Adventures in Dating

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

My parents responded to my running away from home with pure morosis.

The first time, I was 10. I ran away after school because I saw my dad put a gun to my mom's head while threatening to kill her, my brother and I, and the rest of my mom's family. I was only gone for a couple of hours. When I got home, my dad became abusive and then showed me--a fucking 10 year old--a very graphic violent movie in which women were taken, chained up, raped, tortured, all kinds of shit..."to show me what could happen."

When I was 14, I ran away for much longer periods at a time. As soon as I would get caught and the cops would force me to go home, I was looking for the chance to do it again. I just kept trying to get out of there. My mom responded to it by always locking me inside my room. There was a padlock over my door.

Fucking. Morons. Address the root cause of why I was running away in the first place, teach me ways to cope with my feelings, something. That would've entailed narcissists having to take responsibility for the fact that they were the problem and the reason I was constantly running away, though...so of course not.

EDIT:
God, now I'm remembering that she dealt with my emotional issues from the abuse by sending me to bootcamp (and when I say emotional issues, I mean me fighting with her while she was being abusive, and some venting she saw in my personal journals/diaries that she used to regularly go through, I had 0 privacy), she dealt with me smoking weed by calling the cops and having me arrested/taken to juvi...fucking terrible mother. My uncle (her brother) is the same way, too. He hit the cat because she was peeing outside of the litterbox, turned out the poor baby had kidney stones that were so big she had to have surgery, and she was in a lot of pain from them.

Discipline isn't always the answer. Search for alternatives that the behavior could be caused by, don't just discipline fucking children because they act in some way you don't want them to. Don't be so stupid, selfish, angry, or lazy, that you never figure out the actual cause of the issue.

[Popcorn]

This is why I don't want children. Fucked up parents fuck up their children, those children become adults and become parents with their own issues. I don't think many american parents are great parents (not as bad as yours, probably), where they help the child realize who they are and what they should do in life and what makes them happy. It's a wonder why some people even have kids.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

This is why I don't want children. Fucked up parents fuck up their children, those children become adults and become parents with their own issues. I don't think many american parents are great parents (not as bad as yours, probably), where they help the child realize who they are and what they should do in life and what makes them happy. It's a wonder why some people even have kids.

^^^This

Nah, I'm joking. I cannot stress the importance of psychological education becoming wideapread, for this very reason you had the insight and wisdom to perceive. It feels good to me that someone else sees it, and knows it's especially problematic in USA. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.

We are in the midst of things changing. The more mental health awareness spreads ("your feelings are valid, talk to me, what's going on, how do you feel and why?" VS "if you don't stop crying, I'm going to whip your ass" as old generations did similar to that), the better society will be able to combat these kinds of issues--the issues within themselves, most importantly. It's not perfect, and there are too many people being put on medication for things for now, but society isn't accepting this, and both the psychology field and society are improving as we gain knowledge. It's a process, a marathon. Mistakes are inevitable, but we are learning and growing from them.

I actually see it as the opposite: it's one reason I DO want children. I see it as something important, as my children might be part of what helps incite change in this world. That's just 2 more members of society that can be healthy because of the work I'll have done within myself, as well as the knowledge I'll have equipped them with. If the people who do have the ability to instill better qualities into their kids just all abstain from having them because this world is shitty, the shitty dynamics are left to take over and become what is in the majority of the population. My mission is to break free from the generations of abuse and toxicity, depart from my family tree, and begin a new one that's even better, stronger, critical thinkers, independent-minded, open to correction and perceiving it as a positive thing that promotes their own growth rather than offending their egos, and I hope that their existence and presence in this world will be a part of what assists this world in changing. Kids are the future of mankind--what kinds of kids do we want to be present in the world? The world needs more good people, and I hope I can help produce that. I hope that my work as a counselor/therapist will also be able to help fight the issue by helping people to heal and use better coping strategies, thus becoming better parents.

[Lord Pixel]

I'm not sure what the point you're trying to make is. Obviously, that's behavior that will be responded to with discipline in most children...but it also is behavior that might originate from deeper issues, too.

Older children (6-7) shouldn't be behaving this way. If they are, it's most often from parents giving in to their tantrums in the past. They should be able to recognize by then that this kind of behavior won't get them what they want, and that they are expected to use communication.

My ex's toddler acted similarly. It turned out to be due to autism. We were trying to get him to communicate instead of throwing tantrums, but because of his autism, his communication was stunted. He was happy to use sign language instead, when they realized he was autistic and taught him some sign language.

I don't believe in responding to undesirable behaviors with discipline in every case. Sometimes, there is something going on with children that needs to be understood. Before we knew the toddler had autism, I used to discipline the toddler for things such as shoving his plate of dinner off the table and onto the floor. However, no reasonable or humane level of discipline worked with him. In fact, he responded to it by behaving even worse. Once it was discovered that he had autism, I realized the discipline wasn't working because there were things going on that needed to be addressed in specific special ways.

I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to children. However, I do know that they must be taught to express their feelings in ways other than outbursts. There needs to be some form of conditioning that allows for emotional expression in some way other than tantrums. Otherwise, disciplining for emotional outbursts only sends the message that feelings are bad and it's not safe to feel, which is obviously not the message a child needs, and it will result in them being emotionally stunted later on.

On a side note, I felt so sorry for those kids. My ex used to mock them during tantrums and egg them on to provoke them into even stronger tantrums. He had very clear favoritism toward the boy, and he would purposely upset the girl, then call her dramatic and laugh at her after making her cry. She was 2, he was 3. I hated that guy once I realized what kind of person I'd gotten into a relationship with.

The point I'm making is, sometimes kids need to be spanked. And whose got time for a therapy session in the middle of a Walmart. You do that crap when you get home.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

The point I'm making is, sometimes kids need to be spanked. And whose got time for a therapy session in the middle of a Walmart. You do that crap when you get home.

