Does tritype matter more than instincts in compatibility?
Recently I’ve been thinking about how I get on better with people of certain tritypes. I’m just wondering..
If you met a dual who is a good tritype match for you- then does it matter if your instincts don’t match?
If there are any SLEs who are 847, 826 or 369 I’d be eager to hear your thoughts as these are the tritypes I like best not sure there any here though.
Interestingly, my little brother is 639 and my aunt is 748. 826 seems like a mix of my mum and dad’s tritypes...926 and 258.
Last edited by Bethany; 03-16-2021 at 03:12 PM.
All relationships involve compromise.
An IEI can marry an LSE if she is willing to compromise.
Personally, I'm no longer willing to compromise on Sociotype. It's Duality or GTFO.
My duals seem to only come in three flavors; e4, e6, and e9. I'm e8 and my preferences run e6, then e9, then e4, but I don't have a lot of experience with these types and I'm therefore still open to compromise.
My instincts are sx/so. It has been said that the best match for an sx/so is an sp/sx, and fortunately, many or most of my Duals seem to be sp/sx. I once dated a Dual who was sx-last and while I really liked her, I just didn't want a repeat of my marriage to an sx-last. A woman who ignored what I sought most. She was an ice queen.
I also dated a woman who was probably sx-first. It was sex sex sex all the time and not much else, so that was not the best long term match for me. An sx-second is going to be competent in the sx instinct that I am seeking, and while I'm not as good a match for them because I'm sp-last, I can somewhat make up for this by just providing them with stuff.
@Adam Strange Ok interesting. Yeah people seem to have different ideas about instinct compatibility..and I will admit it can be quite hard to ‘identify’ people’s instinct stacks. But you can have a good guess
I think all subtype systems can be helpful for thinking about what you need from someone and what’s healthy for you. But yeah, I suppose eventually you just know from being around someone long enough if they are a good dual or not. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long to figure out.
I used to think I was suited to E7s but now I’m really not sure about that. I can’t think of any E9/E7 couples so that made me question it. I now think that a 8 or 3 might be more realistic. (For a dual or semi-dual).
Dual is best and I can see why you only want a dual..I think I’d go with semi-dual next but would it last forever? Hmm.
It’s something I have to think about. I have to be open-minded as I might want to have a kid. I think I need to give myself some deadlines, lol. And be less fussy after each deadline. Lame, lol.
Last edited by Bethany; 03-16-2021 at 05:12 PM.
Maybe it’s something like..either the instincts need to be compatible or the enneagram tritype does..hmm. I also think that certain tritypes are more likely to come across/meet each other because of shared interests/surface similarity in personality (or maybe not so surface). Also, you probs get groups of tritypes grouping together. Like, I think loads of people on my team at work are tritypes that I find easy going, hence why I feel like I fit in there and that we’re all working towards the same goals.
(Uppity student temps not necessarily included, charming though they are )
Last edited by Bethany; 03-17-2021 at 01:00 PM.
In fact, maybe good compatibility is allll about enneagram, much more so than socionics. A good e-match- core e-type, tritype and matching (?) instincts is gonna make a non-dual feel much more dual like (or like a marriage material dual). Steady, comfortable, secure.. I think a lot of the hype about duals and criticism of non duals is probably based on people’s overly positive experience around duals (perhaps the passionate dual relationships, the ones which don’t last?) as well as people’s more negative relationships with non-duals (again the passionate type which leave people hurt or disappointed or the mediocre (or normal) friendships you have with them.)
I would say around over half of the settled down couples I know are indeed duals, and yes it does look like a pretty nice life they’re having. But the other non-dual couples also seem happy too (lookalike, mirrors, activity). They all seem happy..why..because they are haha. I want some of that too, and think that’s what I should be searching for and focusing my energy on and visualising- something happy rather than something idealistic. It’s really hard trying to find someone who you’re attracted to AND who seems like a good match..I think this is enough to be dealing with..rather than trying to find a dual and hoping they’ll turn out to be a good one. Excuse me talking to myself again but it’s therapeutic and I think not terrible advice.
I'd say that enneagram type and instincts matter more than tritype. I view tritype as just a neat other layer to consider.
