Any experiences with lookalike relations in romance/marriage?

[PinKDiGiT18]

I don’t see instances of pairs with this relation a whole lot on this forum, which is surprising to me.

[Adam Strange]

My EIE female cousin is married to a male LIE. They met in college and she got pregnant the first time that they had sex, despite both of them using birth control. He is super-conservative and so he married her.

They ended up buying a farm and having four kids, all of whom turned out pretty well. Now she has cancer from the farm chemicals, probably, and they are going around visiting the relations.

I never interacted with her much growing up because she was a lot older than me, but now, I can clearly see that she's EIE and liberal, and her husband is LIE and conservative. I think they get along based on sex, although how that works between two Victims is beyond me.

I think they were the first and only people they ever had sex with. Maybe a lack of comparison helps here.

[PinKDiGiT18]

My EIE female cousin is married to a male LIE. They met in college and she got pregnant the first time that they had sex, despite both of them using birth control. He is super-conservative and so he married her.

They ended up buying a farm and having four kids, all of whom turned out pretty well. Now she has cancer from the farm chemicals, probably, and they are going around visiting the relations.

I never interacted with her much growing up because she was a lot older than me, but now, I can clearly see that she's EIE and liberal, and her husband is LIE and conservative. I think they get along based on sex, although how that works between two Victims is beyond me.

I think they were the first and only people they ever had sex with. Maybe a lack of comparison helps here.

Oh my. I definitely wonder how a Victim-Victim pair would fare, although I have seen a few instances where one of the Victims (often Se HA like both members of that particular intertype) took on the role of pseudo-Aggressor in the relationship.

Have you ever found EIEs attractive?

[Adam Strange]

Oh my. I definitely wonder how a Victim-Victim pair would fare, although I have seen a few instances where one of the Victims (often Se HA like both members of that particular intertype) took on the role of pseudo-Aggressor in the relationship.

Have you ever found EIEs attractive?

No, I've never found EIEs attractive. I think they are very weird space aliens who look human but really aren't but do put up a pretty good face and are generally harmless if you keep your distance. On the other hand, I've had two long-term LSI GFs, and them, I found very attractive.

If we are talking purely sexual attraction, I'd rate the types, from best to worst, as LSI>ESI>IEI>EII>SLI>LII>ILI>SEI.
If I were to put numbers on that sequence, it would go 10>9>4>3>2>2>1>1. All the extroverts get zeros.
Mental attraction has an entirely different order.

[PinKDiGiT18]

I think they are very weird space aliens who look human but really aren't but do put up a pretty good face and are generally harmless if you keep your distance.

This might be one of the best descriptions of how one perceives their lookalike I’ve ever seen.

[Adam Strange]

This might be one of the best descriptions of how one perceives their lookalike I’ve ever seen.

OK, having trashed my lookalikes, let me just say that Socionics is a theory that presents all interactions (except possibly those interactions with Duals) in a negative light. There are negative things you can say about anyone. But there are positive things, too, and those should not be ignored.

For example, EIEs are capable of great feats of bravery. I've seen it. And while their Te business logic seems to suck (hey, don't ask an LIE to express his Fe emotions), they can be very engaged activists for a good cause.

I generally get along with them very well, but I'm wary of getting too involved with them in anything that involves Te.

[PinKDiGiT18]

No, I've never found EIEs attractive. I think they are very weird space aliens who look human but really aren't but do put up a pretty good face and are generally harmless if you keep your distance. On the other hand, I've had two long-term LSI GFs, and them, I found very attractive.

If we are talking purely sexual attraction, I'd rate the types, from best to worst, as LSI>ESI>IEI>EII>SLI>LII>ILI>SEI.
If I were to put numbers on that sequence, it would go 10>9>4>3>2>2>1>1. All the extroverts get zeros.
Mental attraction has an entirely different order.

It’s funny, because I am the opposite - I have never been sexually attracted to my Mirage ESE but am keen on LIIs. Likely because I was raised by an arguably unhealthy ESE and that killed any potential of my enjoying that relation in the romantic sphere.

[PinKDiGiT18]

OK, having trashed my lookalikes, let me just say that Socionics is a theory that presents all interactions (except possibly those interactions with Duals) in a negative light. There are negative things you can say about anyone. But there are positive things, too, and those should not be ignored.

For example, EIEs are capable of great feats of bravery. I've seen it. And while their Te business logic seems to suck (hey, don't ask an LIE to express his Fe emotions), they can be very engaged activists for a good cause.

I generally get along with them very well, but I'm wary of getting too involved with them in anything that involves Te.

