If ILI is a typing that works for you then stand by it. Ask the people that say you 'seem' IEI to come up with an actual argument for why they think that, if there is no real reasoning to their argument then disregard them.
Female thinkers are hard to identify because of social conditioning as you mentioned. If you are IEI you will enjoy playing with the moods and emotional atmosphere of people, if this sounds like you then you should think about this being your type. Beta Fe is indeed different, Fe in and ESFJ and an ISFp is more anesthetic, they want to eliminate discomfort and keep the mood light. Betas do not care as much about this, they will have no problem poking fun or attempting to get a rise out of their companions for fun, which contribute to beta's pretty bad reputation in socionics.
ILI are good at optimizing their actions, they don't like to pursue actions that they see as futile. Which give people the impression that they are too pessimistic or that they are too lazy. If they see an action as not worth their time they wont do it. They will frequently make statements that evaluate the usefulness of a persons actions usually in a negative light. ILIs will shut down and likely leave a situation that demands a high level of emotional response. If that sounds like you then you are likely an ILI.