Originally Posted by
inumbra
I've been wondering this myself. I remember when I first joined this forum we could talk about how aggressor/victim Rocky and Adrien are, but now it's rape culture, and I honestly feel torn about all of this. The contradictions were present with Adrien and Rocky, the it's great he knows this is what she needs to continue, but then for every one of her there are probably ten women who can't get Rocky to stop and it kills them inside. Sigh.
It reminds me of my first date. He took me out to the middle of nowhere, but I knew where we were going before we went because there were only so many places. He seemed caught off guard afterwards to my apparent lack of regard for danger and lack of questioning, but he didn't know I was running this show. I knew where, I knew what, the only thing I didn't know is that he would be so surprised by my not verbalizing what I knew. This became a rapidly growing problem, this need of his to assume I know nothing, when I know everything (I mean if we have to talk in absolutes). I wouldn't have even gone out with him if I sensed danger. I sensed none at all. I sensed someone I could predict at every move. Naturally I didn't tell him any of this either, because why should I have to? I did forget that he had a mind too I guess though, so that's on me. As always, every evaluation of another is just an evaluation of myself projected on others.
Also, I do play dumb around ppl in this awful E9 way. It's like they call all the shots, but I only engage socially when I know what shots they will call to my satisfaction. In work places though, I become the throw rug, the carpet walked all over, because the power differential is beyond me. They have power, I don't, and it's all I can think of. I feel like a slave and victim. I can't fight them because they hold the means of my survival. It's like my relationship with my father over and over and I can't get out of it. But it's true that they have power, it's true they keep the gates of who is allowed a living wage and who must suffer not having the resources they need to survive. It's true this is wrong. But still that's not how so many people see work places. They don't see them as torture chambers as I do. They don't see bondage and servitude.
This is also why whenever I have any power over another at work I want to drop it like a hot ember. I see their primal human will trying to assert and express itself and I say I will not be the one to kill it. So i remove consequence. They can do no wrong because they have the least power. It's a perverse way I wonder of seeing power, and it doesn't help to not set boundaries, but the only boundaries set for me in childhood were abusive, so I distrust everything. In this way I don't know the harm I do. I only suspect I do harm by being too weak and permissive. But I never see examples of a good way that satisfy me. In workplaces, I've noticed most supervisors don't really know what they're doing, and most of them are bad leaders.
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