I gotchu - don’t feel bad about what you said, the friction you described is a natural part of Business relations it seems.

On another note, you remind me so much of my older LIE brother (my cousin, but has been a brother to me). His dad, ironically, is EIE. When LIE was growing up, I noticed a lot of resentment in him towards his dad that I couldn’t (still can’t) place where it was coming from. LIE seemed to feel he couldn’t take up his own space: there was an aura of competition. Once LIE left home and made his own life, their relationship improved greatly. It seems the relationship is complicated at a closer psychological distance.

[Adam Strange]

I gotchu - don’t feel bad about what you said, the friction you described is a natural part of Business relations it seems.

On another note, you remind me so much of my older LIE brother (my cousin, but has been a brother to me). His dad, ironically, is EIE. When LIE was growing up, I noticed a lot of resentment in him towards his dad that I couldn’t (still can’t) place where it was coming from. LIE seemed to feel he couldn’t take up his own space: there was an aura of competition. Once LIE left home and made his own life, their relationship improved greatly. It seems the relationship is complicated at a closer psychological distance.

I don't have friction with EIEs. I just don't agree with their approach to business. At all. I could see where I might feel stifled if I were laboring under a "throw the money into the wind for a dramatic effect" EIE. You work and you work and you work to build something, and the EIE throws it away and destroys the path forward because they love drama.
I worked with one as my "boss" for a while in a project that I did as a favor for my LSE buddy, and I got along great with the EIE until his actions started impacting the business, and then I discovered that he wasn't working for money or success, he was working for his own emotional reasons. Once I realized that, I just walked away from that disaster.

And all relationships (other than Duality, IME) get worse in close proximity and duration. You can be on good terms with anyone (yes, even an SLE-Se) if you are able to move far away from them any time you want.

[PinKDiGiT18]

I don't have friction with EIEs. I just don't agree with their approach to business. At all. I could see where I might feel stifled if I were laboring under a "throw the money into the wind for a dramatic effect" EIE.

And all relationships (other than Duality, IME) get worse in close proximity and duration. You can be on good terms with anyone (yes, even an SLE-Se) if you are able to move far away from them any time you want.

Sorry - friction of base functions, I meant to say. Lookalikes seem to get on very well when they are interacting casually.

[Bethanyclaire]

I know an IEI-SEI pair who seem happy together. The SEI has a twin SEI brother so perhaps she felt drawn to
someone similar to her for that reason. I could see myself ending up with an SEI and it lasting. I feel very attached to SEIs quickly and I wonder if that is something which would translate to a potentially long-lasting relationship. Both my parents are si types. I get the feeling that lookalike pairs can go through rough patches but often see it through and stay together. The way socionics descriptions describes this relation seems to suggest something similar. Seems like it could be a safe bet ITR for someone looking for stability.

[Scarlett]

Ok, look, I actually kinda like this lookalike relation haha.
To me there's only 2 relations that look like a power couple, mirror and lookalike.

My parents are LSE and ESE, and they've been together for more than 30 years and still counting.
And they don't fight at all! I can see they're so different, my dad is very very logical and my mum is, you know, too much feeling, even I really hate it haha that's why I'm closer to dad I think. Anyway. What I like about them is that they know they're different, but they both are strong, so they just respect each other.
Dad once said to mum "See? That is why I can never agree with everything you said!"
But then I realise they actually do the exact some thing. So they don't really have much problem once they pass the Te/Fe clash, because they're both basically Si-Ne.

And my parents are actually popular among their peers.

I would imagine LIE-EIE like that, the hard part is the Te/Fe clash.

I also know another lookalike couple, LSI-ESI, a really good one.
Ok, to be fair, they don't act like they're a romantic to each other, it's just not their style they said, but I can see they are really good in building something big. Well, it's called a lookalike / business relation for a reason.
My IEI friend said "I look up to you guys" haha. We're all close friends.

I know an IEI-SEI pair who seem happy together. The SEI has a twin SEI brother so perhaps she felt drawn to
someone similar to her for that reason. I could see myself ending up with an SEI and it lasting. I feel very attached to SEIs quickly and I wonder if that is something which would translate to a potentially long-lasting relationship. Both my parents are si types. I get the feeling that lookalike pairs can go through rough patches but often see it through and stay together. The way socionics descriptions describes this relation seems to suggest something similar. Seems like it could be a safe bet ITR for someone looking for stability.

My IEI friend is also close to another SEI friend.
They actually look a like, but she said there's a big difference between them. The SEI is more grounded, practical, really keep their feet on the ground.

