Most Common ITR in DV/Abusive Relationships? [TRIGGER WARNING]

[Adam Strange]

I read about IEEs finding it hard to get over relationships long after they ended because they are subconsciously built to handle the on-off nature of SLIs bc apparently the SLI-IEE relationship is a very I’m-pulling-away-but-we’re-still-together on-off kind of relationship.
I’ve experienced the same with an SLI who thought we were still dating yet we hadn’t talked in over a month and I had assumed he was disinterested and moved on (we weren’t actually dating, but he said we were when he confronted me)
Idk if anyone else has had this with SLIs and IEEs

@Shytan, IMO, you nailed it. The SLI is always a day late and a mile away but is very, very faithful, while the IEE is like

[Shytan]

@Shytan, IMO, you nailed it. The SLI is always a day late and a mile away but is very, very faithful, while the IEE is like

Do you think IEEs are unfaithful?

[Adam Strange]

Do you think IEEs are unfaithful?

No, I don't think that IEE's are unfaithful, exactly. But they do have loads of Ne, which to me is the essence of alternate actions and never coming to a final conclusion, which, I think, can be dangerous to most relationships.

I know four IEE's, all woman, ranging from decades of interaction time to hours. They are:

1. My SLI ex-wife's sister, an IEE-Ne. She was married to an LSE for a while and had two kids, then left him because he was a "conservative asshole". Next, she had an asshole lawyer for a BF for many years. I don't know his type, but I remember that I didn't particularly like him. Then, she married an EII who worked as a truck driver and a photographer and a preacher and really is waiting to find out what he wants to do. She doesn't complain about him, but it doesn't seem like it's the best situation for either of them.

2. An IEE-Fi. She is married to an ILE and has two kids and she can't wait to get out of the marriage and has asked me how to find an SLI-Te, since she met my son and father and they are both SLI-Te's. She isn't cheating on the ILE, but she's disappointed that he never "grew up". And man, is she ever ready for a new man.

3. An IEE-Fi woman I know from work. She is married to an archaeology professor whom she complains about sometimes, but she does not find him problematic enough to seriously look elsewhere. She does spend all her spare time at work talking with a divorced SLI-Si guy.

4. An IEE who works at my father's nursing home. I was encouraging her to talk to my SLI father more (because they'd both benefit) and I was telling her what kind of guy I thought she'd like. I described an SLI. She listened, and then said that that a guy like that sounded better than any of her previous husbands.

The dynamic that I've seen between SLI's and IEE's is that the SLI does his own thing; carpentry, car repair, saving money for a rainy day, while basically ignoring women. Absolutely ignores them in any observable romantic sense. He might be a total gentleman and act towards women with great consideration, but he's not going to take any action. I've asked my SLI son how he feels about women, and he said that most of them are trouble. He's not gay, incidentally. He's just discerning and holds his cards very close to his chest.
The IEE has to break through these defenses. Her strategy is randomness and the unexpected, including what seem to be overt sexual offers. She might do this with every guy, BUT, if the guy responds in any way except by being inert, she shuts him down and then forever ignores him. That sexiness act is a filter for SLI's.

The IEE has to be pretty over-the-top and keep hammering away at the SLI. Otherwise, she just won't get through. The SLI has to be stable (to counter her randomness) and a Guardian-Caregiver to her Infantile, and he has to just ignore her Ne 95% of the time or he'd go crazy. The SLI lives in terror that his life is going to be terminally boring and the IEE's randomness relieves that fear, but a little goes a long way.

The SLI is going to be dead stable and seemingly disinterested, and the IEE is going to jump at every rabbit, but will avoid other hunters and will only force a guy to accept her presence if he's a genuine SLI (assuming she knows what she needs - which usually takes her some amount of experimenting).

So to answer your question, No, I don't think that IEE's are more unfaithful than other types. I do think that they can LOOK like they are looking, possibly as a test for SLI-ness, and possibly as a result of jumping at the wrong rabbit and now they have to start over with another rabbit.

[Dr PissBender]

No, I don't think that IEE's are unfaithful, exactly. But they do have loads of Ne, which to me is the essence of alternate actions and never coming to a final conclusion, which, I think, can be dangerous to most relationships.

I know four IEE's, all woman, ranging from decades of interaction time to hours. They are:

1. My SLI ex-wife's sister, an IEE-Ne. She was married to an LSE for a while and had two kids, then left him because he was a "conservative asshole". Next, she had an asshole lawyer for a BF for many years. I don't know his type, but I remember that I didn't particularly like him. Then, she married an EII who worked as a truck driver and a photographer and a preacher and really is waiting to find out what he wants to do. She doesn't complain about him, but it doesn't seem like it's the best situation for either of them.

