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Thread: Case stories of people who married a dual after learning about Socionics

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    Default Case stories of people who married a dual after learning about Socionics

    Does socionics actually improve the odds of someone marrying a dual? If you have any information about it, please comment here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Does socionics actually improve the odds of someone marrying a dual? If you have any information about it, please comment here.
    Learning about Socionics has raised my chances of marrying a Dual from 0.00% to something much, much higher. (I don't have full control over this. It takes two to tango.)

    Before I learned about Socionics, I would have kept far, far away from female duals. Weirdly enough, I had several really great male friends who were ESI's. (One was my all-time best friend.) It's just that my prior choice of "allowable" partners had been formed by my Delta LSE mother, and she made it very clear that Feelers were not acceptable. This was just the attitude in my family growing up, like the idea that air is less dense than trees. It wasn't something anyone questioned, it was just understood.

    For example, my LII sister went through a lot of guys. She said the one she got along with best, but the sex sucked, was a guy I type as EIE. She liked him, probably loved him, but she refused to marry him. She married a couple other guys instead, both Logicals, and divorced them in turn. She's now married to an ESTj. Not an ESFj. Close, girl, but no cigar.

    When I first learned about Duality, I went online and looked for examples of ISFP's, since that was the MBTI translation of ESI. I found this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq3mcmpXdRY
    When I showed iJustine to my LII sister and said that she was a Dual, my sister said that if I brought a woman like that home, the family would disown me. Lol.

    Well, I intend to bring a woman like that home, and if they don't like it, I'll disown them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Learning about Socionics has raised my chances of marrying a Dual from 0.00% to something much, much higher. (I don't have full control over this. It takes two to tango.)

    Before I learned about Socionics, I would have kept far, far away from female duals. Weirdly enough, I had several really great male friends who were ESI's. (One was my all-time best friend.) It's just that my prior choice of "allowable" partners had been formed by my Delta LSE mother, and she made it very clear that Feelers were not acceptable. This was just the attitude in my family growing up, like the idea that air is less dense than trees. It wasn't something anyone questioned, it was just understood.

    For example, my LII sister went through a lot of guys. She said the one she got along with best, but the sex sucked, was a guy I type as EIE. She liked him, probably loved him, but she refused to marry him. She married a couple other guys instead, both Logicals, and divorced them in turn. She's now married to an ESTj. Not an ESFj. Close, girl, but no cigar.

    When I first learned about Duality, I went online and looked for examples of ISFP's, since that was the MBTI translation of ESI. I found this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq3mcmpXdRY
    When I showed iJustine to my LII sister and said that she was a Dual, my sister said that if I brought a woman like that home, the family would disown me. Lol.

    Well, I intend to bring a woman like that home, and if they don't like it, I'll disown them.
    I've noticed that Beta J sex is terrible for me too. What a coincidence! xD

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    Hide duality threads.

    Ignore duality posts.

    Do not waste time on duality.

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    Yea I would have never considered my dual before socionics. Actually when I started learning about all this and MBTI I learned ESTJ was my dual and I was vehemently against that, felt like God doomed me to be emasculated by some monster woman for the rest of my life, and I was determined to change that, I pictured everday being told what to do form the moment I woke up. I first thought IEI would be the best choice, then SEI, then back to ESI, then maaaaybe SLI from actual experience, but my god the last thing I wanted was a Te dom girl?! At the time I barely thought you could call someone like that a woman . Sorry. Anyway, it took awhile for me to come around, and some experience up close too.

