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Thread: Adventures in Dating

  1. #1161
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    Our Adam is an original fuckboy

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    Quote Originally Posted by rizz View Post
    Our Adam is an original fuckboy
    Lol. Yeah, lemme tell you, being SX-first and a Victim truly sucks. God, I hate it.

    But certain things go with the territory, you know? You spin the dial and get a certain type, and then you take the bad with the good.


    Post script.

    Ordinarily, no one would see this side of me, but I'm anonymous here and I use the Forum for cheap therapy, sort of the same way an IEI writes about her experiences in order to get them outside herself so she can see them more objectively.
    (This is the reason that so many writers for television and movies are IEI. Plus, they really do know people. Just not themselves very well.)

    Post postscript.

    I definitely go into a relationship with an ESI with too many expectations, and I'm way too willing to let pass a lot of their shit. It's because I've tried all the other introverts, and the ESIs are the best of the lot. But healthy ones are hard to find after age 30. They are all faithfully married to ILIs and wondering why they aren't happy, or are dating SLEs and beating the emotional shit out of them until the breakup. The ones who are single are single for a reason.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 01-22-2024 at 05:19 PM.

  3. #1163
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    I was up way too late last night, following YouTube's video suggestions, one after another, and I ended up stupidly watching a video of AI images constructed from science fiction images from the 1930's. Who would have guessed, right?

    Anyway, one of the images resonated with me because of the woman's striking beauty. Here it is: https://imgur.com/a/vA5762Z
    It took me a while to see that she looked almost exactly like my SLI-Te ex-wife. My brain doesn't work that well at 2:30AM, but apparently, it is trained to see certain facial patterns.

    There is a face construction program out there which will combine the faces of a number of people into one composite. I did that a while ago for a number of women whom I find attractive and I got this face: https://imgur.com/PNuz4bl

    It so happens that the latter face looks almost exactly like the ESI-Se interior decorator that I use. She wouldn't like it if I posted a picture of her, so you'll have to take my word for that. To me, the composite face looks ESI-Se. Fun to work with, but hard to get close to. Supposedly, a better match for an LIE-Te is an ESI-Fi.

    I should do another face composite exercise, updated for Fi, just to be prepared if a good match comes along.

    I use VI to identify Socionics types, and it is surprising how much of our personalities show up in our faces.

  4. #1164
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    I went back on Match today. My god, the number of women's faces that seem to be saying "My life sucks and it's your fault", or "My life sucks and it's your job to fix it."

    Only a few who look like: "I'm having a good time and I want to share it."

    Damn. I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I went back on Match today. My god, the number of women's faces that seem to be saying "My life sucks and it's your fault", or "My life sucks and it's your job to fix it."

    Only a few who look like: "I'm having a good time and I want to share it."

    Damn. I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.
    Yeah I agree I wouldn't want to feel that much pressure trying to heal damage. A bit of it is ofc to be expected, but that look would just say to me "I'm not ready to be dating yet until I work on myself and find self love again".

    Other wise you are just filling the rescuer dynamic and that isn't sustainable, nor anything I'm in the mood for. Equal partnerships, brothers in arms, facing the world, both looking outwards but standing shoulder to shoulder.

    We have counselling and 500,000 self help blogs for everything else.

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    Ive been seeing a guy for a couple of hookups and a few afternoon dates hiking.

    Turns out he is on network television and gets 10,000 instagram likes. Think Chris Hemsworth level in looks. I'm not so much intimidated as I am wondering ultimately what he sees for us? I feel a little hot and cold from him and I promised myself after my addict ex, that I would never want to reexperience blowing hot and cold again (I'm talking toxic, clinical levels here, not normal healthy dynamics). Is relationships between gay men always going to be just tall ships passing each other on an open sea?

    I've only said the like word and after our shared time I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel. We are compatible on so many levels. I could develop strong feelings for him. I'm wise enough not to unless there is more to our story.

    God dating and the uncertainty it brings really sucks. :/ I have no doubt how I feel, but can I trust what I'm seeing after having my trust broken so many times before?

  7. #1167
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    A female ILE contacted me today on Match, saying she read my "bio" and laughed out loud.

