I live with a Semi Dual couple and I'm friends with a Dual couple (diary)
I stole the idea for this thread from @fireee.
I moved across the US to go to school and ended up moving in with a couple who so far seems like a semi dual couple, ESE/LSI. The wife is for certain ESE 2w1 and the husband so far seems LSI, for certain 8w9 tho. It's sort of a crazy situation since they own 7 dogs, 4 cats, sugar gliders, and have a whole farm of animals.
a couple towns from the farm are where my friends live who are a SLI/IEE dual couple.
I'm EII, and since I'm I meeting new people for me is there's alot of discomfort with this move in. My LSE friend set this whole arrangement up and was supposed to move out here with me but his move date got delayed so I had to break the ice with this couple I've never met face to face before.
I've been here for about 3.5 weeks and for the first couple of weeks I've tried to let these people get to know me a little, show face, and break the ice. But after the first week I got tried and just wanted find some kind of comfort and pretty much rarely left my room. I feel like I could sense it was making things awkward. They teased me about not leaving the room so maybe things aren't as awkward as I think, but still somewhat.
Very loud and TMI kind of lady, happy cheery attitude, always making sure I have what I need, asking me " Is everything ok? How was school? Do you need something? I have this if you need it." and is very particular about me leaving lights on, the fridge open and other things. I get chores to do that reduce my rent (which is why I chose to live in this crazy house in the first place lol, the price is unbeatable). She jokes that she has multiple personalities, the really happy, the pissed off, and the husband says "And the know it all, that one pisses ME off." She also said "Hey if we tease you that's how you know we like you, you'll know I don't like you if I start acting really nice to you." she was half joking lol. She's definitely got the witty banter thing going on and her sense of humor and mine tend to align. Just to mess with me she'll shoot some sarcastic joke like "So you ready to move out already? We scare you off yet?" "You tell you're friends we're serial killers yet?" lol. She's also told me all kinds of things like she's a picky eater, she's very skittish and a bunch of other things I never asked her lol, one time I called her name while she was vacuming and she yelled at the top of her lungs in fear saying she didn't know anyone was in the house, it seemed pretty exaggerated but still real. Top of her lungs no joke. Some people do a short "OH! You scared me." She did a full blown "AAAAAHHHH! SHIT!".
This lady tells me alot and barely knows me.
The LSI( only reason I had some doubt is because he didn't come off as an IXXX at first).
Well at very first he seemed IXXX but shortly after he didn't but now he seems pretty LSI, the 8 just made him seem somewhat E. When I first met him, after meeting his extra talkative wife (he says she's the talker) we shook hands and went separate ways without saying much after that, it was kinda awkward, like his wife expected us to say more after the handshake and we came up short. It felt like we were both introverts compared to her. But he gets pretty loud with his 7 dogs and his wife sometimes. 8w9 because he, well, one of the first things he said to me in a conversation was was "Yea when I first got my concealed carry license I thought I would always carry my gun around, but it's more likely I'd rip a dude limb from limb with my bare hands before I'd use a gun." He's 6'4 and over 200 pounds, I don't doubt the man. And his wife tells me before me and my friend decided to move in "The reason we offered a place to stay in exchange for chores is because we are both REALLY LAZY and just want someone to help around the house while we go camping and other stuff." so naturally I assume 8w9 instead of 8w7, since the guy is pretty mellow, like a huge bear. Anyway, he's got a dry sarcastic sense of humor and usually says "yeaa, I'm a dick." for laughs, he's the type that says a joke with a straight face but somehow you know he's joking. Pretty cool guy overall, can raise his voice from time to time at his wife and dogs, but overall a mellow bear with dark humor. He likes to watch family guy and loved the movie Deadpool. His humor is more blunt like "The only time you come out your room is when there's food around." "Our daughter named the cow after herself, it works great because sometimes I can say *daugther's name* is a f*ckin fat cow!" "Yeaaaa, I'ma a dick." he's got a straight face but everybody laughs lol. One time the wife was trying to tell me something, she was having a hard time telling me and he blurted out "She's trying to say _____ the light nice way."
The friends that live some towns away I knew before I moved to this state. One of them is a teacher at the school I go to, I go to their place to get out of the crazy house sometimes. I feel at home at their place, it's been non stop laughter ever since I moved into town. The husband is SLI and the wife is IEE.
