I am really sorry it seemed like I was questioning your typing of your own Mom. I wouldn't do that because I always assume people know how to type the people they know! The only exception would be in the case it becomes quite clear the typing could be off, in which case I would ask, "Did you ever consider __ for them, because..." But I don't think that has happened; I think it's been only the very occasional self-typing I've ever questioned, when I become quite sure, but then, I also learned that some people don't care if they self-type wrong; they get attached to their type choice and they don't want to reconsider, so I don't push it, particularly if they are sensitive, or also if I see they are the wrong half of an uneven relationship type to me.Originally Posted by flowers and sugar
I am very interested in family-type dynamics, that is why I asked.
When I first learned 16 types it was MBTI, and I studied books on it, especially Isabel Brigg's Gifts Differing, and I typed everyone I knw or met (IEEs take a holistic panoramic approach and with intuition we can type pretty quickly, sometimes). I was very motivated to understand my own family and friends. Then, finding Socionics I really got into it with the new tools of Relationship Types and Renins.
Recently I connected with an old friend from growing up I knew from summer vacations. There were two sisters, one just older, and one just younger, but the older LSE was my good friend. No questions she was a LSE. I have a LSE brother, and in high school a LSE best friend. Both she and my friend were real leader types. My Activity partners. But what was her younger sister. I felt a blank at first about what she was, but figured it out by looking at the 16 relationships and eliminating all the relationship types they for sure weren't - not Identical, not Conflictors, not Supervisor nor Benefactor, and so on, narrowing it down to just a few considerations. Also I knew younger sis was an "I" for sure - as "I's" inner world is bigger than the outer one, which is a reason I was at first stumped at guessing her type. I asked myself, what was the "big part" inside of her? T or F? Clearly T; she had encyclopedic knowledge even as a child, and T things animated her. Also the LII VI worked for her. Thus I arrived at LII for her after our adult lives were quite apart, confirmed by the fact that that made she and her sister were an Illusionary Relationship - that fit, as although both are very accomplished, their accomplishments as children tended to be separate rather than as a team. and their relationship was peaceful.
That is an example o my thought process when I type. Another thing I do is sometimes I get a "feel" of the person, which is quite real even if it is here online, even with no VI, and compare that to the "feel" of people I know in real life and that happens usually not voluntarily. That is much how I feel quite sure @DEAD is SEE. (Dead, I hope you will forgive a tiny bit of off-topic here in your SEE thread).
I also think it is kind and conscientious of you to be careful not to dishonor your mother with your words. I also had that issue with my ex-husband, who I thought would always be my husband. Issues that I found only much later to be a psychological disorder caused problems that I suffered to live with, and I needed help to understand, and could not afford the many, many therapist appointments it would take to get to the bottom of it, so I turned to trusted friends (particularly those who respected marriage and were skilled communicators as I thought communication could fix the problems). I had some guilt about that, but, since my goal was to be a better wife in order to fix the problems, and I had no where else to turn, it seemed right. I still think it was right, because a person suffering trapped in a painful relationship needs a friend and someone to hear their reality.
I am really surprised someone here would make that bad mom comment. A "J" type? They can make hasty judgments. And consider if that poster herself had past injuries involving a difficult mom, her motive may have actually been empathy. But I am only guessing, as I did not see those posts.
Also I want to say, perhaps in this, or in another case, you were a victim in your life. If so, recognizing it and understanding it is the way through to ensuring it won't happen again. When I stumbled upon the book Verbally Abusive Relationships, when previously married, I read it for another reason. To get garner some verbal "responses" to communicate for times when my husband would be mean, was all. I was shocked to see the opening pages defining what such an abusive relationship was, and that I could checkoff pretty much ALL the boxes. I did NOT consider myself a victim. I did not like the word. Yet the facts were right there in front of me, and very clear. I had been victimized and I was in deep. It was an obviously very wrong thing, and now I needed to learn to not be a victim (and handy - the book told you how!) (I also consulted with the author because I was deep into abuse and wanted to fix this error of abuse/victim as soon as possible, while still, I hoped and believed I could, staying in my marriage.
But my husband later left, because the reward of the hurt looks on my face was his coveted Narcissist Supply, and I had deprived him of it, so what was in it for him, now? He was skilled at being charming, and he once confided to me, "I can make anybody think anything I want them to think," so, he had the skills to secure a new someone else who would be convinced of his grandiosity. And after a short period of fishing around, he did. (I later stumbled on his emails left open - something I had no thought of my own to search for - and so I then "witnessed" the whole selection/seduction process; and I believe my Guardian Angel showed them to me to prevent me from positive-thinking this reality away, and trying to "save my marriage" which my ex took advantage of that naivety to secretly work make his his exit with the most damage to me and least to himself. Seeing those emails prevented that and saved me!)
So, that is my past drama, long over now. My point is, IF you have been victimized in any way, the step to not having it happen again is first understanding HOW you were a victim. Pretending everything is normal when it is not because it is nicer not to think those things doesn't help. (I only say that becasue I did that for years).
Just sharing. I realize that might not be anything at all like anything you have gone through.
Curious: I wonder what a LSE Mom would be like, because they are VERY take charge people. It could be a real issue if your mom was your LSE supervisor, especially for a feeling type, because it could get oppressing, since they don't have a lot of empathetic understanding of other viewpoints, so much, but most especially (like all of us) of their Supervisee! What is your relationship type with your Mom?
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