    I remember I met a dual in elementary school that I didn't even know was a dual. I'm in like first or second grade and there's this girl who is super bossy, and has the same outdated hairdo as her mom, which makes her look like an old child, everyone knows how loud and bossy she can be, she was like the adult when the adults weren't around, and it doesn't help her make friends at all, she's more avoided and talked about that anything else. On her birthday in class my teacher tells me to put her birthday hat on her head for her, she has no idea the teacher instructed me to do it and the whole time she watches me put this hat on her head and string under her chin with wide eyes, I start feeling weird because it looks like she thinks I wanted to do this for her because she's special to me or something, when it's just because the teacher told me to lol. Ever since that day and she would yell at the other kids and be super bossy, the minute she saw me it's like she was incapable of yelling at me, she didn't smile, didn't talk to me much, but she got silent, and sometimes talked to me with a sweeter voice like she was talking to a family member she was close with, instead of those "rotten children" like how she used to see everyone else. I never knew that was duality until socionics. Honestly I'm still a little scared. I just wanna dip my feet in to see what this whole duality thing is about and see if it's for me or not, because LSE is a helluva woman, prone to quick flashes of temper and fighting to get their way, which sound like dealbreakers to me.
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 04-20-2020 at 01:22 AM.

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    there are those who think they married duals after geting the Jung types of the both
    to be sure, it needs video interviews of those people or IRL communication. it's doubtful all of those are duals indeed

    the examples
    on this forum is Maritsa (EIE) there was no video of the dude to check this
    those thought so and then made a pair (mb official). it's semiduals at best (he LII and EIE/IEI)

    Socionics has good chances to be applied on meetings sites. those people seek pairs. you may guess their types by photos, then to make video chats and meet IRL to check the type. Jung type would just one additional factor by which you make initial choices there. the funny is that you'll may get feelings and later understand it's not dual as you supposed. technically feelings may appear to any type
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grendel View Post
    Hide duality threads.

    Ignore duality posts.

    Do not waste time on duality.
    Socionics is basically a lot of mambo jambo with duality as its core but ok

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Does socionics actually improve the odds of someone marrying a dual? If you have any information about it, please comment here.
    I met a female dual before knowing about socionics, I just typed her after knowing and she's like SLI af, and she used to be my crush, and I used to be hers (found out later), but I just friendzoned her coz she was so great of a friend and I used to ruin my relationships, so, i wanted to keep her around, and at the moment (I was 18 and a fuckboy wannabe) i thought the best way to keep her around was to just name her my best friend. Then time changed shit and we don't talk anymore.

    Anyway, met another female dual and she's the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Yea I would have never considered my dual before socionics. Actually when I started learning about all this and MBTI I learned ESTJ was my dual and I was vehemently against that, felt like God doomed me to be emasculated by some monster woman for the rest of my life, and I was determined to change that, I pictured everday being told what to do form the moment I woke up. I first thought IEI would be the best choice, then SEI, then back to ESI, then maaaaybe SLI from actual experience, but my god the last thing I wanted was a Te dom girl?! At the time I barely thought you could call someone like that a woman . Sorry. Anyway, it took awhile for me to come around, and some experience up close too.

    I remember I met a dual in elementary school that I didn't even know was a dual. I'm in like first or second grade and there's this girl who is super bossy, and has the same outdated hairdo as her mom, which made her look like an old child, everyone knows how loud and bossy she can be, she was like the adult when the adults weren't around, and it doesn't help her make friends at all, she's more avoided and talked about that anything else. On her birthday in class my teacher tells me to put her birthday hat on her head for her, she has no idea the teacher instructed me to do it and the whole time she watches me put this hat on her head and string under her chin with wide eyes, I start feeling weird because it looks like she thinks I wanted to do this for her because she's special to me or something, when it's just because the teacher told me to lol. Ever since that day and she would yell at the other kids and be super bossy, the minute she saw me it's like she was incapable of yelling at me, she didn't smile, didn't talk to me much, but she got silent, and sometimes talked to me with a sweeter voice like she was talking to a family member she was close with, instead of those "rotten children" like how she used to see everyone else. I never knew that was duality until socionics. Honestly I'm still a little scared. I just wanna dip my feet in to see what this whole duality thing is about and see if it's for me or not, because LSE is a helluva woman, prone to quick flashes of temper and fighting to get their way.
    That one sounds LSE AF! But not every MBTI ESTJ is LSE, to be honest. MBTI ESTJ's are quite common, but LSE's are not as common. I know an ESTJ girl who might be LIE. She's a horrible person, friend of my sister. I tend to make fun of her ruining her own relationships for being stupid and bitchy.

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    Default Case stories of people who married a dual after learning about Socionics

    me. But I met him before knowing about socionics or mbti.

