People with socionics duality experience-what were your instinctual stacks?
Just wondered what stackings seem to work together for duality or which stacks are attracted to each other. I am so/sx and I have known a couple of sx/so duals who I was quite attracted to do but didn’t know for very long. I also think I’ve been attracted to an sp/so dual. I’ve also liked so/sx for other socionics types. I feel like I’m usually attracted to sx/so for people in my quadra. Curious as to how other people experience it. Confused about what to look for/what I need and wantta
She was so/sx. Im sp/sx. It seems like an okay combo. I dont know much about the stackings tho
~ ESTP ~ SLE ~ 7w8 ~ Sp/Sx ~ Fire ~ Aries ~ Beta ~ Gryffindor ~ Summer ~ SLUEN ~
Thanks. I had a guy friend at uni who was Estp sp/sx who liked me actually. I think I sort of liked him but he ended up leaving (uni). My brother is esFp sp/sx though and I find him uber charismatic and sweet but also we are very different (he’s a bit of bad boy) and clashed a lot growing up..could see it being an interesting dynamic with a dual. It probs still depends on the rest of your personality I guess..Originally Posted by Number 9 large
Last edited by Bethany; 08-01-2020 at 03:21 PM.
Not disagreeing, sorry if my wording is unclear
Oh i responded to the wrong thing my bad
I feel like I can only really see myself with a sx/so or sp/so dual, based on those I've met (and bits and pieces I've read about the different instincts). Even then, I imagine a relationship with sx/so could be really intense (maybe too intense) because of our similar stacking and a relationship with sp/so might feel not quite intense enough- they might not feel like an intense enough person? I wonder if this is the same for other people? That they have a preference of maybe one or two..
I do know a dual couple who are so/sx and sp/so and when I look at them I think they are extremly well-suited with lots of chemistry. I suppose this instinctual stack stuff is not really meant to be viewed as something so black and white (we have all three instincts in us..). And just because I have sp/so friends who I don't consider to be very 'passionate or intense' doesn't mean that I would think of an sp/so dual this way..it is probably that some sp/so duals would seem very attractive..like the one I used to know. Also..it may be that we have a similar tritype..it may be that tritype can correlate with particular stacks too. Would be cool to hear other people's thoughts.
Other than that I think I could see myself with sx/so for activity or sx/so for mirror..again based on people I've met in the past. And I think I have noticed a few couples around like this- for example my brother and his girlfriend are mirrors and sp/sx and sx/sp.
Another thing I have experienced is very strong attraction to kindred and look-a-like who have similar tritype to me and are also so/sx. It is a very special bond and I wonder it it is because we are both so/sx (caring very much about our friends) that kindred and look-like (usually better for friends) can feel like such a strong connection (ultimately not romantic but very close to it, like a soul mate but platonic).
Last edited by Bethany; 08-03-2020 at 04:19 PM.
Ok so I think I met a dual. But I think he’s so/sp and I think there is already a bit to much ‘friction’. This has got me thinking that the idea of being part of the same ‘flow’ theory has substance to it. (So/sx going with either so/sx or sp/so or Sx/sp..for instance and not the others.) It’s a shame but my gut is telling me it’s not right, after initially thinking yay, a dual. Socionics in real life is hard :s
@bethanyrose : idk shit about Enneagram, but this was cute and sad to read. While there is a "flow," duality is an attraction between opposites. Flex your strengths around them, not overbearingly, but let them know what you bring to the table. Also, make them feel useful, encourage them to use their strengths, perhaps even engage their 3rd function, but don't focus on it. Whenever I ask my doolies to do dumb tertiary Te shit, they light up. "Oh, you're so good at finding movie-sites online! Do you know of any places I can get PDFs?" Ultimately, intimate relationships require 3 things:
a) Physical attraction
b) Mental attraction
c) Chemistry
As Lana Del Rey is wont to implore, "sometimes love is not enough."
thank you! I think I'm freakin out a bit and maybe scared and being a lil melodramatic. I really appreciate your comment. It's very easy to sit at home reading about enneagram and socionics and forget what it is to actually feel natural attraction to someone when you have worked out how to type people and almost see their 'type' before you see them..Enneagram is massively confusing and my mind gets carried away with it. Plus I have limited real life experience of romance.