I am of the same opinion. You're preaching to the choir.

[Lord Pixel]

I am of the same opinion. You're preaching to the choir.

Then idk why you quoted me.

[Bethanyclaire]

Does anyone know what happened to @Adam Strange? I like to think he met an ESI and she told him to get off here, or maybe he just had enough. Hope nothing bad happened and he’s found some peace (and quiet).

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Then idk why you quoted me.

That's unfortunate.

[Bethanyclaire]

I was wondering about what type I’d prefer to date, order of preference etc and was thinking about how I think I’d rather date IEI than LSI. Then I was thinking about SEIs and what it would be like to date one now, I’ve matched with a few in the past and it seems to be a type I like. I also briefly dated an SEI in my early twenties. I was thinking about how all these SEIs might have been suitable, but one may have been the best, based on how I turned out lol. Sometimes I think my friendships are not as solid as I’d like, so I feel I need a partner who very much feels like a friend as well as a partner. The SEI I met in my twenties was cool and interesting and ambitious, the type of guy I used to see myself with maybe. I couldn’t imagine dating that SEI now though. I could imagine daring a more carefree, less ambitious SEI however. With a dual I think it’s a bit different, I think you can tell quite quickly if you are suited, it clicks quite quickly- well I think it would for me now.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Recently, I've considered whether I might prefer to remain in the USA instead of relocating to Europe as I had planned previously. Maybe I'd rather remain where the bigger fight is; participate in the fight against all that's wrong with America. I wonder whether or not I'd be happier if I were to take on the more challenging but also more meaningful course in life, as per my usual. I haven't hashed out what my preference truly is yet. I have to give it deeper consideration.


(Thankfully, I don't tend to envy others at all...and even if I did, I wouldn't have to envy the latter people in his quote, as I myself am on a pretty extreme end of the spectrum of being one of those people.)

[Raywaytut]

If you feel passionate about making a difference in America and fighting against injustice, then maybe it's worth considering staying here. But ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you. On a slightly different note, have you checked out the cozy date spots NYC? I recently visited the city and used a guide that helped me find some really amazing spots. It made my trip so much more memorable! Maybe taking some time to explore the city and find some romantic spots could help you clear your head and make your decision.

[Bethanyclaire]

It’s funny the guys I seem to be choosing and choosing me are not the type of guy I would have gone for earlier in life. I think they resemble my father’s personality a bit more than my mother’s. My father is SLI and mother ESE. I think it makes sense because I am too much like my father, he has more of a depressed side to him than mum- unfortunately I have through experience, developed that depressed side too. My dad also has a special soulfulness to him, so despite everything, it could be an absolutely good thing that I am going after these type of guys. The vibrancy I may feel a lack of will have to be found elsewhere, in friendships.

[idol]

Two introverts dating is no fun. One has to clown, not natural at all.

Still this IEI was very into me. Even flat out told me what I should do to fuck her, take the lead and i can get lucky tonight. Make the decisions and command me. Very off putting.

I used to act the part to get laid but nowadays im looking for more.

She could ILI as well, she had the same expression all night, not very animated and teased me for not being talkative.

[pixie dreams]

Fuck these hoes, get that dough that's the remedy.

[Muira]

Fuck these hoes, get that dough that's the remedy.

Most of these hoe's badussies stank like fish tanks

wanna shit post?

[pixie dreams]

Most of these hoe's badussies stank like fish tanks

wanna shit post?

No wonder you turned straight gotdayum

Yuh ig

[Muira]

No wonder you turned straight gotdayum

Yuh ig

You- I love your replies

[spacious]

"I don’t think romance and relationships always bring happiness, but happiness is what allows them to happen." interesting

It’s Never Too Late to Learn the Tango and Fall in Love - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

[The Banana King]

I hate to brag but... after 30 or so failed dates over the last 5 months, I finally managed to get a gf . I think most people would've gone insane after so many rejections but honestly it was so worth it.

She's an ESE, very nice and kind girl. Has me honestly questioning if I'm not a mistyped LII all along. We're on the same page about many lifestyle-related things, something I didn't have with my SEI ex.

She's almost certainly ESE-Si, her emotions don't spill all over the place like a Fe-sub, and the Si is very apparent (she appears quite unperturbed at times, like Si leads). However her smile and sunny disposition is very much typical of ESE, and she seems to truly enjoy working and being busy (which is why I'm certain she isn't SEI or something else).

It's the first time I date a girl younger than me. The dynamic feels way different, especially considering the Caregiver/Infantile thing. It's like we both rely on and support each other in a way. Hard to explain but I never experienced it before even with the SEI, she was too independent and mature to rely on me.

Note about typing: Whenever I meet people, I run through Talanov's research result tables to differentiate the types. Not kidding, it types people with >90% accuracy.

Update: After 8 months of dating, (and a few months of living together), I'm 100% sure she's the one. I'm also retyping to LII-Ne because there's no way our relationship would be so good if I'm actually an ILE. With each and everyone of my exes I used to have some kind of altercation on a daily basis. With the ESE-Si I haven't had any arguments since we started dating. We seem to naturally agree on most things, and any disputes are solved in a civil manner. It's also my longest relationship thus far.

I'm thinking of proposing soon but we will do LDR for a while and I'll just wait and see how things pan out.

[pixie dreams]

Update: After 8 months of dating, (and a few months of living together), I'm 100% sure she's the one. I'm also retyping to LII-Ne because there's no way our relationship would be so good if I'm actually an ILE. With each and everyone of my exes I used to have some kind of altercation on a daily basis. With the ESE-Si I haven't had any arguments since we started dating. We seem to naturally agree on most things, and any disputes are solved in a civil manner. It's also my longest relationship thus far.

