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Thread: The 4 tendencies Gretchen Rubin

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    Jarno's Avatar
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    Default The 4 tendencies Gretchen Rubin

    Hello, long time that i've been on this site. For the people who don't know me, i used to be very active member, but havent been active on the site for 5 years.

    There is some interesting new stuff i found, i thought you geeks would have already figured it out too, but it seems not

    The 4 tendencies from Gretchen Rubin is VERY INTERESTING if you like typology and relationships.

    The book/theorie is around already for 3 years.


    First I will summarize the typology (very simple) and then the relationships (which Gretchen overlooked for half the types), so you guys are up te date.

    It is simply dichotomy, just answer these two questions:
    How do you deal with outside expectations, you resist or you try to fullfill them. How do you deal with your own expectations, you resist or you try to fullfill them.

    The upholder: Fullfill, Fullfill
    The questioner: Resist, Fullfill
    The obliger: Fullfill, Resist
    The rebel: Resist, Resist

    Now a lot of your behaviour will start to make sense. In my own experiences: Upholders are often complaining about other people not doing things right. They keep everything tidy and often in service of others. The questioner is compettive, seductive and a taker/salesperson and asks a lot (nosy) questions. The obliger is a pleaser, often chubby can't keep a diet and sometimes used by others. The rebel doesn't care about rules, feels free to do whatever he wants.

    As you might notice, and Gretchen Rubin noticed it somewhat too, there are 2 dominant types and 2 submissive types. Gretchen noticed that rebels and obligers often were a couple.
    She didn't mention questioners and upholders, however i think they are a couple too. The reasoning is like this:
    Both the rebel and obligers are 'givers', since they don't want much for themselves.(both resist inside expectations) But the rebel is the leader of the pair and the obliger the follower.
    Both the questioner and the upholders are 'takers' since they want to fullfill their own expections. The questioner is the leader of the pair cause he doesn't care to much to fullfill others expectations, and the less assertive upholder is the follower in the relationship pair.

    So here we have a new kind of duality(complementary) going on. VERY INTERESTING. Ofcourse this is not just theory, cause i experiment these things in real life :-D and it does seem to work out like this.

    For me socionics is still very relevant, the tools a person possesss, instinct stackings the path in life they follow, and the tendencies are the role they have in a relationship(!)

    Try to figure these people out in your close surroundings, and you'll notice a lot of similarities and patterns!

    Any questions?
    Last edited by Jarno; 11-14-2020 at 07:30 PM.

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    peteronfireee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    Hello, long time that i've been on this site. For the people who don't know me, i used to be very active member, but havent been on the site for 5 years or so now.

    There is some interesting new stuff i found, i thought you geeks would have already figured it out too, but it seems not

    The 4 tendencies from Gretchen Rubin is VERY INTERESTING if you like typology and relationships.


    Any questions?
    sup @Jarno!

    do u see any advantages or any additional insights it gives over socionics?

    i got questioner
    Last edited by peteronfireee; 10-22-2020 at 02:23 AM.

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    Jarno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fireee View Post
    sup @Jarno!

    do u see any advantages or any additional insights it gives over socionics?

    i got questioner
    I would say it gives additional insights in relationships. I personally look at someones type, instinct stacking, and tendency(role) as the 3 most influential to the relationship dynamics.

    From what i've noticed, if you are in complementary roles eg rebel-obliger or questioner-upholder there is a clear leader and follower dynamic.
    From my rebel viewpoint, if i deal with a questioner, there are 2 dominants/leaders, which can understand each other role, but not goal. Partnering with an upholder is a bit better since there is the leader follower dynamic again, however the follower gets dissapointed in its leader. Partnering with another rebel can give a sort of competition who is the leader in the team.

    Just a small disclaimer, i have only 1 year of experience with this now, so not a big database yet.

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    This seems really interesting!! I think it might explain why we go for people who are similar to us..but it doesn't work out haha

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    Apparently,
    "Of the Four Tendencies, my research shows that most people are either Questioners or Obligers — and Obliger is the largest Tendency of all (for both men and women). Of the Four Tendencies, Rebel is the smallest category, and Upholder is also a small category. Not many people are Rebels or Upholders."


    This theory reminds me of the Enneagram directional theory
    I prefer that perspective on this more.

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    I am a questioner. How do other people see themselves?

    The seeming simplicity of the theory is very appealing. Why does everything have to be complicated? Maybe the last piece of the typology puzzle is simple. People are so complex after all, maybe all we need after sociotype/ instincts (maybe enneagram) is a vague idea of whether we are submissive or dominant and which ‘tendency’ we think would compliment us.

    Maybe the last subtype system can only ever be a simple one. A ‘tendency’ to do something rather than a rigid way of acting. Making us a unique human being with free will with the possibility to play to our natural strengths and motivations? This theory seems like it could match up with some of my enneagram tritype ponderings (which I’m not clear on to be fair) but that doesn’t meant I haven’t noticed some interesting patterns.

    It makes me wonder what other ‘more mainstream’ typology people use to describe their personality..although I do quite like the sound of this one.

    I haven’t heard of the enneagram one above..had a glance, seems complicated, maybe I will have a look when I have the headspace. (Thank you Chocolatte)

    The instinct stacks seem very real in my opinion. I’m not sure how they work but it might be that it’s a streamlined way of dealing with data. (Like socionics, just another layer of streamlining) And it does seem that relationships would be much better (long term) with people in the same ‘flow’ as you. 3/6 types..

    Socionics tells us how we think, (making some relationships more complicated than others), instincts tell us something about our general attitude to life/people/society and perhaps these tendencies tell us something more..

    edit: normal socionics subtype (need to look up the terms :s) are also important too?
    Last edited by bethanyrose; 11-15-2020 at 07:27 PM.

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    a two horned unicorn renegade Comatose Lamiac 007's Avatar
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    Maybe rebel as average. Sometimes it is like I'll show obliger face mb because I avoid being fullfiller and when I'm happy with the demand I won't resist.
    I usually show the fullfiller face as per obliger but then run away if it is long term. Probably turn into questioner later.

    This is hard for person that prefers unconventional fullfillment.


    OK, I'm effin rebel.
    Last edited by Comatose Lamiac 007; 11-15-2020 at 12:56 PM.
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