I love and respect Lana Del Rey haha, good quote and know what you mean..have loved the wrong person before.. But it's almost the opposite because I did initially feel attracted to him and then wasn't sure.. it's like I'm wanting the person to be the perfect subtypes (when there isn't any consensus they exist because subtypes are so muddy)..OVER actually being attracted to them lol. I think it feels odd knowing you went after them in the first place because they looked like a dual so guess I'm worrying whether the attraction is real or not..
That's cute about engagaing the third function..and generally trying to get them to show their best selves..yeah maybe I am focusing on the negatives too much...and focusing on the negatives in all the literature...when there also lots of positves tbh..and no one is 'PERFECT' either..
hmmmmm
thanks
also I like your break down of relationship requirementsneat and tidy!
edit: The above guy was not a match. I had my doubts from the look of him on his proflie..he was so/sp 713 and this is not compatible for me (I didn't like him much, had sympathy for him but didn't trust him/fancy him. Even still there was weird dual chemistry or anti-chemistry lol
Last edited by Bethany; 11-08-2020 at 03:19 PM.
I feel like I’ve noticed a lot of mirror couples who have the same instinct stack.
@BethanyRose lmaoo anytime, sorry to hear it didn't work out (but not really if he wasnt your doolie anyway)!
No Sx = These were platonic or straight up bad. Worse than non-dual
Sx second = Attractive but never went anywhere. In most cases, I just couldn't gauge whether I wanted them and why, so I didn't pull the trigger. The one time I did, was intense, volatile, and ended "badly." Bad like an addiction that we needed to quit for both our sake, not bad like we ended hating each other. I think this was due to some quirks specific to our particular types, that might not apply to other socionics or e-types.
Sx first = Even more intense. Way better. Not sure what to say about this. Its not a Disney movie. It's a real person, with real shit to sort out. And they'll dredge your shit up to the surface too. At least in Se/Ni duality anyway.
I don't know you, but I'll throw out some advice, take it or ignore it. I wouldn't go hunting for a dual. I wouldn't form any ideas of what it will be like. I would familiarize yourself with your quadra, your supervisor, conflictor, semidual, IRL just to make absolutely sure of your type and your ability to recognize duals. Semi-dual, benefactor, kindred, are closer to what you are used to, and can be more attractive at first. Those outspoken dudes with rock-solid irrational confidence, bravado, and people skills are very likely to be SEE. Interact with people long enough to see the ebb and flow of cliqueing up and falling-out. The person right for you may be totally different from what you dream up.
And don't expect your first brush with duality to be a fairytale. You're not going to be able to attract, connect, or stay together if you're both faking it, afraid to be yourself. Figure out what it means to be yourself, without your upbringing and social conditioning distorting your instincts (actual instincts, not enneagram instincts). Figure out what a mature dual looks like.
Btw its easy to forget that the enneagram is chart of common patterns of how personalities get frozen on specific life problems. Its a delusion to work through, not something you want to base a relationship on.
Thank you for this. What you say makes sense. It's super healthy and we do need a bit more of that on this forum. I probably won't end up with a dual..but I will always be on the look out for dual friends.
My situation is a bit odd because I had a lot of problems growing up which meant I avoided relationships. I am not that young (let's say in between 25-35) so I do just want to meet someone asap. I'll share some stuff just for anyone who's interested, also it kinda helps me.
It was a difficult romantic experience plus having therapy which brought me to socionics/ enneagram and learning about them has helped me to accept myself as a person a lot, and find some peace I never had before. But also..maybe having been on my own so long, well I long ago accepted that my life was not going to be a fairy tale..and I suppose in a way I did figure out what I really needed (secure job, home, healthy friendships, hobbies) because I had to depend on these things rather than another person. I am reasonably comfortable with who I am..I think.