I'm thinking of proposing soon but we will do LDR for a while and I'll just wait and see how things pan out.

Congrats *confetti pops out*

I know this is a happy moment for you but I really felt called to say this. Take it with a grain of salt, I don't know the gal neither do I know you. But the quickest way to get to know somebody is to live with them. They may seem nice, and maybe they are, but are you able to live with them? Deal with their antics and habits? What if she picks her nose and rubs boogers across the walls?

Not only that but don't get used. No one ever does it for love, especially not women. Most of the time it's for a place to stay or financial help. That pussy may make you feel high on heaven but that high will eventually wear down. :///

[End]

Update: After 8 months of dating, (and a few months of living together), I'm 100% sure she's the one. I'm also retyping to LII-Ne because there's no way our relationship would be so good if I'm actually an ILE. With each and everyone of my exes I used to have some kind of altercation on a daily basis. With the ESE-Si I haven't had any arguments since we started dating. We seem to naturally agree on most things, and any disputes are solved in a civil manner. It's also my longest relationship thus far.

I'm thinking of proposing soon but we will do LDR for a while and I'll just wait and see how things pan out.

I hope you're correct. However, like I've said before, socionics type is ultimately an incidental/tertiary concern. What matters most in this regard (and indeed in anything involving interpersonal relationships) is attachment. Have you discussed your long term life goals with her? Has she shared hers with you? Do they match up?

How about core principles? Like, what are the 3-4 cardinal virtues you'd tell God you're all about? (e.g. Mine are Faith, Loyalty, and Courage and that manifests itself pretty obviously in all I say and do) What are yours and what are hers? Do those jive well? Do you really like her because of how she makes you feel over how compatible you are in regards to these core considerations? Are either of you actually taking concrete steps towards realizing said goals? Are both of you being "Confessing your sins to a Catholic Priest in the confessional as a devout and practicing Catholic" honest with each other? If no than either she, you, or ya both got more work to do.

Marriage/Family is serious business. Far FAR too many people (due to broken attachment) risk it all on a very poor bet that anyone with good attachment would have seen as bad a light year away.

If you're scared to tell her you want children, would prefer to live/raise your family in X faith (atheism counts as a faith BTW), etc. and that you've got convictions solid enough to tell her to get bent if she wants to directly contravene them and you fold like wet toilet paper when she does you're setting yourself up for a very painful and potentially suicide inducing divorce 5-7 years down the line if you're lucky.

Not type related: Never bang a girl who is crazier than you. Bad attachment and Crazy are directly correlated. Again, hope you've hit the jackpot but be smart about that. If ya win the Powerball take the upfront payout. That 20k A month for X-years sounds better unless and until you fully understand how inflation works.

[End]

Recently, I've considered whether I might prefer to remain in the USA instead of relocating to Europe as I had planned previously. Maybe I'd rather remain where the bigger fight is; participate in the fight against all that's wrong with America. I wonder whether or not I'd be happier if I were to take on the more challenging but also more meaningful course in life, as per my usual. I haven't hashed out what my preference truly is yet. I have to give it deeper consideration.

(Thankfully, I don't tend to envy others at all...and even if I did, I wouldn't have to envy the latter people in his quote, as I myself am on a pretty extreme end of the spectrum of being one of those people.)

The biggest fight will indeed be here in the good ol' US' of A. Europe is now the festering core of empire (an irony Satan no doubt takes great pride in engineering) and while it has made great inroads it still seethes at how so many of us still cling to our God and our guns. The core members of "The Big Club" currently exist here in both the physical and spiritual sense. If they lose America they just plain lose and only get to try again with comparable situations about a thousand years from now.

Stick around and fight in a land where you can and will likely score both body armor and ammo in ample supply. Let Europe burn as my American ancestors did. My other half came straight from the Fatherland and had similar sentiments. Fuck the Kaisar and those deluded fools who'd suck his dick if asked! Give me a slot on the railroad construction crew and a decent enough American "mutt" that loves me for me. To HELL with the old world!

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Yeah, getting away from religious people will be nice. To me, religious Americans sound like they're in some sort of psychosis. Take it too literally. "God wanted me to give you this" and all of that shit.

"If you talk to God, you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic." - House MD

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

The biggest fight will indeed be here in the good ol' US' of A. Europe is now the festering core of empire (an irony Satan no doubt takes great pride in engineering) and while it has made great inroads it still seethes at how so many of us still cling to our God and our guns. The core members of "The Big Club" currently exist here in both the physical and spiritual sense. If they lose America they just plain lose and only get to try again with comparable situations about a thousand years from now.

Stick around and fight in a land where you can and will likely score both body armor and ammo in ample supply. Let Europe burn as my American ancestors did. My other half came straight from the Fatherland and had similar sentiments. Fuck the Kaisar and those deluded fools who'd suck his dick if asked! Give me a slot on the railroad construction crew and a decent enough American "mutt" that loves me for me. To HELL with the old world!

You digging your way to China? That post is rather old.

[godslave]

When I was in my twenties I had the chance to go on a date with a girl I knew for a long time and had a crush on in my second country (I have dual Nationality/citizenship). We have the same age, I'm actually 16 days older than her. So we went to the restaurant and then she invited me at her house. It was her mother's house but her mother (recently divorced) was absent for a while (in France actually). I was really romantically attacked to her but in a "demisexual" () way for the lack of a better word but I was also very shy (I need a green light to unleash the Don Juan in me !).

As we began to relax in the living room, her on the sofa and me on a chair a few meters away, she began to tell me about her "friends" (rich people from the high society). She was telling me about the pornographic texts her friends were sending her and how funny and sexy it was etc... She would talk to me about her sexual life, that she wasn't virgin (In Islamic country this detail has its importance) but since I knew her dad she made me promise that I never tell anyone (esp her dad !) about this. "Of course ! I would never tell anyone even if you didn't ask" I said. As I was a bit shocked but trying to hide it, I didn't know what to say.