As for whether socionic or enneagram/instincts is important.. I think theyre both very important.
Looking back, I've been almost exclusively attracted to 8s or 3s with 8 fixes (I've never been attracted to a 7, which is a type 4s tend to like). The only trend i can find socionics-wise is extraverted static types or non-IEI betas. But my attractions may differ from what I actually need.
I agree that a good enneagram match can make up for non-duality, however I think it won't ever completely compensate for not being with a dual.
Originally Posted by Bethany
Speaking for myself, I know deep down that what I need in the long run is a dual.. and it's important enough that I'm not very willing to compromise on this.
Before knowing socionics I've sensed for a long time that I need a certain type of person that will properly balance and complement me (in MBTI I speculated it was an ESTP and briefly ENTP).
I keep on thinking that I won't be satisfied with a non-8 fix/core either.. but I'm skeptical that SLEs without an 8 fix exist. So it's still consistent with the fact that overall, socionics>enneagram.
Yeah dual is the best. If you’re lucky to find one and it works out. I also consider people lucky if they find a good non-dual..better than being alone. Far better.
But I agree with a lot of what you’re saying @chocolatte
Core e-type is important in compatibility..I think. Stacks are too. But I think stacks and tritype cross over somehow..
If someone is a good tritype for you, maybe the stack doesn’t matter as much. Sounds vague but not sure where I’m going with it yet..
I also think I’m naturally more attracted to some tritypes than others..also I wonder if people just kinda naturally find themselves around particular tritypes/e-types because of shared interests..I work with a few 126s who I like, and they are supposed to be a good match for me according to the enneagram dual article.
Hmm I haven't had any intimate relationship with them but I've talked to sx first ILIs and sx last ILIs and the sx first ones are infinitely preferable. In fact, sx/sp is probably my favorite stacking to communicate with in general, and even though they were my duals, with the sx last ILIs I couldn't hold the conversation for long because they seem to want to stay at a constant level of detached intensity (or rather lack of intensity). But it may have been bc those sx last ILIs are 5 and 1 respectively? I can't stand 1s. The sx first ILIs are 6 and 8.
So I think it's a combo of both instinct and core type. Unfortunately I don't have experience with sx blind 8/6 ILI to tell the difference.
Originally Posted by Adam Strange
If I were an LIE-Te, I too would go for duality only.
Semidual doesn't have matching romance/erotic styles, mirage doesn't have matching subtype.
But I'm an LIE-Ni. So I would go for either an ESI-Se (my dual) or LSI-Se (my mirage).
Yes, I've been thinking, like Adam said, my duals only come in three flavours: e4, e6, and e9, and they're not attractive to me. Fact.
I really don't like ESI-Fi, probably because I have Ni-subtype and Fi-subtype is just too much for me, and that's also the reason why I don't like an e4.
The only flavour that is still OK is e-9, and gotta have that Se-subtype. I actually really, really adore Se-subtype for an ESI. Or LSI!
So, on the other hand, my mirages mostly come in one flavour: e5, and this is really attractive to me. Because I have e5 in my tritype.
OK to be fair there is a few LSI e6, e7, e9, but still, the majority of them are e5.
Or I would say the majority of LSI whom I'm attaracted to, because I wouldn't be attracted to LSI e6, for example. And if an LSI has e5, they don't have e6.
They could have e9, which is OK to me.
So for an LSI, it's easy, there is only 1 tritype combination, 593, and again, matching subtype is really important, I love LSI-Se, but not so much LSI-Ti.
When I meet someone, I never think of their instincts, it just naturally happens.
Originally Posted by Bethany
I'm Sp/Sx and I couldn't really enjoy conversation with an So/Sp (even though he's an LSI-Se).
So yeah I would say instincts are important too.
I'm Sp/Sx, and I like Sx/So or Sx/Sp or another Sp/Sx like me.
- matching instincts
- matching subtype
- matching enneagram and tritype, you share 1 type
- matching romance/erotic styles
Anyway, I'm currently seeing someone, and again, he's an LSI-Se 5w6 593 Sp/Sx. Just like my ex or previous dates. I'm pretty sure I would end up with one of them eventually.