    For the record, what I wrote in that Match bio is essentially what I wrote about myself in a thread on this forum. I think it was called "Why would someone date you?", or something like that. Basically, it was a factual description of me, saying I want to date an ESI.

    The female ILE looked pretty good. She has dogs and horses, and is brilliant. She works here in town in a bio lab and travels all over the world. She'd be great for me if she weren't an ILE.

    My ESI-Se interior decorator told me that I should date people other than ESIs, but she's 28 and I've got a few years and many GFs on her, so thanks, but no thanks. I don't have to hit my thumb with a hammer more than once to know that it's not good for me.

    It's not as if I've never dated other types. I've dated two LSIs, three IEIs, an LII (it was the worst), an EII, an ILI, an SLI, numerous women whose type is a mystery because I wasn't typing people then, and five ESIs. I get along with the ESIs most effortlessly, and in the most areas. Is that a coincidence?

    My problem is that, having decided that the best car for me is a 1991 Mercedes 560 SEC*, finding one without too much rust, major mechanical problems, an interior which is in good shape, and a complete record of regular maintenance is really hard to do.
    So far, all I've found are vehicles which require a huge amount of repair work because they were used, abused, and neglected.

    *

    https://www.ultimatespecs.com/car-sp...6-560-SEC.html

    This car weighs 4000 lbs, is built like a tank, and rubberbands through highway traffic. I have seen 17 mpg on it once, when I was driving on the highway with a very strong tail wind. In town, it's more like 7-9 MPG on premium gas.

  8. #1168
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    I have been reading more dating advice on the internet (sure, why not? What could go wrong with taking advice from strangers on the internet?), and one woman recommended that men should date only women who are happy.

    Her reasoning was that men want to make women happy, but no one can make a person happy if they are constantly pissed at the world. I agree with that.

    To that bit of wisdom, I'd add that you should not date a person if they do not have a Secure attachment style. An insecure attachment style is another thing that isn't changeable. You can accept a non-secure attachment style in another person, and all the bullshit that goes along with it, but why would you want to do that? Unless, of course, you hate yourself and want validation of the idea that you are worthless.

    Of course, if you are older than age thirty and you aren't already married to a Secure person, you are basically fucked. All the Secures are locked up in secure, happy relationships at that point, and all who are left are the crazies. Better start hanging out at funerals and introduce yourself to the widows, and hope for the best.

  9. #1169

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I have been reading more dating advice on the internet (sure, why not? What could go wrong with taking advice from strangers on the internet?), and one woman recommended that men should date only women who are happy.
    @Adam Strange I think you have to look 'within'. When I said to Rebelondeck that I wanted a partner to 'take the pressure off', he said to me that can only come from within.

  10. #1170
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    As most people here are tired of hearing me say it, I type mostly by VI. And most of my social interactions are spent collecting data points for VI.

    This morning, I was in a coffee shop and the woman in line in front of me was a young blond who had the healthy athleticism of an ESI. She was clearly an SF and just as clearly not a delicate and refined SEI, but rather was the hearty and healthy ESI variety of ISFx.

    As I was watching her face, she slipped into an expression which was identical to one that my last ESI GF had, and is an expression which I've seen on no one else. It could be that I just was never looking for it before I noticed it on my last GF, but I assume that it could be indicative of them sharing some particular feature.

    After all, that's how VI works, kids. Your personality comes out of your face.

    My last ESI GF was just about perfect, and if she hadn't been sexually selfish (which might be a concrete expression of her Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style), I'd still be seeing her.

    Now my question to myself is, "Does the sharing of that one facial expression mean that they share good traits, or bad?" She left the coffee shop before I could talk to her. Maybe next time.

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    Remember when I put I was looking for an estp on my profile and then took it down? Well, eventually I did get some good matches. I wouldn’t recommend that..the app seemed to start working when I ignored it a bit, also went on some pretty weird dates before that. I think it’s true what they say about sneaky semi duals however, like I do sometimes think about the SEE who unmatched me, but I think I just wasn’t ready. I think we are also attracted to people like our opposite sex parent (for straight people, same for gay people too but with same sex(?). My dad is Istp which isn’t far off from Estp. In terms of vibe. Also, talking to duals is not easy, but it shouldn’t be that hard either.

