Is the male aggressor romantic-style outdated?

[persimmonism]

This reminds me. When my boyfriend (an ILE) first told me he liked me, I rejected him at first partially because it was too aggressive. After a couple of months when I got some space to think I realized I actually did like him the entire time and had to re-ask him out lol.

I like having the feeling of taking a risk when I ask the guy out or tell him I like him first. If the guy does it, it takes it away from me. It’s like serving a wild animal a pre-killed mouse ... at least wiggle it a bit first. It’s imperative to me.

How exactly does it feel to you when someone is very aggressive, that makes it so you don't like it/them? can you pinpoint it?

[sbbds]

How exactly does it feel to you when someone is very aggressive, that makes it so you don't like it/them? can you pinpoint it?

I think it’s what nanashi mentioned before earlier in this thread, that it can feel like they are not attuned to my desires or needs. I guess I just want to be the more active person, it feels unnatural to me otherwise... it’s as simple as that I think. I feel good when I make the decision, choose and get what I’ve chosen. I think when I was younger I had a lot of my natural desires usurped by overbearing family members, which is why I can’t stand being overbowled now.

I just want to be with someone who feels good about being chosen by me, and who chooses me back (in part because of that).

[persimmonism]

I think it’s what nanashi mentioned before earlier in this thread, that it can feel like they are not attuned to my desires or needs. I guess I just want to be the more active person, it feels unnatural to me otherwise... it’s as simple as that I think. I feel good when I make the decision, choose and get what I’ve chosen. I think when I was younger I had a lot of my natural desires usurped by overbearing family members, which is why I can’t stand being overbowled now.

I just want to be with someone who feels good about being chosen by me, and who chooses me back (in part because of that).

that makes a lot of sense when you explain it like that