Adventures in Dating

[Dreymagine]

Ok. You call them "Acquaintances". Tell me, how much time have you spent with them? How much/many times have you spent with them in prayer? How many times have you helped them with something? How many times have they helped you (likely unbidden as data suggests that you'd never ask directly as a broken individual but even braindead idiots can get thermonuclear hints if they actually give a fuck)?

Imagine yourself in a life or death situation with them. How certain are you that they'd dump your ass at first opportunity or do you dare to hope they'd take a risk onto themselves to ensure you'd be among those who survived alongside themselves? Would you call anyone who merely entertains the thought of taking a bullet for you a mere "acquaintance" if they did so seriously? This is the line that can and does separate what one considers a mere acquaintance from a friend/true ally/lover. Yeah, ya might have liked that one dude a bit but ya only spoke to him for two minutes and it wasn't all that impressive. He dies it sucks but shit happens and ya don't lose much sleep over it. That's an acquaintance. Say you asked him about his true hopes and dreams and he answered honestly somehow and you actually both admired and respected both him and his aspirations. That's when you'd have shifted yourself from a mere acquaintance to the former 3 that are the true realms of relationships amongst the unbroken and healthily attached.

This is what I keep harping on about when I speak of attachment issues. Hell, this is a major source of tension between me and my LSE mother. She constantly bids me to give her up to a nursing home so that I can be "free" of her. She thinks that my natural drive to take care of her will naturally drive any and all suitable mates from my presence. I tell her that if a woman is driven away from me because I desire to take care of her than it means she lacks a sense of filial duty and any woman who lacks that sense is unworthy of my commitment.

This is also works in regards to the aforementioned Nursing Home. I tell her that those fuckers won't give a damn (let alone a shit or fuck) about her in the end. I've been spelling it out for her in terms for months on end and while she gets it more often than not she just keeps falling short at the final moments! Gah! Frustration! I guess this is because of my and how I just literally cannot turn it off. It's the thing you exude. Your Primary Function that is. It is the aura you give off. The innermost core no mask can ever hide. It's the "kernel" of your OS in computing terms...

You're technically her dual so how do I drive home the point that credentials aren't the be all and end all? How one can and likely should come to regard them with suspicion in an environment where people that likely do mean them harm are in dominant positions of power?

I don't know how to convince your mom of anything, sorry. My own ESI and SEE parents want to walk out into the snow together and die before they reach an age at which they have to enter a nursing home or be cared for by one of us daughters. That's what they say, anyhow. They'd better not actually do that.

As for the people, I don't spend much time with them. With a couple exceptions (my fellow leader and a SLI guy I've known since 8th grade—both of whom I've spent more time with), I only meet with them once a week for like an hour. I've helped the leader with the Bible study, but that's not really helping her on a personal level, just contributing to the group. The SLI guy and I mutually helped each other with math in high school, and I guess I helped him in an emotional sense by offering him a listening ear when no one else would. That's it, I suppose. I'm like 3% sure that any of them would risk their lives for me.

And for what it's worth, this "broken person" knows how to directly ask for help. It can be difficult to muster the courage to ask someone for help at work (though I always manage to ask eventually), but in any other environment it's easy to request help if I need it.