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Thread: SEIs/ISFps and rebuffed Si.

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    Default SEIs/ISFps and rebuffed Si.

    It’s caused me some embarrassment afterwards when I looked back at my reaction. But when people reject the Si I offer, I can get so critical and shouty, even.

    I suggest a film to someone, I create a tranquil environment where we can disolve into the experience uninterrupted and the person then does something like get up and start doing the dishes. They might try to pacify me saying that they can follow the plot from the sink. You do not watch such and such director standing by sink, I reply, and I get restless. I will reprimand the person in a high voice if I continue to notice lack of attention on their part.

    Here I am, offering something new so that they can stretch their Ti and Ne sideways and lengthways and look at what they give me.

    Or I will plan a trip to a tour destination. I will include the more scenic route there as opposed to the fastest one. How can anyone say no to adding another beautiful experience on top of the one planned, how can they be so needlessly closed-off? I’ll get so pissed if they insist on fastest one.

    I write this to paint a general picture to non-caregivers who were wondering about the dynamics. I’ll repeat that with SEIs at least, a rebuff of offered Si can lead irritation and anger. When we don’t get the ‘right’ reaction we get hit by the impression of being in the vicinity of zombified person (this is more personal, but the frustration might also stem from the perception of no presence of a critical eye for life in general).

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    @Rusal Does your Si being rebuffed and the irritation it causes you have anything at all to do with it creating a sense of internal imbalance within yourself? If an aspect of Si is concerned with maintaining a sense of internal homeostasis and congruence with your immediate environment (including objects and subjects), does it cause any [psychosomatic ?] discomfort when someone throws a plugged in curling iron into your tranquil, warm and relaxing bath? Lol

    I have way too much anecdotal evidence with Si leads, especially, that suggests I can be a NIGHTMARE for them to have around (which I feel bad about if I'm causing real discomfort) >

    1.) For example, not paying adequate attention to the process of consuming food (e.g., taking the time to properly chew and taste and not swallow it whole like some reptile) and regarding it primarily as a form of sustenance and fuel without “enjoying it”–my Si is so bad that I actually hate when people ask me if I “enjoyed” a meal. Lol As if that’s some kind of perversity. Though food can most definitely be enjoyable, my instinct is to push back on the belief that this should always be the case.

    I once went on a diet/detox/cleanse with my SEI-Si aunt that involved removing sugar from our diets and there were a lot of funky tasting shakes and smoothies that I had no problem chugging because it’s easier for me to ignore in the moment sensations when I’m making sacrifices for some future outcome. I’m wiling to push past it, but my aunt could almost NEVER do the same if there was some unpleasant taste involved, which really frustrated me, and my lecturing her about the nutritional benefits and eventual pay off were never enough of a motivation–which Socionics has helped me to make sense of.

    2.) On the flip side, I also have a few weird food sensitivities and certain colors, textures and consistencies I absolutely refuse to go near, which means left up to me my palette can run rather mundane and uninspiring. You don’t know how many sweet SEI grandmas I’ve unintentionally offended when I couldn’t indulge some unexpected, “wild and dangerous” Ne suggestive flare of creativity in a meal they prepared. Lol But one of my first and best personal investments was hiring a chef/nutritionist to cater to my gastric eccentricities while gently nudging me towards taking mitigated but rewarding risks with my taste buds.

    I’m glad that it seems the older I get, the more mindful and tolerant I become about Si concerns. I’ve always loved taking in scenic, picturesque landscapes and vistas, but from the perspective of a high speed train prone to derailment, or on its way to Hogwarts lol; however, at this point, it’s become a personal prerequisite that I always live adjacent to a large moving body of water–this has a very calming, soothing, pacifying affect on me and I have grown to appreciate feeling “internally sound,” in tune with my environment and at peace. Though I have rarely “stopped to smell the roses,” I find that once I do, they’re quite...pleasant–who knew! Lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rusal View Post
    Or I will plan a trip to a tour destination. I will include the more scenic route there as opposed to the fastest one. How can anyone say no to adding another beautiful experience on top of the one planned, how can they be so needlessly closed-off? I’ll get so pissed if they insist on fastest one.
    You can tell them to shut up by saying "Am I driving, or are you?"
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alonzo View Post
    @Rusal Does your Si being rebuffed and the irritation it causes you have anything at all to do with it creating a sense of internal imbalance within yourself? If an aspect of Si is concerned with maintaining a sense of internal homeostasis and congruence with your immediate environment (including objects and subjects), does it cause any [psychosomatic ?] discomfort when someone throws a plugged in curling iron into your tranquil, warm and relaxing bath? Lol
    Well, sharing the experience was part of the pleasure I was after, so it will add to the discomfort if it encounters a wall. But I can turn to my Si haven anytime I want. The irritation has to sources: an incapacity to connect with someone else and the unwillingness to engage in Ti and Ne (and the two sources seem connected). There’s also the tangent of how can I trust a person’s general judgement if they’re not even up to this. I get the sense that I want to train them in Ne and Ti so that they are the tools they apply to life. I’ve traumatized people.

