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Thread: On the Internet vs Real Life Inter-type Relations

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    Dating my conflictors Megatrop's Avatar
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    Default On the Internet vs Real Life Inter-type Relations

    Do you notice any difference in your relationships with types over the internet and in "real life", face to face?

    I'm especially curious about semi-duality, but the others are equally relevant to this thread.

    Also, people let their guards down more easily on the internet, and I think this is an important factor to be taken into consideration.
    hi

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    xerxe xerxe's Avatar
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    People spill their guts out on the internet because there aren't any real consequences to revealing their hidden feelings. They're more reserved in real life. IME.

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    the difference is like this batman forever scene



    "We all wear masks"

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    "IRL" in informal communications IR effects should be stronger as it allows easier to understand the personalities, allows better to influence on each other. video chats can be close
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Dating my conflictors Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onfireee View Post
    the difference is like this batman forever scene



    "We all wear masks"
    LOL

    I like it
    hi

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    i'm flirtier online

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    not sure, I've been told I'm more cold and serious and Fi-like IRL than online. A persona is a mask, an actor- it allows people to play a part. Whether writing a story online or acting in a worldly Hollywood play with real money involved, the essence is the same, you are pretending. So I can feel the thrill of being somebody I'm not or somebody that's only a little like me instead of the totality of myself. IRL there's usually less masks to hide behind than on the stage or inside a paper, unless ur one of those creepy dark Triad tryhard narcs that are really always grasping for them. The most basic bitch way people manipulate others in this way is by being fakely 'positive.' Like good family man values on the surface but at night u want to creepily bury ppl in ur backyard. Doesn't have to be so extreme either, the 'darkness' can be more subtle but still pervasive and destructive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    People spill their guts out on the internet because there aren't any real consequences to revealing their hidden feelings. They're more reserved in real life. IME.
    This! I control my behavior and what I say IRL. Online I just keep the skeletons in the closet, the rest is going to flow freely.

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    I'm apparently way more reserved and such IRL.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Duschia View Post
    I'm apparently way more reserved and such IRL.
    I don't believe this. Not that it bad, just unbelievable. I imagine you to be the guy that goes "well actually" at every conversation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Panda View Post
    I don't believe this. Not that it bad, just unbelievable. I imagine you to be the guy that goes "well actually" at every conversation.
    Well, actually I sometimes do, but ofttimes I'm a listener, just observing or half-sleeping. Really depends on situation and people.

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    I tend to like people better irl than on the internet. People tend to make me more mad online than irl. But I think Iíve gotten to know people that I might have never gotten to know online than irl... I am more disinhibited online about certain things. But I also hold back saying things online that I would say irl, so really itís like there are two different meís. I am pretty reserved initially, but once people get to know me Iím pretty open (maybe too open at times, so Iím told lol). But Iím not much of a conversationalist, not the type of person that chit chats on the phone or on text...pretty much say what I need to say and Iím done. But I think Iím like that online and irl really. So I donít talk a whole lot usually, unless Iím in the mood. But really I wouldnít trust any relationships formed online, Iíd prefer to meet people in person.
    Pisces 🌞 Pisces 🌚 Virgo Rising

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    Psychic/Ghost Type Nunki's Avatar
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    I find online relationships demanding, and what is more, exhausting, because they place so much emphasis on words. The first conversation I have with someone online might draw forth a torrent of verbiage from me, the next, likely a stream; and after that, probably a trickle. Very quickly, I run out of topics to discuss, because the two of us have spent so much time talking instead of going on walks, playing board games, fiddling around on the piano, etc. And as the conversation runs out, so does my engagement. As such, I have dropped a number of online friends--something that isn't very nice, but neither is telling them that I have nothing else to talk with them about.

    As far as type goes, I have no idea. I don't even know that it's really possible to assign a type to someone on the basis of what they've said to you through a computer screen. The internet affords people with an extraordinary degree of control over their presentation, and the more control over your presentation you have, the easier it is to conceal your real attitudes, motives, and other personal facets.

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    Whatever I please I can take the time flesh out in written words.
    IRL, I have to deal with people who are louder than I am, who talk faster than I do, who have so many things to say while I can barely have the time to translate a thought into something concrete before they have gone to the next topic.
    IRL, I'm this quiet, nice listener with a soft smile. In written form, I allow myself all the rage I accumulate from this disgusting persona I hate and feel stuck with.
    I'm more "fully me" online because I can take the time to be, though I'm still a slow talker with an abstract mind running after the words of the world.

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    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    It just depends on the individuals involved and how adapted you guys are to, and like, primarily text-only, distance communication, and how much interpersonal experience you have. Also how much you fundamentally get along. Given all these things it’s gonna be hard for the majority of people to find and keep close friends online.

    I have an IEI girlfriend who I originally met online through socionics/typology. We talked a lot for a few years, then met IRL and lived together for a week. I’ve known her for nearly 6 years now and we’re still relatively close even if we don’t talk intensely very often most of the time anymore. Having multiple shared hobbies that involve sharing knowledge online and also shared friendships/circle is important. The simple suggestion that we’re compatible (via socionics) probably helps also. There are a couple other duals and other types who I’ve been kind of close with online for many years now but either we haven’t met irl or we don’t keep in touch/are quite as close as that.