At one point, she asked me "What are you thinking ?" in a daring way. I didn't know what to say so I just answered "the same thing as you" hoping that she would take the initiative. She didn't say anything and kept reading some texts in her phone (do you remember the Nokia 3310 ?) And time went by, just like that, without anything happening. And then she asked me again the same question, and I gave her the same answer. Until one moment, when she seemed very bored, she almost gently kicked me out of the house, telling me that one of her "friends" was coming over to the house soon so I'd have to go. She escorted me out of the house and said "bye ! Maybe next time..." That was a total disappointment, I was thinking "so much for the "nice girl" I thought she was !" I was thinking that this relationship was supposed to be a serious one, like I saw her like a potential wife and at the end of that date I was thinking "Let's face it, she's a whore !!" and blaming myself for that awful thought !

Anyways, I was watching stuff on YT and came across this video. The "what are you thinking ?" moment triggered that memory. I lived that scene (almost !) and I was like that dude !

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

When I was in my twenties I had the chance to go on a date with a girl I knew for a long time and had a crush on in my second country (I have dual Nationality/citizenship). We have the same age, I'm actually 16 days older than her. So we went to the restaurant and then she invited me at her house. It was her mother's house but her mother (recently divorced) was absent for a while (in France actually). I was really romantically attacked to her but in a "demisexual" () way for the lack of a better word but I was also very shy (I need a green light to unleash the Don Juan in me !).

As we began to relax in the living room, her on the sofa and me on a chair a few meters away, she began to tell me about her "friends" (rich people from the high society). She was telling me about the pornographic texts her friends were sending her and how funny and sexy it was etc... She would talk to me about her sexual life, that she wasn't virgin (In Islamic country this detail has its importance) but since I knew her dad she made me promise that I never tell anyone (esp her dad !) about this. "Of course ! I would never tell anyone even if you didn't ask" I said. As I was a bit shocked but trying to hide it, I didn't know what to say.

At one point, she asked me "What are you thinking ?" in a daring way. I didn't know what to say so I just answered "the same thing as you" hoping that she would take the initiative. She didn't say anything and kept reading some texts in her phone (do you remember the Nokia 3310 ?) And time went by, just like that, without anything happening. And then she asked me again the same question, and I gave her the same answer. Until one moment, when she seemed very bored, she almost gently kicked me out of the house, telling me that one of her "friends" was coming over to the house soon so I'd have to go. She escorted me out of the house and said "bye ! Maybe next time..." That was a total disappointment, I was thinking "so much for the "nice girl" I thought she was !" I was thinking that this relationship was supposed to be a serious one, like I saw her like a potential wife and at the end of that date I was thinking "Let's face it, she's a whore !!" and blaming myself for that awful thought !

Anyways, I was watching stuff on YT and came across this video. The "what are you thinking ?" moment triggered that memory. I lived that scene (almost !) and I was like that dude !

Idk, could she have been setting things up so that you would just be honest if your intentions were to fuck? Idk how the culture is, but I used to do shit like that when I had trust issues. Make it seem like I may be open to just having a "good time" only, when really I wasn't, just to weed out the ones who would want to take advantage by making it seem like they could be straightforward about it if that's what they wanted. I stopped doing that, I was just being young and stupid.

Personally, I would've taken "same thing you are" as a red flag response for a number of reasons. It shows you're not being fully open, honest, and communicative about your wants/needs. That would make me wonder whether you will be in the future. It makes it seem like you'll just go along with anything and you're uncertain, which makes it seem like you aren't really serious (because going along with anything/being uncertain conflicts with being serious only). It comes across as uncommitted to a goal and not having clear goals in mind. The fact that she asked a second time meant she was looking for your real answer and didn't like the "same thing you are" response.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

I miss my hubby. I miss spending time with him. I recently recalled this time when we were playing an online game together and he made his character a female, and when some rando started simping over his char, instead of my hubby revealing hes a straight dude with a female character, he played along in a trolling way and had this rando calling him "mistress" and kissing his boots. We were both laughing so hard.

[godslave]

Idk, could she have been setting things up so that you would just be honest if your intentions were to fuck? Idk how the culture is, but I used to do shit like that when I had trust issues. Make it seem like I may be open to just having a "good time" only, when really I wasn't, just to weed out the ones who would want to take advantage by making it seem like they could be straightforward about it if that's what they wanted. I stopped doing that, I was just being young and stupid.

I didn't have that intention even if I had some fantasies about it before the date. I was just naive and I think that she just thought I was like the other guys and that my intentions were not different.

Personally, I would've taken "same thing you are" as a red flag response for a number of reasons. It shows you're not being fully open, honest, and communicative about your wants/needs. That would make me wonder whether you will be in the future. It makes it seem like you'll just go along with anything and you're uncertain, which makes it seem like you aren't really serious (because going along with anything/being uncertain conflicts with being serious only). It comes across as uncommitted to a goal and not having clear goals in mind. The fact that she asked a second time meant she was looking for your real answer and didn't like the "same thing you are" response.

Well, I was very destabilized by the situation. Was I being fully open ? No, I was mostly uncertain, closed and cautious. I think I was waiting for her to take the initiative or to be very explicit. Answering " I'm thinking the same thing you are thinking" was a "safe" way to say "I'm not sure but I'm open to suggestions" because I obviously can't do telepathy. I was indeed afraid of commitment but with her I was willing to overcome that fear because like I said I was considering her as a potential wife. Not having a clrar goal is not a problem if you are open to suggestions, but my goal that day was to establish a serious relationship but like I said I've been completely destabilized by how the situation turned out. As a matter of fact, I'm more comfortable with "having a good time" relationships, when I don't have to talk just look a certain way to be understood. All my serious romantic relationships have been secret, I've always been the lover of an older woman. Dealing with a normal relationship was paradoxically more difficult and awkward for me. I'm f-ed up (excuse my French !).