[Bethanyclaire]

@Scarlett yeah what I like about lookalikes is that often we know straight away that we value each other and are grateful to know each other. In some socionics articles it says stuff like ‘you don’t respect your lookalike partner’ but I think you do on the whole, but you just need space coz communication with them can get a bit tiring. My mum is ESE and my dad is SLI. I wonder if I’m chasing something in an SEI that I feel like I should have got from them. A more ‘sensitive’ /intuitive si type.

Lookalike pairs seem like cute matches when I imagine them together. I can picture them appreciating each other but able to spot each other’s moral weaknesses too.It reminds me a bit of duality- you balance each other’s good/bad sides out. I like what you said about them acknowledging that they’re strong in different ways, that’s a nice way of putting it. I also like how in the moment SEIs are, it makes me feel good to be around people like that.

I also have an SEI friend. I think we sort of became friends by accident..she’s become a very good friend though. I’m always a bit surprised by how nice it is to see her and I feel lucky we ended up staying friends.

So I had a big old crush on an SEI at work and it caused me a lot of upset. Now we work together but don’t talk much. We work well together, helping each other and talking about work stuff but anything more just feels too intense lol. And since that I got talking to another SEI guy. He does remind me of the first SEI guy, which I dunno is a good if bad thing lol, maybe it’s alright really. Honestly wish I could know what it’s like to have dated a lookalike before. Maybe I’ll see this guy a few times and I’ll have a better idea what it’s like.

[Great]

I hit on an ISTj woman once. She wasn't interested until I unleashed my Se. Then the struggle for dominance began.

[aixelsyd]

I have had a few ILI crushes and met one irl but it just felt off. Nonetheless, I tried keeping things going but the whole victim avoidance thing came to really bother me and I think my caregiverness of checking up on her irritated her so I just cut the relation off. Took me a while to get over her but it was worth it in the end.

[Adam Strange]

I hit on an ISTj woman once. She wasn't interested until I unleashed my Se. Then the struggle for dominance began.

Beta Aristocratic hierarchy is real. Been there many times.

[Great]

Beta Aristocratic hierarchy is real. Been there many times.

Is that what it was? Something irrational rises up whenever I have to deal with ISTj that aren't family. And I think it's the same with them.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

No, I have never had any romance with LIEs. I have seen multiple LSE-ESE marriages, however.

[Aria]

Never an SEI romantic match for me, not even close, but I've had a couple of good SEI female friends over the years. IEI-SEI isn't a match I've seen in my real life I don't think. I went on a couple dates recently with someone I suspect is SEI, which was refreshingly different.

[Adam Strange]

No, I have never had any romance with LIEs. I have seen multiple LSE-ESE marriages, however.

My female EIE cousin married a male LIE because she got pregnant in college and neither of them believed in abortion. The guy had the biggest hands I've ever seen and he never failed to show people how big they were. Maybe that's why their marriage lasted so long.

He worked pretty hard, too.

[Scarlett]

@ everyone
Maybe subtypes really matter here.
Both of my parents are Si-subtype. LSE-Si and ESE-Si.
If they were LSE-Te and ESE-Fe it would have been really tough I think.

And they're both caregivers.
My friends LSI-ESI (they just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary by the way) they're both agressors.

Matching subtypes and temperament, maybe.

Anyway, I know I couldn't date an EIE-Fe, but I like EIE-Ni! Never dated one, but one of my close friends at uni she's an EIE-Ni.

[Bethanyclaire]

I think I have noted 4/5 lookalike couples in my observations..one may be separated. I’m not aware of any semi-duals, illusionary or kindred. The others are duals, mirrors, activity or super-ego. I’m in my 30s so i’m observing people around that age. My social circle is not huge but I type friends of friends when I can. I think you’re probably more likely to go for a semi-dual/illusionary if you’re from a middle class background/quite successful in life? Or had semi-dual/ illusionary parents..Duals seem common for any type of person but tends to be people putting them self out there in life..I may be wrong I have a tendency to see everything through the lens of social class/privilege

why are we all so obsessed with LOVE

[Scarlett]

My social circle is not huge but I type friends of friends when I can. I think you’re probably more likely to go for a semi-dual/illusionary if you’re from a middle class background/quite successful in life? Or had semi-dual/ illusionary parents..Duals seem common for any type of person but tends to be people putting them self out there in life

Really?
I'm actually the kind of person who likes to put myself out there.
And I genuinely like meeting new interesting people. I could meet a new person and end up talking with him for an hour or 2, just like meeting an old friend.
But I hate online dating haha.

