RPG "Mob rules"
'Mob rules' was a way of playing a role-playing game in the 90's. The game was played in radio with the GM working at the radio and a character's actions being controlled by a sequence of callers. The rules of the game were usually not defined because that would make it more difficult for the average listener to enjoy. Usually the explanation of the situation was minimal so the listeners could easily get into the game.
Last edited by Smilex; 09-20-2020 at 04:52 PM. Reason: Explanation
Years past when humans had not yet to come to the south, Primal Rule still tread amongst the serpentmen and showed them the way to live. In those times the Wasbe tribe had ancient idols that were petrified eggs from times even more ancient. The primal rule demanded the tribe abandon them, but a few were kept. The petrified eggs continued to be used as charms of fortune.
The local nest of Choklocawsaj had a petrified egg but it was stolen by troop of goblins. The headman and his guard were surprised for the goblins managed to avoid all the defences and traps. Everyone was even more suprised that the only thing the goblins took was the egg. They didn't even harm any of the nest's eggs or hatchlings.
The headmand and the councilwomen were locked in discussions. There was no rule how to handle this. The Wasbe were preparing for the annual push against the goblins but that was to happen later in the summer. A counter-raid now was not according to the rules.
This was a good time to show the lizards what humans could do. A few questions had given you the information that a traveller had recently been asking to buy the egg. It had been one of the rotdwarves. The shaman of the Wasbe refused.
The border scouts knew the rotdwarf and indeed had been friendly enough with him. Bergoen was the name he had introduced himself with. He had been venturing in and out of the lands of the tribe for a few seasons. He had disappered into the goblin lands regularly and claimed he was hunting them but he never came back with wounds. It was all becoming clear. The dwarf was actually an ally of the goblins.
The few dozen humans living on the lizardmen's shores didn't have an easy life. The distrust the Wasbe had for humans was better than the open hostility of the goblins though. The theft of the egg was an opportunity to show that humans were worthy allies.
You armed yourself and clothed yourself warmly. Now you have set up camp on a small ledge about a third of the way up a hill and overlooking the cave where you have tracked the goblins. Calmly you gaze at the forbidding opening in the rock's face. You grasp your axe and a shield for protection.
You're a fighter in front of a goblin lair.
What do you do?
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Edit: so it's not just a shit pist: take a detailed look at my surroundings.
The eternal daysun is slowly rising from it's lowest point down south.
The wind is for once, relatively calm. In the midsummer heat, the snows melt a little come daytime.
You see, as always, snow everywhere. In the snow you can see the tracks of a group of goblins. The track is not much used but has been used recently.
The cave the goblins entered has a large entrance, at least 10 yards side to side and three and a half high at its highest point. It seems too large to trap. Inside you can see the space continue deep into the shadows of the cliffiside.
You cover yourself better with your winter robe. It's white, good camouflage in the snows and a fine sleeping cover. Then you make a small bandana out of a piece of leather and put some penguin feet onto it to make yourself look a bit like a shaman.
What do you do?
Enter the cave, slay the goblins and gather their loot.
(I love what everybody is doing with the thread. I'll still get back to the 'real' continuation).Originally Posted by Northstar
As you enter the cave you have to walk slightly up a slanted floor. The snow quickly becomes less thick as you enter and you can observe the floor of the rocky cavern itself. There's a visible groove in the floor, made by a stream in some time long past. The groove continues along the right wall of the cave.
The first area in the cave itself is quite large. Surprisingly the cave is not only lit by what you carry. There's glittery ice shavings in large piles on the floor. You recognize these as the droppings of glitterbirds, a type of ice elemental that tends to fly in daytime sun and collect light. When they're satiated they tend to roost in cave ceilings, chirp at each other and shave parts of their body that fall on the ground. The ice shavings tend to retain an inner luminescence for a few months. You can hear up above a low susurrus of resting glitterbirds shaking. Looking at the ceiling you notice a large number of icicles but you feel certain that some of them are actually the elemental creatures.
There's goblin tracks all around. They seem to be particularly concentrated to the right side of the cavern as a path that leads north and another path that follows the left side of the cavern towards west. To the northwest there's an area with a peculiar absence of goblin tracks.