    This is funny and a bit of stretch and not really the comments I’d make, but you get how they might’ve come up with the skit:

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    Weird, but I can relate that to other SXIs I know. On the one hand you want people to open their minds and enjoy the experience, but on the other you're forcing your opinion of what is enjoyable.... which makes it a bit of a pain in the ass. I guess the intention is nice though.

    Si-doms are nice for some "forced relaxing" but after some time of being told what to eat, when to get up, and all that, I just get the feeling of being "taken over" and my Se-role kicks in (it's quite handy). Wanna force me to live your boring life? Nah, fuck that. I'm leavin' now

    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    You can tell them to shut up by saying "Am I driving, or are you?"
    Yea OK .... just drop me off here. I'll take the next bus.
    Only there occasionally

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    Quote Originally Posted by lkdhf qkb View Post
    Yea OK .... just drop me off here. I'll take the next bus.
    Yeah but have my cell phone for the ride. I’ve put 15 terabytes worth of progressive rock in it so that you listen to real music for a change. C’mon take it…take it!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rusal View Post
    It’s caused me some embarrassment afterwards when I looked back at my reaction. But when people reject the Si I offer, I can get so critical and shouty, even.

    I suggest a film to someone, I create a tranquil environment where we can disolve into the experience uninterrupted and the person then does something like get up and start doing the dishes. They might try to pacify me saying that they can follow the plot from the sink. You do not watch such and such director standing by sink, I reply, and I get restless. I will reprimand the person in a high voice if I continue to notice lack of attention on their part.

    Here I am, offering something new so that they can stretch their Ti and Ne sideways and lengthways and look at what they give me.

    Or I will plan a trip to a tour destination. I will include the more scenic route there as opposed to the fastest one. How can anyone say no to adding another beautiful experience on top of the one planned, how can they be so needlessly closed-off? I’ll get so pissed if they insist on fastest one.

    I write this to paint a general picture to non-caregivers who were wondering about the dynamics. I’ll repeat that with SEIs at least, a rebuff of offered Si can lead irritation and anger. When we don’t get the ‘right’ reaction we get hit by the impression of being in the vicinity of zombified person (this is more personal, but the frustration might also stem from the perception of no presence of a critical eye for life in general).
    Who would want to wash dishes anyway?

    And the fastest route is usually the more stressful drive.

    I've actually also been pissed about the fastest route thing. I used to hang with an SLE who acted like I was stupid because I didn't take a certain route to get somewhere. And he was always trying to order me to go the way he wanted just because it was faster.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rusal View Post
    Yeah but have my cell phone for the ride. I’ve put 15 terabytes worth of progressive rock in it so that you listen to real music for a change. C’mon take it…take it!
    What is the matter with you? Why do you have to latch onto people?! And.... why am I suddenly curious about progressive rock? Is this some kind of dark magic?
    Only there occasionally

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    Could a Si rebuff also be when you offer to make someone a drink, or get them a snack, and they decline, yet a few minutes later get up to get it theirselves? Which leaves you feeling weirdly mildly offended...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rusal View Post
    ......how can they be so needlessly closed-off? ..........
    The miffed reactions are fairly typical of SXIs but I'm puzzled by this statement because many SXIs are very closed-off themselves and somewhat monosyllabic. They seem to have a my-castle-my-rules approach to life even though they sometimes like to say that they're laid-back and don't sweat the small stuff. Many also seem rather suspicious of the intentions of others and can be intolerant of seemingly impractical or indirect people even though their duals can be truly rudderless.......

    a.k.a. I/O
    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 05-18-2020 at 03:40 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jumpintoillusions View Post
    Could a Si rebuff also be when you offer to make someone a drink, or get them a snack, and they decline, yet a few minutes later get up to get it theirselves? Which leaves you feeling weirdly mildly offended...
    Not with me, at least. Get me one of whatever you’re having while you’re at it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    The miffed reactions are fairly typical of SXIs but I'm puzzled by this statement because many SXIs are very closed-off themselves and somewhat monosyllabic. They seem to have a my-castle-my-rules approach to life even though they sometimes like to say that they're laid-back and don't sweat the small stuff. Many also seem rather suspicious of the intentions of others and can be intolerant of seemingly impractical or indirect people even though their duals can be truly rudderless.......[IMG]file:///C:\Users\G50\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\cl ip_image001.gif[/IMG]

    a.k.a. I/O
    Hey, I’m just trying to explain what might be happening inside an SEI, when the receiving end only gets the external attitude. It’s a bad sign when I get rebuffed because I interpret it as unwillingness to engage in a panoramic view of an object and multiplicity of analysis, something that speaks enormously of a person’s behaviour in other spheres of life (so maybe we’re closed-off to the possibility of other’s being closed-off...)

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