My social circle is huge, I've been popular since school age, seriously, everyone knows my name and I know everybody. But I actually don't like being too close to people.
So yeah, basically I have many friends but I don't like being too close even to my close friends. Lol. I don't know, maybe it's the inferior-Fi. And maybe that's why I love meeting new people, because can I get closer quickly, but not too close (which I like), because they're new anyway.

[Bethanyclaire]

@Scarlett I think I mean that most dual couples I can think of either met a. when they were young and had already had a successful start to their young adult life or b. later on when they've dated lots and maybe been through some shit and then they end up falling into the arms of a dual.

Off the top of my head I can think of 2 who met whilst training to be teachers in early 20s and 2 who met whilst doing an internship. As for duals who met later I had a friend who met one in a club one night with me(I think maybe the guy liked me first? I could be very very wrong lol). She was IEE and had dated loads/ had boyfriends and met this guy about age 27.

[Bethanyclaire]

Also @Scarlett I don't like dating apps either but recently I put a video of myself on my profile and seem to be getting a bit more attention. (Thank you SEE sis for filming silly videos). Also I got this idea from reading something @Adam Strange said on the forum somewhere. Adam, you mentioned somewhere that you look out for a woman's smile and it made me think how I don't have any pics of me smiling with my teeth because I don't like taking pics like that..however I don't mind a vid at least I don't mind this one video I found ha.

[Scarlett]

@Bethany
Oh whyyy
Haha. I always smile. Omg there's this guy an SLE who keeps flirting and one day I was working for 15 hours straight that day and he said "wow Scarlett how can you do that, you don't look tired at all, maybe because you always smile" Lol that reminds me of him.

But yes, seems like I always have this positive attitude and I don't get stressed, and yes, like everyone says, I always smile and give this warm-hearted attitude to the outside world. If you ever watched Margot Robbie's interviews, she always smiles, I'm just like that.

My friends told me "you're naturally very affectionate", but deep down I think I actually don't care, I'm very logical lol.

Good luck with the dating app!

[Adam Strange]

Also @Scarlett I don't like dating apps either but recently I put a video of myself on my profile and seem to be getting a bit more attention. (Thank you SEE sis for filming silly videos). Also I got this idea from reading something @Adam Strange said on the forum somewhere. Adam, you mentioned somewhere that you look out for a woman's smile and it made me think how I don't have any pics of me smiling with my teeth because I don't like taking pics like that..however I don't mind a vid at least I don't mind this one video I found ha.

@Bethany, I like to see a range of expressions on a woman's face on dating sites. It gives me an idea of how happy, sad, pissed off, or intelligent she is. This makes it easier for me to contact her, because I think I have a fairly good idea of what to expect.
There have been many times when I saw an attractive woman and then looked at her other pictures and said "Oh, no. Nope. Not for me at all." Lol.

Weirdly enough, my last GF from Match didn't have any smiling pictures on top of her profile. She had lots of pictures where she looked sad or shell-shocked, and her status of being recently separated explained that, and one picture where she looked demonic, and I probably would have passed had she not had two pictures where she was canoeing and looked happy. So I knew she was capable of being happy, and I texted her.

[FreelancePoliceman]

I tend to get along pretty well with EIIs, including EII women, but as far as a relationship goes, I can’t think of any I’ve been interested in that way. I guess I like a certain sense of “response” when I probe someone, and EIIs aren’t too expressive, if that makes sense; it’s as if they’re just on a different wavelength. My feeling about ESIs are similar.

That being said no relationship is ideal. This kind of problem isn’t a big one and I’m pretty sure I could live with it; aside from it I don’t really have anything against EIIs. I think I’d just be disinclined to pursue an EII in the first place, if that makes sense.

[The Reality Denialist]

I tend to experience it like we are pushing each other's buttons. I don't see much comfort in it other than "business".

[Bethanyclaire]

@FreelancePoliceman hmm yeah the examples I've seen of lookalikes are SEI/IEI, LSE/ESE, LSI/ESI. Maybe EIE/LIE but dunno if they're still together..

[Bethanyclaire]

@Adam Strange ah cool. soz if I made it sound like you were being shallow or something. I agree, it's hard to 'read' someone from a couple of pics/comments..also to tell if you find their face attractive. So it does help if there is a range of information to help you pick up on their personality..anyway cheers because seeing your comments made me think about how my profile might come across..and that I might need to improve it. It's funny because in some ways you can tell a lot from a person's face but put just not always from pics..

[Bethanyclaire]

@Scarlett I think I needed a brace as a kid but didn't get it coz it wasn't that bad and my mum said no, worrying I would be teased or something?? Lol.

