I'm also reminded of an anecdote by the mother of American modernism and probably one of the wealthiest and most successful artists America has ever had. Georgia O'Keeffe was amazing imo, and after 4 years of art school, she didn't paint for 4 years following, and the smell of turpentine made her sick. School is often a destroyer of talent and interest more than it fosters a person's abilities. If it weren't for her tenacity and eventually going back to create art again, the past would be different.

People see the end result, but never what it took to get there. I'm certainly interested in being a millionaire, but I don't want to invest myself in business that much because I don't like doing business stuff that much in itself, so to me it would be a waste of time.

I've had a lot of problems figuring out whether I could take a strong satisfaction in any one activity. Most things I do are kinda blah. Maybe I like doing it a little bit, but not that much. I guess Socionics has been an exception, but it doesn't make any money and it doesn't have a product that can be given to anyone or that anyone other than me can really see. When I was a teenager, I thought I might like computers and tech stuff, but I now avoid all that as much as I can. And I've discovered that I don't like writing all that much, and I don't read that much anymore either. So what was the literature degree for? That's just how life goes. I wish I could have been one of those people who gets into something when they're young and gets really good at it, and has a singular interest in something with a visible product of some kind, but that's not how things went lol. So the thought crosses my mind, what's next? Sigh lol.

What do I really want? Do I want to do anything that much? Maybe that expectation in itself is a wrong one that comes from the society and world we live in. I dunno.