It also just occurred to me that I know a male ESI who is gay and is with an ILI. I've known this guy for nine years. He's a great guy. I think he wishes that I were gay. Lol.
He's with the ILI because the ILI is his best option. He's not ecstatic about it.
This ESI is about the worst long-term planner that I know. He has a PhD and no retirement savings and still lives in an apt despite moving to the States from Germany twenty years ago.
Maybe, as @
Zero said, this is some kind of Ne-painful commitment-phobia. ESI's either jump at the first rabbit that catches their eye, or they think think think it to death and end up doing nothing. Analysis paralysis.