People with socionics duality experience-what were your instinctual stacks?

[inaLim]

No Sx = These were platonic or straight up bad. Worse than non-dual

Sx second = Attractive but never went anywhere. In most cases, I just couldn't gauge whether I wanted them and why, so I didn't pull the trigger. The one time I did, was intense, volatile, and ended "badly." Bad like an addiction that we needed to quit for both our sake, not bad like we ended hating each other. I think this was due to some quirks specific to our particular types, that might not apply to other socionics or e-types.

Sx first = Even more intense. Way better. Not sure what to say about this. Its not a Disney movie. It's a real person, with real shit to sort out. And they'll dredge your shit up to the surface too. At least in Se/Ni duality anyway.

I don't know you, but I'll throw out some advice, take it or ignore it. I wouldn't go hunting for a dual. I wouldn't form any ideas of what it will be like. I would familiarize yourself with your quadra, your supervisor, conflictor, semidual, IRL just to make absolutely sure of your type and your ability to recognize duals. Semi-dual, benefactor, kindred, are closer to what you are used to, and can be more attractive at first. Those outspoken dudes with rock-solid irrational confidence, bravado, and people skills are very likely to be SEE. Interact with people long enough to see the ebb and flow of cliqueing up and falling-out. The person right for you may be totally different from what you dream up.

And don't expect your first brush with duality to be a fairytale. You're not going to be able to attract, connect, or stay together if you're both faking it, afraid to be yourself. Figure out what it means to be yourself, without your upbringing and social conditioning distorting your instincts (actual instincts, not enneagram instincts). Figure out what a mature dual looks like.

Btw its easy to forget that the enneagram is chart of common patterns of how personalities get frozen on specific life problems. Its a delusion to work through, not something you want to base a relationship on.

[Bethanyclaire]

No Sx = These were platonic or straight up bad. Worse than non-dual

Sx second = Attractive but never went anywhere. In most cases, I just couldn't gauge whether I wanted them and why, so I didn't pull the trigger. The one time I did, was intense, volatile, and ended "badly." Bad like an addiction that we needed to quit for both our sake, not bad like we ended hating each other. I think this was due to some quirks specific to our particular types, that might not apply to other socionics or e-types.

Sx first = Even more intense. Way better. Not sure what to say about this. Its not a Disney movie. It's a real person, with real shit to sort out. And they'll dredge your shit up to the surface too. At least in Se/Ni duality anyway.

I don't know you, but I'll throw out some advice, take it or ignore it. I wouldn't go hunting for a dual. I wouldn't form any ideas of what it will be like. I would familiarize yourself with your quadra, your supervisor, conflictor, semidual, IRL just to make absolutely sure of your type and your ability to recognize duals. Semi-dual, benefactor, kindred, are closer to what you are used to, and can be more attractive at first. Those outspoken dudes with rock-solid irrational confidence, bravado, and people skills are very likely to be SEE. Interact with people long enough to see the ebb and flow of cliqueing up and falling-out. The person right for you may be totally different from what you dream up.

And don't expect your first brush with duality to be a fairytale. You're not going to be able to attract, connect, or stay together if you're both faking it, afraid to be yourself. Figure out what it means to be yourself, without your upbringing and social conditioning distorting your instincts (actual instincts, not enneagram instincts). Figure out what a mature dual looks like.

Btw its easy to forget that the enneagram is chart of common patterns of how personalities get frozen on specific life problems. Its a delusion to work through, not something you want to base a relationship on.

Thank you for this. What you say makes sense. It's super healthy and we do need a bit more of that on this forum. I probably won't end up with a dual..but I will always be on the look out for dual friends.

My situation is a bit odd because I had a lot of problems growing up which meant I avoided relationships. I am not that young (let's say in between 25-35) so I do just want to meet someone asap. I'll share some stuff just for anyone who's interested, also it kinda helps me.