[Park]

@godslave she wasn't worth it, man. Especially if she waited for you to say you wanted to fuck her, in which case she wasn't worth fucking, let alone dating or having any sort of serious relationship with. You were young, infatuated, and idealized someone you liked. Which is pretty normal.


P.S. By the sound if it, I suspect she was really just a shallow whore (like you deduced by yourself) or just incredibly insecure and immature (possibly even lying about her sexual background to attract attention).

[godslave]

@godslave she wasn't worth it, man. Especially if she waited for you to say you wanted to fuck her, in which case she wasn't worth fucking, let alone dating or having any sort of serious relationship with. You were young, infatuated, and idealized someone you liked. Which is pretty normal.


P.S. By the sound if it, I suspect she was really just a shallow whore (like you deduced by yourself) or just incredibly insecure and immature (possibly even lying about her sexual background to attract attention).

Thank you bro. It's as if you read my mind. I was indeed young and frankly kinda "in love" with her so my disappointment was very deep (like an emotional shock). I know that she's now married since about three years .

[Park]

my disappointment was very deep (like an emotional shock)

I feel you. I've had a couple of these experiences in my late teens/early 20s, but I never looked back or gave them another thought. I did ruminate over such things at the time, but I've learned to let go.

Just because you're a sensitive guy, it doesn't mean you should wallow in (self-inflicted) pain.

I know that she's now married since about three years.

I would have completely forgotten about her by now. Personally, I couldn't care less about people's private affairs. I need to have at least some respect and fondness for the person in question to even remotely care about (i.e. be open to hearing or remembering) stuff like that.

I always felt like Ron Swanson is a good caricature of the man I might/will eventually become:

[Sol]

At one point, she asked me "What are you thinking ?" in a daring way. I didn't know what to say so I just answered "the same thing as you" hoping that she would take the initiative.

She offered to tell about your relation to her, including possible feelings and where relations may develop. Alike:
"I was thinking that this relationship was supposed to be a serious one, like I saw her like a potential wife"
The "initiative" is generally thought from man side. In case of her introverted type - especially.
When you did not say about feelings which she supposed you have, - she related this to be not liked enough. Or (what is close) is not trusted to be open and honest with her. Possibly she saw a chance for development, at least wanted to understand better possibilities what needed to talk openly, - offered you to make next step. What she talked about herself she could suppose as important, as could be an obstacle to accept her. It's doubtful to say she liked you much and how good relations would be, but seems she was thinking about a chance for relations to develop and had initial sympathy.
Though, to know about "serious relation" does not mean positive factor for relations to happen too. As sometimes are prefered surface variants and more serious perception would be a complication.
You got 2 offers to talk and then to understand what happens and possibly. But have chosen to be quiet and only to guess now.

> She escorted me out of the house and said "bye ! Maybe next time..." That was a total disappointment

"Maybe next time" will talk again, or more, or about our relations.
Even if she supposed a possibility for sex in your meeting, there could be another layer described above.
The situation may be thought as an "exam" - when two people got a chance for relations and could not fit to understanding of each other. So the pair was doubtful to be emotionally good.
By a behavior I suspect IEI for her. In case you have EII this would go not best. Two seem to be introverted. Prefer to act by allusions as N.

> I was thinking "Let's face it, she's a whore !!" and blaming myself for that awful thought

Formally she did nothing "bad". But when a girl invites in 1st meeting to home where both are alone, instead of neutral territory - this often means she thinks about possibility of sex. Does not mean she has an intention, but a possibility. Especially with P types and today norms, which droped due to contraception and individualistic primitivism.
Also, in some cases this is a checking. In case you'd turned or agreed to sex from the start, this would be about your doubtful stability as possible marriage pair. This works to both sides.

[godslave]

She offered to tell about your relation to her, including possible feelings and where relations may develop. Alike:
"I was thinking that this relationship was supposed to be a serious one, like I saw her like a potential wife"
The "initiative" is generally thought from man side. In case of her introverted type - especially.
When you did not say about feelings which she supposed you have, - she related this to be not liked enough. Or (what is close) is not trusted to be open and honest with her. Possibly she saw a chance for development, at least wanted to understand better possibilities what needed to talk openly, - offered you to make next step. What she talked about herself she could suppose as important, as could be an obstacle to accept her. It's doubtful to say she liked you much and how good relations would be, but seems she was thinking about a chance for relations to develop and had initial sympathy.
Though, to know about "serious relation" does not mean positive factor for relations to happen too. As sometimes are prefered surface variants and more serious perception would be a complication.
You got 2 offers to talk and then to understand what happens and possibly. But have chosen to be quiet and only to guess now.

> She escorted me out of the house and said "bye ! Maybe next time..." That was a total disappointment

"Maybe next time" will talk again, or more, or about our relations.
Even if she supposed a possibility for sex in your meeting, there could be another layer described above.
The situation may be thought as an "exam" - when two people got a chance for relations and could not fit to understanding of each other. So the pair was doubtful to be emotionally good.
By a behavior I suspect IEI for her. In case you have EII this would go not best. Two seem to be introverted. Prefer to act by allusions as N.

> I was thinking "Let's face it, she's a whore !!" and blaming myself for that awful thought

Formally she did nothing "bad". But when a girl invites in 1st meeting to home where both are alone, instead of neutral territory - this often means she thinks about possibility of sex. Does not mean she has an intention, but a possibility. Especially with P types and today norms, which droped due to contraception and individualistic primitivism.
Also, in some cases this is a checking. In case you'd turned or agreed to sex from the start, this would be about your doubtful stability as possible marriage pair. This works to both sides.