As for loot, you pocket some glittery ice shavings. As for goblins, you see none yet.
What do you do?
I ready my sword and follow the path north in search of goblins. Surprise attack is the best defense.
You're carrying two weapons, a large axe and a blade. The blade is very large for a knife, short for a sword. The sword is more wieldy, particularly in narrow spaces. You figure you're not going to need to make that large of a wound into a goblin to incapacitate one anyway.
You move quietly, aiming to surprise anyone you find. (You roll 10:53 PM) You suspect you're quiet enough.
You move up the cave to a ledge as you follow the goblin path and the groove in the floor. You find that there's a small tunnel that starts at the back. It's barely large enough for you to walk in with though you need to slightly bend your knees as you walk.
You hear the sounds of a goblin yelling a battle-cry slightly deeper in the tunnel. For a moment you expect an enemy to rush you but nothing happens. The sound then repeats and you hear a blade strike a rock. Then you hear an annoyed growl.
You notice that just a few yards ahead of you there's a nook on the left. A single goblin is moving there, apparently practising with his shortsword. The critter is likely a guard though they haven't noticed you quite yet.
What do you do?
I pounce on the lone goblin and cut his throat so that he can't make a noise while dying.
The goblins sneer at me from their cave like overly confident bullies that just won a sporting tournament. "Mmm fag meat, easy pickins" one of the goblins say to me before it pounces on me.
I instinctively tap it with my staff and flick it against the wall where it splatters helplessly. You can easily see the campy but still gruesome blood pattern print on the wall.
The other goblins snarl. "A gay male shaman IEI. Shouldn't be so good at physical strength..."one goblin says in a tone that's a mixture of jealousy and hatred.
"Yeah well fuck you too" is all I reply, and then jam my staff into the ground and create a mini earthquake. The goblins topple over. It killed some of them , others it just knocked unconscious. I then yawn and finish off the remaining goblins with a Fire AoE spell.
"I went face to face with Oprah, Eckhart Tolle, Esther Hicks, Miley Cyrus, - why the hell am I in a cave attacking low level goblins?" I think to myself. "I'm being the bully here maybe..."
One of the other goblins jumped on Sam's back. He must have missed him. "As powerful as you get SSSSsam you will never be as powerful as a pure straight man because an openly out gay guy was never President and had little to no Te power" it then giggled like a sadistic 5 year old girl. "You're so rawly powerful but you don't have a Te job yet and so you will always fail!"
Sam tried to throw the goblin off of his shoulder but couldn't. The words IMMUNE popped on the screen. The Goblin was impervious to all physical attacks and could only try to throw people off guard by attacking their achieels heel.
"Damnit, I know what you are. You're not just a goblin. You're the *drum roll* IDEA OF GOBLINS!!"
The Idea of Goblins smiled sadistically at the Shaman.
TO BE CONTINUED...
(somebody else can continue it if they want I doubt I will lol but thanks for the group)
I decide that since I can't fight an idea with force, I will fight it with other ideas, so I summon the ultimate fighters of all ideas to use as my minions and idea-meat-shields: postmodernists.
"The judges of morality are everywhere," said Foucault as he looked at all the goblins.
"Indeed, they are wielding their phallogocentric clubs of meaning," replied Derrida.
"How many times do I have to tell people I hate postmodernism and am not a postmodernist?" said Noam Chomsky in a way reminiscent of Charles Dickens in in Ray Bradbury story "The Exiles" saying he's not a supernaturalist.
"At least my name doesn't sound like a chimpanzee," answered Jordan B. Peterson, "Plus, I'm not a postmodern Neo-Marxist like all of you."
"I am a crypto-Marxist, and irrationalist, and a nihilist," replied Foucault, "and if you think I'm crazy, you're just using your power structures. You work in a college, that's basically the same as a mental institution."
"Now, can we get to work analyzing those phallogocentric clubs held by the goblins? Not in a homo way," said Derrida.
"Haha, Derrida said analyze," replied Jordan B. Peterson.
