Adventures in Dating

[The Banana King]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

[Baqer]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

Get a time machine or find a new SEI-Fe. Either way try again.

[The Banana King]

Get a time machine or find a new SEI-Fe. Either way try again.

Instructions unclear. Got dick stuck in time machine

[Adam Strange]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

In this order,

1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
2.) Keep dating.

This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
So get that female Dual.

*EDIT*
I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
1. ignore them.
2. reject them in the slightest way.
3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.

[The Banana King]

In this order,

1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
2.) Keep dating.

This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
So get that female Dual.

*EDIT*
I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
1. ignore them.
2. reject them in the slightest way.
3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.

This is great advice, thanks Adam Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

It sounds a bit dramatic coming from an sx-first but as another sx-first I can relate very much. Loneliness drives me nuts and although I don't think relationships are the solution to all my problems, I do feel more energetic and "purpose" in life when I am with someone.

I guess I'll try to be more honest with SEI from now on. I think I am accepting enough, but I am afraid of not being accepted so I end up putting an act without realizing...

By the way, she talked to me again and now we're gonna meet again next weekend lol. By sheer number of smiley and lovey emojis I guess she isn't upset after all. All's well that ends well.

[Adam Strange]

This is great advice, thanks Adam Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

It sounds a bit dramatic coming from an sx-first but as another sx-first I can relate very much. Loneliness drives me nuts and although I don't think relationships are the solution to all my problems, I do feel more energetic and "purpose" in life when I am with someone.

I guess I'll try to be more honest with SEI from now on. I think I am accepting enough, but I am afraid of not being accepted so I end up putting an act without realizing...

By the way, she talked to me again and now we're gonna meet again next weekend lol. By sheer number of smiley and lovey emojis I guess she isn't upset after all. All's well that ends well.

@The Banana King, my advice was tailored for you (ILE). You really need your own place, and the sooner you can get it, the better for everyone.

I’m glad she came back. To be honest, I thought there was a good possibility of that.

Also, I’d take it slow if I were you, but not glacially slow. Some women hide the “crazy” pretty well and it can take some time to see it, but everything happens at a certain pace, and if you delay too long, you will miss your flight.

Maybe the best thing to come out of this so far is that you realize that you have to be yourself. A true Dual NEEDS you to be yourself, because your being anyone else only makes you worse.

Good luck!

[End]

This is great advice, thanks Adam Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

It sounds a bit dramatic coming from an sx-first but as another sx-first I can relate very much. Loneliness drives me nuts and although I don't think relationships are the solution to all my problems, I do feel more energetic and "purpose" in life when I am with someone.

I guess I'll try to be more honest with SEI from now on. I think I am accepting enough, but I am afraid of not being accepted so I end up putting an act without realizing...

By the way, she talked to me again and now we're gonna meet again next weekend lol. By sheer number of smiley and lovey emojis I guess she isn't upset after all. All's well that ends well.

I mentioned it in my reply to @Adam Strange but have you and your mom considered the benefits of hardcore minimalist living? Assuming she's otherwise healthy and able to take care of herself (e.g. she can drive a car herself at least during the day and is able to walk around without too much aid) she can execute on getting a Vanabode for herself and likely be quite happy with that circumstance.

Hell, you can get one too and travel about as a pair taking care of each other without that damnable rent payment to worry about. Sell off the superfluous shit you "own" (protip: you don't actually own most of what you think you do or at least, you don't own the "big" items you think you do like, say, land or a house), cash in anything that you can that isn't Precious Metals (because the shit's about to hit the fan and lemme tell ya you'll want every ounce you can muster to barter with), acquire a PO box/negotiate a deal with a family member/close friend who has a street address/learn how "general delivery" works (if you're a US citizen who lives in the US) so you can still get snail mail and order shit off the net, and then tell your landlord the magic words every Gamma/Real American dreams of telling anyone who thought they had absolute control over them as you start up the van and drive off into the sunset with a mirth matched only by the most pure and innocent of children as they play with their favorite toy. Fuck You!

Hell, random thought, perhaps the ideal future will consist of extended families who went this route forming "caravans" and the like. Fun idea .

Getting more specific than this (and thus further customizing a solution to your given problems) requires me to ask you very personal questions that I won't ask in public. I've learned about tact (and how I tend to lack it) the hard way.