    Does socionics actually improve the odds of someone marrying a dual?
    what do you mean? please elaborate

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron Something View Post
    Socionics is basically a lot of mambo jambo with duality as its core but ok
    "mambo jambo" appears if instead of adequate theory to read heretical mess and incorrectly type people. then you get the nonsense results which become the obstacle to understand that core theory is correct. what's the common problem of noobs

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    me
    in this case you'd was lesser skeptical to Socionics
    Last edited by Sol; 04-20-2020 at 01:43 AM.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    "mambo jambo" appears if instead of adequate theory to read heretical mess and incorrectly type people. then you get the nonsense results which become the obstacle to understand that core theory is correct. what's the common problem of noobs
    Sorry. What?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron Something View Post
    Sorry. What?
    “You perceive “mambo jambo” because of the high prevalence of “heretical” ideas contrary to the core principles of Socionics. When you try to apply such contradictory ideas, the result becomes even more confusing and hinders correct understanding, causing many newcomers to Socionics to abandon the theory entirely as nonsensical, unable to see the truth at its core.”

    Don’t shoot the translator.
    φιλοκαλοῦμέν τε γὰρ μετ᾽ εὐτελείας καὶ φιλοσοφοῦμεν ἄνευ μαλακίας...

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    ^ you are about to cross a border between clearly thinking emotionless robot T type to teary unreasonable girly F type. I'd advice to not to go there because there is no turning back.
    MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    me. But I met him before knowing about socionics or mbti.



    what do you mean? please elaborate
    Usually people meet a dual before knowing about Socionics. In my case, I guess I had a semi-duality experience. So, I'm asking the opposite, if there are cases where people met their duals because of Socionics, that is, people who know Socionics have a higher chance of meeting a dual and marryig them, or maybe it ruins everything. In my intuition, knowing Socionics increases drastically this probabilty, because you know what to look for, and you can test a candidate for duality to see if the dinamics is what was expected, and therefore test whether the relatio is actually duality. But in practice it may not be the case, as I for example, I don't know how to create a favorable situation for dualization to occur (yet)

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Don’t shoot the translator.
    There are no critical problems to understand my texts. The problem is to accept the reason in them.
    To avoid this and to keep own mistakes what those think as more pleasant than to see the reality, some people do not read the reasonable info and explain this by random reasons alike grammar nitpicking.
    Grammar relates to Ti, so that clowning behavior is more common for Ti valued types. While the approach to prefer emotions over the reality is more common for F types. Making beta F types as the most predisposed to that inadequate behavior.
    Last edited by Sol; 04-20-2020 at 03:48 PM.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    @Megatrop The first thing could be getting to type correctly. Ppl can "ruin everything" simply because they are not correctly typed and don't type others correctly either. Second, socionics is one factor in relationships, but what about the rest? It doesnt really increases your chance to meet more ppl (like to increasing your chances of meeting a dual), just to (in most cases) subjectively evaluate someone you already know. Third, I think socionics should not be a reason to push things in any direction, a favorable situation for any other , since duality is not an exception to any other part of reality. I think frequently just attach magic powers to the concept of duality and trying to use it as some sort of oracle to find husband or wife holding unrealistic expectations. Finally, I think dualization occurs naturally, and it doesnt need to be just through marriage. I know ppl who's dualized with friends just because they are so bad at coping with relationships that they just accept that friendship works better for them (normal frienship, not sexual one). This is the case of one LII gf of mine who lives with an ESE gf. LII friend always had poor family relations and awful with the opposite sex, she simply found better to move on and share home with an ESE sisterlike friend.I think duality is a natural phenomena in the world of relations, its not meant to be taken as an oracle for finding love or smth.

    edit. socionics can improve ppl relations as long as both know the theory and each one individually is mature enough to take responsibility for their actions and accept each other as they are with their strengths and failures.
    Last edited by Akira; 04-20-2020 at 06:35 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Learning about Socionics has raised my chances of marrying a Dual from 0.00% to something much, much higher.
    People with good IR inspire irrational sympathy what rises the chance to make with them a pair as higher than average.
    With the correct typing the chances become significantly higher. With bad typing, especially having the mistake in own type, - the chances may be improved not much or even to become lower.

