Figure out my type...if you can >:P

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

I'm not going to ramble about my story, but I will say one thing that I always find interesting in terms of how it can relate to typology.

As a younger kid, I had abuse coming at me from home and bullying coming at me from school simultaneously, no one had my back, I had to fend for myself in a cruel/fucked up world. That caused me to snap so that I changed my style of dress; the way I carried myself; the look on my face...not really resting bitch face, more like resting angry face; became less agreeable/more confrontational, rebellious, and fierce; much angrier; stopped trying to fit in and started rejecting everyone; showed off in some ways that made me seem more intimidating. I was sick of all the bullshit and I wanted everyone to know it. My entire presence basically screamed, "either back the fuck off or I will mercilessly fuck you up."

Now, the part of this I think is interesting, is that it was when people changed the style of bullying they did. It became more indirect and manipulative. People were trying to get me into trouble with authorities at school, playing the sweet innocent victim facade card to get me kicked out of places, etc. I remember when I broke up with my first girlfriend (I'm bisexual) because she flashed her breasts to some guys while we were outside in an after school program. In retaliation for it, she cut herself and then said I told her to/made her do it. Since I had this whole “badass” look to me now, I was kicked out. That was not the only instance in which I was fucked over that way by someone. Everything people tried with me in my life from then on was manipulation like this. I began guarding more and more against manipulation. I felt more vulnerable to it than physical confrontation - that was no problem for me, and I defended people from bullies via physical confrontation. I sometimes took bullied kids under my wing and was protective over them long-term, for more than a year. I feared no one. People obviously knew that and saw manipulation as a way around my defenses. Since I had poor people skills, I struggled to build my defenses against it at first, and was genuinely vulnerable to it. I faced it at home from my mother, also. I still to this day feel uncomfortable/in a state of unrest with any home, vehicle, or other need that is not under my ownership, my name, because of those experiences. I want to hold the cards in order to prevent anyone else from doing so in a way that allows them to use them against me.

So...I don't type as E8 because I don't relate well to any Enneagram type strongly enough to have it a core one, but in Enneagram 8s, is it the appearance of invulnerability that inclines others to use manipulative approaches more often? If they appeared harmless, would they have fewer encounters with manipulation?

[Adam Strange]

I'm not going to ramble about my story, but I will say one thing that I always find interesting in terms of how it can relate to typology.

As a younger kid, I had abuse coming at me from home and bullying coming at me from school simultaneously, no one had my back, I had to fend for myself in a cruel/fucked up world. That caused me to snap so that I changed my style of dress; the way I carried myself; the look on my face...not really resting bitch face, more like resting angry face; became less agreeable/more confrontational, rebellious, and fierce; much angrier; stopped trying to fit in and started rejecting everyone; showed off in some ways that made me seem more intimidating. I was sick of all the bullshit and I wanted everyone to know it. My entire presence basically screamed, "either back the fuck off or I will mercilessly fuck you up."

Now, the part of this I think is interesting, is that it was when people changed the style of bullying they did. It became more indirect and manipulative. People were trying to get me into trouble with authorities at school, playing the sweet innocent victim facade card to get me kicked out of places, etc. I remember when I broke up with my first girlfriend (I'm bisexual) because she flashed her breasts to some guys while we were outside in an after school program. In retaliation for it, she cut herself and then said I told her to/made her do it. Since I had this whole “badass” look to me now, I was kicked out. That was not the only instance in which I was fucked over that way by someone. Everything people tried with me in my life from then on was manipulation like this. I began guarding more and more against manipulation. I felt more vulnerable to it than physical confrontation - that was no problem for me, and I defended people from bullies via physical confrontation. I sometimes took bullied kids under my wing and was protective over them long-term, for more than a year. I feared no one. People obviously knew that and saw manipulation as a way around my defenses. Since I had poor people skills, I struggled to build my defenses against it at first, and was genuinely vulnerable to it. I faced it at home from my mother, also. I still to this day feel uncomfortable/in a state of unrest with any home, vehicle, or other need that is not under my ownership, my name, because of those experiences. I want to hold the cards in order to prevent anyone else from doing so in a way that allows them to use them against me.

So...I don't type as E8 because I don't relate well to any Enneagram type strongly enough to have it a core one, but in Enneagram 8s, is it the appearance of invulnerability...

I'm an e8, and when I was a kid, I wanted to be Superman because he was invulnerable and Batman because he was a smart detective. So, yes, e8s probably can project an aura of invulnerability, because we just do not want to be controlled, pushed, or tested.

... that inclines others to use manipulative approaches more often? If they appeared harmless, would they have fewer encounters with manipulation?

I don't think that a person's enneatype directly inspires others towards manipulative approaches. I think that everyone tries to get what they want, and there are only three ways to do that.

1. Ask for what you want.
2. Trick someone into giving you what you want.
3. Use force to get what you want.

Which approach is used probably depends on the characters of the two people, but I don't think that #2 manipulation is guaranteed.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

I don't think that a person's enneatype directly inspires others towards manipulative approaches. I think that everyone tries to get what they want, and there are only three ways to do that.