And then the last bit I always mention nowadays. If you have attachment issues (and you and your potential wife likely do), fix em'. If not for yourself, than for her. She wants/needs a man who is capable of truly bonding with and providing her with emotional intimacy. Women of all types crave that (hell, men do as well let's be honest). The worst examples of any type are that because they're broken to the point of being lost in that regard. Far as I can tell you aren't, I ain't, and most everyone here isn't as well.

Many are demonically obsessed, but the outright possessed and subjugated don't seem to be a major issue here. Yet another aside but a positive one regardless.

[Armitage]

Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

At the risk of kicking at an open door, would it be an option to counter-propose to meet up at her place instead, when she proposes going to yours? If you do it smoothly enough, she might not even notice, and if she does ask further questions you simply have to tell her honestly. Nothing is as bad for any relationship as lying, regardless of sociotype.

Also, I agree with what Adam is saying, your love/dual should love you for who you are. Here on the forum you seem like a nice guy, so I wouldn't worry as much about how you come across, besides good manners ( which I think you already nailed down by default ;^) . Otherwise all the self-consciousness only distracts from getting onto the same wavelength with your love/dual and into the flow together.

[The Banana King]

At the risk of kicking in open doors, would it be an option to counter-propose to meet up at her place instead, when she proposes going to yours? If you do it smoothly enough, she might not even notice, and if she does ask further questions you simply have to tell her honestly. Nothing is as bad for any relationship as lying, regardless of sociotype.

Also, I agree with what Adam is saying, your love/dual should love you for who you are. Here on the forum you seem like a nice guy, so I wouldn't worry as much about how you come across, besides good manners ( which I think you already nailed down by default ;^) . Otherwise all the self-consciousness only distracts from getting onto the same wavelength with your love/dual and into the flow together.

Thanks for the advice! Her house is no-go, apparently it's a sharehouse and no dudes allowed lol. But now I just bring her over to my place when my mum goes out so it's fine.

Well, it's been a while since my last update, basically I'm dating the SEI now and already making plans to live together lol. For the first time ever in my life I'm in a dual relationship. Holy shit, it really is everything it's hyped up to be and much, much more. I mean obviously we're in the honeymoon phase right now but it's just so much more intense than anything I've experienced. I never met a woman that actually likes some of my childish idiosyncrasies. First time ever I feel genuinely appreciated and that the other party doesn't try to change who I am. Also I feel AMAZING like I got so much energy and willpower now lol. I'm seriously considering retyping as VLEF.
She says she hates cooking and sucks at it but every time we meet she gives me some homemade pie or snacks

After so much interaction, I've narrowed down her type to SEI-Fe, so/sp, FExx. The so/sp (vs my sx/sp) is a source of disagreement sometimes. She doeesn't understand why I'm so obsessive sometimes lol. But she doesn't really mind it. To me, it seems she prioritizes spending time with friends instead of together. The Psyche Yoga mismatch is barely noticeable. She's definitely 2E so I don't feel it on my 3rd.

[Armitage]

Her house is no-go, apparently it's a sharehouse and no dudes allowed lol.

You can always pay hommage to your screen name and monkey climb the building all Donkey Kong style to save your Princess Peach.
Or is it the other way around and will she come for you?
Anyway, glad to hear it's working out, dude! And kind of your mother that she gives the two of you some privacy. She must be really happy to see the two of you so in love.

Living together might actually be better feasible, than going to live on your own, given that the two of you can now share the costs. What's it actually that each of you does for a living/studying, if I may ask?
Additionally, before renting a place together, I would always recommend going on a holiday first, because that's one of the best ways to find out what your 24/7 dynamics are like and what each other's daily habits are. Everyone is raised a certain way after all and living together thus means adapting to each other's style. Therefore, going on vacation together is a solid way of getting to know each other better beforehand. It doesn't even have to be costly or far away, there even exist people who enjoy camping in a tent. In the end, going on holiday is all about getting away from the distractions of your daily lives to focus on each other and form a stronger bond. Even more, it would be especially romantic during the Christmas season. Although that tent might be a bit frisky now, so better warm each other up.


By the way, what do VLEF, FExx, and 2E mean? Does it refer to her being a SEI with emphasis on Extroverted Ethics?