"Well, what is a goblin?" questioned Foucault in a way that was not at all questioning. "A goblin is an expression of power, because everything is power. It is meant to scare children, like prisons, insane asylums, and schools. A goblin is a method of social control."
"You've already said that a few times," observed Derrida. "I think the goblin is a phallogocentric idea. Clearly, its club represents a wiener, and goblins don't exist in reality, just as a word, which means they are an expression of a patriarchal power structure."
"Derrida, those are clearly real goblins," replied Noam Chomsky. "Are you insane?"
"Insanity is a social construct used to control the weak," said Foucault. "Do you want to patriarchally oppress goblins?"
"Excuse me, male dominance is natural," said Jordan B. Peterson, "and if goblins are the superior manly men, then they should dominate everyone, like lobsters. Foucault, go clean your room."
The goblins were tired of all the postmodernists arguing, but since they were ideas, the deconstruction of the Idea of Goblins held them in stasis. The goblins hit Noam Chomsky on the head first, then Jordan B. Peterson, because they thought alive people were better targets than dead people, then Foucault, then Derrida, because goblins care about more-famous people more than less-famous people even if all their ideas are BS.
"You see, the goblins are merely a metaphor, and they're simply using a semantic cudgel to try to get us labelled as crazy and locked up in the panopticon," said Foucault, "but we're already in the goblin panopticon."
"Of course. I thought I lived inside my head, but we are literally being held hostage by goblins," responded Chomsky, "who are probably pawns of the American imperialist global hegemony."
"What does that have to do with linguistics?" said Derrida. "You're not a political pundit. I think we are simply being beaten with phallogocentric clubs."
"It has nothing to do with linguistics," replied Foucault, "and everything to do with a semantic cudgel being used against us. We must dismantle the power structure, and then the world will be ruled by the vilified. Which ironically is what I think goblins are. We must become our own goblins, and then we will seize power from the depths of madness."
By now the Idea of Goblins was so deconstructed it was made of pixels and hit with all the force of a wet noodle.
"What is a goblin? What if we're actually goblins?" said Foucault.
"If we're goblins, I want to be a goblin like David Bowie in that one movie," said Jordan B. Peterson. "That is truly a mythical archetype. But I don't want to be gay, because that's gay."
Then, after all the deconstruction, the postmodernists realized they were the Idea of Goblins all along, and kept clubbing each other with their phallogocentric clubs and no longer cared about the shaman Sam, who sneaked past them in the tunnels to higher-level threats.
For @Coeruleum Blue and @inumbra and @Grendel with love...
The Idea of Goblins realized that although it was an Idea, and technically a high tier race above the Demons in a categorical sense - as a low ranking Idea it couldn't really successfully absorb other forms into it's own narcissistic self. So it was destined to keep gaslighting itself forever in that dark tunnel. (Creepy but true) It wasn't like The Idea of Game of Thrones or The Idea of Rick & Morty or The Idea of Walking Dead or The Idea of Netflix.
Or the Idea of...
Sam climbed out of the tunnels and then suddenly realized he was back IRL at his low wage ice cream job. Back in the harsh Real Str8 World where supernatural powers didn't exist and Sam couldn't use his powers. "The Te polr, it burns" he thought victimishly. He then heard his bossy female manager say to him that somebody needs a banana split. Like the beta Male cuck he was- he hurried to make the order. He just wanted the day to be over with so he could go home and fap to gay porn.
Just then, a woman with a can-I-speak-to-your-manager haircut came to the window and did just that. "Excuse me young man, what have you been doing. Where's my banana split. You've just been standing there. I would like to speak to your manager" the woman said in an abrasive and authoritative tone.
Sam frowned. He was NOT just standing there. He had been working his ass off fast as he could to make her the dessert. "Why are you lying? Don't you know that's not empathetic?" Sam said humanely and awkwardly. Since Sam was a shy person a bit like everybody else, Maritsa's Fi felt empowered by that.
Sam's manager, whose name was Carrie, stood up for him. "I watched him the entire time. He was not slacking off. Stop starting shit lady" Carrie said. She then tried handing the woman her completed banana split, but the woman angrily flipped it over in front of the counter.