Thank you for tour time and analysis. That's very interesting and I think you're right for the most part. Although the story happened more than twenty years ago and I didn't think about it for a long time, I remember that I had similar thoughts and considered a lot of the ideas you talked about here. I nevertheless learned a lot from that experience in terms of 'things to never do on a date !" and retrospectively by evoking this story I kinda acquired a new principle "never sanctify a Lady via Anima projection !"

Yes, I think she might have an IEI Type although I'm very careful when it comes to that type because I have a hard time with Ni lead Typing in general. It seems to me that it's an "out-there" type that should come very clearly when you encounter it. To me it's bit like when you encounter an autistic person it should be very obvious. That said, I think I have a blurred image of that type (between the myth of Andromeda and Pythia the Oracle of Delphi). It's difficult to reframe your type image, I know that my idealized image of the Jungian Ni leads is in contradiction with the true nature of the socionics IEI. People say that socionics type and Jung psychotypes are the same, I have a hard time to say that it's the case when it comes to Ni leads, I have to work on this. I know that IEI in private are very different than in public, one might say that it's the case for every types, yes but with IEI the difference is more important imho. It's like the saint who like to be bdsm-ed in private or something like that, half angel half demon kinda vibe. Anyways, I digress !

EII for me is possible but...meh, I used to think that I'm NF-ish but now I consider ST ( ) because you know I'm not a saint. I can have really bad fantasies and generate violent images. I call those "Batman fantasies" or Kenshiro fantasies, like if I had superpowers I would be a vigilante kick the bad guys ass every night !! Plus, I was into martial arts when I was young, I'm very technical oriented (like I like virtuosity and technical challenges mixed with beauty and fluidity of movement), I don't feel like an intellectual even if I'm curious and always want to learn.

[Sol]

I'm very technical oriented

In my perception you are clear humanitarian, what means F. Chosen themes, expressed interests, talking style.
You should compare yourself with people of T types, compare known T and F people between them.

If will be your theme with normal typing material (video + questionnaire) then may appear a chance for other types.
From your side is important to check own type by IR with good known irl people.

[godslave]

In my perception you are clear humanitarian, what means F. Chosen themes, expressed interests, talking style.
You should compare yourself with people of T types, compare known T and F people between them.

If will be your theme with normal typing material (video + questionnaire) then may appear a chance for other types.
From your side is important to check own type by IR with good known irl people.

Thank you Sol.

I always see in myself things that contradicts the type image that I have of EII. However those are minor things like for instance I can be very emotionally expressive once I have established a good rapport with people, in fact I consider that side of mine like the real me. I really like to laugh , joke around and I make funny faces all the time even without being aware of it. I'm stoic only in society and I am your typical introvert who doesn't talk a lot, in fact I use only the minimum of words needed in society. Indeed, there is an ocean of difference between how I behave at far and close "psychological distance". I now that it's typical of introvert but to me like I said the difference is huge.

It's as if I have to construct a persona or unconsciously invoke one my multiple persona depending on the environment I'm in or the person I'm talking to. Incidentally I'm most certainly one of those individuals who have several personas, Jung said that it's possible without being disassociated. As a result I can come across as "incoherent" or "inconsistent" ( Think of Macron and his infamous "En même temps" (At the same time) attitude) because like I said, I adapt to my interlocutors. I always go with the flow without emitting strong opposition, in a very diplomatic way. I take the precept from Taoism "Be water !" rendered famous by Bruce Lee very seriously, It's my nature.

When I ask myself "why do I do that ?" the answer is "I want to preserve my inner peace" I don't want to be solicited and even if I'm complaining a lot about being "Hikikomori", the truth is that I like my solitude even if I feel lonely sometimes.

I don't want to impose my view on others, in fact I don't care. Unless someone I care about asks me I will give an answer or help if I can. However even in that case I always take into consideration the person's beliefs, paradigms and world view so that I don't offend them or mess with their own well being. For instance my perspective would be different depending if I talk to a Muslim or an Atheist or a fellow musician etc... You see I take in consideration the level of openness of the person even if the appreciation of said level is totally subjective and dare I say intuitive.

Now, there are some function usages that don't click with EII :

Fe :I'm emotionally expressive. Although I can be very expressive alone or with a person I trust, (always with positive expression, the negative being exceptional) I never ever use Fe for the sake of Fe. In fact, my mood is very important to me and It's very responsive to stimulation be it from the outside (Music, Movies, Books, Nature, People, Environment) or from the inside (Imagination, Memories, Internal dialogues, hearing Music etc...). Any emotionally well crafted artistic work has the expected effect on me, I'm a very good client in that sense. Incidentally I'm the kind of guy that prefer to watch movies for the first time alone just in case of emotional scene or a moment that moved me for personal reasons that could make me cry ! It's so embarrassing and I want to fully feel all that is to feel in a movie or books etc..

I can modify my emotions even if it's in an ephemeral way giving the very nature of emotions (like waves and vibes passing through your body but don't last) just by putting myself in a condition of receptivity like for instance watching a movie in a cozy condition (I always watch movie in a totally black room and with headphones because the immersion is key for having the experience possible). when I do Fe I "honestly express myself" (Bruce Lee, again !) and what you see is what you get basically.

Now, some people use Fe in a way that I absolutely can't do :

Making compliment without being sincere : That feels to me like ass licking (excuse my French) and I'd rather die than doing this !! (Edit: Well, I might have exaggerated a bit. There are some situations in which I can give compliments even if I don't necessarily believe what say (but I'll usually find something that I sincerely believe in the process anyway !) like for instance righting a wrong, or comforting someone with kind words etc...).

