Adventures in Dating

[LukaDoncic]

Bunny was moving me for grails of the hope diamond watching Nascar cinema driving hundred acre woods fringe escape rockets playing chess with dinosaurs!!

What an adventure! What a garden of riches! Bunny is a train for relaxing romance and feeling the waterfall.

[Squirrel]

Is Poor Boundaries an Fe thing or an Extravert thing?

Fe is about moods

Boundaries is Fi thing , given that Fi is about emotional distance and connections between people, including realizing the right distance in a relationship between two people

[Adam Strange]

Over the past few months, it has gradually dawned on me that I don't have anyone with whom I can share my personal wins and losses.

While I know hundreds of people, I don't have any intimate friends.

I feel closest to my ESI-Se interior decorator, but she is busy right now with fixing up her new house and getting used to her new partner. I respect that. She needs to devote a lot of brain space to dealing with those things, and I'll catch up to her when she resurfaces. I've seen this with ESI-Se's before. They play intensely with me for a while, then they vanish for months or years, and then they're back like nothing happened.

Sharing with my son is out. He's my son, not my confidential friend, although I do like him.

Sharing my successes with my ex-wife would just get the response that she wants me to give her more money. The 55% she got from the divorce wasn't enough. Fuck that.

Sharing a bit of my success with my LSE sister and my IEI cousin got the same response: "Send me some of that money." They were joking, but they were dead serious.

Not a single response of "I'm happy for your good fortune." Although, I'm pretty sure that the ESI-Se would say that, if I were talking to her ATM. She is wonderfully not jealous, which is why I actually would share with her.

Man, I need to find a long term partner.

[Adam Strange]

thanks

i have actually gone to car dealerships both in a big city and in I think a smaller city/semi rural (Texas) area, I’m not sure I even know how to spot middle managers I have no idea how these things are organized/managed hierarchically and how I would even get to the “middle manager.” When I go to these places I just … follow their lead, talk to whoever chooses to help or whoever I’m referred to

I also don’t know what I would be doing at a hardware store, Home Depot, maybe but that store is huge. I can’t really think of anything I need rn

ans yeah LSE may have slightly more of an aristocratic bearing while SLIs can be softer (and anything in between, individual variation)
——

I have actually been wondering if I should listen to my gut. Have I been attracted to the wrong people for me? Type wise it is all over the place. There’s not one I prefer although temperament wise there was overwhelming preference for Ip (incidentally both my parents are this? Heh)

abyways don’t want to overbaalhze
whag I mean to say is I want to find someone I find so natural and happy to be around because of the way we click the intuition would be urging me in a positive direction. The thing is, this has never happened to me. Every time I like someone it is accompanied by the dreadful feeling something will happen to hurt me/I will be rejected. And oh it has always been true

certainlt it would affect my behavior too if I didn’t feel this way, potentially making that particular connection more amenable to being a “corrective” experience maybe even resetting my schemas entirely.

as of now it feels like a stupid fantasy because real life evidence yields the opposite (that I’m not good enough)

so socionics is not a cure all but I don’t mind using it along with my gut instinct

it’s just, I don’t know if I would ever find someone I feel good about having feelings for?

It is hard for Duals to meet each other, because their interests place them in completely different worlds. That's why you need to be able to know beforehand what you want. You need to search out your Duals where they are, and get in front of them. If you can talk to them for thirty minutes or an hour, Duality happens.

When I met my SLI-Te ex, she was over thirty, had had a bunch of bad boyfriends who wouldn't marry her because they weren't IEE-Fi, and she was joining clubs and volunteering right and left in a strong but essentially random approach to finding a Dual. And she was an introvert who has a lot of hidden self-doubts.

Here's a link to a picture of an LSE, Mike Holmes, although from his body language, he might be the LSE-D type. https://www.kinetico.com/

[fiorale]

Over the past few months, it has gradually dawned on me that I don't have anyone with whom I can share my personal wins and losses.

Though I'm not religious, I observed that the best way and probably the only way, to get rid of one's loneliness, is to devote to something bigger than oneself. In the process one also needs to be careful of not getting trapped by mobilizing function's inflated ego, and learn to be no longer afraid of one's suggestive function.


