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Thread: do IEIs tend to be aloof/anapproachable

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    Default do IEIs tend to be aloof/anapproachable

    Cuz i'm kinda getting genuinely concerned because i keep getting this from the ppl.

    Apparently i have a RBF (or according to one person, resting uninterested face) and some even say their first impression of me was arrogant or "bitchy", before getting to know me. I can be intimidating from a distance and unapproachable ig. But if u just come talk to me, i literally turn into a living emoji even if someone is not necessarily scared off by my vibe, people just don't know what to make of me, I guess.

    I don't really understand why.. is it just a vibe or something

    So, do IEIs tend to be this way or is this a separate thing?

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    Lol, does the sky tend to be up high?

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    An iei saved me when I was depressed. She noticed. She kept inviting me places. She is profoundly caring and demonstrative and has a beautiful mind.
    I know she comes off as aloof, but that is usually just feeling odd as an Ni-dom. That isn't aloof. Would recommend.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    with Ni it's hard to focus on the physicality of your emotions.. you feel them maybe but you don't express them well outside words.


    Plus it takes alot to get the interest of a mentally out there Ni lead. It's a perception function afterall! We perceive, rather than act... mostly.

    Though I must add that resting bitch face seems to be either a you have it or you don't think, unrelated to type. Like seriously it's like there's this world wide dichotomy that determines whether you express yourself well when you're doing nothing important and not talking to anyone you like, or you just don't give a shit- and it's not that related to type ime. It's hard for me to explain this but some people are just deadpan with high Fe, others are expressive with low Fe. Alot of IEI comedians are good at the art of not expressing themselves except with the words they say lol
    Last edited by Chiquichiquaquiles; 09-17-2020 at 05:08 AM.


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    It's partly because you have Ni-lead - physically, this manifests as a detachment from the outside world in general... though this may/may not lead to RBF lol. While you/Ni-leads paint great and vivid images via ur imagination on the inside, on the outside, it may appear like u are being lazy/inactive. IEIs are easiest to engage with (for me at least)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiquichiquaquiles View Post
    Plus it takes alot to get the interest of a mentally out there Ni lead. It's a perception function afterall! We perceive, rather than act... mostly.
    Yeah when it comes to the people around me I notice everything so in that sense it's not hard to get my interest or attention.. but i just let the info sit there.. ig not much actually inspires me to the point to make an effort/repeated efforts unless i'm that interested

    it's like there's this world wide dichotomy that determines whether you express yourself well when you're doing nothing important and not talking to anyone you like, or you just don't give a shit.
    eww yeah. and i like how you phrase it. ig it's my bad luck. sometimes i tell myself i'll try to look less mean, but on days when i'm tired it's like, do i really, really, really have the energy within me to care

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    So i get that because of Ni we seem super detached and aloof, but why does it mean we seem unapproachable to a lot of people...
    maybe it's just that i rarely initiate small things (it takes a lot out of me and i prefer to stay with the ppl i'm comfortable with) and if i do, initiate consistently. so ig people just think i'm not interested in them.

    for example yesterday i was in the environs of SLE, sitting near each other, but i was too nervous to kind of acknowledge her, and the fact i know she also wanted to talk to me but was nervous about it made me more nervous. so we just ended up making some frequent weird eye contact but otherwise i couldn't help but to avoid her gaze as much as possible.
    how can an IEI not make it seem like they don't know u exist

    in the same boat there is SEI who i rly like but we're not very well acquainted yet and online we talk a lot (same as SLE), but irl.. idk, i know how to make someone feel welcomed once we actually start talking, but what about the stages before it? do you just try to make eye contact and smile or what. how do you signal to someone you're open to them before you open your mouth

    maybe some would say, um ur overthinking it, just go talk to them, but the thing is it literally takes a lot of energy from me to initiate like that consistently (especially when i'm more tired which i often am) so i wish i could also just be more approachable to begin with

    also i am quite physically attractive and attractive people are more intimidating so that doesn't help either. and i have a face structure that is more "strong" than say, a softer oval shape. instead of ppl thinking "oh that person just doesn't want to talk" they think smth more like "oh that person has better people to talk with" (or something)

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    among types, more open to people are E and F
    if you have bad mood, then you may give bad impression to people. types are secondary to that
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Looks could be it, really. I've gotten approached regularly, like several times a week, though with some interactions I'll build it up from a range, just simply by greeting them or asking a question then distancing, multiple times if needed. If they are interested in continuing they'll eventually come to me for a longer convo.