When I first learnt about socionics, yes, I did really like the idea of meeting a dual- it was easy to sit around looking on dating apps whilst at home during the pandemic. Having learnt more about everything..I actually think being the same stack (so/sx) is the most appealing quality in a person for me. I also like Isfps a lot. Part of me thinks that the secret to compatibility..is just finding someone compatible, regardless of type. They just need to be a compatible version of one of the types. And maybe a compatible dual is not that much better than a compatible other type. I dunno. It seems like there are special things about a lot of the types to me. Duality seems like it would be good for a 'power couple' or something lol. I don't know that I need a dual..because my needs in life are quite simple-I don't mind not having a person 'who can help me the most' because I don't aspire to be a super amazing person- I just wanna be a good citizen, a good friend/ family member and enjoy my life. Sure, it'd be nice to have a dual to help with your problems and make you feel 'complete' or part of a special union or whatever..but it would actually just be nice to have some stuff in common with my partner...a dual might not necessarily have that. There are lots of non-duals in long-lasting happy relationships and I believe any strong bond will deepen over time, dual or not. I've seen this happen with me and my friends. And I'm sure many touching, healthy love stories out there are not based on duality..
I just wanna meet a fun, kind person..and have a healthy relationship. It's interesting you say that it wasn't easy sorting out your past issues with a dual. Well, I am ready for that I think at least, regardless of their type. And thanks, definitely good to keep in mind that maturity is an important factor to look out for which one might forgot about in the excitement of meeting someone.
As for ennegram- I do see some patterns existing in the e-types/ tritypes I get on with but I'm open-minded as well.
There is a lot to learn in your first year of socionics haha
and btw my brother is as SEE as they come so I know exactly what you mean
Last edited by Bethany; 12-09-2020 at 07:56 PM.
Thumbmashing on a tablet, sorry, some of this is all over the place. I can't copy paste, so I cant go back and put it into a coherent order.Thank you for this. What you say makes sense. It's super healthy and we do need a bit more of that on this forum. I probably won't end up with a dual..but I will always be on the look out for dual friends.
My situation is a bit odd because I had a lot of problems growing up which meant I avoided relationships. I am not that young (let's say in between 25-35) so I do just want to meet someone asap. I'll share some stuff just for anyone who's interested, also it kinda helps me.
It was a difficult romantic experience plus having therapy which brought me to socionics/ enneagram and learning about them has helped me to accept myself as a person a lot, and find some peace I never had before. But also..maybe having been on my own so long, well I long ago accepted that my life was not going to be a fairy tale..and I suppose in a way I did figure out what I really needed (secure job, home, healthy friendships, hobbies) because I had to depend on these things rather than another person. I am reasonably comfortable with who I am..I think.
When I first learnt about socionics, yes, I did really like the idea of meeting a dual- it was easy to sit around looking on dating apps whilst at home during the pandemic. Having learnt more about everything..I actually think being the same stack (so/sx) is the most appealing quality in a person for me. I also like Isfps a lot. Part of me thinks that the secret to compatibility..is just finding someone compatible, regardless of type. They just need to be a compatible version of one of the types. And maybe a compatible dual is not that much better than a compatible other type. I dunno. It seems like there are special things about a lot of the types to me. Duality seems like it would be good for a 'power couple' or something lol. I don't know that I need a dual..because my needs in life are quite simple-I don't mind not having a person 'who can help me the most' because I don't aspire to be a super amazing person- I just wanna be a good citizen, a good friend/ family member and enjoy my life. Sure, it'd be nice to have a dual to help with your problems and make you feel 'complete' or part of a special union or whatever..but it would actually just be nice to have some stuff in common with my partner...a dual might not necessarily have that. There are lots of non-duals in long-lasting happy relationships and I believe any strong bond will deepen over time, dual or not. I've seen this happen with me and my friends. And I'm sure many touching, healthy love stories out there are not based on duality..
I just wanna meet a fun, kind person..and have a healthy relationship. It's interesting you say that it wasn't easy sorting out your past issues with a dual. Well, I am ready for that I think at least, regardless of their type. And thanks, definitely good to keep in mind that maturity is an important factor to look out for which one might forgot about in the excitement of meeting someone.
As for ennegram- I do see some patterns existing in the e-types/ tritypes I get on with but I'm open-minded as well.
There is a lot to learn in your first year of socionics haha
and btw my brother is as SEE as they come so I know exactly what you mean
Unless youre the type of person who can carry 12hr conversations with damn near anyone, compatible duals are much better than compatible non-duals. I'm just saying don't go all-in on the first "compatible" person you meet.