I read that 50 Cent mentioning while expanding his business into different fields, he has a dream of "making philanthropy cool again". Not sure how he actually does it, but at least at the idea level, it's a great example of how an LIE transforms himself with his suggestive Fi.

Kinda curious on what you see me as, given some of your understandings appear more in line with classical..

I'm not a classicalist and only judge people/systems by how accurate their typings are. For you, it's better to decide the typing yourself. I've put IEI and EII examples in the corresponding beta and delta threads.

I deserve someone who makes me feel normal and comfortable at least

I hope?

Si types are best at making others (at least Ne-Si types) feel comfortable. However, I think duals would do more than making you feel comfortable. People are only ready for their duals at certain life stages.


Example: In Haruki Murakami's novel “Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage”, LSE Sara encouraged EII Tsukuru to stop avoiding/escaping from his traumatic past and go on a trip of self discovery/confronting the past.

[Braingel]

Though I'm not religious, I observed that the best way and probably the only way, to get rid of one's loneliness, is to devote to something bigger than oneself. In the process one also needs to be careful of not getting trapped by mobilizing function's inflated ego, and learn to be no longer afraid of one's suggestive function.


I read that 50 Cent mentioning while expanding his business into different fields, he has a dream of "making philanthropy cool again". Not sure how he actually does it, but at least at the idea level, it's a great example of how an LIE transforms himself with his suggestive Fi.




I'm not a classicalist and only judge people/systems by how accurate their typings are. For you, it's better to decide the typing yourself. I've put IEI and EII examples in the corresponding beta and delta threads.




Si types are best at making others (at least Ne-Si types) feel comfortable. However, I think duals would do more than making you feel comfortable. People are only ready for their duals at certain life stages.


Example: In Haruki Murakami's novel “Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage”, LSE Sara encouraged EII Tsukuru to stop avoiding/escaping from his traumatic past and go on a trip of self discovery/confronting the past.

Oh, I have already decided what I am, I was just curious if you’d agree with myself as an eii, as it’s been scrutinized by most who base too much on western socionics, where I am iei because of how the definitions change.. I will look at the exemplars later to see what you’d likely think of myself.. Not looking to base my typing on how others receive me, more, I am a curious social image core who concerns around how others see her, to just know, rather than actually base it as who I am.

Was primarily curious because you seem MBTI factoring in, so you’d probably be more likely see me as Fi-Ne.

[Braingel]

(If I based my typing based on how others saw me, it would be eie, what most have typed me as, out of a model G stereotype, though it even happened with Model A people, prior to a few people meeting me irl, who eventually landed on iei for myself. I always typed myself eii, and later on iei after I realized how behavioral socio works).

[Lord Pixel]

@necrosebud, I run into guys who fit that description all the time. They really are middle-managers in all kinds of industries, and they don't display the hard-assed attitudes of the LSE-D types.

If you know that that's the kind of guy you like, then you are ahead of 99% of most people.

Go get your car serviced or repaired at a dealership. Not an independent, since independents are less likely to attract Deltas. The service manager is likely to be an LSE-H. Either that, or an SLI-Te, and you can easily tell the difference. SLIs want to be "appreciated", and LSEs want to be "respected".

If in doubt and you think he might be SLI, tell the guy that you appreciate his help and see if he goes pear-shaped inside from getting his fondest desire fulfilled from an IEE.

Or tell him that you have a lot of respect for guys who do what he's doing, and see if the LSE starts glowing from getting what he most wants from an EII.

Another way to tell them apart is that SLIs have 4D Si and are generally graceful, like baseball players or golfers. LSEs have 4D Te and are more coarse-looking and "square".

You can also find both types in grocery stores or in hardware stores or in building supply stores or in Home Depot-type stores. Anywhere that a middle manager can be found giving people advice on what they should do.

This is funny because my friend is an LSE-H and works at a dealership lol. He's not a manager tho, but the company has convinced him to do BBQs for his coworkers.

LSE H is very very different from LSE D I've noticed. Easy to mistype as ESE for sure.