"I will start shit with whomever I want" the woman said who had on a white sweater and blue jeans and looked like she voted Republican. She then glared into Sam. "I am disappointed in you. You could have done something better with your life than work at a dinky ice cream shop" the woman said as if she had known him all his life. "Yes I purposefully lied and said you weren't working on my order when I knew that you were and I knew exactly what I was doing, but people like me love to fuck with people like you because I earn more money than you and I'm a woman and I'm disgusted at us both for that. You should make at least as much money as my rich engineer husband, aren't you jealous of him Sam."
She then looked him up and down. "Ha. Look at how much of a loser you look in that apron as well." She started laughing at him. She laughed even more. Sam looked to his left and saw his *gasp* manager Carrie also started to cruelly laugh at him like Carrie's therapist in the Carrie movie. Oh well. Sam wasn't that surprised as the manager and him didn't really have much in common and they never became friends in real life or anything so it made sense. It still hurt his feelings a bit though.
Sam then used his Ni to further psychoanalyze the sadistic woman standing before the other side of the serving window. "You're..."
She then grabbed Sam's throat and threw him hard against one of the Ice Cream machines. Of course she would tell a Te-ego politician later on who doesn't understand the power of gay magic that it was completely Sam's fault how it got broken. "That's right ******. I'm the Idea of Karen." She then beat her chest like a gorilla, and got mad at herself for beating her chest because woman should be more ladylike.
Since this was all so campy and over the top, Sam felt his magical powers surge back within him. He felt the Zen balance of both the real Te world and Fe magical world again and blasted the Karen in the throat with a lightning ball.
"Well you at least have to be a cooler villain than mother fucking goblins" Sam said.
The Idea of Karen frowned at Sam. "You pretend to your little online friends like you're some perverted bad ass, like you have some shadow side as much as a straight drug dealer but I know the truth" The Idea of Karen slyly smirked. "Face it honey, You're a goody-goody... you're going to care about people even if they don't care about you like stupid weak little Johnathon Levinson on Buffy the Vampire Slayer." She then made a bitchy pouty-face.
Sam frowned. He was a bit sad that the Karen was seeing right through him. "Ugh no I'm a bad-ass... I'm powerful. I'm..." Sam didn't want to be an awkward loser normal human.
"You might have thought and talked about doing shitty things before... but the Ideas. We actually do them. And that's why I know you're going to feel sorry for her , even though she laughed at you- after I do this!"
Carrie just stood there frozen in disbelief. She was a Normie race and had no idea what was going on here. She just wanted to go home and watch Fuller House on Netflix.
The Idea of Karen then teleported herself inside the wannabe Dairy Queen, cast Stop on Sam so he couldn't Play Hero and then viciously snapped Carrie's neck right in front of him and the Idea of Audience. The Idea of Karen was right. Sam *did* feel bad for Carrie dying that way even though she had laughed at him.
Sam just kinda frowned at Carrie's dead body on the ground. "Stop killing people. It's uh.. wrong!" Sam said.
"But I didn't kill anybody!" The Idea of Karen said innocently. "You did." Karen then morphed back to her normal human form (which looked similar to her Idea form but didn't have the campy gorilla arms) and began to call the police. "Hello, I'd like to report a murder. May I speak to your supervisor?" Karen/The Idea of Karen said over the phone while Sam's jaw dropped.
Oh that's it, this bitch was going down Sam thought.
(okay somebody else write the next part plz! It can be our Never-ending Story.)
Last edited by Hot Scalding Gayser; 09-29-2020 at 04:35 AM.
LMAO brilliant @Coeruleum Blue
I move into the north tunnel to avoid getting surrounded by the enemies approaching from the west, attacking if someone gets within reach. The bugbear should collapse soon.
You withdraw to the north and the bugbear doesn't give chase given its condition.
The north corridor feels a bit different. The floor is covered by sand. You make haste to get to a better position and ... (You roll 01:20 AM) You notice a pressure plate under the sand only when it's too late. A set of metal spears pushes through the floor and you're wounded. There's a gash in your right leg. You're now at 80% health.
