Do we NEED Duality?

[timber]

Have fun...


Ends up in a scene "saving damsel in distress" (SLE-IEI)

This "felt" kind of care-givery to me?

[timber]

My first romantic relationship, the one I consider the big "L" word, was probably a dual as far as socionics is concerned. I think its true you need to have a dual relationship in order to recognize them from then on.

Are they necessary though? No.

[Bethanyclaire]

As a person who royally messed up their life and consequently lost friends and did not fulfil dreams…but made it out the other side- what do I need right now? My family (includes semi dual sis), the odd acquaintances I’ve picked up along the way, my kind plus charming recent besties x 2, and then I thought maybe an SEI-fe, an SEE-fi or an SLE-ti as a boyfriend. A semi-dual or a dual basically and I’d feel like my life was saved lol. Oh I’d love a baby too

[Beautiful sky]

No
It’s just nicer to have a normal one around

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

ESI/LIE drawbacks:

ESI - craves closeness, connection
LIE - gets too caught up in projects, etc. and ESI hates that they always have to be the one who initiates closing the distance/reviving or maintaining closeness, always chasing even while together

ESI - Needs connections, prioritizes them above all else in their lives while sort of helpless to change that fact. Connects through exchanging deep, intimate contents, rather than shared activities.
LIE - Struggles to open up, share intimate aspects of themselves/their lives, expects ESI to always do the initiating.

ESI: tries to share analytical thoughts about human/relationship dynamics just to chat and connect and share thoughts about a personal interest (relationships/human dynamics) (which is often their biggest, most important interest, even, not just some trivial one), feels like LIE just doesn't get whatever ESI is saying and it causes arguments (LIE opposes/argues what ESI is saying because LIE doesn't actually get it, it wasn't broken down enough by ESI, misunderstandings about what is being said create conflict), ESI doesn't want to talk to LIE about the subject that is the most important thing to them anymore, seems like can't have a casual, laid back, non-teaching, conversation with someone as an equal in this department, without having to explain every little thing. Lack of connecting via "Finally, someone actually gets it!"

I fail to see how this is the most desirable relationship pairing in the typology system for these two types. Personally, I'd much rather get with some other ESI (preferably female, since females aren't culturally influenced to be less emotionally open). Both big on self-improvement, both big on challenging selves/others, both crave connections, etc. Shared values. Pretty much capable of being a power couple, tbh.

TLDR:

Hell no we don't need duality. Hell yes there are drawbacks. And as for filling our own weak spots...we can work on our own weaknesses and get by in life. We don't need to go around unifying to become masters of all, people specialize in their specific areas for a reason. Society is a whole that covers all needed aspects, you don't need to do that in a relationship with others 1 on 1 in addition to it.

I feel bad for saying the things I said in this old quoted post that was brought to my attention today by someone marking it as constructive.

I don't pay attention to or think about Socionics in relationships anymore, but I just want to say my partner and I have grown beyond these issues, which I wrote about from a place of frustration/venting. We do have opposite strengths and weaknesses, but I now am very attracted to this. We did a silly little "types of intelligences" test for the fun of it, and logic (numbers) was my lowest, but one of his highest. The "connections" (relationships) category was one of my highest, but it was his lowest. I am ok with this now. If anything, I find it attractive. Yes, I'm more advanced than him in the connections, but I'm more patient, understanding, and nurturing with him now. I was in the wrong for being so impatient with him before. Likewise, he's also become more receptive, more mature in general, more open with me, and more emotionally mature.

I am absofuckingloutely lost when it comes to financial matters, and I let him handle that side of things. He used to be lost in relationship matters, but he's grown in this by letting me help him with that side of things. Honestly, we've both grown in that side of things, also...but I definitely am the one teaching him in this area the vast majority of the time, which there is nothing wrong with. I feel bad for saying the things I said in this old quoted post that was brought to my attention today by someone marking it as constructive. I'm just grateful he puts in the efforts it takes to grow and develop, and I'm proud of him for how far he's come. I'm glad I can help him in some way that adds value and quality to his life experiences, because I care for him and I want his life to be happier and for him to enjoy it more. He's a great person and he deserves that enjoyment/happiness. I feel lucky and grateful to be a small part of what contributes positively to his life, just as he has always contributed those things to mine.