[Lord Pixel]

Fe is about moods

Boundaries is Fi thing , given that Fi is about emotional distance and connections between people, including realizing the right distance in a relationship between two people

Yea makes sense then.

[Lord Pixel]

but how would someone like this even find an Fi lead attractive then, is my question

we are very "feeling" oriented and apparently some Te leads look down on it or something, not that I am personally averse to Te, I have had enough of it from my family growing up so I am very open to it. Just hasn't really been ... directed at me with the sensing piece though aside from SLIs. So I can personally find SOME not all LSEs too quick to jump to a negative conclusion, general conservatism or what comes across as being... closed off


lol is this supposed to represent part of the essence contrasted with the Te sub quote you mentioned above haha

I would think to a degree all weak Fi, esp 1D struggle with Fi tho


I don't think I get the bolded

I once had a boss who was LSE Te-D, and looking back I see that he had an aggressive way for seeking Fi which was, every time he came to the office the first thing he'd do is go on a huge rant, everyone listened because they were paid to not because they gave a shit, someone who gave a shit would have been appreciated. It seemed he had a hard way of looking for a sympathetic ear, which if it came from anybody, it certainly would be from someone with a load of Fi fondness for the guy.

I also listened to an audiobook by Mel Robbins who seems very LSE, and at the end of the book this hard no bullshit woman was in tears recalling how some kid in her family sat and listened to her problems "Like I was human.", like, that was a huge memory for her that it made her cry.

I've also seen in an LSE facebook group where an LSE talked about how they showed a picture of their carrot cupcakes to their EII friend and the EII was like "Ew." and this distressed the LSE, they were like "Has she lost her empathy?". I was shocked LSE even cared.

But yea I still struggle to see what LSE gets outta the deal lol, tho it's very easy to see the value of Te. But if I had to guess maybe it's just someone helping them sort out their feelings and letting them know it's perfectly fine to feel that way and that you're not incompetent or whatever if you do? Idk man lol. Like that human comment from Mel Robbins was very eye opening.

But I think romance styles is way more clear on the pull the types have on each other. Like all the IEs have utility to the dual, but romance styles shows what is attractive to them.

[Lord Pixel]

Dude, @fiorale is correct about this. All of the female ESIs I've ever met want to demonstrate their competence and superior strength and beauty, compared to other women. I don't get that from, say, EIIs or SEIs or IEIs or SLIs.

You need to get out there and do some experiments.



IME, ESIs do want to listen to facts. They don't want to be told what to do, and they don't want external interpretations of those facts, but they do want facts.

Now, 8 hours is a long time, but a lot of my dates with ESIs have lasted longer than that, and while we don't talk about facts the whole time, I do talk about facts, and they don't seem to get tired of listening.

Funny, my ESI ex would brag about how she was the fastest runner at school and even wanted to race me. Bruh, I have never had a gf that wanted to race me looool.

I would go beyond just facts, Te also provides facts that are effective solutions to problems. I've seen that all over my life as far as how Te has impacted me. Information that you can USE rather than info for info sake like Ti, which, if I don't care or ain't interested enough, falls on deaf ears. Mobius strip, the numbers after 3.14, how to make poisons from some plant, like my mind goes, why tf should I care about any of that, it has no use to me at all, but I see Ti types going nuts over that stuff in casual conversation lol. To me they look like they just like to know stuff and may read books on it, they like understanding. Maybe with socionics it's purely for understanding aswell, for me that's part of it but I also learn socionics to USE it, if I did find a dual that was a good match, I'd most likely be off this site and done learning about socioics lol until I had kids then I'd probably comeback for more. And Most of the books I've read all the way through have been self help books, because I often look for solutions I can use to fix probs in my life, nothing Ti about it. Ti gets in the way, Ti is like credits at the end of the movie, it's all nice to know but like wtf am I supposed to do with this? I got bills to pay. Invest? In X,Y,Z because look at the facts? Now you have my attention.

Funny enough I've helped my LSE friend with investments because of 4D Ni, but he's helped me with the current day to day news, it's good teamwork.