    It also depends on the area where you live and what the culture is like there. Here the culture is very sp/so, so short, friendly sort of dry convos, and unimposing manner is what seems to engage people.

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    I think most people probably see me as aloof and unapproachable (and I sometimes can be), but once they actually DO approach and engage me they often see that I am not quite as aloof/unapproachable as they may have first thought.

    Maybe our measure of perceived aloofness/unapproachableness is indicated by other people's type?
    Interestingly, I find that ESEs see me as aloof/unapproachable the most. Maybe it's the supervision? Haha!
    I don't think most Se dominants have seen me as such since they typically warm up to me instantly.

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    Yes of course. Most people don't bother to bother with us because they sense we don't want to be bothered- but in truth we want to be bothered with Se (our dual-seeking function) but it's complicated because in real life Se often gets transformed into Te because Te is external dynamics of objects and so if you are 'pushy' with IEI thinking that's Se, we tend to act even more aloof cuz we've been PolR critically hit. It's the type of thing that gives LSEs a stroke haha - but it makes even our duals pissed at us.

    We have to be nice to other people's normal-ness if we want Karens to not call the authorities on us but Karens make it difficult. They often throw the first punch no matter how normal or innocent we're being (they whine that we're 'playing the victim' when they're BEING AN OFFENDER) - so we feel why should we have basic empathy for others when they can't do it for us? Actually IEIs should tell people 'no' more and be more assertive but do it in the more 'proper Fi way' rather than being Fe over the top about it. I think being around Gamma ethicals is the best way to go about it this because Gamma 'corrects' Beta, but Gamma logicals are sadistically annoying with this whereas the F types would be a lot more genuinely understanding and SEE/ESI is IEI Beta's Semi-Dual and Benefactor respectively.

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    I feel so narcissistically intelligent today. Happy Monday, Garfield.

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    IME they have generally been pretty approachable regardless of enneagram stacking
    EII-C | INFP | 4(w5)96 sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Yes of course. Most people don't bother to bother with us because they sense we don't want to be bothered- but in truth we want to be bothered with Se (our dual-seeking function) but it's complicated because in real life Se often gets transformed into Te because Te is external dynamics of objects and so if you are 'pushy' with IEI thinking that's Se, we tend to act even more aloof cuz we've been PolR critically hit.
    huh? please explain

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    Te as a function is external moving objects (like a stapler being thrown against the wall in motion or construction workers building a business building for a LSE Ceo), and how well you can logically understand/manipulate those objects so ppl with 4D Te will understand a lot of external logical systems at once and know how to manipulate it for their own gain because Te/Fi goes together. They also need to bypass the Ti of it all to do that so they will often shit on a lot of logical systems themselves to do this. The Fi has a rather fixed emotional stand point 'I like or don't like this' and then it uses Te to buffer all that up, whereas Fe is multiple emotions that uses Ti to label and categorize things. "You're a Pure Demon."

    There is nothing really that emotional going on the surface with Te though because it's the opposite of Fe. The emotional stuff exists of course but it is very, very private and under the surface. (well it tries to be anyway) It's like one soft candle light as opposed to a bunch of colorful neon Christmas lights. (that look trashier but have more character)

    Fe is talking to ppl objectively in a more emotional way, whether it be cruelty, manipulation or genuine heartfelt affection- a more prominent display of it this is why Fe valuers can often seem "nicer." (though of course it depends on the type and multiple factors and plenty of Fi valuers who are also kind cuz of the placement of the functions) Te is like, a doctor with no bedside manners telling you in completely logical str8 man speak that you have terminal stage IV cancer. He could actually care very much that you're dying - but if he values Te strongly enough & is a T type himself he will probably repress his own affection & sympathy cuz Fi = constipation and Fe = diarrhea.

    but I mean people are complex. You do get like Fe-ish Te people and Te-ish Fe people and all of that. But I like the extremes of it cuz it's a bit more interesting to me.

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