Performing in Public like dancing or playing music : Absolutely out of the question if I'm surrounded by strangers !! That would feel extremely embarrassing ! When I was young (as a teenager and in my early 20's) I did perform some awkward dance (mix of dancing and martial arts stuff) once or twice in discos but it was because my friends and/or relatives insistence and encouragement. That said, again, at home I'm Freddy Mercury ( but a quite one because I don't want to disturb my neighbors !).

Se (S in general) : I am extremely sensible to any manifestation of hostility against me esp from strangers or people I dislike . Even the slightest remark in which I can detect a negative connotation like disdain, nastiness, abuse attempt directed at me or people I care about is like a declaration of war and it engages what I call my DEFCON mode. That's my shadow, the beast in me triggered. The don't push it mode.

It is true that all those stuff happen internally although if I'm really pissed of that mood would be reflected all over my facial expressions. To me there is no in between in real physical confrontation, it's like a samurai combat, either nothing or total destruction of the threat. The problem is that it would put me in freeze situation because of the consequences, I would wait for the threat to make a move on me, I 'll avoid to use my skills at all coast unless I don't have the choice but in that case I'll probably try to destroy the threat no matter what or who I have in front of me I don't care, I would at least take an eye or broke a bone. That's not very EII-ish to say the least.

I hate to be scrutinized by people who want to evaluate my worth in terms of ethic, social status, physically etc.. esp if I don't like the energy of the person. You know those persons who look at you and with a face expressing disdain as if to say "you're worthless, useless".

I like to compete though. I mean, when I was in school I secretly compete with the best students. When I play I want to win. I used to copete in Street Fighter II, I would practice and master all the technics (with all the characters but Ken was my main). I would elaborate tactics and countermeasures to win ! I was also good in Ping Pong. As a kid and teenager I liked martial arts and being able to do stuff only a few people can do like jump spin hook kicks or two finger push-ups etc.. That's also competing with myself. Also in music, I used to like to challenge myself with difficult pieces and gradually progress, that's also a lot of work and investment.

I have some difficulties when it comes to understand the intentions of women. I don't like mixed signals even if I can easily read between the lines when it comes to romance I don't trust myself and I prefer unambiguous clarity. Most of the flirting parade don't make a lot of sense to me so I prefer women who don't have issues with making the first step. I remember that a lady once told me that I couldn't see that she was flirting with me with her way of looking at me. She said " How come you didn't see it in my way of looking at you that I was 'interested' ". As a matter of facts, I became interested in non-verbal communication in order to understand people better. Non-verbal communication was supposed to be a foolproof universal and unconscious language. But of course, I found a way to not fully trust that claim.

---

As for your videos and IR stuff, (I was "using" them like you conceived it as a comparative material and test even before joining the forum) I always liked ESE, I like people like Penny in the big Bang Theory (I've never watched the show but I had a very deep romance with a Lady that vibes like her). That said, LSE ladies in your videos attract me too.

As for SLEs it depends, I don't really dislike any type but I don't like to have to deal with unstable people in general. That is to say inconsistent from my point of view. You know, I kind take into consideration how people tick in order to be able to smoothly communicate with them if need be ( lol !) and a lot of this process is based on the like and dislike of the person. It's a perspective point that guides me (consciously or unconsciously it doesn't matter). The problem with Fi polr is that there is not much to build onto in terms of Fi perspective. As a result I can find myself in a "walking on eggshells" situation that I found extremely uncomfortable.

Incidentally I'm not a fan of the way the SLE is "tamed" by the IEI. It feels to me like a manipulation of a handicapped person. It feels unfair. You know, like in those Peplum where the SLE Hero or main protagonist gets manipulated by the IEI antagonist. Also like I said before, I really dislike ass licking (excuse my French again) as a way of manipulation (using Fe and Fi).

Ass for a video of myself, well you know I'm....

Sorry for this long post, I hope that it is useful for people who read this and struggle to type themselves, it is indeed not that easy.

Edit : I have edited the post...

[Expansion]

Thank you Sol.

I always see in myself things that contradicts the type image that I have of EII.

What type do you think you fit into the best?

[godslave]

What type do you think you fit into the best?

Well, maybe you've noticed that I self-enneatyped as 9 sp/sx. That Naranjo mumbo jumbo points to Si dom. However, I might have mis-enneatyped myself...

If Si dom is indeed correct then I would slightly lean on the SLI side more than SEI for several reasons but mainly because Fe creative seems like a bit of a stretch as far as I'm concerned. Also because I feel like my Fi (or at least my rational determinant factor) is bold and inert. Here is an anecdote :

I was once invited at my sister house. When I arrived at her house I realized that a person who wronged me and to whom I gave the silent treatment was present. Consequently, I refused to sit at the dinner table with the rest of the family because that person was of course siting with them and I couldn't pretend that I was okay with that situation. Many tried to change my mind that night, in vain. In general I always ask who is going to be there when I'm invited to an event, if there is someone that I don't like (namely, the same person I was talking about !) among the guests then I will not go unless my presence is really necessary.

That said, EII is not a bad typing for me. I would add that if I were to be typed by Dr. G, I think that I might fall in the LSI squad more than in the EIE one .

P.S. You have good musical tastes !

[Expansion]

Well, maybe you've noticed that I self-enneatyped as 9 sp/sx. That Naranjo mumbo jumbo points to Si dom. However, I might have mis-enneatyped myself...

If Si dom is indeed correct then I would slightly lean on the SLI side more than SEI for several reasons but mainly because Fe creative seems like a bit of a stretch as far as I'm concerned. Also because I feel like my Fi (or at least my rational determinant factor) is bold and inert. Here is an anecdote :

I was once invited at my sister house. When I arrived at her house I realized that a person who wronged me and to whom I gave the silent treatment was present. Consequently, I refused to sit at the dinner table with the rest of the family because that person was of course siting with them and I couldn't pretend that I was okay with that situation. Many tried to change my mind that night, in vain. In general I always ask who is going to be there when I'm invited to an event, if there is someone that I don't like (namely, the same person I was talking about !) among the guests then I will not go unless my presence is really necessary.