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    do any dating apps let you search profiles by keyword? It would make finding a dual much easier if they did. I know there’s one called boo that does but I don’t think many people use it. OKCupid used to, but they removed that feature

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    Sad, beautiful, tragic love affair..

  14. #1174
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    ...More recently, I have been actively looking for ESIs, and I've been finding them, but I've been running into the problem that is clearly stated in the book "Bad Boyfriends", which is that, if you aren't attached in a relationship by the age of thirty, then you might have a problem being attached in a relationship. It's not a problem that I have, but it is a problem that the women I meet seem to have.

    Plus, I'm also very particular.

    I want an ESI woman who is attractive, intelligent, sensible, grounded, family-oriented, stable, slightly submissive and slightly aggressive. Pick any ten.
    OK, so I don't have a problem being Securely Attached, but instead, I have the problem of having lists of the characteristics that I want in a woman, and my list has been consistently missing something.

    When I was eleven or twelve years old, I had a list of characteristics which I wanted in a wife. She had to be about my height (good for kissing), she had to be thin, intelligent, have red hair and work in a scientific field which was not Astronomy (no stepping on my toes) but she had to be interested in Astronomy.

    I looked for this woman relentlessly for the next eighteen years, and I finally found her, and married her. As a bonus, she and I had similar world views and were similarly attractive, and we had similar earning power. I was in Heaven.

    What my list was missing was that she not be my Supervisor.

    After the divorce, my list of physical characteristics shrank a bit, but it now included that she be a Dual ESI.

    Well, I found an ESI who met most of my list requirements, but she was Dismissive-Avoidant.

    After the breakup, I've been licking my wounds and wondering what the hell is going wrong. I've been watching YouTube videos to try to get some better understanding of what I need.

    One thing I should admit is that, if I'm doing so poorly at finding a good mate, there is a really good chance that I have some serious problems to which I'm blind. But how can we know what we don't know?

    Anyway, I ran across this video yesterday.



    Personally, I think that Sadia Khan is a bit off, for recommending that men choose women who are too submissive for my taste, but her recommendation that I look for a woman who wants to be with me is a revelation to me. I've never tried that before.

    Of all the women in my life, the only ones who seem to value me, for me, are ESIs, and the only one who seeks out my company on a regular basis is the interior decorator I've known for twelve years, who had really caring and perceptive parents.

    I'm gonna be 150 years old before I get this right.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 04-01-2024 at 05:22 AM.

  15. #1175
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    OK, so I have the problem that Sadia Khan talks about in the video below. I have found golddiggers, and I don't have the time, talent, or experience to properly vet good women.



    I don't think Sadia Khan has the final solution for me, but she has a lot of good points to consider.

    At around 9:30 in the video, her description of sex workers reminds me of Amy Winehouse. Amy Winehouse was always talking about being no good, and being the "other woman". I'm not suggesting that Amy Winehouse was a sex worker, but rather that she might have had that view of the men in her life.

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    This video isn't a perfect description of my ex-wife, but it's not wrong. When I discovered, at the point in the divorce where the assets are divided, that my SLI wife had been putting away money into her secret account all during our marriage (she said it was HER money!) I naively attributed her behavior to her being a resource-hoarding SLI. Not an asshole.
    I should add that my ex was way better at hiding money away than the women in the video.

    God, when am I going to wise up?

    https://www.youtube.com/shorts/RcoK9sTq3LQ

    The comments on that video are very entertaining.

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    I typed Sadia IEI-ni. Reminds me of Gabor Mate (ESI-fi?) even though she seems more conservative.

