What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone

[Bethanyclaire]

@DrDonkeyballz Yeah the enneagram definitely caught my eye for a while. In some ways it’s a bit more simple than socionics, which can be really useful!


Ok so I’ll talk a bit about the people I mentioned..I didn’t go out with any of them but I probably had a chance with 2/4 haha. Was too insecure at the time to do much about it, but that’s a different story. I can’t tell you if they would have been healthy or practical relationship material but there was defo that magical spark. (It might not have been an equal amount of spark but not totally one sided in at least 2/4 cases).


I’ll also mention 2 other duals I’ve met in the past who stand out in my mind who made the moves on me and who left an impression.


The things that you need to know about are as follows:


You need to know their main enneagram type and also their instinct.


I don’t know how much you know about enneagram, you might need to read up a bit. I know a bit but I’ve internalised a lot of stuff and can’t necessarily explain it ha.


For a while, I thought about instincts in terms of ‘stacks’ but I think I’ve changed my mind a bit about that. You may have seen people write about so/sx, sp/so etc..the idea that we have a preferred order of using the ‘instincts’.


Now I think it’s actually the instinct we identify most with that is significant..or useful to think about at least.


So I consider myself to be a social 9. Others would be self preservation or sexual 9s. I’ll provide a link to a chart I like to use to identify people’s instincts but there are other resources around and you probs need to read into it and observe people until you can spot their instincts.


http://www.enneagramdimensions.net/a...f_subtypes.pdf


I find that I have high, intense chemistry with people who are sexual instinct. I find I have more giddy, innocent, lovey dovey attraction to social instinct. And self pres instinct..they can grow on me.


You also need to know their tritype (everyone relates to mainly 3 e-types- one from each different centre of intelligence).


There are some tritypes we may have a natural bond with (see the link below for more info). 7s are my enneagram dual and they seem to be attracted to me, where as I, an e9, have been the enneagram dual to many of my close friends and one of my crushes lol. See the article for more info on enneagram tritype compatibility. I don’t necessarily agree with the bit that says you have to share one number of your tritype but I do think the rest of the stuff seems kinda true.


https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...gram-Dual-quot (an infp wrote this)


Crushes..


Crush number 1:
Estp 712. Self pres 7. He expressed interested in me. I really fancied him. It was intense in a way, I suppose, but really, it felt simple and pure. According to the above article he’s my enneagram dual, as he is a 7. We don’t however share a number in our tritype.


Crush number 2:
Enfj 648. Friend of a friend. A very deep, intense attraction. He’s a sexual 6. As a 9 I am enneagram dual to 648s. Also we share two numbers in our tritypes.


Crush number 3:
Intp 549. Social 5. We are friends now but I think there will always be a spark. We are too similar though and I think it would have been too intense/weird. We share two numbers of our tritype-also he’s a 5 and I get on well with 5s. I felt a magical connection with him the moment I saw him.


Crush number 4:
This one I’m still recovering from but getting there.


Isfp 639. We worked together, I told him
I liked him-it got really complicated and horrible. I consider him my best friend and hope we will be friends again one day, once I’ve fully recovered. Maybe in years and years lol. (This is what made me get into typology.)


He’s a social 6. And we share 2/3 numbers in our tritype. I’ve always felt like he’s my twin from the other side of the mirror. My little brother is 639 tritype so maybe he reminds me of of him. Also my dad is istp 926 and is a bit isfp-ish. It is weird and incestuous sounding haha but I think it’s normal! (To do with seeking (or providing?) security)


This guy is also one of the ‘balanced’ tritypes who can be anyone’s ‘enneagram dual’ so I think this adds some appeal.


This was the most intense crush I think I’ll ever have. Not just a crush :/


I mentioned that there were two other duals..


So I once knew this super cute estp guy. He was way too cute and young for me, yet there he was, expressing interest, for a while. He was either sexual or self pres 7, tritype 739. Very attractive and extremely cool person..but wouldn’t have worked.


Another estp expressed interest in me..I turned him down for stupid reasons but I remember him and now I think we would have been v well suited. He seemed very sweet. He was a social 7 and was 739.


So I share a tritype number with both of them, plus they are 7, my enneagram dual. Also as 9, I intergrate to 3 so I think that counts for something.


Current crush:
Estp 729. Self pres 7. Don’t think he knows I exist. I don’t really have a crush on him, but I do fancy him.


Hope this makes some sense!


Perhaps I’m over noticing patterns...but the pattern is there all the same It kinda makes some sense to me atm.

Maybe there is another way to explain it :s Maybe I am reading into things coz I fancied them..but I think I’ve noticed similar patterns with friends as well


Edit: I think tritype can play an important role in relationship compatibility. I think having a similar tritype or being enneagram ‘duals’ can create a sense of chemistry. But with particular socionics ITR, it might not be ‘healthy’ to have ‘too much’ chemistry/intensity.

Even with socionics duals, the chemistry needs to be a healthy level, and not too intense..or not too jarring... Health levels may play a part in this, as well as more general personality traits (as well as tritype).

As for the enneagram instincts, they are confusing..but I think they can be used to help people understand what it is about a crush they are drawn to or why it is they feel a very strong ‘connection’ with someone.

Of course, physical attraction is often part of a crush too. I think when someone is a compatible or similar tritype as well as being cute, then this can lead to a very big crush