completely reasonableOut of curiosity, what Socionics type do you identify with the most?
I definitely relate to not "lowering the criteria" also. "These are my values, and this is what I search for in those I form intimate relationships with." I understand that people are different, but I'm able to just admire the diversity from a distance. I enjoy listening to, and learning about, the variances in others, and it is most likely in this way that I am the most intellectually curious, but as for forming a personal relationship? That's a big no-no for me, unless they work on changing those things about themselves. I'm willing to guide them into those changes, as well, if that's what they actually want themselves. If I can work with them, I'll give things a chance. I'm insightful and accurate when it comes to developing recovery or change strategies, and I use active listening to place myself in their shoes and then come up with working solutions for that development. If they won't "come to my level," though, I won't go to theirs. I know myself, and I know what I'm compatible with. Writing it out, it sounds somewhat selfish, but it's not because I refuse to push someone into making changes they don't desire on their own. I believe that this would result in "losing yourself in someone else," and the person would inevitably begin to feel disconnected from their genuine selves later on down the road, so I don't believe in "changing for others." Therefore, it's not selfish, as I am only guiding them into their own goals. I do provide this kind of help for things I don't want, also, but if it conflicts with what I personally am compatible with, I consider those to be "therapy relationships" and I keep them at an arm's length without allowing feelings to grow into something more intimate than that. I maintain several relationships like this, I see "lost souls" and counsel them into where they want to go inside themselves. Those are the relationships I have to take regular breaks from so I avoid burnout.
and I type as EII