It was a difficult romantic experience plus having therapy which brought me to socionics/ enneagram and learning about them has helped me to accept myself as a person a lot, and find some peace I never had before. But also..maybe having been on my own so long, well I long ago accepted that my life was not going to be a fairy tale..and I suppose in a way I did figure out what I really needed (secure job, home, healthy friendships, hobbies) because I had to depend on these things rather than another person. I am reasonably comfortable with who I am..I think.

When I first learnt about socionics, yes, I did really like the idea of meeting a dual- it was easy to sit around looking on dating apps whilst at home during the pandemic. Having learnt more about everything..I actually think being the same stack (so/sx) is the most appealing quality in a person for me. I also like Isfps a lot. Part of me thinks that the secret to compatibility..is just finding someone compatible, regardless of type. They just need to be a compatible version of one of the types. And maybe a compatible dual is not that much better than a compatible other type. I dunno. It seems like there are special things about a lot of the types to me. Duality seems like it would be good for a 'power couple' or something lol. I don't know that I need a dual..because my needs in life are quite simple-I don't mind not having a person 'who can help me the most' because I don't aspire to be a super amazing person- I just wanna be a good citizen, a good friend/ family member and enjoy my life. Sure, it'd be nice to have a dual to help with your problems and make you feel 'complete' or part of a special union or whatever..but it would actually just be nice to have some stuff in common with my partner...a dual might not necessarily have that. There are lots of non-duals in long-lasting happy relationships and I believe any strong bond will deepen over time, dual or not. I've seen this happen with me and my friends. And I'm sure many touching, healthy love stories out there are not based on duality..

I just wanna meet a fun, kind person..and have a healthy relationship. It's interesting you say that it wasn't easy sorting out your past issues with a dual. Well, I am ready for that I think at least, regardless of their type. And thanks, definitely good to keep in mind that maturity is an important factor to look out for which one might forgot about in the excitement of meeting someone.

As for ennegram- I do see some patterns existing in the e-types/ tritypes I get on with but I'm open-minded as well.

There is a lot to learn in your first year of socionics haha

and btw my brother is as SEE as they come so I know exactly what you mean

[Bethanyclaire]

I don't have a "duality experience" and my stack is sx/so

I think for duality more stars have to align than simply socionics types. Sensors harder to engage or be interested in you through online communication, which is what happens with most socionics communities. Most people also don't know socionics, so if for some reason they have self-antagonized their suggestive, or just don't like you for socionics-unrelated reasons, then that's that. Duality is certainly not immune to all these effects and not all dual interactions will "work out." Maybe DCNH plays a role too. Chemistry is so unique you know, it's not just any EII with any LSE, or X type with Y, whatever. And it takes time to find the right person. Enneagram 4 might also make me "emotionally complex" which needs the right kind of LSE who has the patience and love for me despite my complexes. I probably won't find him very easily. I am not "justifying" anything with me, just stating them. No matter how much I work on something - and this entire exploration into typology and even choosing Psychology as a career for the rest of my life (assuming it works out), is exactly that - I almost feel neurologically wired to stay this way; sometimes I make some progress but over time I am also getting worse. My "delusional self loathing" has improved significantly I would say over the last decade. And that does count. And you know, whoever I am, it takes a special kind of key to unlock that chemistry with me, that sense of safety and security and I will probably know that bliss when I find it. I am also open to it not being with my Socionics dual, although the latter is still a decent possibility though, I would think.

Oh and, I am usually attracted to non-SP blinds.

Thank you for your thoughtful and honest response. I am not E4 but I have had lots of problems so I guess I also need someone who will be understanding about those parts of myself..thank you for sharing that you have made progress with your own problems too, sometimes reading about socionics makes me feel like quite bad about myself and I think I also need to look back and think about the things I have achieved and think about the unique person I am..even if I am not as high achieving as other IEIs or people in happy relationships :s

As so/sx I think that I could see myself with an so/sx person or an sp/so person..I have seen sx/so dating so/sp and so/sx dating sp/so so I don't think this type of match is uncommon