Some context:
The first dual had really bad ITR at home, and was just a messed up person overall for a long time. No arguments or anything, just lifeless, and she was codependent/depressed IEI or SEI living vicariously through a string of bfs.
The second dual had never been dualized before and this was basically addiction. You'll know its duality when you are losing entire days to marathon sessions, and you start noticing how stop and go it is with friends you've known for years. (I only am confident thats how it is b/w Se/Ni Dom duals)The duality itself minus the outside work, was great, but not as good as the more compatible one later.
The "fully compatible" dual stirred up my jealousy and possessiveness whenever the real world came between us. I didnt know I even had these issues until then. I hadnt been just out fucking anything that moved, but I hadnt been particularly romantic minded or attatched to chicks either before this. I notice I stir up something (vigilance?) with her whenever my patterns change.
When I mentioned maturity, I mean immature people can mistake duality connection or Sx connection for love. It took getting burned for that line to really hit home for me. SLE mature the hard way.
Duality is a bubble you don't want to leave. But the real world keeps going on. Your dual may have way more pull on you than the boring things you need to keep up with. Sx wants to intensify connection. Se wants to intensify experience. Ni doms are Se suggestible. Do the math. Good luck. You sound more realistic than my first impression. Remember all this is only from my POV of sx first.
Thank you for your thoughtful and honest response. I am not E4 but I have had lots of problems so I guess I also need someone who will be understanding about those parts of myself..thank you for sharing that you have made progress with your own problems too, sometimes reading about socionics makes me feel like quite bad about myself and I think I also need to look back and think about the things I have achieved and think about the unique person I am..even if I am not as high achieving as other IEIs or people in happy relationships :sI don't have a "duality experience" and my stack is sx/so
I think for duality more stars have to align than simply socionics types. Sensors harder to engage or be interested in you through online communication, which is what happens with most socionics communities. Most people also don't know socionics, so if for some reason they have self-antagonized their suggestive, or just don't like you for socionics-unrelated reasons, then that's that. Duality is certainly not immune to all these effects and not all dual interactions will "work out." Maybe DCNH plays a role too. Chemistry is so unique you know, it's not just any EII with any LSE, or X type with Y, whatever. And it takes time to find the right person. Enneagram 4 might also make me "emotionally complex" which needs the right kind of LSE who has the patience and love for me despite my complexes. I probably won't find him very easily. I am not "justifying" anything with me, just stating them. No matter how much I work on something - and this entire exploration into typology and even choosing Psychology as a career for the rest of my life (assuming it works out), is exactly that - I almost feel neurologically wired to stay this way; sometimes I make some progress but over time I am also getting worse. My "delusional self loathing" has improved significantly I would say over the last decade. And that does count. And you know, whoever I am, it takes a special kind of key to unlock that chemistry with me, that sense of safety and security and I will probably know that bliss when I find it. I am also open to it not being with my Socionics dual, although the latter is still a decent possibility though, I would think.
Oh and, I am usually attracted to non-SP blinds.
As so/sx I think that I could see myself with an so/sx person or an sp/so person..I have seen sx/so dating so/sp and so/sx dating sp/so so I don't think this type of match is uncommon
One positive dual thing: they can fix my social mistakes with a simple wave of the hand. Stuff that's impossible for me, they can do with such ease that they don't even really have to think about it lol.
Cheers! It's great to talk about this stuff..it helps me to be more realistic and not also not feel depressed/anxious
I don't know if I could spot whether a dual was mature or not. I got really hurt by someone immature recently- the nicer I was to him the worse he was to me..so I hope I've learnt from that lol. Still recovering but nearly over it. I think I am much more realistic about dating and ready for it than I was this time two years ago at least
I wish there was somewhere something like a journal describing in detail someone's duality experience for me to compare with my own.
What are the things you have learned from duality?
Nothing is real
A lot of this is probably extremely specific to SLE weaknesses and IEI strengths
Experiencing the difference between settling and going all in, in your relationships and in being yourself
Experiencing the difference between "close enough" and bullseye in what you really want out of life
That my instincts are right; outsider advice leads you to the kind of partner/relationship they want, not what I want
To be more patient and less dismissive of other people's sensitivities
The importance of keeping up relations with people outside of duality
The importance of taking your strengths seriously and offering them to the world, especially your hidden/untapped ones. Your dual needs and appreciates help there.
