do IEIs tend to be aloof/anapproachable
Last edited by chocolatte; 07-22-2021 at 10:56 PM.
Lol, does the sky tend to be up high?
An iei saved me when I was depressed. She noticed. She kept inviting me places. She is profoundly caring and demonstrative and has a beautiful mind.
I know she comes off as aloof, but that is usually just feeling odd as an Ni-dom. That isn't aloof. Would recommend.
with Ni it's hard to focus on the physicality of your emotions.. you feel them maybe but you don't express them well outside words.
Plus it takes alot to get the interest of a mentally out there Ni lead. It's a perception function afterall! We perceive, rather than act... mostly.
Though I must add that resting bitch face seems to be either a you have it or you don't think, unrelated to type. Like seriously it's like there's this world wide dichotomy that determines whether you express yourself well when you're doing nothing important and not talking to anyone you like, or you just don't give a shit- and it's not that related to type ime. It's hard for me to explain this but some people are just deadpan with high Fe, others are expressive with low Fe. Alot of IEI comedians are good at the art of not expressing themselves except with the words they say lol
Last edited by Chiquichiquaquiles; 09-17-2020 at 06:08 AM.
It's partly because you have Ni-lead - physically, this manifests as a detachment from the outside world in general... though this may/may not lead to RBF lol. While you/Ni-leads paint great and vivid images via ur imagination on the inside, on the outside, it may appear like u are being lazy/inactive. IEIs are easiest to engage with (for me at least)
among types, more open to people are E and F
if you have bad mood, then you may give bad impression to people. types are secondary to that
Looks could be it, really. I've gotten approached regularly, like several times a week, though with some interactions I'll build it up from a range, just simply by greeting them or asking a question then distancing, multiple times if needed. If they are interested in continuing they'll eventually come to me for a longer convo.
It also depends on the area where you live and what the culture is like there. Here the culture is very sp/so, so short, friendly sort of dry convos, and unimposing manner is what seems to engage people.
I think most people probably see me as aloof and unapproachable (and I sometimes can be), but once they actually DO approach and engage me they often see that I am not quite as aloof/unapproachable as they may have first thought.
Maybe our measure of perceived aloofness/unapproachableness is indicated by other people's type?
Interestingly, I find that ESEs see me as aloof/unapproachable the most. Maybe it's the supervision? Haha!
I don't think most Se dominants have seen me as such since they typically warm up to me instantly.
Yes of course. Most people don't bother to bother with us because they sense we don't want to be bothered- but in truth we want to be bothered with Se (our dual-seeking function) but it's complicated because in real life Se often gets transformed into Te because Te is external dynamics of objects and so if you are 'pushy' with IEI thinking that's Se, we tend to act even more aloof cuz we've been PolR critically hit. It's the type of thing that gives LSEs a stroke haha - but it makes even our duals pissed at us.
We have to be nice to other people's normal-ness if we want Karens to not call the authorities on us but Karens make it difficult. They often throw the first punch no matter how normal or innocent we're being (they whine that we're 'playing the victim' when they're BEING AN OFFENDER) - so we feel why should we have basic empathy for others when they can't do it for us? Actually IEIs should tell people 'no' more and be more assertive but do it in the more 'proper Fi way' rather than being Fe over the top about it. I think being around Gamma ethicals is the best way to go about it this because Gamma 'corrects' Beta, but Gamma logicals are sadistically annoying with this whereas the F types would be a lot more genuinely understanding and SEE/ESI is IEI Beta's Semi-Dual and Benefactor respectively.
I feel so narcissistically intelligent today. Happy Monday, Garfield.
Te as a function is external moving objects (like a stapler being thrown against the wall in motion or construction workers building a business building for a LSE Ceo), and how well you can logically understand/manipulate those objects so ppl with 4D Te will understand a lot of external logical systems at once and know how to manipulate it for their own gain because Te/Fi goes together. They also need to bypass the Ti of it all to do that so they will often shit on a lot of logical systems themselves to do this. The Fi has a rather fixed emotional stand point 'I like or don't like this' and then it uses Te to buffer all that up, whereas Fe is multiple emotions that uses Ti to label and categorize things. "You're a Pure Demon."
