How can you tell the difference because they sound the same to me.
Duality vs Limerence
How can you tell the difference because they sound the same to me.
Duality is just limerence that you act upon/works/external environments are supporting the relationship rather than dragging ppl apart. This is also part of the reason rational duals tend to work better than irrational ones generally speaking. Love isn't enough, but rational duals already love enough well usually + they are having the logic and rationality to support that love to make it work 'for real.'
The best duals IRL are duals but they don't go on socionics forums and talk about duals or their relationships, they are just enjoying each other like normies. I think dissecting their relationship like that would be quite weird and antisocial for them. People who aren't in a happy relatioship yet for real are probably much more likely to want to discuss 'duality' kinda like the virgin who isn't having sex, all they wanna talk about is sex etc.
The only way to tell is knowing the types of both people.Originally Posted by Weenusflytrap
Duality doesn't imply feelings or attachment.
Limerence doesn't imply reciprocity and "compatible" types.
Sometimes you don't have motivation because you lack purpose.
Sometimes you don't have purpose, because you lack self-knowledge
Sometimes you don't have self-knowledge because you lack love
Sometimes you don't have love because you lack self-love
Sometimes you don't have self-love because you lack guess what? Ask Gulenko!!
Duality IR helps to establish a friendship, in general. It gives a sympathy, personal attraction and helps to be useful for each other, especially in pairs. Helps to feel emotionally better in interactions.
May help to become better by studing strong traits and skills of each other. May help to reduce neuroticism by improving the work of weaker functions. The more IR effects influence is when people tune to each other in a compassion, when feel love state (perceive each other as parts of one). Duality is IR which makes most easy to establish love state and a friendship in pairs.
The term "limerence" at apa:
"an intense sexual desire and a strong concern for the other person in a romantic relationship, accompanied by great sensitivity to how that other person is reacting to oneself"
Duality is not about sexual desire. It's primarily about friendly attraction and friendship relations. This _secondary_ predisposes to higher sexual attraction for people of different sexes, especially on longer time.
"Limerence typically diminishes in intensity a month or two after the relationship is formed"
Quick reduction of an attraction is common when it's mainly sexual. For the duality its effects should be similar as with a friendship. The deeper and wider friendship connection is established - the more of useful people find in interactions - the more stable is a sympathy and the wish for further interactions. To develop a friendship takes a time, so feelings should become better during this time. When people start to live together as a pair and more to take part in life of each other as friends, then monthes as minimum feelings should be becoming better, instead to reduce.
In a pair good personal contact, friendship relations make higher and more stable sexual attraction. Duality compared to other IR help the most to support sexual attractions and good feelings in a pair.
Resume
The main difference is that duality is accented on personal friendship relations, and not on sexual attraction as "limerence".
When in a pair, duality IR is among strong factors to support long emotional interest. If people in this IR will establish good love state and will be supporting friendship caring about each other, the most of them are expected to keep the pair for life time.
It's a hypothesis still, though. Duality helps, but how much on practice is not known without stats. Pairs break and divorce with any IR, where duality should significantly reduce bad outcomes and negative emotional states in pairs. "Should" as no stats.
It's also important to explain people in a pair what is to be friends, what is to love. As to have one of significant helping factors (as duality IR) to be good friends and to have love state, does not lead itself to good friendship and good love.
There is lack of practical data of how to apply good IR in pairs and to where this leads. It's promising hypothesis of simple way to improve situation with pairs, by helping to choose people with who is easier to establish friendship and love.
In communications with duals of other sex you may partly understand how that human influences on you. Then you may suppose what happens in a pair, when this influence becomes more intensive and longer. The similar happens with both people.
Personally, I don't think I ever felt limerence towards the Dual I was in love with for three years. I have felt limerence in the past though to my first love, who happened to be my Supervisor - it was like being on a powerful stimulant. The love I experienced for my dual was intense but simultaneously very calm - I'd compare it to ocean waves.
Limerence is just your state. It’s mental. But as to whether you can only get limerent towards a dual, I don’t think so. It’s insanity in a sense that you see someone as an object than a person. It seems like it doesn’t matter what they do or who they are even because you’re too caught up in the crazy feelings. I don’t think a person feelin it hard would even care if their DS is getting fed or something.
Once you probably start talking to your dual the more the connection develops too most likely so it probably removes that delusion (just saying this if people are just types).
A limerent song by Ariana: https://open.spotify.com/track/4T652...79646738845398
limerence to me seems inherently fueled by non-reciprocation (you obsess over what you can't have) while duality within socionics to me seems to be describing something essentially mutual. Even if you don't have romantic feelings, you can sympathize with your dual, you are pulled to them, and the other can feel it
obv they are not mutually exclusive but there seems to be a quality to duality that generally pulls one in the 'healthful' direction, at least as compared to say many other relations that will inflame a "limerence" more
If duals have limerence for each other, are they lucky? Or is it doomed?
Is that like idealizing your partner, while also feeling very understood; then when conflict does happen, do they know how to deal with the conflict or are they thrown off and overreact to everything, sabotaging the relationship?
The sound of the bells are unusually loud today...
duality: most compatible sets of functions in a typing system, a [theoretical] synergy between two people, a complementary process that is supposed to result in mutual harmony and alleviation from stress
limerence: psychological term for a one-sided obsession with another individual, a personal hidden longing stronger than a crush, an emotion-based and idealized delusion one has in their head. example: goethe's "sorrows of young werther".
two worlds. they cannot be confused. i hate the latter term though (it just... reinvents the wheel), but that's a different discussion.
point is, one is a structural interpersonal phenomenon on the grounds of aushra's theory, the other is a singular infatuated dopamine-fuelled state caused by being smitten by just about anyone, as defined by dorothy tennov in the 60s.
she just sought to investigate "being in love" and involuntarily fantasizing a lot as a result, nothing socionics-related. socionics determines duals by their information element usage and values, those could be any people. if duality happens, things get resolved. reciprocation and being certain is the whole point of duality! advanced duals are not limerent! because they merge.
in modern words, limerence is just one person going through it in their own mind, sort of like a parasocial relationship. it's all fantasy. meanwhile, dualizing is a process in reality.
this is the book that originated the whole theory.
here are more details on how she outlines limerence.
Dorothy Tennov's original components from Love and Limerence were:[36]
- intrusive thinking about the object of your passionate desire (the limerent object or "LO"), who is a possible sexual partner
- acute longing for reciprocation
- dependency of mood on LO's actions or, more accurately, your interpretation of LO's actions with respect to the probability of reciprocation
- inability to react limerently to more than one person at a time (exceptions occur only when limerence is at low ebb—early on or in the last fading)
- some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerent passion through vivid imagination of action by LO that means reciprocation
- fear of rejection and sometimes incapacitating but always unsettling shyness in LO's presence, especially in the beginning and whenever uncertainty strikes
- intensification through adversity (at least, up to a point)
- acute sensitivity to any act or thought or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why the neutrality that the disinterested observer might see is in fact a sign of hidden passion in the LO
- an aching of the "heart" (a region in the center front of the chest) when uncertainty is strong
- buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident
- a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
- a remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in LO and to avoid dwelling on the negative, even to respond with a compassion for the negative and render it, emotionally if not perceptually, into another positive attribute.
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