1. Ask for what you want.
2. Trick someone into giving you what you want.
3. Use force to get what you want.

Which approach is used probably depends on the characters of the two people, but I don't think that #2 manipulation is guaranteed.

Yeah, but the point I'm making is that, theoretically speaking...with E8, people might see that they can't get away with option 3, thus resort to 2 more. With others besides the 8, that same person might usually use 3, but because of the 8's nature, resort to 2. That is what I wonder.

The alternative theory is that, perhaps, the tendency to appear to be more threatening might result in others having a more frequent provocation to respond to the perceived threat.

Of course, it could be that neither are valid, but it would also make sense if they were.

[Adam Strange]

Yeah, but the point I'm making is that, theoretically speaking...with E8, people might see that they can't get away with option 3, thus resort to 2 more. With others besides the 8, that same person might usually use 3, but because of the 8's nature, resort to 2. That is what I wonder.

The alternative theory is that, perhaps, the tendency to appear to be more threatening might result in others having a more frequent provocation to respond to the perceived threat.

Of course, it could be that neither are valid, but it would also make sense if they were.

My approach to differences of opinion is to listen to the other person and try to hear what they are saying, while examining my own beliefs in light of their wants or assertions, because I'm coming from a fairly bad childhood and I've discovered that I'm wrong a lot. Really wrong. However, I don't always do listen as well as I probably should.

Mostly, I try to stay just a hair over their aggression level, and to escalate only when they do. Game theory says that the best outcomes happen when you start out playing fair, then return the kind of behavior that you get from the other person, AT THE SAME LEVEL OF AGGRESSION AS THEY PRESENTED. Not more, not less.

And I try really hard to do win-wins, but with some people, that just doesn't work, and then you have to ask yourself how you can get them to do what you want.

I've been in a few physical fights in my life, and I haven't won them all. In one of them, there was so much violence that my shoes filled with blood. Believe it or not, I'd call that one a draw. So I really don't like to get into fights, because I've had stitches in my face twice, and the scars don't improve my looks. Basically, I try to be a good judge of power and I don't like to make enemies.

I think it's far better to be nice. I really do. But when I want something, I try to get it, and I try to ensure that the other person wins by giving it to me.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

My approach to differences of opinion is to listen to the other person and try to hear what they are saying, while examining my own beliefs in light of their wants or assertions. I don't always do this as well as I'd like, though.

Mostly, I try to stay just a hair over their aggression level, and to escalate only when they do. Game theory says that the best outcomes happen when you start out playing fair, then return the kind of behavior that you get from the other person, AT THE SAME LEVEL OF AGGRESSION AS THEY PRESENTED. Not more, not less.

And I try really hard to do win-wins, but with some people, that just doesn't work, and then you have to ask yourself how you can get them to do what you want.

I've been in a few physical fights in my life, and I haven't won them all. In one of them, there was so much violence that my shoes filled with blood. Believe it or not, I'd call that one a draw. So I really don't like to get into fights, because I've had stitches in my face twice, and the scars don't improve my looks. Basically, I try to be a good judge of power and I don't like to make enemies.

I think it's far better to be nice. I really do. But when I want something, I try to get it, and I try to ensure that the other person wins by giving it to me.

I was talking about unhealthy levels of 8 with all of that. I was not in a healthy place back then (and what kid would be, in those shoes?)

Personally, my issue is more or less that people see me as more threatening than I really am, therefore things don't come into the light enough for me to seek understanding. Outside of that, I do seek understanding, and I don't like making enemies either.

Anyway, I'm not disagreeing with you. Not sure why you think I am. I'm always saying similar things.
https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...=1#post1490751

I'm simply saying you have to be realistic and know when to be which way. Having that discernment, that judgment, is having the next level of wisdom beyond understanding that softness is just one type of strength.

[Adam Strange]

I was talking about unhealthy levels of 8 with all of that. I was not in a healthy place back then.

Personally, my issue is more or less that people see me as more threatening than I really am, therefore things don't come into the light enough for me to seek understanding. Outside of that, I do seek understanding, and I don't like making enemies either.

Anyway, I'm not disagreeing with you. Not sure why you think I am. I'm always saying similar things.
https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...=1#post1490751

Sorry, @Lady Lunacik. I guess I got the impression that you were saying that e8s escalated to nuclear war at the slightest provocation, and that's not at all what I do.

I always try to be nice. And I don't mean fake-nice. I mean, "I see you're having a problem and maybe we can resolve it so that you're doing much better." And I, incidentally, will also do much better when they aren't coming from a place of fear.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Sorry, @Lady Lunacik. I guess I got the impression that you were saying that e8s escalated to nuclear war at the slightest provocation, and that's not at all what I do.

Holy shit, no. Lol, not what I meant at all.

I always try to be nice. And I don't mean fake-nice. I mean, "I see you're having a problem and maybe we can resolve it so that you're doing much better." And I, incidentally, will also do much better when they aren't coming from a place of fear.

Same, minus the fear part. I'm understanding with fear...and basically everything that is not just ill intentions. That is where I draw the line. I have no tolerance for malicious people.

Btw, I'm much softer outside of the forums, also...well, or, actually, around people I know intimately in general, I'm very warm/soft/gentle. I have a bit of duality to me...lioness/kitten.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]