SEE and SLI Mirage
What can you guys tell me about this mirage pair? I can only find a description of IEE and ILI.
what do you want to know?
Originally Posted by calm
They seem to be as strong as semi-dual as far as working relationships go. SEEs can be a little too hedonistic and wanting the easy life while SLI too hard and spartan for their partners, but they do tend to moderate each others behaviour extremes. They both seem physically oriented and often share direction in life but offer very different perspectives on the exact same objectives so expect some lively discussion but overall they can be good for one another.
Seriously Judicious Emotivist
I know several of SEE/SLI pairs. In contemplating these I often refer to this description: http://www.socionics.com/rel/ill.htm
I always see this in each SEE/SLI relation: "These are relations of growing laziness. There are no other intertype relations that can deactivate partners so much as Illusionary relations. Illusionary partners find it comfortable being relaxed together, discussing different subjects."
Yes, the persistent color of laziness. What I see in each SEE/SLI couple is a certain lack of motivation for reaching their fullest potential. They will do "just enough" to get by in life together. They don't fail to do what they must, but never exert themselves very often at all to go the extra mile or do something very, very well. Like, they exist comfortably together. SLi is thrifty and minimalist, and SEE goes along with this - for the most part, that is, as SEE is the one of this pair to get extravagant about something or other (not everything, as the SEE can practices some thrift, too). Whereas SLI is pretty constant in his practical-thrift approach to life (of both resources and energy). The positive side is they do seem long-term happy with each other, and they seem to be pretty peaceable relations. SEE can ask SLI to do things for her (in each case of those I know the SEE is she) and in fact often does.
One SEE campaigned to get her SLI to sell their home and leave his career-job, when he was quite settled and happy very much with both, and move across the country to a part of another far away state she thought would be cool to live in (actually, hot and humid), because she was QUITE restless for change (SEEs can get restless for change!). He didn't want to, but she persisted til he did it. It was a rough transition to the new place but they settled in eventually. She also got her hubby to do all the nighttime parenting for their baby so she could sleep every night, although he worked all day and she stayed home, and also for him to carry the baby/toddler whenever they were out (Ō carried him"for 9 months; your turn now"). (SLI had a nice baby pack and developed a real special father/son bond so this was not a bad ting). So, a good couple-life and nice stable family life. That is until son reached pre-teen, a bit more independent, and then SEEs innate wanderlust rose up, and she left the marriage for a guy from the local Fair. The complaint she registered about the SLI was that he was a "stick in the mud". The only other complaint I heard was he had refused to take ballroom dancing lessons with her when she wanted to....
Another SEE got her SLI to do all the cooking, dishes, and laundry for the pair, as well as any cleaning that got done (neither of their standards were too demanding in that department). Definitely in this marriage I saw a lot of "The extrovert partner wants to make their introvert partner into what they consider to be a normal person''". Yes, that was evident.
SLI is Si and they appreciate sensuality, and SEE is bold in her sexuality, which SLI appreciates, and SEE initiates, and SLI is not big on initiating.
Another thing i consistently observe in this pairing is the introvert partner usually tries to free themselves from the attempts of the extrovert partner to impose their opinions." Omigosh yes. I saw this in all "these couples, but in this one other couple in particular, the SEE's constant push and SLI persistent resistance came to a huge blowup, huge, public and surprising form this otherwise quiet couple, when led to breakup and not long after, SLIs escape to another part of the country..
So it's a good couple but there is always the danger, IMO, from my observation, of the SEE getting a sudden need/desire/impulse for a CHANGE, and just taking off to do it when opportunity arises, because she feels confined in the relationship after some time.
P.S. I want to add that it seems in each case these matches were SLI-Si and SEE-Fi
Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 06-11-2020 at 11:45 PM.
"A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........
"Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
attitude acceptable to today's standards." - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"
I know an SLI-Si (female) and SEE-Fi (male) pair who have been married about a year and a half. They have similar concrete goals in life: family, house, 2.5 kids, etc. They just bought a house and she's 8 months pregnant.
From the outside looking in their marriage seems like one of fondness and practicality rather than passion, but it also seems like a good thing. They've never been "head over heels" and I can remember a point early in their dating life where they both questioned if they should move forward since there wasn't that intense spark. However, they're genuinely friends with each other, like each other, and want the same things in life, which counts for a lot.
She sort of chuckles benignly at his accumulation of "toys" like flashy cars and his desire for intense experiences (he's Sx-first), but doesn't really care to join in that much. I have no idea if that bothers him or not.
She's confided in me that a missing piece for her is stimulating conversation (Ne seeking). He's not a super verbal guy, but she says she can get some of that need met through friendships.
I'll never forget her telling me in the early days of dating him: "Yeah, I don't feel that huge spark the way I've felt for other guys, but it's probably for the best. The guys I really fell for always had a lot of people interested in them and I probably would have felt jealous and insecure."
I think she was basically describing an IEE man who probably would have had lots of irons in the fire, giving and getting attention to many people, and thought someone like that was unachievable. So she went for the comfy, safe option of Mirage.
Everything. The good the bad the ugly
Originally Posted by Tommy
I would expect for a woman to expect that of an Se dom than an Ne dom. Maybe it’s the nature of the relationship? Because I feel the exact same way about SEEs and it makes it hard for me to imagine I could be with one and not be cheated on, especially given the Filatova description. Whereas I couldn’t imagine my IEE mirage ex going through the trouble. He did however have a big network he just never (or I assumed he never) did anything with it. Whereas all SEEs are about is doing. And a man who’s always on the go, with a big network makes me nervous. This is why I tend to feel unworthy of my dual when I see them.
Originally Posted by Emily
a two horned unicorn renegade
Possibly. I could see it being true of either IEE or SEE due to demonstrative Fe, and I think instincts play a role. He (the SEE) is So-last, and just not that interested in interacting with tons of people despite being an extravert. His Se is focused on her, building their life, and outdoor experiences (nature, wilderness, fast cars). I think the men she was interested in before had more of a Social drive and were quite openly flirtatious as a matter of course.
Originally Posted by calm
She just found herself a family man, honestly. He's a Sexual 6 which tends to be pretty devoted by nature I think. Of course enneagram/instincts don't determine a person's character.
How do you get your dual away from their mirage? It’s an unhealthy relationship IMO
Ah yah... people as concepts.
Divide et impera.
make a better offer
Originally Posted by calm
"healthy" relations with good love are not often
to love people with worser traits is harder, but possibly too. mirage is at higher neutral IR level
to don't love much people with dual IR is also possibly [dual pairs break too, only lesser]
P.S. ILI is not your type
What is my type then? And what is yours?
Originally Posted by Sol