IEE - EII Mirror Relationships?

[aciaradh]

Hey everyone!

So I'm somewhat new to Socionics and this forum, and I had a question regarding compatibility in Mirror ITR between EII and IEE. The past couple weeks, I've seen a lot of criticisms of Mirror relationships, which claim they're destined to fail and/or not conducive to mutual understanding and warmth. I've been talking to an EII the past couple months and am super interested in her (I'm an IEE)--we get along so well--but some of these descriptions have started to make me worry.

I did come across a forum post though that said IEEs and EIIs get along much better than other mirrors do, due to valuing Fi so highly. If any of you have experience with Delta NF Mirror relationships, what are your thoughts on this matter? Is this description more accurate than general mirror descriptions when it comes to EIIs and IEEs? Any opinions/feelings/experiences would be greatly appreciated :)

(Update: she's actually an SLI :))

[Adam Strange]

I'm not an EII or an IEE, but I generally get along really well with my Mirrors. One of my very oldest and best friends is ILI, as is my financial advisor and my shrink. I even get along very well with ILI's at work.

I once dated an ILI, and I really admired the way her mind works (common Te/Ni), but I wasn't SEE enough to make the relationship work from her standpoint.

I will add that the difference between j and p doesn't initially seem to be that big a deal, but there is actually a world of difference between the j world and the p world. This difference doesn't show up immediately, but I believe that it accounts for some pretty deep incompatibilities which only show up with time. And not always in a way that is intolerable, but rather might just be jarring. As when you are going along, enjoying each other's company, when out of the blue you realize that this person isn't "just like you", but rather they have some really fundamental differences. Then, everything is back to normal. Until the next time.

I've seen a female SEI, IEE, and EII all work in one room together and they seem to have exactly zero difficulties with each other. This is in contrast to the male EII who shares a room with an SLE. They aren't in open conflict, but they seem to crush each other's spirit by the other's mere existence.

[aciaradh]

Wow, that's super helpful, thank you. This is my first time being close with an EII (I've always really appreciated them though), and so a lot of the ITR theory wasn't totally gelling with what I was experiencing. That's great to know that you have good experiences with mirrors. I totally get what you mean about not being the same, though. Even though we're incredibly similar in what we think about, I have picked up on the fact that the process is foreign for sure. I personally kinda enjoy it now, even though it was jarring at first--it's like despite us not completely seeing eye-to-eye in how we look at the world, I can still "get" and appreciate how their mind works. Maybe that would be a bit annoying/tiresome down the road, but I do enjoy it right now at least.

Also thank you for the example, that's good to know (I work really well with SEIs too). My sister's an SEI and we get along so well (and trade jokes constantly, Ne-Si). My dad's an SLE though..the psychological tension is ridiculous. Growing up with that was not very enjoyable at all.

[Adam Strange]

@sunburst, you didn't ask, but if you are just discovering Socionics, you probably know that your Duals are SLI's. Let me say that it is very important to decide whether you lean more towards IEE-Fi or IEE-Ne. The reason is, that the best match for an IEE-Fi is an SLI-Te, and for an IEE-Ne, the best match is an SLI-Si. There is a really big difference between these sub-types and it isn't good to mix and match.

For example, my son is an SLI-Te and he has an aunt who is an IEE-Ne, and he can't stand her. He says she's too scattered and random. However, I have an IEE-Fi bookkeeper, and he avoids her like the plague, probably because he is afraid of how much he likes her. And she admires him in return. They are about 15 years apart in age, but age doesn't really show up in intertype relationships, only in social ones.

Just a word to the wise.

[aciaradh]

Okay sweet, thank you so much for this. The past few days I've actually been trying to figure that out. I'm 85% sure I'm IEE-Fi (not by the Gulenko descriptions, though, those seem to be flipped?). I saw a few posts that said SLI-Si tends to be best for IEE-Fi--which didn't make a lot of sense--so I appreciate you offering that bit of advice, clears things up.

[Beautiful sky]

EII can seem demanding serious and strict for the ne preferring IEE. We like our duals like a close settled relationship with not a lot of external activity and a planned measured routine life . The lack of interest in everyday figuring out which external actions to take next and so on would bother me

[Sol]

I've seen a lot of criticisms of Mirror relationships, which claim they're destined to fail and/or not conducive to mutual understanding and warmth.

The problem of similar and same valued types as identity and mirror is not in the lack of undersanding, but in the lack of support.
While emotional abbility to be "warm" is F types trait.

Instead of reading noobish nonsense on forums or mb having troubles to understand the said correctly, - read books.

> I've been talking to an EII the past couple months and am super interested in her (I'm an IEE)--we get along so well--but some of these descriptions have started to make me worry.

Similar types establish easily surface not bad relations of pals. They have worse abbility to make deeper relations of friends (what's important in pairs) where you get support and help in your personally weak regions and such generally feel better.
Sexual attraction adds to the interest. Compared to same but with better IR - you'll be feeling such relations as more boring. The more time will go and sexual interest will be reducing due to instincts - the more this problem will be noticed. Types as duals differ much and those people may give you more of positive and interesting impressions for long.
The difference is what makes people interesting to each other - a mutual abbility to give something. When that difference can be accepted and not alien (not suppreses the psyche) - you get good and useful relations.

> I did come across a forum post though that said IEEs and EIIs get along much better than other mirrors do

The general view is similarity of relations quality (how good you feel there) of same IR between different types.

Also. Besides there are different reasons why we like people and what relations appear, take into account significant number of mistakes in types (>50%).