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Thread: 2020 presidential election: write-in campaign

  1. #1
    Ho Ho Ho! Santa Claus's Avatar
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    Default 2020 presidential election: write-in campaign

    @Biden will be 78 by the time he enters office if he wins, and we've already seen the disaster of a @Trump presidency, who is currently 74.

    No one seriously believes that a septuagenarian is capable of giving such a job the full attention and energy it requires, it just isn't plausible. More likely he'll have a big team of staff and will take all the credit for himself.

    I propose that Americans unite to elect me, @Santa Claus, as the next President of the United States via write-in votes.

    I will make Puerto Rico, Greenland, the North Pole, and Washington D.C. states.

    I will remove double taxation legislation. I will replace all tax with a land value tax. Fair's fair - I will pay all taxes due on all the real estate I own at current land valuation prices.

    I will significantly increase funding into exploration for precious metals in the Arctic Circle.

    I will introduce the addition of supplementary vitamins into a leading-brand of soda pop.

    I will move Christmas to July 25th.

    I will lower the minimum voting age to 2.

    I will abolish blatant gerrymandering and gentrification.

    To combat global warming I will get rid of Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Nebraska, and cover the land with solar panels. I will knock down the levees of the Mississippi River, and turn the states of Mississippi, Missouri, Kentucky, and Tennessee into swampland.

    I will build two walls. One on the eastern borders of Washington-Oregon-Nevada-California, the other on the western border of the northeastern states. For the other states...sorry, you're on your own.

    I will abolish life terms in our judicial system, for our prisons and our Supreme Court.

    In unrelated news, due to the recent failings of the United States Postal Service, I will be delivering mail-in ballots to ensure that legitimate votes are counted!

    I declare an interest in Coca-Cola.

  2. #2
    xerxe xerxe's Avatar
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    That all sounds good, but no mention of your Dickensian attitudes towards the exploitation of cheap, elfin labour.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    That all sounds good, but no mention of your Dickensian attitudes towards the exploitation of cheap, elfin labour.
    Wait, Santa is a Job Creator! Before he put those little elfin hands to work, they were busy getting into trouble around the North Pole.

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    Ho Ho Ho! Santa Claus's Avatar
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    Yeah well I've heard it said that Dickens is another name for Satan (ignore the part about "Old Nick" - Santa is nothing like Satan!): https://www.theguardian.com/notesand...,-1412,00.html
    Last edited by Santa Claus; 10-22-2020 at 10:20 PM.

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    If I vote for you will you give me the list of most requested toys this season, based on the letters you receive? This is a very important question.

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung
     
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    xerxe xerxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Wait, Santa is a Job Creator! Before he put those little elfin hands to work, they were busy getting into trouble around the North Pole.
    Idle hands make Satan's Santa's playthings.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    Idle hands make Satan's Santa's playthings.
    Plus, those little elves don't eat much and it's not as if they have a lot of other employment options. Lose your job and it's 1000 miles over icy water and frozen tundra to the nearest town. For Santa, it's an almost perfect arrangement.

    I've often thought that Capitalism depends for its existence on removing the means of independent survival from the average person. I might be looking at this wrong, but it's what stands out to me.

    Slavery uses the threat of physical violence to enforce labor relations, and Feudalism uses the legal system to remove the right of a person to sell his labor to anyone, but Capitalism doesn't use coercion or physical threats so much as it simply removes any rights to resources that a person needs to survive.
    Once you put a person in the desert, you don't have to put a gun to their head to make them work. You simply remove their lifeline and they die.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 10-18-2020 at 08:18 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
    [SIZE=4][B][I][FONT=book antiqua][COLOR=#ff0000]@Biden will be 78 by the time he enters office if he wins, and we've already seen the disaster of a @Trump presidency, who is currently 74.
    2 senile geriatric boomers.. never trust anything ppl close to 80 say.. they might have dementia you know.. its like talking to a random word generator.
    LSI-H - - Melancholy|Sanguine - 6w5-8-4 Sp - LFVE MBTI ISTP
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    When all beauty is tarnished, when all thought is profaned
    They'll cry out for men to invoke the iron rods again
    Now this our secret flame will illuminate the night
    And its sparks fly on the wind and set the world alight


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    Quote Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
    @Biden will be 78 by the time he enters office if he wins, and we've already seen the disaster of a @Trump presidency, who is currently 74.
    You're 1,749 years old you decrepit fuck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chakram View Post
    You're 1,749 years old you decrepit fuck.
    Yes, but regular blood transfusions from the little young elves keeps him young.

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    Ho Ho Ho! Santa Claus's Avatar
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    I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!



    THAT'S IT, CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED!!!

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    How many people voted for you?

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by ouronis View Post
    How many people voted for you?
    Zero so far, at least according to The System.

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    45th President of the USA Donald Trump's Avatar
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    @Santa Claus the only way I would stop running for president will be after my two terms, so I'll make you a deal. I'll have Ivanka endorse your next candidacy if you give me Christmas deals during the winter and July. The deals I get on LEGO for Barron during the Christmas time are outstanding. I don't know how you do it, but I must applaud you! Keep up the good work!

    - Donald J. Trump, 45th President of The United States.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Donald Trump View Post
    @Santa Claus the only way I would stop running for president will be after my two terms, so I'll make you a deal. I'll have Ivanka endorse your next candidacy if you give me Christmas deals during the winter and July. The deals I get on LEGO for Barron during the Christmas time are outstanding. I don't know how you do it, but I must applaud you! Keep up the good work!

    - Donald J. Trump, 45th President of The United States.
    No problem, it's a honor doing business with you. By the way, can I have the cash up front?

    I must say, you remind me very much of my clientele more than any other President I've known, so I'm sure you have their best interests at heart.

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    Wait, were candidates allowed to vote for themselves?

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    45th President of the USA Donald Trump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
    No problem, it's a honor doing business with you. By the way, can I have the cash up front?

    I must say, you remind me very much of my clientele more than any other President I've known, so I'm sure you have their best interests at heart.
    Mr. Claus, I must say, it is an absolute honor to do business with you as well. I will deliver the cash via reindeer as soon as possible to one of your highest ranking elves. It should be at the North Pole tomorrow by 8 P.M.

    You flatter me too much, Mr. Claus. I can admit that I enjoy drinking a large Coca Cola with my Big Macs as I also fly through the skies on my private jets. This must be why I'm so similar to your other clientele. Keeping the American dream alive and drinking Coca Cola and eating Big Macs is one of my biggest missions, asides from profiting off of bankruptcy and my own Presidency.

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