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Thread: IEI expressing oneself (not as in Fe)

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    chocolatte's Avatar
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    Default IEI expressing oneself (not as in Fe)

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    Last edited by chocolatte; 02-02-2021 at 10:02 PM.

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    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    My thoughts...

    1) A literary analysis class is not a creative writing class.

    2) Maybe you subconsciously refrain from explicitly saying things to people because you feel like those who are close to you should be attuned to your thinking/feelings and needs. To an extent I feel this is true for us all.

    About a parent, I think it’s reasonable to expect that they should be well attuned to if you have some physical condition like asthma, especially when taking you bike riding up and down steep hills.... your parent should not have an “oh shit why is she crying again” reaction to this and it also seems unhealthy to expect that.

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    Sometimes when I listen some IEIs they take a lot of time for explaining something without actually getting to the point. Its a ridiculous amount of time. I don't even know what they do exactly, but I think it could be related with Ni. Its like they take the historical roots of something for then speaking about the future for then giving 100 examples to try to explain something and that something at the end doesnt even get to be mentioned. Or to take a word and quote texts that mention that word but don't explaining what's the main meaning of the word and why it is important.

    It can be kinda annoying for me. If its something important I get irritated, if its not I just move from the convo.
    The why of this tendency could be in valued and weak and strong elements. A Ni approach with a Ti activity and weak Se. Like a need to go deep into issues and not let things "unsaid" (ironically letting unsaid the main issue) and not wanting to be to straightforward, but not being able to classify what's important/useful from what's not (Te PoLR) and don't knowing how to structure the ideas.

    edit. And yes, Se could fix that probably. I had an IEI male friend with Se family members and he could be blunt and didn't seem to have so much that problem (he could share his thoughts and opinion with success, conclude topics and develop ideas).
    I also wonder if the topics could or not be part of the problem too. Or even some have a need to be noticed somehow (like wanting to be different or original or smth like that).
    Last edited by Akira; 07-14-2020 at 08:48 PM.

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    spectremetrique's Avatar
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    As a fellow IEI, I relate to some point.

    Regarding academic writing, I kinda have the same problem. I know I can lose my reader sometimes because I write long, very long explanations most of the time. Mostly by fear that I don't say enough, that the person will not get the point, or I think that maybe this tiny detail or example is expected by the grader and also because it helps me see if all my thought process I write on paper is coherent, correct without tiny mistakes. I remember when I sit the national end of HS exam in literature, in the end, I had to give my test papers to the supervisor of the room. I wrote ten pages that day and the guy looked at me like if I was completely crazy lol. Some teachers reproached me that sometimes but it never really impacted my grades. But at the very least I always state my point before doing any explanation and I always summarize my thought process at the end of the paragraph or at the end of a part. Just a very direct sentence here and there never hurt even if it's blunt and not highly well worded. Although I believe you already do that.

    For taking space and expressing myself, I may not be able to give the best advice as I kinda struggle with that as well, at least for taking space. Honestly, the only advice that kinda helps me was to take more confidence with my self-image. It helped me a little bit being more confident about inserting myself into places and take space. And there is also the famously known "fake it 'till you make it" and it's kinda true though. It may be hard sometimes but considering that everyone may have its own insecurities regarding confidence, taking space etc... and that we are not the only perpetual victims of that kind of torment can help. At least it helps to not be in the loop of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    But I find kinda puzzling your idea of "If I imply something instead of saying it directly to someone they'll understand better", why would it be better ?


    And I relate a lot of what you say with being uncomfortable admitting you're not feeling well. I'm kinda stubborn about that either because I don't want to bother my surrounding with temporary and trivial things or because people misinterpret my neutral face (like no, for the fiftieth time, I'm not depressed, I swear). And just in general, I feel kinda self-conscious and ashamed when I reveal too much how I'm feeling/personal information at a time.
    Honestly, the behavior of your father concerning your asthma isn't a normal thing, like your own parents should be indulgent about that, like having a chronic is a very big deal in the life of the person who suffer from it but sometimes it seems like healthier individuals can't even apprehend how it impacts someone.

    Anyway, Idk if that was very constructive or if I'm just renting endlessly but I genuinely relate to what you say, you're not alone in this lol


    Keep your spirits up, have a good day :).
    Last edited by spectremetrique; 07-14-2020 at 03:48 PM.

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    Seed my wickedness Existential Ibuprofen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    Sometimes when I listen some IEIs they take a lot of time for explaining something without actually getting to the point. Its a ridiculous amount of time. I don't even know what they do exactly, but I think it could be related with Ni. Its like they take the historical roots of something for then speaking about the future for then giving 100 examples to try to explain something and that something at the end doesnt even get to be mentioned. Or to take a word and quote texts that mention that word but don't explaining what's the main meaning of the word and why it is important.
    Just try to listen YouTuber Michael Pierce. It is like I have figured everything in few secs and he goes on hours. Not that I listen it is clear just by listening few random snippets.
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    Heaven and Hell Samson's Avatar
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    (not as in Fe)

    Why not? Fe excels at communication! Practice (as in, with people) assertiveness. You can look up thousands of videos on the Tube of You for free on this stuff. Sit with the material for a day if you must (introverts, I know), then put it to practice. Se will follow the Fe naturally, but for IEI, Fe is the clear winner in this realm.


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    Oh, you really need to have an asthma inhaler and keep it with you in all situations, especially when you do physically strenuos tasks out in the nowhere. I actually assumed this is a given when reading your story (I have a history with asthma, both in family & myself), but now I read @onfireee's suggestion and got concerned. You really never mentioned it ... You probably have one, right? Then sorry for commenting on this. Also you should keep doing physical exercise the way you want to, but if you hit the point where you get an actual asthma attack, it might be better to dial it down and do some lighter stuff.

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    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    After letting it sit for a bit, I think you're right about that..
    [...]
    It feels like I need to explain every single facet and background information of the main point, because I want people to understand what I'm saying in exactly the same way I understand it. I rarely feel like people do. But of course, everyone understands things in their own way, and it's not a bad thing..
    Even if you don’t see it as a bad thing directed at others as people, it seems like maybe you feel frustrated about this, and perhaps even maybe bitter about communicating and socializing?

    You should try to practice explaining yourself more with people who seem to “get” you more than average. Then it may get easier to do with other people too, and you’ll be able to build up more positive associations in your brain with doing it. You can even ask these people to give you feedback on how to better communicate and explain yourself.

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