    As for ILI semiduals online, I like @Outlier . Same thing, multiple avenues of sharing music and memes and personal expression, sharing personal experiences helps. Online friends can be more ‘real’ than IRL. Lots of IRL people are boring to make friends with regardless, it just depends on who you find.

    As for dating someone I met online, I highly doubt it. I’ve done it before; two year relationship with an EII where we met irl sporadically.... physical attraction is hard to gauge from online even if you go on video. People can angle themselves and stuff like that. But if they were really cute and charming and seemingly sane-ish and thought they could handle my cock then maybe.
    Last edited by sbbds; 08-29-2020 at 01:27 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Do you notice any difference in your relationships with types over the internet and in "real life", face to face?

    I'm especially curious about semi-duality, but the others are equally relevant to this thread.

    Also, people let their guards down more easily on the internet, and I think this is an important factor to be taken into consideration.
    I'm goofier with all people I know or with most kids I meet, so in an online forum based mostly on writing monologues or replying to someone's, where you and the other person arent orchestrating a fleeting exchange (which is the playful dynamic I sense irl), I make more statements. It's more rhetoric-y.

    I develop relationships in an online group, and suddenly it's playful brazeness instead of serious and distant.

    I communicate a lot with my facial expresssions, so webcam groups show more of who I am. But I get harassed for being a woman so much and have found not having my image up is a good idea...since I have had to protect kids and elderly people I know irl from predators who came for me or might. And I will take that trade off. Harassment is tiring. I just kinda get bored and disappointed and then super tired at the immaturity, etc. I'm not made for introverted fortressy-ness, so it's a bind. Kinda just wait for the 'kid' (usually some dude with no emotional control or with dark tetrad traits) to stop metaphorically pooping in the pool (social milieu) and for it to get cleaned so I can finish my 'swim'(convivializing) an breathe again. I feel more joy around peoole, usually. . I'm better at reaching out to people than doing some protect myself thing. Vaserlan has that down as an ENTJ thing. I was listening to him last week, and I think he has a point.

    I'm not really back from years ago here, yet, imo.I'm kinda still overly polite and trying to be like courteous from the edge. I share a few sincere thoughts and call out bullshit racist ideology spews, blah blah, but ...and this might be the sx-dom talking, but...I'm still kinda looking forward to that buddy vibe that develops sometimes where you get on and have great conversations for hours with people you come back every week to see. Kinda like a house party with your best friends. I've been meeting some people I enjoy talking with but it's all pretty ephemeral so far.
    Last edited by nanashi; 08-29-2020 at 07:03 AM.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    Relations? Can I eat it?
    I'm changeable in both. I do not predict myself well as in moment basis.
    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

     

    Sincerely yours,
    idiosyncratic type

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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    People spill their guts out on the internet because there aren't any real consequences to revealing their hidden feelings. They're more reserved in real life. IME.
    for me I like that I know the person can leave easily online. That makes me feel comfortable being open because many don't feel they have to act out rituals...uncomfortably obligated to stay like some ppl do irl, etc
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    2real Outlier's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    As for ILI semiduals online, I like @Outlier . Same thing, multiple avenues of sharing music and memes and personal expression, sharing personal experiences helps. Online friends can be more ‘real’ than IRL. Lots of IRL people are boring to make friends with regardless, it just depends on who you find.
    I dont bother with those little niceties that are necessary for a smooth social experience irl when I'm online, so the people who have gotten to know me online and endured my temper for long enough to become friendly probably have a deeper understanding of who I am, without immediately getting the positive aspects of it like many people do irl without earning it really.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ―Thucydides



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    Dating my conflictors Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergot View Post
    "real life" intertype relations are tempered more by unavoidables such as a third party, a project you're both working on ;greater things left to chance, spanner in the works

    you're less steering the topic of conversation than reading the facial expressions of your conversation partner and bouncing off that to elsewhere accordingly (At least if you're me)
    due to that elsewhere/unexpected tangent, you're less able to obfuscate your weak points.

    the asking-declaring compatibility inherent in duality shines in this kind of back - n -forth; fluid talk > stilted paragraphs

    a raised eyebrow or smirk conveys what you want where emoji can seem excessive
    I got interested. What do you know about asking-declaring compatibility, or at least where can I find info about it?
    I feel this is important, even though I don't really know how it works.
    hi

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    Most people I've met irl from online are more natural with a lot of apparent rough edges kind of swept away. There are still rough edges, of course, but they seem more human types of edges and are easier to deal with because of that.

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    tbh I just entertain thoughts and not relations in both places. I lack some sort of self preservation instinct which is paradoxically much stronger online.

    People form relations to survive and I just think that living in the gutter is better option than being attached.
    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

     

    Sincerely yours,
    idiosyncratic type

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