Misfit, it's okay if you aren't entirely sure what you want to do career wise. It doesn't make you any less of a person and it doesn't mean you are failing in life. It sounds like what you're saying is that you had an idea of what you should do with your life that centered around your perception of self, but now you've realized maybe you would be better suited doing something else and this messes with your concept of self. I think that as we grow, we do find that some of our interests and passions shift. We start to see how we can apply some of these things in the real world, get a better idea of whether or not we really like it and start to see in what areas our talents and our passions align. It could be that you end up finding something suitable surrounding what you were initially going for, or that you do end up going the programming route instead. Try not to beat yourself up and consider that it is it okay to take your time in figuring this out. People go at different speeds and reach different places in their life at different times. What other people think doesn't matter and chances are many of them aren't even thinking badly about you in regard to all of this. I do understand that your aspbergers makes this more difficult and challenging for you and I wonder if there is someone you can see to work with on how to manage your stress a little better when it comes to dealing with change. I also wonder if you have any supports who you can speak with about your concerns whether it be family, friends, a therapist or a group for others going through similar struggles (such as one for those with aspbergers).
It's definitely not easy. It can be overwhelming trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives and trying to make a happy and fulfilled life for ourselves. However, I do truly believe it is okay to be unsure and to take a long while in figuring it out.
I’m neurotypical I guess and I apologize if I don’t make sense, am saying things that aren’t helpful, or just seem like I don’t understand. I don’t know you or your life and what external expectations or pressures you may actually be facing, but I want to tell you as an outsider that I think that where you are at is perfectly okay and normal. Maybe while going throughout your daily life and doing things you enjoy when you have the time, you will start to get more lucid in your thinking on what path you would like to take.
It’s unreasonable to expect that we should know exactly what we should do right away in our adult life and likely there is more than one thing you could do that would help you feel fulfilled in the career sense. Remember to take care of yourself and if you are feeling burnt out, it’s okay to take a break. I know it’s hard to not care what others may think but try not to focus on it as much. As stated before it’s likely not as bad as you think and it’s important that you are focusing on your health and taking care of yourself. It seems like you care about your future, which is already a step ahead of some, and I think things will work out for you in time. It may not be as quickly as you anticipate (or maybe it will! ), and it may not look like how you originally pictured it would, but I think it will work out in the end for you.