That said, EII is not a bad typing for me. I would add that if I were to be typed by Dr. G, I think that I might fall in the LSI squad more than in the EIE one .

P.S. You have good musical tastes !

The ESE attraction points to LSI over the others. In my circle those types are married, not duals but it's there.

My dad is LSI and would avoid these situations with people he didn't like, but he wouldn't say anything, being Fe valuing. And i see his Fi role play out, because he is triggered to not upset the weak already there Fe cart. He fits all stereotypes of LSI by Gulenko, even down to the last bits. His Ne PoLR is theory of mind hyper generalizations, meaning reading into something that's not there, and quite illogical for it to portend in his diabolical prophecy.

He's sooo wrong.

He used to punch a speed bad and the big heavy bag that hangs on a chain, regularly just in case he was in a worst case scenario. There was nothing left to ambiguity he was not prepared for.

I used to make the private joke that if he would simply drive to the 7 eleven for cigarettes, he'd pull up in a Sherman tank just in case. Open the hatch, peek out and scan the horizon like a commandeer does with binoculars. This is an exaggeration, but he over prepares everything down to the last period. Period.

His motto has been, get the other guy before he gets you. "The competition" was what i heard regularly. He was the salutatorian in high school, and he missed valedictorian by a technicality. He saw her as a competitor in his speak, in his manner of speaking, recounting olde stories.

His type is very clear. 'Just in case' could be a bumper sticker motto.

I see my dads Si demontrative play out with fads in diets, "getting in shape" lingo, cycling in comfort and rest and swings back full circle to complelty out of it. Also he is Te ignoring and like all Ti Doms, they will ignore evidence if its contrary to their systems. I once showed him an article on property taxes, published by the local county, in how they assess property taxes, and he refused to believe it. He said you cant go by that, ignoring it. Meaning it went against what he believed they did, not some published article.

His one sister is ESI 'the guardian' and she fits that role ala Gulenko. If you've seen my pictures of my cousins, her ESE son is the middle pic. His LSI sister had the girl. His LSI sister was the same gun toting type. Nothing left to ambiguity. She used to lift a bottle in air at the range with an assault rifle. lol. It was his in practice, she just had a pistol.

All 3 of them are Ni agenda, Ne PoLR. Stalwart folks maximum.

Wife says i take after my mother more in looks, 80 percent, with just a few mannerisms of his. We walk the same, and do some other things the same in body language.
I take after her personality for the most part. I think it's the same Enneagram.

[godslave]

The ESE attraction points to LSI over the others. In my circle those types are married, not duals but it's there.

My dad is LSI and would avoid these situations with people he didn't like, but he wouldn't say anything, being Fe valuing. And i see his Fi role play out, because he is triggered to not upset the weak already there Fe cart. He fits all stereotypes of LSI by Gulenko, even down to the last bits. His Ne PoLR is theory of mind hyper generalizations, meaning reading into something that's not there, and quite illogical for it to portend in his diabolical prophecy.

He's sooo wrong.

He used to punch a speed bad and the big heavy bag that hangs on a chain, regularly just in case he was in a worst case scenario. There was nothing left to ambiguity he was not prepared for.

I used to make the private joke that if he would simply drive to the 7 eleven for cigarettes, he'd pull up in a Sherman tank just in case. Open the hatch, peek out and scan the horizon like a commandeer does with binoculars. This is an exaggeration, but he over prepares everything down to the last period. Period.

His motto has been, get the other guy before he gets you. "The competition" was what i heard regularly. He was the salutatorian in high school, and he missed valedictorian by a technicality. He saw her as a competitor in his speak, in his manner of speaking, recounting olde stories.

His type is very clear. 'Just in case' could be a bumper sticker motto.

I see my dads Si demontrative play out with fads in diets, "getting in shape" lingo, cycling in comfort and rest and swings back full circle to complelty out of it. Also he is Te ignoring and like all Ti Doms, they will ignore evidence if its contrary to their systems. I once showed him an article on property taxes, published by the local county, in how they assess property taxes, and he refused to believe it. He said you cant go by that, ignoring it. Meaning it went against what he believed they did, not some published article.

His one sister is ESI 'the guardian' and she fits that role ala Gulenko. If you've seen my pictures of my cousins, her ESE son is the middle pic. His LSI sister had the girl. His LSI sister was the same gun toting type. Nothing left to ambiguity. She used to lift a bottle in air at the range with an assault rifle. lol. It was his in practice, she just had a pistol.

All 3 of them are Ni agenda, Ne PoLR. Stalwart folks maximum.

Wife says i take after my mother more in looks, 80 percent, with just a few mannerisms of his. We walk the same, and do some other things the same in body language.
I take after her personality for the most part. I think it's the same Enneagram.

Interesting ! Thank you for your time. I would say that I don't relate to the LSI/ESI "stubbornness", on the contrary I tend to keep things open. I think that one of the main differences between LSI ans SLI is that the latter is open-minded (Ne suggestive). I feel closer to SLI but I can't really say that it's my best fit sociotype because Fe PolR doesn't makes sense for me. I'm a tricky one

[Sol]

As for your videos and IR stuff, (I was "using" them like you conceived it as a comparative material and test even before joining the forum) I always liked ESE

Would be interesting to see later your types sorting by IR effects of updated list, when I'll do it.
Recent LSE and ESE examples you could notice there. In case to suppose T and LII as closest such option to EII, and mentioned ESE among favs.