maybe this is what I mean idk
like if one were to look through my text messages, the main focus tends to be on me talking about health,
sleep, and food. I feel like I obsess over such things, so idk. I started taking a ridiculous number of vitamins because I thought it might help my mental health because just maybe I’m ‘deficient’ in something and that’s my problem (see, I’m always trying to work out what’s wrong with me, physically or mentally, through google trial and error. I tried eating paleo or low carb, around or under 1200 for days, and I got really tired, and then it hit me, maybe I’m not eating enough carbs. So I eat a few pieces of toast and I’m like ok maybe that’s it. Because I think I felt more awake. However I also have an addiction to excedrin, which I take three times a day, which I know is unhealthy, and I drink like two or three pops a day which I’m unwilling to give up. And the numbers on the scale are a fixation. And I like my sleep a lot but I feel
like I hardly get any. Anyway. I’m not much of a cook. Most of the things I eat are the highest protein, leanest, healthiest things I can find with the goal of making me lose weight and have more energy. The taste, as long is it is tolerable, isn’t as much an issue.
I also shop a lot. I just binge spent on rings, necklaces, earrings. Nail polish, and love looking for stuff to buy online. I have a ton of shopping apps. I can pretty materialistic and shallow at times. But honestly I don’t think all this is exactly ‘normal’ for any type. A lot of it has to do with my mom and the way I was raised and prob having ‘issues’, And it’s a distraction. X