Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
I think I became aware that I was under the supervision of a malevolent and uncaring god when I was about 1 to 1.5 years old. I blanked on everything until about age five, when I met some kids my own age.

And yes, I was much stronger than she was. I just never hit her back. I have an almost absolute injunction against hitting women, even when they are punching me in the face.

Around the time I met an ESI buddy in HS and realized that I would be leaving her house forever to go to school in another state, she went to hit me and I just grabbed her by the wrist and held her immobile and told her "You're not going to hit me any more." She was furious, but she couldn't do anything about it because hitting was her only mode of control. She had never put in the work that is necessary to get people to do the right thing if you can't hit them.

She wasn't too stupid to do that, and she wasn't incapable of learning, but for whatever reason, she wasn't taught or she never had a reason to treat those weaker than her any better than she did.

I don't think she viewed being a mother as being a teacher and an example and a steward of other people's lives. I think she viewed motherhood as a prison sentence. But that's just a guess.
I think the difference between us then (other than gender/sex) is that I’ve never been constantly physically hit (perhaps due to a more intimidating vibe), only emotionally. Sometimes yes but not constantly. And I feel inherently that if I were constantly physically attacked then I would find it justified to strike back, or take some action of another sort.