  18. #1178
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    we aren’t dating but i have a crush on my SLI friend. first person i ever felt anything towards and i’ve been thugging it out for months since he’s unavailable, but we’re too good of friends to break off what we have. i can’t choose who i have a crush on though if only it were that easy. i’ve genuinely never felt any romantic attraction towards anyone before. and i think he’s cute as a bonus. i’ve never felt sexual attraction either and still don’t to anyone but i feel like if that were to ever change, he’d be the one.

    i just wish he’d wise up instead of locking himself to someone he can never realistically meet in person while i can see him any time. he deserves better. we’re both touch starved. i know he’s likely doing it to feel safe though. all i can do is give us time.
    the people i’ve told the details of my situation (who go figure were two ESEs and my wonderful ESI mom) say i have a good chance with him. i don’t want to get into too much detail but i’m inclined to agree based on my position here. i just don’t want to make him feel conflicted or manipulate him into anything. he trusts me implicitly, something he’s said upfront to me, and i want to honor that. when push comes to shove though i might need to make the first move though if i were to admit my feelings towards him. he’s a 9 if that explains anything.

    i actually did tell him the day i realized i was capable of feeling romantic attaction, but i don’t think he put together that he was the person in question. though, that would actually be a good starting point to go off of if i ever were to confess in the future. “so remember all those months ago when i told you i just developed a crush for the first time in my life?”

    i feel like a little ant crawling on adam’s thread of indomitable relational experience, it’s so funny. an inert subtype LIE sx8 and contact subtype LII so5 are vastly different archetypes and yet i still see similarities in how we metabolize relationships and attraction, explained by LII and LIE sharing potential and kinetic blocks. really good example of why i find socionics is so fascinating.
    “You'll feel safest of all, you can only receive, it'll keep you stable for days in cars.”
    —me as Gary Numan as a therapist

    -Ne
    5w4 514 so/sp

  19. #1179
    manhater w/ dad issues ChaosConductor6669's Avatar
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    I want someone weak, useless, and lazy that I can do all the work for because it motivates me to survive and actually do things (has to be cute though).

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosConductor6669 View Post
    I want someone weak, useless, and lazy that I can do all the work for because it motivates me to survive and actually do things (has to be cute though).
    Seems like a common theme I hear from the opposite sex.

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    Quote Originally Posted by one View Post
    Seems like a common theme I hear from the opposite sex.
    Something something hunter-gatherers and high-risk emergency situations.

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    The older I get, the more I believe in things that I don't understand.

    Guys, have you ever found yourself watching an attractive woman from a distance, and then had her turn and look around, as if she could feel someone looking at her?

    Today, I was shopping for a short list of things at Kroger's during the off-hours and I suddenly crossed paths with a woman who looked like a 95% overlay of the ESI-Se interior decorator whom I've hired to redo my house, and with whom I'm in limerance. Hell, I'm in love with my interior decorator, and she's a lesbian, FML.

    I saw this woman approaching with her cart, saw that she looked nearly identical to the ESI interior decorator, looked at her face, and did my best to not react in any way. I'm shopping. I'm dead. I'm not seeing anything special. She glanced at me and was past in a moment.

    While I was picking up the frozen spinach, I was thinking about the fact that both the woman I just saw, and the interior decorator, can dress to give the impression that they have no money but they are authentic as hell. This might be the defining ESI trait.

    While I was examining the ice cream in the empty aisle, I found a brand that advertised itself as being made from real ice cream. Great, I thought, examining the ingredients. What are all the others made from? And I looked down the aisle and there she was, standing by her cart, looking studiously at the frozen yogurt selections.

    She hadn't been watching me. No, of course not. She'd had no reason to.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosConductor6669 View Post
    Something something hunter-gatherers and high-risk emergency situations.
    something something, ESTp

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    I just took a week off work to spend time chasing an eclipse in Texas. I usually do this with my ILI lawyer travel buddy, and this time, he brought his ESI-Se wife and his thirty-something ESI-Se nephew. The ILI is the youngest sibling in his family and the nephew is the son of the oldest, so our age differences aren’t that great.

    The ESI-Se nephew is just going through a divorce from his SEI wife, whom he tells me is certifiably crazy. I asked the ESI-Se about his family, and he described his dad (with pictures for confirmation) as an unstable guy whom I typed as LII. So, he married an SEI Alpha who was better than his LII Alpha father, but who could dish out a similar level of abuse. That is, until he decided he’d had enough and is suing for divorce. He’s pretty emotionally broken up about it, because they have kids and he’s an ESI feeler, so I decided to point him in the right direction, towards an LIE partner, using Socionics.

    On a week-long vacation for an eclipse that lasts less than seven minutes, there is a lot of time to kill. The four of us went to lots and lots of touristy places and I explained Socionics to him whenever he and I had a chance to talk.