This woman is hilarious and the first time I met her she saw me drinking a cup of coffee and acted like she was gonna slap the cup up into my face while I was drinking it, joking of course, and I found it so forthright and funny that my gaurd dropped and we became instant friends. I guess a match in sense of humor was what sealed it. When I talk to her I feel like the me I constantly hide comes out.
Very dry with his humor but finds it hilarious and everytime we talk there's something that's said that makes us burst out laughing, or we always got a running inside joke going. This guy is very informative, usually giving me advice about my car, pays attention to things like "Make sure your tires aren't bald because the roads are hot today and that's really rough on bald tires." like, I don't even think of stuff like that. We watched people take the One Chip challenge, and he could tell which guys were really in pain even if they barely looked affected, I was confused how he could tell when the person barely made a face.
They own hens and the IEE wife named the hens very peculiar names like "George" because it was curious and "Redneck" since one has a red neck, she finds it funny that none of the names are feminine names. And the husband works on a new chicken coop for the chickens, trying to make one that makes it convenient to collect their eggs. They also got afew beehives and the SLI said he doesn't want to harvest hunny yet because the bees won't have much for the winter, once again things like that don't even cross my mind.
When I stay over their house my personality just comes out authentically in full force like I'm almost an extrovert, there's a feeling like I have no inhibitions the same as when I am drunk except I'm sober lol, and this is significant to me because usually before I say anything I've very very very wary of if something is ok to say and internally I'm controlling what gets out and what stays in, so it's very different for me to feel like saying something, actually saying all of it, and not thinking twice or looking back, which is why I feel extraverted, I think it, I say it, and it understood, which feels like freedom. While when I'm at the crazy house I try and make sure no one's around so I can rush and hide in my room lol, mostly because there's so many new people in and out of this hustle and bustle house, I get tried of having to break the damn ice with every new face I see, geez! I just want some still ground lol. It's enough to try and get used to 2 people, they got folks coming and going in this place.
The SLI/IEE couple has 2 sons close to my age that I think are duals, one is a very obvious SLE and the other I suspect is IEI. They are pretty funny as well and really smart. Some of their conversations just fly over my head because they got so much information on certain topics. The IEI is real smart and studious, he's doing school, also tutors, also learns multiple languages, also takes piano lessons and does BJJ. He seems very put together like those anime characters that finger their glasses, but he can be kind of awkward in conversation, he's got a particular sense of humor that just has me rolling, I think it's because he's an I and there's alot of nuance in his ways I relate to, so the humor is deeper for me, I'm laughing at more things than the joke. The SLE's presence is known once he gets in the room because his feet are heavy enough to shake the walls sometimes lol, he must be type 7 or something because he's a really jolly dude and gets real amped up when meeting new people, anytime a topic comes up he's sharing all kinds of info about it like he's read a book on almost every topic you can talk about, once he gets going you'll probably learn something new once he's done talking. I told him about the sugar glider pets in my house and he was so interested in how exotic the animals were, he watched a video on youtube and the way he talked about them sounded like he also read a book on the topic, he says "What? it was an 8 minute video, that's alot of information." The IEI is older but the SLE is taller and bigger since he works out. For what it's worth the SLE has a gf and the IEI doesn't currently, and the SLE is all about the PDA in front of the parents, nothing crazy though.
Differences between the couples
Anyway, so far between the couples I haven't noticed any major like difference of duality besides the SLI/IEE love to talk about memories of things they did together, and the SLI knows very well the things his wife likes like "Oh she looooves the fire place." And the Semi dual couple the only thing I noticed is that when the ESE tries to tell the LSI how to do something sometimes he will yell and shut her down with verbal force like "I GOT IT! I'll HANDLE IT!" and she's as quiet as a mouse when he does that, it gets tense tho, it feels more like she's holding her tongue instead of her being in fear tho, if I had to guess. Sometimes the ESE asks me to do things that I know the LSI wouldn't be ok with me doing. Also there's what I suspect an SEE who is around my age living in the house that does chores and when she gets in trouble with the LSI (who usually loves her like a daughter) the ESE is quick to jump to take the blame for whatever she did, I'm guessing that's the type 2 coming to the rescue.
I'll record stuff about the dynamics here.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 09-24-2020 at 01:19 AM.
