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Thread: Slow or fast in relationships

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    Default Slow or fast in relationships

    Let's suppose socionics theory is correct, would that give license to going faster in relationship?

    I prefer taking things slow, even with a dual. However, I kinda regret not taking things faster when the gal wanted to.

    It's probably best to take things slow but my opinion ain't absolute

    Again, this assumes socionics is somewhat accurate, where one chooses to date a more favorable relation

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    Fast then slow...

    I mean right away you should do something to determine if there is that 'spark' or natural sexual chemistry. Doesn't mean you have to fuck or do anything gross- just basic hand holding/kiss maybe to see if there is something 'there' or if it's wishful thinking in your head. Or maybe you could take things slow and those would develop on their own- but I think the spark... it's either there or it isn't type of thing. Cannot be something that you develop if it's not there to begin with.

    "Let's take things slow..."

    I usually interpret that as "The thought of having sex with you is physically repulsive to me and will always be that way. Kthhxbye."

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Fast then slow...

    I mean right away you should do something to determine if there is that 'spark' or natural sexual chemistry. Doesn't mean you have to fuck or do anything gross- just basic hand holding/kiss maybe to see if there is something 'there' or if it's wishful thinking in your head. Or maybe you could take things slow and those would develop on their own- but I think the spark... it's either there or it isn't type of thing. Cannot be something that you develop if it's not there to begin with.

    "Let's take things slow..."

    I usually interpret that as "The thought of having sex with you is physically repulsive to me and will always be that way. Kthhxbye."
    Conflict might be the primary reason people take things slow but, often times, conflict actually helps us understand one another better

    I hear ya. It's cool to take a fortune cookie's advice & pump the brakes but going fast is... fun. People like fun

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    I almost didn't answer since @BandD's answer was so close to mine, but I might well bump the thread. I will want to rush into a relationship but then be tentative and indecisive about if I should be with the person or what I should do next.

    I tend to smother partners with affection though and I think I may rush into love too quickly.
    The Barnum or Forer effect is the tendency for people to judge that general, universally valid statements about personality are actually specific descriptions of their own personalities. A "universally valid" statement is one that is true of everyone—or, more likely, nearly everyone. It is not known why people tend to make such misjudgments, but the effect has been experimentally reproduced.

    The psychologist Paul Meehl named this fallacy "the P.T. Barnum effect" because Barnum built his circus and dime museum on the principle of having something for everyone. It is also called "the Forer effect" after its discoverer, the psychologist Bertram R. Forer, who modestly dubbed it "the fallacy of personal validation".

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    Slow burn.

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    Slow then fast is probably best for me.

    Fast gets you burned. Slow you just kinda loose interest. But, I like it slow, then the sexual tension and feelings become too unbearable between the two and then they just jump right in! Burns bright then cools off into a warm fire.

    Honestly, it's better for me to not realize shit and then realize a guys feeling way down the line with him admitting it to me. Especially if its a dual. I overthink and over do actions and its best when I trail a little behind in the feeling department. I take a lot of time to warm up but, when I am ready to go, I am READY! I would become like a happy warm and purring kitten that way.

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    I hear ya. It's cool to take a fortune cookie's advice & pump the brakes but going fast is... fun. People like fun
    Well yeah- I think a negative to my strategy is that it can be really awkward right away if it doesn't work out. You do something physical- take it to the next level, and if it doesn't hit- it can be somewhat-to-very awkward and embarrassing for both parties. However I think it's worth finding out right away rather than spending so much time in torturous waiting land. That is why I mean obviously you don't just start humping each other usually lol ((although it *was* that easy with me and a SLE once...LOL)) but you start with holding hands... brushing your fingers with theirs maybe when ur on a date idk.

    And yeah physical compatiblity isn't everything in a relationship blah blah - but it is important to most people and I personally don't know of any couple that is with somebody they are not attracted to... I don't like when 'take things slow' is used as a tool to virtue signal or pretend like a person is above sex or something.

    A person's mind can play tricks on them and you can have somebody built up in your head but the actual physical connection with the person - just doesn't work. And vice-versa.. you don't think of the person in your head much but in the real body-space they are very compatible. Then of course, there is that thing where how somebody is as exactly as you thought them to be. Taking a risk and just going for it to see how you click.. seems the best option to me. It's not the end of the world if nothing happens. Of course you don't stupidly force anything if there is no chemistry lol.

    Then there is the non-sexual aspects of "fast" and "slow". Like merging accounts or finaces or Te law paperwork stuff. Lesbians it seems stereotypically merge those things on the first date lol - yeah with that stuff, I'm much slower (more like a stop!)/very cautious about merging cuz Te polr and seems way too naive and easy to be fucked over that way so no thanks lol. I guess there is maybe legal benefits & perks of doing that thing but bleh 'stipulations.'

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post


    Well yeah- I think a negative to my strategy is that it can be really awkward right away if it doesn't work out. You do something physical- take it to the next level, and if it doesn't hit- it can be somewhat-to-very awkward and embarrassing for both parties. However I think it's worth finding out right away rather than spending so much time in torturous waiting land. That is why I mean obviously you don't just start humping each other usually lol ((although it *was* that easy with me and a SLE once...LOL)) but you start with holding hands... brushing your fingers with theirs maybe when ur on a date idk.

    And yeah physical compatiblity isn't everything in a relationship blah blah - but it is important to most people and I personally don't know of any couple that is with somebody they are not attracted to... I don't like when 'take things slow' is used as a tool to virtue signal or pretend like a person is above sex or something.

    A person's mind can play tricks on them and you can have somebody built up in your head but the actual physical connection with the person - just doesn't work. And vice-versa.. you don't think of the person in your head much but in the real body-space they are very compatible. Then of course, there is that thing where how somebody is as exactly as you thought them to be. Taking a risk and just going for it to see how you click.. seems the best option to me. It's not the end of the world if nothing happens. Of course you don't stupidly force anything if there is no chemistry lol.

    Then there is the non-sexual aspects of "fast" and "slow". Like merging accounts or finaces or Te law paperwork stuff. Lesbians it seems stereotypically merge those things on the first date lol - yeah with that stuff, I'm much slower (more like a stop!)/very cautious about merging cuz Te polr and seems way too naive and easy to be fucked over that way so no thanks lol. I guess there is maybe legal benefits & perks of doing that thing but bleh 'stipulations.'
    Interesting

    I dated a gal whose childhood wasn't ideal, therefore, even though she may have been my dual she was uncomfortable with physical intimacy

    We were both in juniors in school at the time so any childhood trauma she experienced with her dad was relatively fresh in her mind.

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