    Also the good what Socionics gives - rises the importance of deep friendship feelings value for pair choosing. Also with the correct own type people understand what they want in friendship the most.
    In today "western culture" with egocentric ideology, the value of loving other people is reduced. Egocentrism and love are not compatible, as love means the joining with other one such that his interests and views become same important as your own, you become like equal parts on one, like left and right hands of the one body - you disolve in each other and alike become each other. A part of on what pairs love is based, what helps to have it - are friendship feelings (besides sexual passion and respect). As the compensation the culture shifts much of the attention on sexual attraction, social status, money etc in making pair choices, what leads to surface, worse and shorter relations (what is seen in higher number of divorces). Socionics leads to pay more of the attention on deep friendship, which is important to have long relations and good marriages.

    I'd also point, that sexual attraction is just common and the majority is people are perceived as attractive. The feeling of respect much depends on IQ and sometimes education, - what to find close to you is not hard too. So the main problem to make good pairs is friendship abbility. Socionics helps by one of important factors to have it.
    Socionics also shows one of useful parts of what friendship may to give. It may improve the personality of people by improving their weaker regions, by what making wider developed and more harmonic personality - the wiser and happier personality with higher efficiency. The deeper of love state people have - the more this improvement may to happen.

    > Before I learned about Socionics, I would have kept far, far away from female duals.

    the reason for this may to be that you think as duals the ones who are not such
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    “You perceive “mambo jambo” because of the high prevalence of “heretical” ideas contrary to the core principles of Socionics. When you try to apply such contradictory ideas, the result becomes even more confusing and hinders correct understanding, causing many newcomers to Socionics to abandon the theory entirely as nonsensical, unable to see the truth at its core.”

    Don’t shoot the translator.
    Thank you, my dear supervisor, for translatting alien language. That person speaks like a computer with retardation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    @Megatrop The first thing could be getting to type correctly. Ppl can "ruin everything" simply because they are not correctly typed and don't type others correctly either. Second, socionics is one factor in relationships, but what about the rest? It doesnt really increases your chance to meet more ppl (like to increasing your chances of meeting a dual), just to (in most cases) subjectively evaluate someone you already know. Third, I think socionics should not be a reason to push things in any direction, a favorable situation for any other , since duality is not an exception to any other part of reality. I think frequently just attach magic powers to the concept of duality and trying to use it as some sort of oracle to find husband or wife holding unrealistic expectations. Finally, I think dualization occurs naturally, and it doesnt need to be just through marriage. I know ppl who's dualized with friends just because they are so bad at coping with relationships that they just accept that friendship works better for them (normal frienship, not sexual one). This is the case of one LII gf of mine who lives with an ESE gf. LII friend always had poor family relations and awful with the opposite sex, she simply found better to move on and share home with an ESE sisterlike friend.I think duality is a natural phenomena in the world of relations, its not meant to be taken as an oracle for finding love or smth.
    According to Gulenko, duality can't be forced by conscious intervention. It really does have to happen "naturally."

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    It can if you know the theory well enough

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    I'm a tourist in the land of my own being Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    According to Gulenko, duality can't be forced by conscious intervention. It really does have to happen "naturally."
    That's the problem. You know it's probably good for you both but you can't do anything about it besides showing appreciation for them and trying to help if they need it. Usually when you show appreciation for people, they tend to stick around, but taking it to a long term relationship is another level

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grendel View Post
    Hide duality threads.

    Ignore duality posts.

    Do not waste time on duality.
    Until you experience duality and your world turns upside down.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    That's the problem. You know it's probably good for you both but you can't do anything about it besides showing appreciation for them and trying to help if they need it. Usually when you show appreciation for someone, they tend to stick around, but taking it to a long term relationship is another level
    The problem with dating online is essentially this. People connect naturally through the proxy of other activities. If you're using a dating site, you're not making a natural connection usually, because you're trying to meet people with the intention of dating someone. Setting a goal for a relationship is inherently unnatural. People meet, get closer, and find accidentally that they like each other. That's how it goes. I've seen duals connect on dating sites before. It does happen. But yeah it's still a bit artificial. xD

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    I'm not married but I am dating a dual (and living with one since coronavirus forced us to move in together or not see each other for however long quarantine lasts).