Serious Left-Static Negativist
I enjoyed this! God has blessed you and these homes. There won't be a lot of conflict in these places, between those couples nor with any of them with you. Yes the Dual couple is more ideally comfortable than the semi-dual, also because they are Deltas like you, but the illusionary/semidual relations with the other pair work fine for you, too. Their tensions won't ever get too bad or last too long; when there are little flare-ups as you describe, they get over it.
It's like you are writing about folk in my life. My husband's brother just tragically died in April. He was LSI, his longtime wife, ESE! So you see that's why this sounds like family to me. My LSI/ESE couple have had issues with too much stuff, more than they can take care of. Not TONS of pets like your couple, just the two cats, but both accumulate stuff, particularly LSiI. So for the ESE now that LSI passed away, a project to keep her mind busy has been to get rid of five dumpster loads. It was not worth the pressure on peace to goad him to do it before, so she just lived with it. But it was something to do when he was gone, and she is now enjoying the space and order created by her hard work.
The Dual home will always be a refreshing place to visit. SLI/IEEs are hospitable but they do great alone, and appreciate their own comfortable time with just the two of them, so living there (if that had been a choice) would have imposed on that time they treasure. But how fortunate you can be a regular visitor. How fortunate also for that family to be two sets of Duals. Ideal. The semi-dual couple seems to need you and you need each other. ESEs are very solicitous, boisterous as you describe. They are "Hostess with the most-est"!
Dual-couple are so much like my husband and me. We don't have bees and hens but I would love to. Funny, I would always get our two cats' genders mixed up when saying "he" "she", even though I'm aware of their genders. (Its because the male cat looked more feminine, pretty and fluffy and squishy-personality, and the female cat more masculine, gray and sleek and tough-personality)*. (Pretty kitty died; gray cat still here, totally loving only-cat status). I know my husband would say just what he said, about making sure the bees had their honey through winter.
Lord Pixel, you seem like a nice, well-adjusted guy. You need to find yourself a good LSE women at college so you can make each other happy.
P.S. Can you say about where you are? i.e., "central California", or, "western Texas". Because I have a specific suggestion but need to know approximately where you are first.
*I think this is why I keep getting @Duschia's gender mixed up. He is a guy, but his username is feminine.
"A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........
"Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
attitude acceptable to today's standards." - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"
Yea I can see that with the dual couple, I don't want to over stay my visit because I imagine the highs wouldn't be that high everyday. Idk how the semi dual couple needs me.
Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason
That's funny about the cat lol.
Accurate about the ESE too lol.
Duschia does sound like a girls name ngl.
I'm in Oregon.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 09-23-2020 at 05:50 AM.
cool! looking forward to seeing how the dual couple differs from the semi-dual couple over time in
So my ILE friend moved in with us in the house a few days ago, he's gonna start going to the school next year. It's funny because the LSE friend set this whole thing up about moving to this place and found a way to convince this couple to let 2 of his friends move in also, and the two friends end up moving in before he does.
ILE also got introduced to the Dual couple today and it was a good time, it was mostly an Ne fest, SLI would make a joke, I'd make some remark to add to the joke, IEE would jump in and ILE would finish the job off with a final remark and everybody laughs, so he seemed to fit right in.
The ESE on the first day the ILE moved in, after meeting him for maybe an hour says "Me and ILE are already tight, we played a prank on LSE." the prank was saying the LSE can't move in since he's taking too long.
ESE seemed to find my Fi(?) amusing. She makes it a point to tell me my laugh is contagious, she hears me laughing in my room and tells me it makes her laugh, especially the laughs from the gut. The only way I can even take a guess at what she means is Fi emotion vs Fe emotion(?) She seems to find I types cute or something, because she gushes over my how shy I am in a comforting but disturbing at the same time kinda way. But she's hung out with the ILE a couple times already outside the house so they seem to be getting along.
The LSI seems to have taken a liking to ILE pretty quick, he's got a nickname for him already and kinda smiles when he see's him, a bit different from when I met him, he was more deadpan and kinda just feeling me out.
I saw a small misunderstanding that might have been because of Semi Duality with the couple. ESE was talking about some halloween party that had midget security guards, and if someone won the party's halloween costume contest the midget guards would become strippers and give the winner a lap dance. LSI's head kinda spun and was like "I don't understand what your talking about." after hearing her story, and ESE says "The midgets are strippers!" For me I kinda guessed that but I think for him it might have been an Ne PoLR thing.