There is nothing really that emotional going on the surface with Te though because it's the opposite of Fe. The emotional stuff exists of course but it is very, very private and under the surface. (well it tries to be anyway) It's like one soft candle light as opposed to a bunch of colorful neon Christmas lights. (that look trashier but have more character)
Fe is talking to ppl objectively in a more emotional way, whether it be cruelty, manipulation or genuine heartfelt affection- a more prominent display of it this is why Fe valuers can often seem "nicer." (though of course it depends on the type and multiple factors and plenty of Fi valuers who are also kind cuz of the placement of the functions) Te is like, a doctor with no bedside manners telling you in completely logical str8 man speak that you have terminal stage IV cancer. He could actually care very much that you're dying - but if he values Te strongly enough & is a T type himself he will probably repress his own affection & sympathy cuz Fi = constipation and Fe = diarrhea.
but I mean people are complex. You do get like Fe-ish Te people and Te-ish Fe people and all of that. But I like the extremes of it cuz it's a bit more interesting to me.
I only met 1 IEI in person. That person was an IEI-Fe, and I found them to be very personable. I know they are not an EIE-Ni because they paid some attention to Si and IP temperament fit much more than EJ temperament.
They did not strike me as aloof. That person could just be an SEI-Fe.
Sailing the seven seas
They look more dreamy than unapproachable imo.
Originally Posted by chocolatte
They can seem distant, less commonly unapproachable. But once you talk to them they are very personable.
All types can seem unapproachable for various reasons; it's sometimes due to the insecurities of the people who are approaching. IEIs tend to be defensive by nature and many live behind walls of presuppositions. The word "guarded" would apply to more IEIs than would the word "aloof" which has more of a snooty ring to it. Many IEIs think themselves unworthy for reasons only they can understand so they tend to fake it.
At first sight people either find me arrogant and mysterious or funny and approachable. It depends on the mood I'm in when they first see me.
But I try not to worry about it because I've come to think that it's part of our appeal as IEIs. It helps to attract the right kind of people (at least that's how it works me).
⊱⋆painting the roses red⋆⊰
I’ve been told I come off as a snob...
so yeah maybe not the most approachable....
♓︎ 𝓅𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑒𝓈 ☉ ♓︎ 𝓅𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑒𝓈 ☾
♍︎ 𝓋𝒾𝓇𝑔𝑜 𝓇𝒾𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 ♍︎
I'd say it's definitely a problem because IEI's live so far back in their own head and lack initiative and self confidence. This makes us come across as tense, aloof, unless activated by someone.
A good way out of this is some Se. Wear brighter clothes, funny socks, a silly tshirt, a bright beret. This is how I make an approachable impression. The first day I moved to a new school I wore an ironic dad joke t-shirt and that's how I made friends, because people came up to me and said they loved my funny tshirt.
I don't think it's consistent across all IEIs, but subtype is likely a big factor in this. I've always had the opposite experience where people come up to me randomly and start spilling their guts because I "looked like someone who'd listen" and it was always so weird to me when I was in school because I didn't think I was really doing anything. People say my resting face looks very inviting though and I think wherever I sit I tend to look very relaxed to people. I was also drawing most of the time people would approach me and I can't help but mimic the expressions of characters I'm drawing, so I have a pretty expressive face. I'm definitely the Fe subtype though and both my parents are strong Fe Alphas so I may have learned a lot of emotional expressiveness from them.
Also, like @Yesein said, clothing makes a big difference too. I'm a long-haired guy with a pretty bisexual fashion sense so I imagine that makes me look like someone who'd be accepting of others' weirdness. I'd definitely recommend some of that Se too
With IEI-NI subtype, age plays a factor. The older ones "know their mission", what it is they're attempting to accomplish. To me, the younger ones are still figuring it all out, synthesizing different impressions & eventually leading to a trial & error process.
In short the older ones have had longer to discover who they are & their place in the world, thus able to socialize more fluidly.
Disclaimer:. The IEI-NI I'm referring to were all co-workers.
Depends which subtype they are, FE comes off more approachable than NI.
They might seem aloof or unapproachable, although, perhaps after a few conversations, they'd be more comfortable and engaging.
In other words, it's just their outlook so no one can approach them.
Last edited by Deductive; 08-17-2021 at 05:02 AM.