openess naturaly happens.
    Type descriptions tend to describe the worse of people, because it's at their worse people are the most different, similar to enneagram's goal being to develop the qualities of each type, and that's similar to the idea of balancing chakras, of building yourself into manifesting the best of each.
    I think it's not about putting some mask in your face, but about pulling your inner child out.

    However, it can be extreme dangerous, because your inner child is very vulnerable and lack of experience. Bully Maguire is an example of when the inner child pull out in the wrong way, we became an unhealthy version of our dual. That's why we need our dual to develope that's part of our.

    I think we can still develope it by ourself, as someone like Sadhguru? But it has to be treat carefully because we can easily get hurt by the world around us when using our weak functions.

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    The fastest solution to deal with ESI is to avoid them, ignore on what they are doing, and trying to do the stuff on your own without their help. Perhaps, their knee-jerk reaction would be so sickening to see but you know that they need you the most in doing stuff altogether as you start taunting them sarcastically. Moreover, "think like an emotivist" is something that I have done lately, so be make sure to not get caught at the same trap they've "prepared" to embarrass yourself, and treat them as a rival of your own.
    Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel: "The history of the world is none other than the progress of the consciousness of freedom."

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    May look like an LSI, but -Te. Metaphor's Avatar
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    Your typical ridiculous ILI-C who acts SEE-ish.
    Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel: "The history of the world is none other than the progress of the consciousness of freedom."

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