    At first, he was listening politely but was skeptical. I described female LIEs and used myself as an example of a LIE Dual, particularly describing myself as a person who is completely different from him but who is also completely compatible. He had a chance to experience duality with me, which was very helpful, but I’m not female and he’s not gay, so the comparison is not perfect.

    I was wishing that I had an example of a female LIE when, out of the blue, we were at the Riverwalk in San Antonio looking for a place to eat along with the other three or four hundred people there, and there she was. A female LIE, booking customers into a restaurant. She had white white skin and long, black black hair and red red lips and was dressed all in black and she was about 18 years old, but I figured that he could extrapolate her age to that of someone whom he could date. She had the basics; she was in the middle of a crowd and she looked like she was alone, and she had that “I see you but I don’t need you” look. I pointed her out to him. He looked past my shoulder at her, laughed goofily, and kind of bounced around like some male ESIs do (he looks like a young Paul Newman), but he didn’t approach her.


    I said, “Dude, this is your chance. Get some experience. Go up to her and say something. Anything.”
    The ESI-Se looked at me (he’s aware that I’m looking for a female ESI) and said “Unlike you, I’m not desperate. The way I look at it, if it happens, it happens. I don’t need to go out of my way to approach women.”
    Well, I thought, good luck with that approach.
    We all went inside and had dinner.

    Later, I told him that, while ESIs are about sixteen percent of the population, LIEs are closer to two-and-a-half percent, and female LIEs are rarer still. Female LIEs, in my experience, are about one in 200 people. I know about twenty-seven male LIEs, and four female LIEs, so if he’s going to find someone who is both supportive and easy to get along with, he’s going to have to ditch the “date anyone” approach and zero in on dating effectively. He seemed entirely unconcerned when I told him this.
    Well, as a guy with an unhealthy Super-Ego father, and an unhealthy Quasi-Identical wife, and a young daughter who told him “I hate you. I want you to die”, he probably has no idea what a good relationship is like.

    Over the next few days, as you would expect with four people in constant contact, there were incidents and accidents. There were hints and allegations. There was friction and resolution, and at one point, after a particular clash in which he and I were on opposite sides of the problem but still were able to resolve it, he sat down and said to me, “I can see why it would be good to have someone around who has completely opposite views, as long as you can reach a compromise with them.”
    “Yeah,” I said. “That’s Duality, dude.”

    The next day, we were on a tour of an underground cavern with about a hundred and fifty other people, and our tour guide was his Conflictor, a male ILE. The ESI-Se leaned over to me shortly after the tour started and asked me what type I thought the tour guide was.
    “He’s your Conflictor,” I said.
    “God, I can’t stand that guy. I spoke to him for less than a minute, and I think he doesn’t like me, either. You can tell, when you get a reaction from someone, when they don’t like you.”
    Lol.
    I pointed him towards a tall, slender woman in the crowd. She was actually more solid-looking than slender, and moved like she was a bit clumsy. She had white white skin and long, black black hair and wasn’t wearing lipstick but was dressed all in black. Her face was serious and square and she looked emotionally flat-lined, and I said, “That woman. I think she’s your Dual.”
    He whispered back, “She was checking me out while we were waiting to get into the caverns.”
    I hadn’t noticed that, but evidently, he did notice it.

    I watched her for a while, and discovered that she was actually with a guy who was less attractive than she was. I watched him for a while and realized that he was an LSI. The weird thing was, they didn’t seem to be together most of the time. They were both keeping about ten feet apart on the tour, but every once in a while, they’d come together and the female LIE would completely transform. She got a radiant smile on her face and held out her phone to take a selfie of both of them, and she did this several times during the tour, so I concluded that they were together.

    The tour was almost two hours long, and during that time, the female LIE would drift, by herself, over to the four of us, and particularly to the male ESI-Se. She never smiled, never spoke, and never made eye contact. Eventually, she positioned herself right in front of the ESI-Se when we were going single file through the cavern. She didn’t look at him, she didn’t say anything to him, but she was orbiting him. The LSI was nowhere to be seen most of this time.