2. An IEE-Fi. She is married to an ILE and has two kids and she can't wait to get out of the marriage and has asked me how to find an SLI-Te, since she met my son and father and they are both SLI-Te's. She isn't cheating on the ILE, but she's disappointed that he never "grew up". And man, is she ever ready for a new man.

3. An IEE-Fi woman I know from work. She is married to an archaeology professor whom she complains about sometimes, but she does not find him problematic enough to seriously look elsewhere. She does spend all her spare time at work talking with a divorced SLI-Si guy.

4. An IEE who works at my father's nursing home. I was encouraging her to talk to my SLI father more (because they'd both benefit) and I was telling her what kind of guy I thought she'd like. I described an SLI. She listened, and then said that that a guy like that sounded better than any of her previous husbands.

The dynamic that I've seen between SLI's and IEE's is that the SLI does his own thing; carpentry, car repair, saving money for a rainy day, while basically ignoring women. Absolutely ignores them in any observable romantic sense. He might be a total gentleman and act towards women with great consideration, but he's not going to take any action. I've asked my SLI son how he feels about women, and he said that most of them are trouble. He's not gay, incidentally. He's just discerning and holds his cards very close to his chest.
The IEE has to break through these defenses. Her strategy is randomness and the unexpected, including what seem to be overt sexual offers. She might do this with every guy, BUT, if the guy responds in any way except by being inert, she shuts him down and then forever ignores him. That sexiness act is a filter for SLI's.

The IEE has to be pretty over-the-top and keep hammering away at the SLI. Otherwise, she just won't get through. The SLI has to be stable (to counter her randomness) and a Guardian-Caregiver to her Infantile, and he has to just ignore her Ne 95% of the time or he'd go crazy. The SLI lives in terror that his life is going to be terminally boring and the IEE's randomness relieves that fear, but a little goes a long way.

The SLI is going to be dead stable and seemingly disinterested, and the IEE is going to jump at every rabbit, but will avoid other hunters and will only force a guy to accept her presence if he's a genuine SLI (assuming she knows what she needs - which usually takes her some amount of experimenting).

So to answer your question, No, I don't think that IEE's are more unfaithful than other types. I do think that they can LOOK like they are looking, possibly as a test for SLI-ness, and possibly as a result of jumping at the wrong rabbit and now they have to start over with another rabbit.

This describes exactly how I got through my SLI's defenses, and i'm an IEE male and she's an SLI fem obvs. Lol.

[Dr PissBender]

@Shytan, IMO, you nailed it. The SLI is always a day late and a mile away but is very, very faithful, while the IEE is like

I've always been faithful.

[Adam Strange]

I've always been faithful.

I didn’t mean to imply that IEE’s are not faithful. That symbol was meant to represent Ne randomness mixed with extroversion.

[Dr PissBender]

I didn’t mean to imply that IEE’s are not faithful. That symbol was meant to represent Ne randomness mixed with extroversion.

I'm curious on how LIE's react to IEE's Ne. I have an LIE best friend and he's one of my besties and we get along real well. We tend to game together. I tend to get along badly with EIE's tho.

[Adam Strange]

I'm curious on how LIE's react to IEE's Ne. I have an LIE best friend and he's one of my besties and we get along real well. We tend to game together. I tend to get along badly with EIE's tho.

Objectively, I think the IEE’s Ne can be good or bad. Good because it attracts a Dual and it also can solve problems when straight logic fails, and bad because it tends to destroy wealth. This is one of the reasons that SLI’s hoard resources and never talk about what they have. If the IEE found out that the SLI had money for a trip to Paris, those tickets would be on a charge card in a heartbeat.

As to how I subjectively feel around IEE’s, they are my Benefactors and when I’m around them, it feels like Christmas and there are presents, even if there aren’t presents.

[Dr PissBender]

Objectively, I think the IEE’s Ne can be good or bad. Good because it attracts a Dual and it also can solve problems when straight logic fails, and bad because it tends to destroy wealth. This is one of the reasons that SLI’s hoard resources and never talk about what they have. If the IEE found out that the SLI had money for a trip to Paris, those tickets would be on a charge card in a heartbeat.

As to how I subjectively feel around IEE’s, they are my Benefactors and when I’m around them, it feels like Christmas and there are presents, even if there aren’t presents.

Haha! This comment is perfect. But to be honest, I've never taken advantage of people's money or anything, I don't like that. I'm usually the one inviting people. I had a female SLI best friend who crushed on me but i just wanted her as a best friend, and i'd constantly invite her for dinner. I'd pay it all and make dinner and food for her. Later I did realize i had been crushing on her but it was too late...