    I probably would have dated him even without socionics. It would have felt weird having someone so seemingly different from me and yet also exactly the same as me. I don't really know how to describe it. But also it's not a magic pill and if we hadn't had so many similar experiences, particularly in recent years where we've developed the same framework and language to speak to each other*, I'm not sure how well we could have bridged our differences.


    * we met at a buddhist centre and come from circles of friends that are very open and honest emotionally. LSI said this has helped him 1) deal with other people's emotions and 2) be able to express his. I've never had issue expressing mine but I have had issues with not being manipulative and victimy about how I express them or just being really honest about them.
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
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    Here is a dual couple. The guy knew about Socionics before marrying her.

    Now guess their types! It shouldn't be too hard. Hint: They also have compatible DCNH.

    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    Here is a dual couple. The guy knew about Socionics before marrying her.

    Now guess their types! It shouldn't be too hard. Hint: They also have compatible DCNH.

    Damn, they talk way too much about food! It is irritating. They're definitely Si/Ne valuing. She seems to be a feeler. He's definitely a sensor. Also, I find strange that both of them seem to have the same energy levels, which is surprising for me, because I would never think they're duals based on their interactions.
    I would say he's ST and therefore she would be NF. She seems more introverted than him. So LSE (He) - EII (She)?

    Btw, this is exactly the kind of information I look for: dual couples interacting in a video. Thanks for sharing! If you have more examples like this one, please share with me!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    They're definitely Si/Ne valuing.
    yes

    She seems to be a feeler.
    yes

    He's definitely a sensor.
    no

    She seems more introverted than him.
    yes

    They are ILE (he) and SEI (she)! Subtypes: Creative-Harmonizing

    Btw, this is exactly the kind of information I look for: dual couples interacting in a video. Thanks for sharing! If you have more examples like this one, please share with me!
    Shouldn't be too hard to find more dual videos. I posted this because it was an example of someone knowing socionics and then finding a dual.

    If you think they don't seem like duals based on interaction, then keep in mind that it is probably partially scripted. They've made alot of these travel videos in their channel.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

  29. #29

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    So feeling nostalgic and here I am revisiting this forum. Posted for a bit, years ago. Some of the things that some of you have shared throughout the forum have resonated with me. Maybe some of what I’m sharing will do the same.

    And yes! For what it's worth, a very small (though this reply didn’t end up so small!) yet significant, piece of socionics ended up being a part of my 20 year (and counting) love story.

    At 20 years old, I landed upon some socionics’ type descriptions and read about intertype relationships (psych major). Reading the semi-dual relationship floored me at the time because it touched on some of what I had been experiencing with my then, on-and-off again, boyfriend.

    The duality description on the other hand, emphasized to me that my desire to experience a more steady feeling of connection was a subject of study by something called socionics and, oh me oh my-poof- just like that, a real possibility in this world! It was a hopeful moment.

    I felt the push I needed to aspire to engage in that latter relationship. The words on that description echoed the hopeful words I’d heard many times from well-meaning family and friends, 70’s/80’s love songs, cinematic love stories, etc...all providing words/stories/images that I resonated with. I like to think that those external signposts echoed my own desire to experience a connection that felt good but without the heartaches I was experiencing in the semi-dual dynamic. I’d known for a while that I couldn’t be in it for much longer. No matter how much I wanted us to work, we weren’t working and it was time to move on. It was painful to come to that decision and it took time to finally get there. Socionics was one of several whispers telling me to go for it.

    Luckily, I had immersed myself in college life that year and lived in a dorm with two roommates (love those two; we became life long friends/family. We have our own families now. All 15 of us get together twice a year for much needed road trip adventures) which helped distract and get me through the emotional loss of my rollercoaster relationship.