    The ESI-Se didn’t make any moves towards her, but instead, started acting more goofy and upbeat than he normally was. It was very interesting for me to watch this.

    Eventually, we all exited the caverns. The female LIE and her LSI man joined up and they walked straight ahead towards the parking lot, while the ESI-Se and I, and the ILI and his wife, turned ninety degrees and headed for the coffee shop. I figured that we had seen the last of the female LIE, but I was wrong.

    While the ILI and his wife were in the restrooms, the ESI-Se sat down at a table in the back of the coffee shop while I took up a position near the entrance where the ILI could see me and we could all join the ESI-Se at his table. Suddenly, the female LIE appeared in the coffee shop entrance, surveyed the tables, saw my ESI-Se friend alone at his table, and headed straight towards him.
    OK, so she was hunting him, and I had never before seen an LIE hunt.
    Weirdly enough, she walked straight past the ESI-Se to study a poster behind his table. Then the LSI appeared out of nowhere and followed her into the coffee shop.

    The ILI and his wife reappeared and the three of us made our way over to the ESI-Se’s table, where he was lounging back in his chair with a big grin on his face, doing a Matthew McConaughey cowboy imitation. We sat down and the female LIE finally exited the building with the LSI trailing along, never, it seemed to me, having looked directly at any of us.

    I looked at the ESI-Se and we both burst out laughing.
    I said, “I have never seen an LIE hunt before. That guy she’s with is a Zombie.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “He’s dead and he doesn’t know it.”

    So, two things:

    One, with both of my LSI girlfriends, the sex together was fantastic and we didn’t look like we were a couple in public. Seeing the female LIE and the male LSI together, I have to conclude that that kind of behavior is a feature of the LIE-LSI Mirage relationship.

    Two, the ESI-Se thinks that female LIEs are a dime a dozen because he met two in four days.

    He is wrong. He is so, so wrong.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 04-14-2024 at 03:57 AM.

  25. #1185
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Money is an amplifier. It makes competent people more competent, incompetent people dead, and generally serves to amplify what's already there.

    Actual things that women I've dated have said to me, upon learning that I have money:

    The resource-hoarding SLI: "That's my money. It's all my money."

    The social-status-conscious LSI: "I could get used to this."

    The beautiful and insidious IEI: "I'm good at sex. I'm really good at sex."

    The ever-doubting ESI: "Is that your house?" (Because I don't believe you for a minute, and it looks way better than anything that you could ever manage.)

    The morally correct helper EII: "Hah!" She sounded pleased for me, and was entirely uninterested in the money itself.

    The logic-machine ILI: I didn't date her long enough for her to know about my finances.

    I haven't dated an SEI or an LII, despite knowing several. However, I have the strong opinion that, with the LIIs, money goes in and doesn't come out again. I have no data for the SEIs.

    I didn't date her, but the bossy LSE said: "You should give that money to me."
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 04-15-2024 at 01:35 PM.

  26. #1186
    dewusional entitwed snowfwake VewyScawwyNawcissist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    OK, so I have the problem that Sadia Khan talks about in the video below. I have found golddiggers, and I don't have the time, talent, or experience to properly vet good women.
    .
    reveal things about urself that arent ways to make money or how wealthy you are, things that ppl can connect with, without being awkward. make pamphlets advertising urself and hire teenagers to make fun tiktok edits about yourself to draw the right women in. worst comes to worst make a dating app, add tag filters (for ppl's self description) and a search option for them + forum function + let other ppl vote and add tags to people's accounts to see their opinions, in case someone is a gold digger but doesnt admit it so someone else figures it out and votes her, then u check his acc to see if he doesnt seem untrustworthy. better yet make the app have reels and video options too.

    most important is to believe in Jesus cuz the point of marriage is to honor God.

    negative: war is coming up maybe and and AI revolution, everyhting can become faker. the only ways to meet ppl are internet and travel. id like ppl to be more active irl wihtout being so messed up to kill and beat each other right. we need an infrastructure where ppl dont need to be rotting fat in their cars and getting diseases
    https://linktr.ee/tehhnicus
    Jesus is King stops black magic and closes portals

    self diagnosed ASD, ADHD, schizotypal/affective


    Your face makes your brain and sociotype – how muscle use shapes personality

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