The metal spears create a fence between you and any pursuer but now you only have one way to go.
A few yards further on you come to a chamber formed by water flowing through the ice and rock in some ancient time. The rock walls of this chamber are mostly covered by a yellow mold. The mold also covers a lumpy shape on the floor. You grab some of the luminescent ice slivers you found earlier to allow you to see the colour of the mold.
There's another exit from this room towards the west.
What do you do?
I examine the lumpy shape more closely.
The shape looks a dead goblin, covered in a thick layer of mold. It's clutching an object that's attached to silver chain. The chain alone not covered by the mold.
What do you do?
I lift the object and chain for close examination with my weapon, careful to not touch the mold.
You carefully put the end of your axe through the silver chain loop and start lifting. Unfortunately the movement is enough to have the mold react to it. The air is suddenly full of spores.
(You roll 10:56 PM) At this point you flick your axe to rip the silver chain and the necklace that's hanging from it. It flies to the other end of the chamber. You try to cover your face and jump away from the spores. Unfortunately you get some on your face and the highly poisonous spores start making you cough when you next draw breath. (The poison severely damages you. You have 40% of your health left).
You pick the silver necklace up. It's in the shape of shrimp. It's large and well made, looks worth quite a bit. You could probably live for a year for what you'll get from selling it. That's if you live to tell the tale.
You realize you need to get away from the spores and you run to the west. After a few yards you come to a door. The door looks like you could break it with your axe if you took the time to do so. There's also a metal knocker on it. There's wooden hinges. The one thing that isn't there is a handle.
What do you do?
I break the hinges as it should be faster than hacking the whole door apart.
You make short work of the hinges. When the door detaches, you notice a needle slip loose from the underside of the knocker. Probably a poison trap you surmise.
On the other side of the door there's a large room. It's a workshop, about six times ten yards in size. In the center of the room there's an anvil. Next to it is large flask, about the size of a curled up man. One side of the room is covered by a work table. There's many tools, both for metal work and what looks like cooking tools. On the table there's another crackling jar that you recognize as a lightning flashlight. There's also a bottle on the table shooting fire up from it. On top of it on a metal grill is a kettle boiling.
On another wall there's a shelf with numbered bottles. Twelve of them by a quick count. Well, they seem to also have painted numbers on them and the numbers go up to twelve.
Finally on the far side of the room there's a fenced area with a large lizard in it. For some reason the lizard has a leather hood on it, blocking its eyes.
The southern side of the room has another door on it. You see no one in the room.
What do you do?
I check the flask in case there's someone there and then the bottles for something that might have healing properties.
The large flask has a very small opening that's plugged with a cap. It doesn't seem to be possible for anyone to be there. You open the cap and fire shoots out. Quickly you return the cap as it's obviously not a healing item.
You look at the numbered bottles. Each of them holds a liquid that's of a different colour. They have no other labels except for the numbers. They seem to have been put on the shelf haphazardly.
In the cooking area there are several jars with alchemical ingredients - minerals, herbs, animal parts, but no labeled healing potions or antidotes. You do find some fabric to tie the wound in your leg. THe little bit of first aid increases your health to 45% of maximum.
What do you do?
I carefully remove the blindfold and tell it that I'm freeing it and its captors are coming in. Maybe it'll understand, or not. I'll get out of its way anyway, grabbing the other (cooking) flame flask to use as a weapon, ready to shoot it at the incoming enemies.
You remove the blindfold. You are now holding an unblindfolded basilisk by its throat. It looks at you with its petrifying gaze. You feel your body start turning rigid.
You roll [02:59 PM]. You are not yet petrified.
Do you want to attack the basilisk or do you run for the flaming flask?
Damn, I wondered if it was a basilisk, lol. Too rusty in my D&D bestiary. I throw the basilisk as far as I can towards the dwarf's bedroom, maybe it'll cause them some trouble. It's time to retreat back the way I came in.
[]
You roll 03:52 PM
You toss the basilisk over the fence and straight onto a goblin that was trying to jump over the flask. They both fall on the firejet. The basilisk bolts over the goblin into the next room. The goblin chooses to roll around dying.
