2 choice strategies in abundance of dates

[Jarno]

Nowadays with internetdating, there are 100's of people to 'choose' from, which gives a lot of "choice stress". People don't dare to commit that easy, hoping to catch a better fish.

So how do you pick the right partner, do you keep looking, but for how long. When is someone perfect enough.

There has been done research by marketeers cause they are interested in how people choose their products.

There happen to be 2 strategies, when it comes to choosing. You are a maximizer (bad strategy), or a satisficer (good strategy). The difference explained with example:

If there are 100 bottles of parfume and you are a maximizer, you probably end up sniffing all 100 bottles, you compare odor, the prices and the color of the bottles. Although if you go home, you wonder if next week there isn't a better parfume on the market, or if the nr2 bottle that came close, was actually the best bottle. You'll be unhappy due to second guessing.

As a satisficer, you have already in your mind what you are looking for, a sweet odor costing no more than 25 bucks. So now you start at the first bottle and work your way through bottle nr 12 which happens to be sweet odor of a price 20 bucks. You take it, and never doubt again about it. You also don't care about the other 88 bottles that are on the shelf.

I think socionics unfortunately tends to make maximizers or bad satisficers out of people. (Keep dumping great relationships for a bad dual or staying with a dual who has a wrong instinct and wrong tendency, which simply is a bad match. ) This is a downside of socionics, and probably also from internetdating.

[Sol]

> I think socionics unfortunately tends to make maximizers or bad satisficers out of people

Socionics gives an abbility to take into account one more of important traits.
When mass obtainable highly correct typing methods will appear. Until that it may more mislead about what is better.

Also it shows a way to easier establish and support love state in pairs. Points on the importance of love state in pairs, as it's needed for more use from types. A way to use a help of other people as duals to improve your personal traits, especially in pairs.

As any correct knowledge or a tool it may be used to make worse too. Depending on users' mind traits as, for example, IQ.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I kinda just rightfully assume people are going to choose the partners that viscerally turn them on the most - if they happen to be compatible in other ways, great- but I'm not holding my breath. It's really all about lust. You can sugar coat it and say that you also really love the person but it's kind of bs to me- my neighbor wouldn't be with the hot guy across the street if he wasn't hot so whatever. (I'm not saying that everybody wants a 'Chad' or anything lol but the point is you yourself find the person attractive.)

Some people are mentally unhealthy though and kind of attract abusive relationships because they are toxic themselves, and kind of play victim with this and see themselves as the innocent injured party but they really are just as toxic as the people they attract... I mean yeah this visceral lust thing is what is driving force but I mean being in something "unhealthy" with another unhealthy person is another topic.

Your boner or wet pussy, as crude as it sounds- naturally filters out all the other choices anyway. Even if we have all these social institutions and other stuff to pretend that relationships are something other than this.

[consentingadult]

what I find lacking in this two-choice-strategies theory, is the lack of the third alternative, which is: love is not something that you choose, it is something that happens to you, without you and your potential partner having a say in the matter. And that is ultimately one of the core messages of Socionics: you cannot seek and choose your dual, duality is something that simply happens (or not).

But it is true: nowadays love, like everything thing else in life, is presented in economic terms, as something you can choose, like a brand of toothpaste in the supermarket. It is this particular social construct, the idea that love is something you choose and can be bought on the free market like a commodity, where you can raise the bar high of settle for less, that not only prevents people from finding love, it also screws up their relationships if ever they have entered one.

I am in a relationship with an SEI now for thirteen years, and from the instant we met, love was something that happened to us, and despite the ups and downs, it still does. Neither of us have any say in this matter.

Before the leaves have fallen
Before we lock the doors
There must be the third and last dance
This one will last forever
Metropolis watches and thoughtfully smiles
She's taken you to your home

It can only take place
When the struggle between our children has ended
Now the Miracle and the Sleeper know
That the third is love
Love is the Dance of Eternity

Dream Theater - Metropolis Part I-The Miracle and the Sleeper (emphasis mine)