From my observations it seems that a lot of long term couples are the same stack. I have not seen any sx/sp with other stacks or sp/sx either. However..I do see sx/so with so/sp and also sp/so with so/sx. Has anyone else noticed this?
maybe sx/so have more options..one of my best friends is sx/sp..but would be way too intense as a relationship.
I think I notice long term/married couples tend to be of particular combinations more..but it’s true, there must be some happy sx/sp with so/sx marriages, or happy sx/so with so/sx marriages out there..(for example).
I think I agree..depends on the whole personality, not just the stack. But at the same time certain stacks are more likely to suit your stack..I think
Duality irl is not even noticeable because the functions are totally opposite and there’s nothing really in common to keep it together. No one actually cares about their suggestive as much as their lead (unless they’re psychologically depressed that caused them to deny their ego). You’re not drawn to someone who’s totally deficient in what you master because that means you have to do all the work and vice versa with not wanting to depend on someone who masters what you’re bad at. Most people actually marry their supervisor or mirror because those are recognizable relationships. Duality could be fine for friendships, neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, etc. because of the potential to learn from each other as you go along and the consequences wouldn’t have as heavy of an effect when things do fail.
This comes down to if one believes compatibility=same. A lot of beliefs circulate that this is so. It started seeming strange to me before I even knew about socionics.
Ideally duals should be same primary (and secondary) instinct for optimal romantic compatibility. Else their life foci will be too divergent in ways that engender vital emotional frustrations of a largely irreconcilable nature.
Completely insane POV. Duality is trivially common among long-term successful relationship pairs.
Yes, I know of 2 conflict relationships, (my neighbours and my nephew/niece) who are married a long time and are of the same instinct stack.
So instinct play a big role, cause socionics would predict these couples would be bashing each others heads by now.
I've met my dual.
And now I get it why I didn't feel connected or attracted to him (even though the relationship itself was comfortable).
It's the instinctual stacks!
I notice as an sp/sx, I'm attracted or feel connected mostly to sx/sp, sx/so, and probably sp/sx as well. But that is all.
That explains why I really like my semidual and benefactor, EII and IEE, most of them are sx-dom!
My ESI ex-bf I'm pretty sure he was so/sp, and I realise I don't fancy so-dom.
@Scarlett, I'm sx/so, and my ex-wife was sx-last. She's my EX-wife.
Also, I've dated a few ESI's, and one in particular was very high quality. She even knew some of my business associates and they all liked her. I liked her face, I liked her body, I liked her mind, I liked the way she walked. I liked the way she talked and just everything about her, to be honest. But she was So-first, and possibly sx-last. I decided that I just didn't need to work that hard in a relationship for something that she was never going to be able to provide.
I strongly disagree with that part. Not wanting to do all the work is more related to our creative function, which is more of a tool for sporadic use.
I don't mind at all doing things I'm naturally good at, and many people ask my help in stuff I'm naturally good and it's like feeding a fish, you just have minimal effort to make them alive
Nothing is real
I know right!
You know what they say, Sx-first is best with Sx-second, which means either So/Sx or Sp/Sx.
Anyway, in a romantic relationship I think Sx is really important, how can people not value intimacy like Sx-last it just blows my mind. And I only have Sx-second.
people may have their own personal preference for stacking in partner, although it is probably likely that last and blindspot being the same in a couple may mean they aren't very compatible.
Basically people like whoever they like. Eventually the hope is you get lucky and find someone you really want to commit to, and most likely won't fall out of love with.
It can be quite hard to type someone’s stack..essentially it’s a gut feeling if you like them or not. But..I would say that sp/so and so/sx go together nicely and so can sx/so and so/sp, from
what I’ve observed. Other than that same stacking is the most common or attractive. I think sp/sx and sx/sp seem to stick to their own stack. I may be wrong. Stacks are super confusing..but still useful to think about.
I’ve said it before- but tritype seems important too
I'm really sure I'm SOCIAl first at this point e_e.. hmm so far relationships with SX firsts have not worked out. I find them too insecure and needy.
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