Originally Posted by Reyne
Not exactly. It doesn't depend on the surrounding people. Some traits are randomly emphasised. It's not that I'm deciding I'm gonna be numbed and be slow some weeks, while other weeks I'm physically and mentally hyped. It's not a decision and it doesn't depend on other people. And it's not like I have multiple personalities. It's something important to know this when typing because according to the moment you can have some traits strongly associated with some dichotomies. Traits that you lose when feeling better, and vice versa.
For example I often mentioned forgetting everything and feeling torn from reality. This is something I experience in the low mood moments. But when I'm up it's exactly the opposite.
Or laziness. I always say I'm lazy and such stuff, that I have no self control, binge eat, binge drink etc. But there are months in which I run tons of hours every single day, count every single calorie, don't touch alcohol and I'm very productive in studying too.
Often I say I don't care about anything other than very minimal stuff. And in those moments it's true. But other months I get totally obsessed by tons of ideas and NEVER sleep because I just need to feed my curiosity nonstop.
I'm the quiet non confrontational kind of guy, often. But I'm also the guy who got in physical fights nearly everyday up till the end of high school and punished every lack of respect with double the force.
I'm the mentally hyperactive person that moved to a new city pretty much with nothing in his bag and no certainties just to work, and after a couple of months left the job for a better work opportunity and later left that opportunity too to study again and afterwards became a zombie for months and months just to get hyped in the end and start the infinite job loop again and again.
I'm everything and it's opposite. And I'm not proud about it, but at a certain point when you're THIS inconsistent you just stop feeling the shame.