Honestly, man, buddy, my innocent dual... You do you, be yourself, and do what your heart tells the flesh bag you're trapped in to do. If you gotta do that to learn something, then do it, suffering is the best to shape someone's personality.

As I've said before, you're not the first SLI i've seen who is like this, my SLI best friend takes the most stupid decisions ever. Though I admire the foolish desire, you got balls.