Attracting conflictors

[MathHysteriaOfSoul]

Our Id (especially the demonstrative function) is supposed to be displayed by our actions instead of our words. So in order to attract conflictors, I think it makes sense to just do things and have actions that come from our Id, especially the dem., which seems pretty obvious after you think about it.

Life example: I know someone who I suppose I have a terrible IR with. This person is pretty attractive to me for afar, but as I try to get closer emotionally/psychologically, some things start to get messed up, which is pretty confusing. So I'm considering this person to be a conflictor for now, since she is the person I have the least mental compatibility with. BUT, also she is attracted by actions and not my words. I have experimented using my subcounscious (I guess) mind a lot and although it almost destroyed my mental/physical health, I got the best results with her compared to everyone else.

Have you had any similar experience?

[Chillaxe]

the last two relationships I have been in were with my conflictor and supervisor. they for sure loved it when I used my demonstrative, which I like to show boat and make people happy, so I did a lot. the issues is that this breaks down and your board and annoyed that you have to keep doing something that you son't truly love (demonstrative, not your partner) and you get rebuffed when you just try to be yourself and do something you find interesting. I do find my conflictors attractive, but I know better now. I think this has something to do with your conflictor and your dual being "lookalike" relations.

[mr provocateur]

It is like base is seen a personal necessity from conflictor POV like an asset to utilize when needed. They kind of accept it as that until they discover the ugly truth it as being an ego consummate.

[xerx]

She's probably not your conflictor.

[MathHysteriaOfSoul]

She's probably not your conflictor.

I can see why you think that. The problem with detecting conflictors is that you have to get close psychologically to start getting mentally attacked.
Anyway, I was probably using my Id functions to have any apparent compatilbity with her (I wrote SuperID, but I meant ID).

[MathHysteriaOfSoul]

the last two relationships I have been in were with my conflictor and supervisor. they for sure loved it when I used my demonstrative, which I like to show boat and make people happy, so I did a lot. the issues is that this breaks down and your board and annoyed that you have to keep doing something that you son't truly love (demonstrative, not your partner) and you get rebuffed when you just try to be yourself and do something you find interesting. I do find my conflictors attractive, but I know better now. I think this has something to do with your conflictor and your dual being "lookalike" relations.

That's what I'm talking about really. I eventually gave up on using my Id in exchange of not being cool.

[Sol]

Our Id (especially the demonstrative function) is supposed to be displayed by our actions instead of our words.

"ID" region is about what is lesser thought and cared being nonvalued. Where people have good abbilities and not bad by social standards.
To be not bad does not mean they are same good there in actions as in ego regions. As to be able to do something is not same as to do that, and to care about nonvalued people do not want much. They are near a stable social middle and generally without critical fails.

The stronger and more expressed ID function is not "demonstrative", but "ignoring". Those functions names are doubtful. Would be better to use numbers, where exist the problem of different variants how they were numbered in different sources - that's why "names" are met more often. Gulenko seems used: demonstrative - 8, ignoring - 7.

> So in order to attract conflictors, I think it makes sense to just do things and have actions that come from our superId

To attract conflictors you should be good similarly to their duals. Good in their valued regions, especially their strong valued - your "id". Your superid is their strong nonvalued region and your weak region - so for them you'll look as a kid and they'll accept cold the achievements in a region nonvalued for them.

[MathHysteriaOfSoul]

"ID" region is about what is lesser thought and cared being nonvalued. Where people have good abbilities and not bad by social standards.
To be not bad does not mean they are same good there in actions as in ego regions. As to be able to do something is not same as to do that, and to care about nonvalued people do not want much. They are near a stable social middle and generally without critical fails.

The stronger and more expressed ID function is not "demonstrative", but "ignoring". Those functions names are doubtful. Would be better to use numbers, where exist the problem of different variants how they were numbered in different sources - that's why "names" are met more often. Gulenko seems used: demonstrative - 8, ignoring - 7.

> So in order to attract conflictors, I think it makes sense to just do things and have actions that come from our superId

To attract conflictors you should be good similarly to their duals. Good in their valued regions, especially their strong valued - your "id". Your superid is their strong nonvalued region and your weak region - so for them you'll look as a kid and they'll accept cold the achievements in a region nonvalued for them.

I meant "ID" where I wrote SUperID. I'm sorry

[xerx]

I can see why you think that. The problem with detecting conflictors is that you have to get close psychologically to start getting mentally attacked.
Anyway, I was probably using my Id functions to have any apparent compatilbity with her (I wrote SuperID, but I meant ID).

Even so, you should seriously consider the possibility that she's in your quadra. Logical types can be reserved because they're not always sure whether their expression is going to be considered awkward. They may not share too much before knowing that it's safe.

[MathHysteriaOfSoul]

Even so, you should seriously consider the possibility that she's in your quadra. Logical types can be reserved because they're not always sure whether their expression is going to be considered awkward. They may not share too much before knowing that it's safe.

Why should I "seriously consider the possibility" of her being in my quadra over the other ones?
Btw, she is not really reserved at all. Actually it is actually awkward oftentimes how inappropriate her expressions are, even though I like it .

Edit: when I was starting with socionics I thought that she was a dual actually, but as I got closer psychologically, it seemed that our minds were forming some sort of mutual chaos, and I easily got lost in her stream of thought, and lots of misunderstandings. So I got disappointed and dismissed this possibility.

Edit2: our relation fits the descriptions of duality (at a surface level), mirage and conflict.

Edit3: We like each other very much, but it simply doesn't work. We don't understand each other at a closer psychological distance, that is, when we don't follow the societal rules of interaction where I live.

[xerx]

Why should I "seriously consider the possibility" of her being in my quadra over the other ones?

I don't know; I don't actually care. Do whatever you want....

[MathHysteriaOfSoul]

I don't know; I don't actually care. Do whatever you want....

Ok. Thanks for giving your opinion anyway!

[Chillaxe]

Yup. Spot on for how things went with my ex. She's not a bad person, in fact she's a great one. But after awhile, all the misunderstandings and shit got to be too much.

If she was even in your quadra, getting along with her would be effortless compared to most people you met.

[Rebelondeck]

We are often curious about conflicting types; it's a sort of electrostatic attraction. If these relationships are kept superficial, they get along quite well and both can learn a lot from each other. The relationships break down when they have to really depend on one another to do something that is important to one of them. It's usually only one of them because they rarely have the same objectives; if they did have a common objective, they never seem to value it the same way or agree on the best way to achieve it. They can be good acquaintances and may have exciting extramarital affairs but as partners, they rarely pull together on the same oar.

a.k.a. I/O