I listen to really emo dark music, trying to hear something that puts my feelings into words, it really helps me indulge the feeling, possibly too much. I can be self sabotaging, too scared to be truly self destructive, but I flirt with the idea of fucking up my life sometimes. I don't want responsibilties, and use my depression as an excuse to be lazy and not do shit, like "you're depressed, take the day off." I almost want someone to wake me up out of it, it's like a weird fantasy that someone comes and rescues me from my depression, so I wear it a little bit to see if someone catches on, but it does the opposite and makes people uncomfortable and go the other way. I totally get it, even I'm uncomfortable under someone else's dark cloud. I definitely become tons more selfish with my attention, I don't laugh at friends jokes anymore, don't talk, I have selective hearing and only respond to what I feel like responding to, I ignore everything else, almost once again in hopes that someone says sees me being rude and says "HEY! YOU CAN'T KEEP BEING LIKE THIS", I even push people away to see if they comeback, to see if someone cares enough about me to care, to feel missed. I secretly want someone to recognize what is wrong with me, as screwed up as that sounds. Oh, and it's for sure Fi, but usually depressed because of Ni Te reasons, "My life is going nowhere, I'm gonna end up doing jack shit with my life in the end like I've always done." When it comes to relationships I haven't been brave enough to let myself experience that kinda depression yet, I've been lieing to myself, like everything is fine I'll find someone later in life, or like I'm ok with being alone I'm avoiding all the "toxic" people, been kidding myself for awhile now.