[The Banana King]

You can always pay hommage to your screen name and monkey climb the building all Donkey Kong style to save your Princess Peach.
Or is it the other way around and will she come for you?
Anyway, glad to hear it's working out, dude! And kind of your mother that she gives the two of you some privacy. She must be really happy to see the two of you so in love.

Living together might actually be better feasible, than going to live on your own, given that the two of you can now share the costs. What's it actually that each of you does for a living/studying, if I may ask?
Additionally, before renting a place together, I would always recommend going on a holiday first, because that's one of the best ways to find out what your 24/7 dynamics are like and what each other's daily habits are. Everyone is raised a certain way after all and living together thus means adapting to each other's style. Therefore, going on vacation together is a solid way of getting to know each other better beforehand. It doesn't even have to be costly or far away, there even exist people who enjoy camping in a tent. In the end, going on holiday is all about getting away from the distractions of your daily lives to focus on each other and form a stronger bond. Even more, it would be especially romantic during the Christmas season. Although that tent might be a bit frisky now, so better warm each other up.


By the way, what do VLEF, FExx, and 2E mean? Does it refer to her being a SEI with emphasis on Extroverted Ethics?

I'm a broke student right now. She barely gets by as a hairdresser. So a vacation is beyond our means. But I really like the idea of a camping trip! I'm gonna try that, maybe about a month or two from now, cuz I have to "warm her up" to the idea . She likes comfort too much but I'll convince her somehow. Never did winter camping but I bet it's real fun and cozy to do with a significant other

All those are Psyche Yoga/Attitudinal Psyche notations, VLEF, FELV, FEVL are different types, 2E represents Emotion as 2nd function. Basically she is flexible in dealing with her own and other's emotions. Emotionally manipulative but in a constructive way I guess lol.

[MissDucki]

In this order,

1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
2.) Keep dating.

This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
So get that female Dual.

*EDIT*
I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
1. ignore them.
2. reject them in the slightest way.
3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.

@Adam Strange

For Alpha SF’s coming from their conflicting quadra….this is really solid advice. You know your conflictor much better then their own dual lmao!

But in all seriousness, I agree with it. Especially about the criticism aspect. That and knowing what they mean behind their words generally….relationship skills come in handy in this aspect.

Anyways….always love your input!

[Adam Strange]

@Adam Strange

For Alpha SF’s coming from their conflicting quadra….this is really solid advice. You know your conflictor much better then their own dual lmao!

But in all seriousness, I agree with it. Especially about the criticism aspect. That and knowing what they mean behind their words generally….relationship skills come in handy in this aspect.

Anyways….always love your input!

Thanks, @MissDucki. You've taught me a lot.

Honestly, I've worked with an ILE and an SEI for almost ten years, but it was the candid conversations on this forum that taught me the most.

[Aquamarine]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

Forget her. That's the only thing you can do.

[MissDucki]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

She seemed to only want the banana.....Not a bad thing if you too wish to have made a wonderful banana bread! (bad puns I know....) Forget her and find another wonderful girl that is a better match! Keep putting yourself out there buddy boy!

[Great]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

I've done this before.

[Adam Strange]

I've done this before.

I went to a party about four years ago and ended up talking to this woman for an hour or two in an upstairs bedroom. She said she was a massage therapist and she’d love to give me a massage sometime. I was flattered but she was SLE and so I told her thanks, but massages really do nothing for me.

I am not (usually) mega-retarded, but I am Si-PoLR and not desperate.

[Great]

I went to a party about four years ago and ended up talking to this woman for an hour or two in an upstairs bedroom. She said she was a massage therapist and she’d love to give me a massage sometime. I was flattered but she was SLE and so I told her thanks, but massages really do nothing for me.

I am not (usually) mega-retarded, but I am Si-PoLR and not desperate.

This was before I learned of socionics. She was also SLE. I kinda regret not massaging her.

[Adam Strange]

This was before I learned of socionics. She was also SLE. I kinda regret not massaging her.

I know an ESI who dated an SLE for a while. It didn’t turn out well.

Sometimes, the One Who Got Away should have gotten away.

And even though SLE females are Aggressors to my Victim, I’ve never been sexually attracted to one.