I know my lessons from his strengths will come more in person, and I'm grateful he will help me in those areas even more than he already does now. I appreciate the fact that I am able to trust him with those areas I damn sure wouldn't trust myself in.

For the benefit of all those who get too caught up in typology, I will overshare this: the root cause of the problems really pertained to past traumas, not personality types. Be careful what you categorize problems as. It does matter.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Love is the state of no ego, where u don't exist so neither can your neurosis (the illusion of them anyway) and idealistically with 'duals' this happens the most easiest, all other things considered. But it's just much easier to happen with rational type duals I think. =/ I think about my mom and dad who were duals tho, and its like they were so different they couldn't get on each other's nerves much even if they tried. People say you have to like yourself before you like other people- but I just think that's something ppl say to lonely losers to make them feel better because often ppl don't like themselves, but they like their partner- and they build something greater than themselves, that is kinda the essence of love. Yeah sometimes u have to really love urself before others will love u, but it's easy to be misguided and fool that to into thinking u have to be a narcissist and get other unhealthy people to be into you- like that's how people usually confuse that saying.

[Beautiful sky]

This!

Because EII are easy to talk to and we don’t tell LSE “I don’t want to talk about that I have to get ready for work tomorrow.”
I discovered the necessity of this this weekend when I remember that. I let LSE talk to me and through talking to me they process and prepare for traumatic events that will come up like they may talk about their mom and how bad they are doing to prepare for an emotional moment but also releasing emotions through processing them in the course of speaking it out.

“Bearer of quiet introspection, hidden sea of feelings. The world of his feelings is so fine and rich that he does not need verbal reassurances of someone’s love for him. Even without words he observes, who loves whom and how, who needs or doesn’t need whom. His most important capability is his ability to adapt to his partner’s emotions, to empathize, release emotional tension, to calm down.”

[rizz]

Subtality (perfect type and subtybe match) gives me a boner. It makes me feel safe and free from time. It makes me feel warm inside.

[Sol]

Most people don't end up marrying their dual either.

~50% or more divorces. What % of pairs where people stay and evalutate relations as good is unknown, but should be only a part.
Higher % of pairs breaks before a marriage. While they take resources, which could be directed with more usefulness in better relations.

If something can improve the situation - would be nice.
The problem to check how types may work is in today typing methods. To have good possibility for correct understanding of own type and types of possible pairs needs much and used appropriately time (monthes, years) and IRL communication.
To reduce needed resources to understand types of other people is possibly by training, seems long training. Same it should be appropriate (correct theory, correct examples of types, some luck to have needed people IRL).
It's all not what mass types usage supposes. It's high risk to use types as it happens now "in average".
Also you are doubtful to gather stats about practical IR influence. In now it's relatively possible to check only some principles of IR.

> As much as I do favor duality, I think a sobering or alternate look at it can be helpful.

You may apply impressions of good IR directly without types identification. You communicate with someone and in feelings know what should be to think he's good for a pair. It also may need much of time, but you don't need to think about Jung types.

>Do we NEED duality?

With terrible % of emotionally bad pairs we need anything. Jung type is what may help significantly, hypothetically.

> Is duality always the best?

From types - yes, best for a pair.
For concrete people - no, as important is the sum of different traits and peoples' behavior, where Jung type of one of traits. Just to have duality pair does not mean to have it good (or better) - there were examples of bad ones, which broke.
To get positive from a duality you need an attitude to love other human and to care about his interests. Duality makes this easier than other types.

> Are there drawbacks to duality that nobody talks about?

For pairs - indirect. If you loose better pair - you'll feel worse.
Not so often but this may happen quickly (death, distance, unexpected pair break). The difference in external support can be huge, comparable to loosing good friend or a parrent for a kid. Should be harder to restore and find other ways of positive and support.
It's acceptable and common price, as exists for anything what makes us feeling better in the life.

Other is also banal. You become more picky for other pair as will compare. Hence harder to choose another human, harder to accept what you'll get with him. You'll want what felt in good IR, at least - what is 3/16 types. If you are not <25 yo, to find good enough pair may become significant problem, - you'll stay longer without a pair, new pairs may be lesser stable in average.

You may get such complications even by just geting significant feelings to a dual or other good IR. Without a marriage or being a pair.