Member Questionnaire 1 (Beshoy)
What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is the ability to infuse emotions into the ordinary, to be able to craft an eleqouent picture in someone's mind using an object as the carrier or letters as the messenger.
Love is the ulterior motive of all human beings. We were born here using an expression of love, and we shall exercise this right to love in our dwindling existence.
What are your most important values?
Meaning, Authenticity, Truth, and power.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I used to be a Christian because I was born Christian. I did not accept such religion, mainly cause I felt devoid of nothing. Love is supposed to be unconditional yet I feel God is giving it to those who obey.
This is why I am absurdist. I don't believe carry the truth. but it is (to me) the most appealing and logical truth.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
Unnecessary at best, pathetic at worst.
How pathetic that a country of millions cannot convey what they mean and get what they want using flattery and charming words? How can no one have the capability to induce feelings in their announcement that they end up hopeless to the point of war?

I honestly love power, and I believe those who have it should be respected. those who possess the gift of humanity should be respected, but those who possess the power are ought to be respected. it's their full right.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
I usually have long conversations about controversial stuff. I love challenging the common grounds on which people stand upon, not for the sake of mockery but for the sake of enlightening the person of how fragile his own beliefs are. The self-righteous behavior of some people sickens me. There is no one true truth, and proclaiming you have it is extremely arrogant.
One does not know that what he fights for isn't worth it if it isn't serving a grander meaning other than blind loyalty. and I enjoy seeing people reaching this conclusion with me.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
Well, I love encouraging people to take care of their health. and I would love my significant other to take care of my health. I believe it's an expression of love to want the person in front of you to live better and live longer.
But I find my body extremely limiting. I hate sleep cause I could do much more in this time. I am also diabetic and hate the idea of taking care of every meal. I resent my limiting body.
What do you think of daily chores?
Daunting, but I deeply appreciate routine. I find time is better spent contemplating and thinking about various concepts. I still find my mind quite intriguing as the ideas fold in front of my mind uncannily.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
500 Days of summer
The Stranger by Albert Camu
I don't watch a lot of movies. I would rather actualize my ideas rather than try to satiate my need of it by some fiction.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
I cried when I was unsure of where I belong. Typology caused me a lot of stress. I feel like I crave knowing the truth of my type with every page that I read, yet, it always seems to fleet away in the next page. I share with my friends the info and help type them (i am quite amateur but I love the process, there is something beautiful in getting recognition and helping people to reach their core, I am let down tho when people take it lightly or aren't grateful)
as for smiling, I love it when people remember me out of nowhere. I love surprises that aren't intrusive. a simple text, a genuine compliment. a quote from a book, they all make me feel quite delighted.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
When I am alone and listen to some meditative music. Also, when I share something about me and people are giving me approval and attention I crave. I feel accepted and that makes me feel like belonging.
but I experience most of my sense of belonging on my own. I feel badly misunderstood due to my outer timid and tactful shell.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I take others need as mine and sometimes I am so unaware of it that I feel my emotions are connected to the person I am talking to.
recently, I became aware of it. but now I feel almost nothing and so indifferent to people. My outer actions show immense warmth and care when the reality is a complete void.
What I dislike is how my true uncaring nature appears in hardships. I literally feel nothing when reall stuff are happening (death of a loved one as an example) I show no remorse. I isolate myself and my ability to sympathise is zero. In this alone time, I tend to comtemplate how the other person sees me. and how I can "fix it" in some sense.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I am really understanding and comforting. but that's basically with stranger. I also feel quite confident in my analytical ability.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
I want to be a psychologist or psychoanalyst. I want to engrave my name in history in any endeavor. The endeavor is preferably humanitarian tho.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Quite a lot.
Usually caused by feeling like what I do is meaningless. Or when my vision is very unclear to me. Too much chaos and too many responsibilities are what causes that.
My initial reaction is to "reinvent the wheel" approach. I plan, I strategize. I put systems into place. Only to realize they are very impractical and produces even more fraction for me.
So, I binge eat and masturbate then sleep for 16 hours. I then wake up and feel like absolute shit for it. and try again.. and the cycle continues.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like those who take their lives seriously. Who are clear on what they want to do, not aimlessly wandering around indulging in pleasures.
I truly dislike those who act self-righteous, and those who never give a clear explanation to their judgment "That's how I feel!" they say. and it's fatiguing trying to navigate with logic with them. I am tactful, but gosh it gets so exhausting when someone feels like a landmine.

I get along with quirky and brave people. Somehow, their bravery entices me a lot. I want people to express themselves but rationally and decisively. Backing it up with logic or at the very least, not feeling that they want me in their cult of beliefs.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
Romance is lovely but overrated and sometimes cringy cause it feels like a shitshow between two people trying to impress each other instead of meaningful human communication.
Sex is the highest expression of love. The idea of surrendering your body to your partner to experiment with it together sets my soul on fire.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
First of all, I wouldn't raise a child in such a wretched existence.
Second of all, I would be concerned with understanding him. Yet, I will be firm if he deviates from his path. Kindness is nice, words are good tools, but sometimes, assertion works best.
The reason is because I want him to reach his goals, not mine. he will define the goals, and I will help him with that, I would only correct if the goal is not in alignment with what the society deems acceptable. not that I follow society, I just know its full in dangerous people, and we will have to navigate or modify the goal through these societal rules to get where we want.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
Internally, I would start introspecting and searching more online to see the validity of his opinion. If he is not someone credible I wouldn't even bother tho. he better be high in the hierarchy for his opinion to be considered.
outward, I am warm, welcoming, and will invite him for debate.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
People are ignorant. they need knowledge in a way that reaches their level.
The greatest issue of all? Self righteousness. all issues arise cause one part believe they own the truth while the others don't.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I am bad at choosing people. people usually choose me. But I would choose self-conscious people with empathy and understanding.
At first, I am shy yet tactful, I don't share a lot unless I know they will accept it and will give me the precise feedback I want. I can easily dramatize some events to win someone over or invoke an emotional reaction.
Once I am sure they trust me, I become distant and unsympathetic. seeking new interactions. People get boring to me really quickly cause I can clearly see who they are and if they fit into my frame of social connections or are reduntant to it.
I am usually responsive tho and try to help when needed.
How do you behave around strangers?
Tactful, cautious, Testing the waters. I prefer asking in hopes I can know their frame of mind to adjust my personality accordingly. I can't do it indefinitely tho cause people think I am genuinely interested in their beliefs when I am merely mimicking them. Once I feel I am being dragged into their frame. I get away with cold replies and uninterested dialogues.