I am fed up with the duals in my life. I'm beginning to wonder whether duality is all it's cracked up to be because my ESFps seem to cause more headaches than they are worth. I have a dual parent, a dual friend, and a dual love interest and they are all looking like lost causes to me. I have had to deploy a ridiculous amount of forgiveness to tolerate them. No matter how much true love I display, it is never returned.
My ESFp parent:
-Abused me physically for the smallest things growing up
-Could not tell when being manipulated by others and allowed those manipulations to lead to the abuse of others, especially me
-I never truly felt loved by this parent unless something was up. I was supported financially, but it is routinely thrown in my face
-Married to a mirage, miserable, perpetual cheater, and appears selfless to others but those closer to the circle witness the truth selfishness of their actions
-Cares a lot about appearances, but underneath it all is an awful rolemodel
-Never reaches out to me first but complains to others that I don't try hard enough to mend our relationship (because as the child that's obviously my job)
My ESFp friend:
-Great for partying or adventures, but has mood swings and becomes very emotionally manipulative
ex: If I'm dating a guy and I'm happy but she isn't, she will try to manipulate my thoughts about the guy
-Doesn't listen to sound advice, but when shit hits the fan, expects me to suffer with her
-Nowhere to be found when I'm depressed or have mood swings of my own
-Allows other friends of questionable morale to come between us
-Uses everyone, has 0 interest in someone who doesn't apparently have something she can use (money or fame)
-Won't tell anyone how she feels but expects them to "know", (My Fe polr won't tolerate this at all)
-Randomly chooses to ignore me, abandon me, and give me the cold shoulder and is appalled when I don't run back to her
-Will reject people's help if she didn't lie, swindle, or seduce them to get her way
-Will be jealous of people who work for what they have, unlike her
-Admittedly hates seeing people happy if she is not
-The entire friendship gives me the feeling that she wishes I were a lesbian and in love with her, that way she could seduce me and take advantage of me
-Will pretend she has no money so I'll pay for her
-When I buy her food or something she needs, she never shows appreciation. She might say thank you once, but quickly makes a habit of becoming entitled to the good treatment. Continues to complain that no one cares about her.
-I never know where I stand with her and am constantly walking on eggshells to keep her happy
-Gives the impression that she could care less about our friendship even though it's obvious I am quite literally the only genuine friend she has.
-Will run off when I try to stand up against her mistreatment then shit-talk me and tell a twisted version of what happened to whoever is willing to listen, one time she painted me as an awful person on social media.
We are currently on an OFF stage and I've decided to let her go. She is in bad financial shape and deeply in need of someone and I've decided to leave her to the wolves. Why should I, the better friend (not to mention, the Victim), have to chase her?
My ESFp love (interest?): I'll start this off by saying it has been extremely hard to find a straight, male ESFp. I'm starting to wonder if they even exist...
-No solid career, no stable income and no concrete plan to have either
-Easily spends what money he does have on useless things
-Easily swindled into get rich quick schemes
-No desire to "be a man" and work or take care of a woman
-I once told him I was in a bad situation, he showed no concern ("Gotta go, you're being too negative")
-Is taken care of by and living with his mother
-Hypersexual Tinder addict whose admittedly slept with close to 200 girls
-Keeps mentioning transwomen and gay men, being "mistaken" for gay, to the point of suspicion
-Hard for me to tell when his compliments or anything he says is sincere, because...
-He is constantly lying about even the smallest things, just for me to catch him in his lies because he never remembers them once they leave his mouth
-Is also attracted to people with money and fame, leading me to wonder if I will be used for these things or left for someone with more of it
-Tells me he likes me, has fun with me, but never texts me first or makes plans with me
With duals, it's like I'm constantly trying to force them to see the value in me and in our pairing, no matter how much they are benefitting from it.
The things they value are things I have but refuse to be used for like money. I instead would like to help them make money using their talents and dissuade them from making bad decisions or hanging around the wrong crowd. I do all this expecting nothing in return. And yet, they tend to hurt me more than any other type I have relationships with. And though we have good times together, I end up feeling like I get nothing out of the pairing. They have proven themselves to be selfish, self-serving, and willing to do anything with anyone to meet their needs.
They don't seem to stand on any moral principles, can't tell which friends or love interests are worth their time and effort, and are constantly using me as an emotional punching bag if not just stringing me along. It has caused more damage to my trust and self esteem than growth in my opinion. I almost wish I was a different type so I wouldn't have such an awful dual type. No matter how much help you give them, they are a bottomless pit and will have you feeling like you put time and effort in for nothing. Then they happily move on to someone who treats them worse but is more loved and appreciated by them than you were.