[Alonzo]

I'm curious on how LIE's react to IEE's Ne. I have an LIE best friend and he's one of my besties and we get along real well. We tend to game together. I tend to get along badly with EIE's tho.

It's very "lady in the streets [Te] but freak in the sheets [Ne]" when it comes to my relationship with Ne lol; it's almost like I live a double life, where there is this aspect of myself that is quite strong and takes up ample space in my psyche, but that I may not ostensibly wear and publicly showcase at all times because it might get in the way of my overarching goals and endeavors--but on the chance that I scurry past some brazen street walker who lets their freak flag fly, I impart a smirk, nod and a wink in their direction to show that I secretly relate to that level of "fun" and wild abandon. lol I tend to meet Ne in a lot of dark alley ways, out of sight, without the glare of street lamps, where I can let loose.

For me, Ne = unadulterated fun, exploration and discovery into new worlds and realities--It's Oz, Narnia, Star Trek, Dr. Who, all that, which is why I consume copious amounts of Ne related fuckery and tomfoolery particularly during my private/down time--it's not a state of mind that I cognitively take seriously (i.e., prioritize it). Ne leads can be fun to engage because I have the capacity (4D Ne) to keep up, but IEEs are the most alluring because they also feed my suggestive Fi, and IMO, are the most hilarious sociotype. Especially at this point in my life, I don't know if there is a more influential type to me than IEE--particularly brilliant ones are like god tier status.

[Dr PissBender]

It's very "lady in the streets [Te] but freak in the sheets [Ne]" when it comes to my relationship with Ne lol; it's almost like I live a double life, where there is this aspect of myself that is quite strong and takes up ample space in my psyche, but that I may not ostensibly wear and publicly showcase at all times because it might get in the way of my overarching goals and endeavors--but on the chance that I scurry past some brazen street walker who lets their freak flag fly, I impart a smirk, nod and a wink in their direction to show that I secretly relate to that level of "fun" and wild abandon. lol I tend to meet Ne in a lot of dark alley ways, out of sight, without the glare of street lamps, where I can let loose.

For me, Ne = unadulterated fun, exploration and discovery into new worlds and realities--It's Oz, Narnia, Star Trek, Dr. Who, all that, which is why I consume copious amounts of Ne related fuckery and tomfoolery particularly during my private/down time--it's not a state of mind that I cognitively take seriously (i.e., prioritize it). Ne leads can be fun to engage because I have the capacity (4D Ne) to keep up, but IEEs are the most alluring because they also feed my suggestive Fi, and IMO, are the most hilarious sociotype. Especially at this point in my life, I don't know if there is a more influential type to me than IEE--particularly brilliant ones are like god tier status.

Aww, I honestly love healthy LIE's, I have only disliked two out of like five, the rest are my friends. And those two were, to be honest, wannabe sociopaths (I did the sociopath better than them, to be fair.) And I prefer LIE's over my dumbass benefactors any time! I mean, who in their sane mind likes ESE's?!

But yeah, my LIE bestie is basically my partner in crime, Te is hot.

[Alonzo]

Aww, I honestly love healthy LIE's, I have only disliked two out of like five, the rest are my friends. And those two were, to be honest, wannabe sociopaths (I did the sociopath better than them, to be fair.) And I prefer LIE's over my dumbass benefactors any time! I mean, who in their sane mind likes ESE's?!

But yeah, my LIE bestie is basically my partner in crime, Te is hot.

lol@the emboldened > dat situational/flexible Fi. If, for example, personal gain is the goal, then I'd think the ability to get close to/predispose yourself to people really comes in handy. A problem with 1D Fi is that because it inherently gives so few fucks (about anything), it encourages poor "follow through" when it comes to nurturing/maintaining stable interpersonal bonds enough to get anything truly substantial out of a relationship--getting close enough to mount a one time hit/heist may be possible but talented Fi creatives know how to create a well that will consistently quench their thirst (if that's what they want). A shady LIE's grift is more easily exposed because they can barely manage the energy and effort to care to keep a relationship from being compromised, or successfully rescue it after it's been compromised. My mom has creative Fi and she has "go to" people for every need and desire, but she never interacts with them solely on those bases; she does a lot of "good will," "laying the ground work" gestures in between asking for anything so as to appear like it's a caring, mutually beneficial relationship, when she and I both know that she doesn't really give a fuck, she just wants what she wants and knows how to keep getting it. Because she doesn't wreak havoc and destroy lives, I call her sociopath-lite. lol