    Over a year later, after a couple of attempts at dating, I found my guy. Online dating was just taking hold and I happened upon a free site showing people’s ads. His profile picture showed a messy looking 22 y/o punk guy playing a guitar. I related to the messy part but not the punk or guitar part. I liked the seemingly rebellious spirit of his picture and his profile, which read, “Lost in the Real World.” Which at 21 years old, I found beautifully vulnerable and honest. Plus, it was a phrase I could relate to back then. So I wrote to him; told him I related to feeling lost in the real world and told him a little bit about my situation, ambitions, and fears. His first words back to me were, “I understand…” golden words for me, again, at that age. The next day I gave him my phone number and we talked for over 3 hours.

    Days later, as we lay cuddling on my parent’s living room couch, he says as if astonished, “we fit so well.” Every night after that night, he’d come visit me after work and stay until I’d fall asleep. He ended up slowly moving in with me (into my parent’s home). Soon after he informed me that, “for some reason,” he now felt that he’d been found. Melts my heart to this day. The way I felt with him, gave me a sense that I’d happened upon the relationship I’d always craved. The one socionics calls duality.

    Out of curiosity, I tried a few times to see if he did indeed fit into one of the type descriptions I had read. I told him something to the effect of, “I like men that are tough.” Though not really knowing if I liked men that were tough. Not sure what the descriptions I’d happened upon of a SLE warrior guy even really meant. Well, after naively telling him that I liked tough men, he said something along the lines of, “Well, I’m a lover not a fighter. But if you want, I can put you in your place, woman.” I laughed, found his response witty and endearing, and ended up giving up on trying to figure out if he fit the description of my dual because I’d found someone whom I meshed with so well.


    Funny enough, the tough guy comment I made to him came back to haunt me during those early days of our relationship. He’d just parked his car at an amusement park and the driver of the car who parked next to us opens his door and hits my guy’s car, twice. I didn’t know what to do but I knew it felt bad having been hit like that. My loving, endearing, witty guy gets an impatient look on his face, gets out of his car, and chews the guy out. Lectures him (loudly) on having the decency to pay attention and show basic respect for other people’s property. I was calm and quietly supported him in the moment, but was immediately uncomfortable and uneasy afterward.

    I couldn’t enjoy the park and asked to go back home. I had to think through this. He had lost his cool as the confrontation went on and I couldn’t help but think a calmer conversation could have taken place. Did the other guy’s seeming carelessness and blasé response deserve to be confronted in such a way? Could the confrontation have led to a fight? Is he a hothead? Every single person I spoke to about this, was on his side. My brother told me something to the effect of, “it shows he will also protect YOU; not allow others to take advantage of you.” My sister said something along the lines of, “you need someone who’s not afraid to stick up for himself.” I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days and I missed him. We talked about the moment and I felt better.

    Our next bump happened about a year into our relationship. I told him he was kind of robotic compared to my fun, spontaneous, emotional, popular ex and I was feeling bored. (My ex came from a large extended family that, from my POV, knew how to listen to each other, enjoy each other, party, dance, and have fun (Looking back, I was young when I met them (13!) and I was romanticizing all of them. His sister is still my best friend though). I loved and craved the feeling of fun and connection/belonging that my ex and his family brought out in me. My husband and I both came from very small and not very expressive families. We came from hard working, rather ascetic families that didn’t readily talk about feelings or show much in the way of enjoyment. Both our parents experienced the harshness of growing up hunger pangs poor, alongside other traumas). My comment hurt him. And I felt immediate fear and regret for speaking those feelings out loud. But, he told me, “I’m even keel. I don’t let the highs get too high or the lows get too low. But I will try to be more engaging.” Really, I was bored with myself. It was my issue. Because when I’d see him in social settings, I just swooned over him. In those social settings, he became full on witty, funny, knowledgeable. Other people enjoyed his company and liked him too.

    Ultimately, and surprisingly, I liked how he handled my honest feelings. Nobody else had handled my feelings with such care and understanding. He didn’t shut down, become resentful, or leave because I told him he felt robotic/boring. He was hurt but appreciated the honesty. He could work with that. It was our first real practice at communicating honestly; even while being afraid of the imagined negative outcomes that communicating honestly might create. After the positive result that conversation had on us, and after thinking it through, “even keel” was more desirable than the roller coaster relationship that I’d known for years.