There was a real funny moment with SEE revealing her Se lead + Ti PoLR. The ESE has a protective dog she has to make sure her renters are broken in with or else the dog will bite. She tells ILE to say to the dog "Tell her to C-O-M-E". ESE spells out the word "come" so the dog won't run to her and go to the ILE instead. She tells us when she told the SEE to say it to the dog, the SEE actually said " Doggy, C-O-M-E!" and spelled out the word instead of saying it lol. ESE had to tell SEE to say the actual word "come" because SEE thought C-O-M-E was some kind of special word, "see-OH-emmy", or something lol. I think that's a pretty good example of Ti PoLR + Se Lead.
So far all the people that will be living in this house are ESE/LSI, EII, ILE, LSE, SEE.
I befriended one of the cats, mostly because I feel like a cat myself in this house.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 09-28-2020 at 07:36 PM.
The couple is out for a week, gone camping. House 2 myself yay! Except with SEE and ILE friend around here somewhere.
One thing the ESE/LSI couple does that makes me kinda jealous is their expression of Fe. Fe can just.....say how it feels, out loud, in front of everyone. Even this 8w9 giant LSI can talk about how cute his dogs are and give them the baby talk voice. ESE tried to get me to talk to the dogs with the high pitched happy voice and it just wasn't gonna happen lol. ESE says I love you out loud in front of people to LSI, lowkey I envy how easily and openly emotions are expressed by both of them. I mean even from an LSI, must be the power of valued Fe.
Went to the IEE/SLI couple's house with my ILE friend for the first time last night. Their house is just a laugh fest. Every few sentences and we are all bursting out laughing about something. For instance the IEE wife had a box of enema in the bathroom, the SLI didn't know about it, we get the box and read the instructions and everyone is dieing, it came with pictures. Everybody in that house including the 2 SLE/IEI sons has a sense of humor and some quick witted perfectly timed remark.
Still don't see any special SIGN of duality, but maybe there is no sign you can see. They've been married awhile so they don't look like a new couple with their hands all over each other or anything. The husband seems to be more aware of the details of the IEEs allergies than she is, as she was explaining it he would be explaining it further and in more specific detail. And the house does feel united though. Like, it's not like 1 son is upstairs shut in his room and the other is out hanging with friends, at least the times I've been over the whole family is in the living room just hanging out even after dinner. The couple did mention that their last house was pretty small and forced them to get closer as a family, so that might be it.
I do notice that I've known these people for less than six months and I feel a part of the family, even more so than my own family, but who knows, all these good times and laughs could get old and then I'm back to being an outsider. I do get a sense that my presence is valued here. I feel very very comfortable in that house, the word authentic is exactly the word to explain it. I feel more extroverted than introverted for sure. While at the other house I feel kinda on the defense and no one's even given me a reason to be, it's just default.
I always admire how an extravert can just comfortably TALK to people they don't know, My ILE friend was talkative as soon as he got in the door, I expected some nervousness or something but nope, or maybe I just couldn't see it. It's just shocking to see someone completely removed from introverted problems.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 10-07-2020 at 05:49 AM.
The LSI ended up coming back home from the camping trip before the ESE, like 5 days before and the ESE just got back to the house. LSI was most quiet and didn't say much to me while the wife was gone but when she got back he was super talkative and loud and even talking to me. It almost seems like he missed her or something, she definitely does provide the Fe energy in this house, almost like things feel back to normal when she's here. They seem like friends, like they genuinely like each other's company and talking to each other, other than just "honey can you get me this, honey can you do that." I've seen that with other couples that have been married for awhile.
This whole move has made me recognize things about my Se PoLR that weren't super clear and in my face before. For the first few weeks I was trying to hide in my room and (not even consciously) almost pretend I didn't live in this completely new environment. Like I was so focused on trying to get some comfort that I tried to tune out the surroundings around me until I got to my room which has familiar things in it, like my computer and other stuff, where I could feel a sense of normal. I slowly started recognizing this mental wall I was putting up but it was through emotions first ( suspecting me not talking to people in this house is getting awkward) then I recognized it physically. It got bad enough one time I left my room after I been here for over 3 weeks and didn't even recognize the my surroundings lol, like mentally I was trying so hard to forget where I was, still not consciously, that I actually forgot what everything outside my room looked like and it caught me by surprise.
