Can benefactor relationships work?
I'm INTj, I have multiple crushes, one of them is an ISTp. Apparently based on my research I'm the benefactor, meaning I would benefit her if there was a relationship. How do these work in more detail? I read something about them bringing out each other's shadow functions, basically their underdeveloped talent.
Usually the beneficiary gets pissed off and gets the shorter end of the stick IME due to having weak Polr (which the benefactor is only minimally better than them at if not just equal), which the beneficiary needs major support on, but the benefactor doesnít naturally supply it, in addition to devaluing the beneficiaryís Hidden Agenda.
The beneficiary also usually canít communicate these needs well, because well, people donít always know themselves well and itís also their PoLR so itís painful.
The benefactor does supply creative to the beneficiary though, which keeps them ďhooked onĒ to the benefactor.
In some rarer cases though, Iíve seen the benefactor get pissed off at the beneficiary for their consistently inept PoLR and 1D DS.
Iíve seen one successful benefit marriage so far. Can think of countless relationships (usually opposite sex with at least slight romantic or sexual undertones IME) that didnít pan out well. I think friendships with these ITR can work out well though, but some of the dynamics that I described above will still be present to some degree.
I feel sometimes like there's this weird blockage. You tell them how much you like them and they just go 'Oh...' or they realize it, but it's both like 'well where do we go from here.'
It has the potential to be good but I think there's these weird hidden head games between both parties that are frustrating and that usually doesn't exist with other types like semi-dual or duality.
There is lots of forgiveness and understanding tho, and natural chemistry. I just feel like it lacks a plan of action to tie everything together.
They can live quite peaceably as casual acquaintances but close benefit relations have as much chance of working as conflict partners. The problems are usually one way communication (INTj to ISTp) and no common direction or approach. An INTj is too much of a perfectionist to tolerate for long periods the ISTp's ad hoc, get-it-done-quickly approach and the ISTp will often get frustrated with INTj reticence and caution. INTjs will sometimes come across as arrogant to ISTps while ISTps may appear too defensively confrontational for INTjs.
a two horned unicorn renegade