The dwarf tosses another flask, this time of a pink liquid toward you but the flask hits the fence and breaks to no obvious magical effect.
There's general shrieking of goblins one dies of a basilisk bite.
You feel your muscles start moving better as you bolt and now get the cooking flame flask.
What do you do?
I position the cooking flame flask as a higher mounted autocannon towards the door so that it'll catch the ones who try to get over the flask on the ground.[
You roll 03:52 PM
You toss the basilisk over the fence and straight onto a goblin that was trying to jump over the flask. They both fall on the firejet. The basilisk bolts over the goblin into the next room. The goblin chooses to roll around dying.
The dwarf tosses another flask, this time of a pink liquid toward you but the flask hits the fence and breaks to no obvious magical effect.
There's general shrieking of goblins one dies of a basilisk bite.
You feel your muscles start moving better as you bolt and now get the cooking flame flask.
What do you do?
Then I retreat towards the other door to avoid getting hit by the dwarf's thrown flasks.
You look for a way to position the flask as you described. You notice a side-table which you could push in front of the doorway as an additional obstacle and support for the flask. You rush for the table and start pushing it towards the doorway.
At this point the door that has been burning all this time crashes down on the larger flask. The flask explodes. Fire and shrapnel fly everywhere including towards you.
You are now at 15% health.
After the explosion, the ruckus in the next room has died down. Everything is silent.
Looking into the next room there's half-burnt goblin corpses and a petrified bugbear on the floor but no dwarf. The basilisk seems to be still moving but seems severely wounded and isn't looking into your direction right now. The dwarf is nowhere to be seen.
What do you do?
It's time to end this. I take the flask and use it as a weapon while advancing into the dwarf's room to finish him off. If the dwarf isn't in the room, i shoot the basilisk dead before the fucker tries to petrify me again.
You point the small cooking flask's flame at basilisk. It's heavily wounded but it turns around and hisses at you.
You roll (07:54). You dodge the gaze attack. At this point you realize the small flame of the cooking flask does less damage and has less reach than your axe... so you slice the basilisk's head off.
The dwarf is not there. There's altogether six goblin corpses, one dead bugbear and a dead basilisk. The east door is open. Somebody is knocking behind the south door in a polite, wary way. The west door seems to have a lock.
What do you do?
I open the south door, ready to swing at them if it's someone hostile.
A lone goblin guard with a short spear stand in front of you. He's sucking on his left index finger and looks very frightened.
Looking at you and your bloody axe he shakes a bit and talks
-You kill beard guy?
What do you do?
I say that he isn't dead yet but severely wounded and probably fleeing. But that we should hunt him down to make sure he stays dead. I ask him what's behind the west door, if the dwarf might have gone that way or if he's gone east through the open door. I tell him to go first and that I'll cut off his head if he tries anything funny.
The goblin nods and says
-Ummm. Yes. Me want kill dwarf too.
When you question if the dwarf could have gone east, the goblin looks puzzled and after thinking for a while says
-Door open.
Then the little guy points at the west door
-Dwarf stuff. Hide stuff. ...
He pulls a metal wire from his pants and wriggles it, points at the west door
-Open?
What do you do?
I nod at him to open the door to the dwarf's treasure chamber while keeping an eye on him and the other on the dwarf returning.
It takes the goblin a good while to get the lock open but eventually he manages to do so.
Meanwhile at one point you think you hear some goblin voices south but they're far away. Otherwise everything is quiet.
Behind the west door is what must indeed be the rotdwarf's treasure. Against the far wall is a pile of four rugs on which there is the petrified egg that you're looking for. Otherwise the floor of the room is covered by a pile of coins, mostly copper and silver it seems, but you can definitely see some gold there too. Finally there's a chest made of lead.
The goblin smiles and says
-Good stuff.
What do you do?
I grab the egg and some of the more valuable coins. As much as I can carry without slowing myself down too much, throwing away some of the garbage I might be carrying. I tell the goblin that he should take what he wants and ask if the other goblins in the south would side with the dwarf or not.
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