Conscious aspects of my Se PoLR I noticed day 1 and it came up today again. Nothing crazy, but today I wore a jacket and all the dogs did not recognize me so they barked at me all the way up until I entered the house. The ESE comes out and says "Hey! Talk to them, say something to the dogs! Tell them to stop! They need to know it's you!" I'm like, "Wth do you want me to say to your dogs? Idk." I had an idea of what to say but I did not want to try and raise my voice over all the barking, it felt like a little pressure on my Se to try and raise my voice to assert myself over 7 barking dogs, and it felt like it would just come out forced unnatural and embarrassing, if not exaggerated, like "HEY!!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!" or something crazy, it felt like she was asking me to get unnecessarily loud (more like uncomfortably loud), and I'm sure she would have looked at me nuts if I did that. Maybe I should do that so she won't ever ask me again lol. Luckily I took off my jacket and they all calmed down. The way she does it, it sounds like she yells at them with authority. I'm not shouting over 7 barking dogs I don't feel like I have any authority over.
I moved out of the Semi dual couple's house last August. They were alright, eccentric but alright.
I am still friends with the dual couple and their family.
But something tragic has recently happened and it has made me experience some strange things I haven't before, idk identity crisis or something.
Out of nowhere my dad had a massive stroke and now is in the ICU in a coma. He has been in for the past month, and besides the emotional trauma of the event, I have been experiencing something like an identity crisis when it comes to my family, my friends and how I relate to them very separately probably due to type dynamics.
It was always hard to be myself around my dad, my whole family in general. My dad's type is SLI and I'm EII and for some reason we never got along well while I was growing up. He and my SLE younger brother and my SEE younger sister got along fine though. Maybe it was because I was the oldest and he put alot of expectations on me but idk for certain if that's all it was. I moved away for a long time, (over 10 years) and haven't lived with them since. Now that I am an adult and have changed quite a bit over the years I still find it hard to be myself around my family and when I'm around them I just regress back into my old habits of being the quite kid in the room. This always concerned me but now that my dad is unconscious and we are unsure of his recovery this bothers me more than ever. It feels like the most important people in my life know the least about me and that is starting to scare me.
What's worse is that with this dual family I know I am almost my whole self around them, I feel closer to them than my own family, and now I'm feeling like I've given too much of myself to them and not enough to my own family. The problem is it feels natural when I am around them, to be who I really am and say what I really think and feel. But these people aren't my family, I feel like I've abandoned the people I should be the closest with for 10 years and have become attached to people who aren't even related to me, who aren't obligated to look out for me in an emergency, and now seeing how much goes into taking care of someone's affairs when they can't (much of this responsibility falls on the oldest adult child, but I'm too busy being close to friends and 3000 miles away from family), I feel like I've been giving too much of myself to people who ultimately aren't meant to take care of me if things go south and when I can't take care of myself.
I feel like because this dual couple is my quadra we get along real well, too well maybe, and that is really messing with me. I feel like I should be this close with my own family and not people who aren't gonna be there if I ever God forbid end up in critical care. Idk this just scares me. I imagine socionics has something to do with it. I just don't know who to talk to this about. I feel too attached to friends and not attached enough to people who count on me to be there, and I'm just fighting off the crushing thought of losing my dad and never being able to have a good relationship with him. I just wish I was the way with my family the way I am wit friends.
Welcome back, @Lord Pixel. I was wondering a few days ago how you were doing.
Originally Posted by Lord Pixel
I lost my SLI dad to Covid two years ago. We had never been close, but I was lucky enough to have been able to spend some time with him just driving around in what unexpectedly turned out to be the last months of his life. He never told me, but he told my sister, that he appreciated my visits and he felt like we were growing closer.
SLIs aren’t very emotionally expressive.
Most of my family is gone; either dead or moved far away. They are precious to me now in ways that I ignored years ago, but I can’t do anything about the past. I can only tell them that I’m grateful I know them.
I’m living alone now. I see people at work and I visit with friends, but if I had a medical emergency, it might be a while before anyone noticed. That’s unfortunate, but it’s the way it is right now.
I think we are born into strange families, full of strange people, and it is our job to build a new life with people whom we can call our own. This can be a huge struggle and not everyone succeeds to the degree which they’d like, but it’s important to keep trying. Eventually, however imperfect we are or our situation is, we can all find our tribe.