    The life that we’ve been lucky enough to build together has been just as even keel as my husband. It’s loving/safe/predictable (everyday during COVID, I’ve looked forward to our nightly front porch date; with the pooches by our side). We’re making a damn good go of it. Creating and experiencing the family unit I wish I had experienced growing up, one in which we, when needed, take on uncomfortable notions when they arise; rather than ignore or suppress them. This has given us good results. It has increased the trust between us and a fun/surprising renewed desire for each other also springs up. Our initial dynamic felt good and we imagined it just might continue that way.

    We have been each other’s companion since the first day we exchanged emails. We didn’t know how long we’d feel that way. We just knew it felt good/promising on day one and it felt good a year later when he randomly proposed while we were having one of our long chats. And it felt good years later when we felt we had our cards right and decided it was time to become parents (to three new humans who instantly changed me and who feel like the physical incarnation of my heart).

    At the same time, I marvel at how differently we engage with the world (so now I’m just mentioning a few outward, simple, working class, life things that seem to match up to SLE/IEI duality to me). I’m not into the fun outward hobbies he’s into. For one, I can’t sit through and cheerfully follow an MLB season (though I love showing up to the HS games he coaches; to silently swoon over his quiet yet confident command of the situations that arise. He hasn’t lost his cool yet!). He crossfits and I find the whole thing way too intimidating to join him. I wish I could join him because he has fun bonding time with the people there. I stick to my treadmill and dumbbells. I don’t consider myself much fun at all. My work has evolved to become very important, serious, meaningful, challenging, tiring, and fun for me, and therefore it takes up a lot of my thinking space; as does musing about local and world events. (Side note: I’ve been able to work, rest, and reflect, because his mom (selfless woman) contributed greatly to the functioning of our household. She lived with us during the work week to take care of our three girls and our daily household needs. But now that all our kids are in school, we figured it was time for her to take a break from taking care of us. So lately, it's been an added pressure for all of us in the family to switch into household attention mode. I figured out my best method for dealing with this crisis; minimalism! That way there is less to organize, less pay attention to, and less guilt/shame for the moments it’s not managed well. Really proud of myself for figuring that one out!). I tease and ask him why he’s still with me after all these years (with all our differences) and he laughs. Says I’m his companion and he loves me.

    I’m middle aged now, and as I’m faced with the losses that come with age and potential losses in general that come with this world, I can only hope that there will be, once again, some words that will resonate with all the wise and caring voices I’ve heard/read throughout the years and carry me and/or those around me through. For a small crisis, maybe a 70’s/80’s pop song will do the trick!

  30. #30
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    @cally absolutely one of the most adorable things I have ever read.

    I can’t wait to perhaps one day post on the thread like this. I’m very young and having left my dual ex for good no long ago, thinking my chances at finding one were ruined, this story reminds me that there is hope. Thank you for posting this.
    Last edited by PinKDiGiT18; 07-11-2021 at 10:15 AM.

  31. #31

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    @cally thank you for posting. What a nice story, a great example of a healthy relationship (not just because it's duality but because it sounds so caring).

  32. #32

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    Quote Originally Posted by cally View Post
    My work has evolved to become very important, serious, meaningful, challenging, tiring, and fun for me, and therefore it takes up a lot of my thinking space; as does musing about local and world events. (Side note: I’ve been able to work, rest, and reflect, because his mom (selfless woman) contributed greatly to the functioning of our household.
    What type of work do you do, if you don't mind sharing that is? It sounds like it was a rewarding job. I feel like I will need to do something more meaningful one day!
    Last edited by Bethany; 08-10-2021 at 06:29 PM.

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Does socionics actually improve the odds of someone marrying a dual? If you have any information about it, please comment here.
    usually duals naturally attract even if they never heard of socionics, but if you are a badly integrated person you may endup mistaking dual for conflictor or other bad matches. What socionics can do is make you realize that and actually start spotting your dual by better integrating yourself and stop associating love with traumatizing drama.

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