You do seem very likable Scarlett haha I'll look at a Margot Robbie interview, think I'm missing out..!

Reminds me of my old LIE manager, she was always friendly and organised but every now and again she'd get me to open up if I seemed a bit off..pretty good manager

Seeing SEI guy today, I do hope it actually turns out to be a date lol

[chriscorey]

There was a PhD student at Berkeley who wanted to date me, but I could only see him as a friend.

[Adam Strange]

@Adam Strange ah cool. soz if I made it sound like you were being shallow or something. I agree, it's hard to 'read' someone from a couple of pics/comments..also to tell if you find their face attractive. So it does help if there is a range of information to help you pick up on their personality..anyway cheers because seeing your comments made me think about how my profile might come across..and that I might need to improve it. It's funny because in some ways you can tell a lot from a person's face but put just not always from pics..

@Bethany, it’s also possible that I’m doing this dating thing all wrong. After all, I’m dating a lot but I’m not meeting someone I like enough to settle down with.

[Bethanyclaire]

@Adam Strange if you were in England I’d trying setting you up with my ESI colleague. There are several lovely lovely intelligent, mentally healthy single people in my work place. I think they’re too scared to put themselves out there in case they get hurt. Some people are too good at being single :/ The ESI lady is older than me, has just bought her own place..I do wonder if she’ll look for someone later. Anyway, my point is that there are people out there..but I don’t know how often they all put themselves out there lol. Do you try meeting women/new people elsewhere apart from apps?

[Bethanyclaire]

The description for lookalike relations fascinates me- they make it sound both boring and energetic. Romantic and dull. Playful and depressing. ‘Nothing to fight for’. But the thing is the SEI- fe (maybe sei-si too) is by far the most romantic and dreamiest type if we go by descriptions alone, which for an IEI-ni sounds like perfection. I guess opposite subtypes can clash (even though opp subtypes are ideally more suited) though so lookalikes probs end up with same subtype which does seem a bit boring/samey.

but yeah sometimes the descriptions seem contradictory or like some sort of riddle. It’s like in each description there’s scope for the relation to be good or bad. The more mention of tension the more risk of it being problematic..

tension however can be hot of course..but not in the long run]

edit: I WONDER IF WE HAVE SOMETHING UNIQUE TO OUR PERSONALITY WHICH MEANS THE ITR EFFECT IS LESSENED WITH CERTAIN TYPES....so for example my father is SLI and I we have quite similar traits in some ways. I don't know maybe I am bit SLI-ish or IEE-ish or ILE-ish..and this makes me ever so slightly more pulled to SEIs than some other types.

[Lord Pixel]

I was attracted to this girl at a starbucks and we started talking. We have a really good conversation and she ended up being ESE, and the Si/Ne banter was alot of fun. I was at startbux waiting for a ride so I looked out the window a few times when talking to her, no big deal. She was SUPER expressive and that made me feel like she was really into me, I even got her number at the end, but 2 things threw me off about her despite us having the best conversation I had with a stranger in a while. 1. She showed me a video I seen before and when I said "Oh yea I've seen this one!" she immediately sulked and was like "You're not supposed to say that."....like, she wanted me to act surprised like I've never seen it before, so lie basically, to make her feel good. And 2. because we where having such a good time talking, she caught me looking out the window checking for to see if my ride was here and she yelled, "DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE?!", like full blown yelled at me, a stranger, all I could say was, 0.o? Probably just Fe, probably mental instability, to me it seemed like both, you don't yell at a whole stranger for something so stupid like that. Anyway, I still got her number even if she was nuts.

[ouronis]

I was attracted to this girl at a starbucks and we started talking. We have a really good conversation and she ended up being ESE, and the Si/Ne banter was alot of fun. I was at startbux waiting for a ride so I looked out the window a few times when talking to her, no big deal. She was SUPER expressive and that made me feel like she was really into me, I even got her number at the end, but 2 things threw me off about her despite us having the best conversation I had with a stranger in a while. 1. She showed me a video I seen before and when I said "Oh yea I've seen this one!" she immediately sulked and was like "You're not supposed to say that."....like, she wanted me to act surprised like I've never seen it before, so lie basically, to make her feel good. And 2. because we where having such a good time talking, she caught me looking out the window checking for to see if my ride was here and she yelled, "DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE?!", like full blown yelled at me, a stranger, all I could say was, 0.o? Probably just Fe, probably mental instability, to me it seemed like both, you don't yell at a whole stranger for something so stupid like that. Anyway, I still got her number even if she was nuts.

Hey man, you're the one that went to starbucks.