What motivates you?

[Adam Strange]

I think I'm motivated by my need to meet the needs and expectations of others. I assume that this was ingrained in me during my childhood, but I really don't like where it has taken me, nor the effect that it has on me.

I think I must be strongly inner-conflicted, like a person with passive-aggression, while not, exactly, having passive aggression myself. Instead, I am controlled by other's needs, but I have a very strong need in turn to not be controlled, which manifests as me testing as an e8.

Basically, I will agree to do certain things for people, and then will drag my feet on finishing them. I happen to be very good at doing some things, so people tend to cut me some slack on my performance, but the problem remains. I'm still working for other people, rather than myself.

I have a very hard time saying "No" to requests, again, because I wasn't allowed to say "No" to my mother. (I've dived pretty deeply into my mental psychosis, and I think this is the correct reason.) The best that I can do is to make those requests be very expensive for the requestor, either in time or in money.

I feel like I need to break free of the chains that bind me, and to only do exactly what I want to do. That's my goal, but I don't think I've ever met anyone who has actually reached that state. At least, not for long. Those people tend to go out in a hail of gunfire.

[MidnightWilderness]

I think I'm motivated by my need to meet the needs and expectations of others. I assume that this was ingrained in me during my childhood, but I really don't like where it has taken me, nor the effect that it has on me.

I think I must be strongly inner-conflicted, like a person with passive-aggression, while not, exactly, having passive aggression myself. Instead, I am controlled by other's needs, but I have a very strong need in turn to not be controlled, which manifests as me testing as an e8.

Basically, I will agree to do certain things for people, and then will drag my feet on finishing them. I happen to be very good at doing some things, so people tend to cut me some slack on my performance, but the problem remains. I'm still working for other people, rather than myself.

I have a very hard time saying "No" to requests, again, because I wasn't allowed to say "No" to my mother. (I've dived pretty deeply into my mental psychosis, and I think this is the correct reason.) The best that I can do is to make those requests be very expensive for the requestor, either in time or in money.

I feel like I need to break free of the chains that bind me, and to only do exactly what I want to do. That's my goal, but I don't think I've ever met anyone who has actually reached that state. At least, not for long. Those people tend to go out in a hail of gunfire.

The opposite end is going out with a faint whisper. Ultimately you either successfully reach your goals or you attempt but fail in a hail of gunfire, or you die a silent death with nothing to look back on, no achievements and no improvement. You have to figure out all the ways it could go badly and then just avoid them, and try not to listen to your inner critic, or just be unafraid of failure and dive in headfirst. The last option is preferable if doubts make you hesitate too much.

There are people who manage to do what they only want in life, but it takes a lot of grit and soldiering to get there, to be able to have a spine and self confidence and independence is not something that comes easy. Especially when you have childhood problems that set patterns into your behavior.

But... [insert cheesy and cringy motivational quote]

You just have to believe that your goals are possible to achieve and start working on them.

Although hell, why even listen to me at this point? Figure it out yourself. That's the first step.