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Thread: Questionnaire for Member aixelsyd

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    globohomo aixelsyd's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
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    Default Questionnaire for Member aixelsyd

    Disclaimer: since this is lengthy, I request that you read this only if you are extremely bored and have a lot of free time.

    What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it
    I currently tutor for college writing for a software company. I was out of work, living out of state, and moved back home. I found the job posting, updated my resume, and applied.

    What I like:
    I work alone, in an office, granted.
    It does not require standing or physical activity.
    My peers are intellectuals and share similar beliefs and politics.
    I can work remotely in some situations (eg. sick/can’t come in or for OT).
    Interactions with students are via text-based chat. However, my primary function is to review and provide feedback for dropped off papers or occasionally answer submitted questions.
    Also, coffee is free, and I have the freedom to listen to music via headphones.
    Work is not stressful, is easy, and allows me to learn and explain various concepts.
    Also, it helps to sharpen my own writing skills and critical thinking skills.

    What I do not like:
    I do not like working 3rd shift.
    I do not like working weekends as it limits family time.
    Also, most OT is on weekends and I am rarely motivated to work after I work.
    To be brief, I do not like the RoE for a specific client who I mostly perform work for. However, the client is our biggest client and provides me with job security. My attitude is that they dictate too much of how we help their students but their online writing resources, I admit, are very good. I have developed methods to perform services for them that allows me to typically do the job well and move on to the next job without wasting too much energy. The downside to this is that I do not get the satisfaction of going out of their narrow box of what we can and cannot do in order to challenge and encourage students to think more deeply about what they are learning and why. However, the main purpose of my job is not to help foster critical thinking in that sense as it is to help students improve their written communication. So it’s whatever.

    What are your values, and why?
    I value transparency because I believe a certain degree of transparency helps to minimize miscommunication and misunderstandings. I simply believe that transparency helps to minimize waste of time and effort and helps people to have realistic expectations of what a person, service, product, or organization has to offer.
    I value critical thinking. I believe we have a lack of critical thinking where I reside (U.S.). I believe this is a fundamental factor in why our politics, education, quality of life, and environment is in such disarray. I believe it threatens not only our species but the majority of Earth’s biosphere.
    I also value respecting boundaries. I believe in challenging one another intellectually, but I do not believe in forcing people to think or to behave in a specific way so long as actions do not exploit others for personal gain or on behalf of fanatical beliefs. I prefer to reason with people rather than to attack. However, when I do attack, it is usually supported by evidence or an attempt at rational analysis.

    What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
    When I am not working or spending time with my family (namely spouse and fur brats), I enjoy reading, thinking, posting my analysis and views on social media, and otherwise stimulating my mind. I also enjoy watching TV and movies via Netflix, Hulu, Roku, and Amazon Prime. My favorite franchise is Star Trek, though I have not watched any Trek past Season 1 of Voyager. I also like watching documentaries, especially those covering history, namely American history. I also like documentaries about cosmology and physics (If I could redo college, I would have studied Environmental Science or Physics).
    I play video games now and gain. I recently did another playthrough of BiosShock Infinite and am working on a playthrough of Mass Effect 1 since I do not have my previous saves from my previous laptop.

    Outside of the house, I enjoy going to parks (I am rarely motivated to drive there, though), the library (rarely go because of inertia and I can’t vape in there, lol), and kava bars, which are my favorite places to hang out for the atmosphere and drinks (I do not typically socialize unless with my wife and our close friend). I like the vibe of most kava bars and I like the culture in that is progressive, has Hippie Millenial undertones, and the energy is generally very positive and is welcoming to intellectuals, nerds, and the LGBT community. And I can vape inside.

    Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

    I try to get along with my immediate family. My father and I have had a rocky relationship but it is easier to get along when we do not see each other every day or every week. With a certain distance, I get along with my dad all right and enjoy the fact that he holds my wife in high esteem. My father, fwiw, is hypercritical and does not like to socialize with most people. When my wife and I visit, he talks with her for hours.
    I am close to my mom. She has often been the primary emotional support in my life as I never had many friends and always have been socially awkward and have a hard time relating to people on a deeply emotional level and have a hard time maintaining relations with others. I prefer others taking the initiative until I find them clingy or intrusive. In those situations, I panic and eventually cut off contact in order to quell my anxieties and to return to stability. I do not tolerate demands or drama from others and will not maintain contact unless it is my family or a coworker who I cannot avoid.

    I believe friendship is overrated and am comfortable relating to others in terms of being a part of a common group rather than having a deep, intimate connection.
    I respect my brother but we were never close. It does not help that neither of us initiates contact. I also avoid interacting too much with him because of his spouse who, while a decent person, shows evidence of being two-faced and pushy and so I avoid unnecessary interaction in order to preserve the peace.
    The rest of my family is overseas and a language barrier exists. I feel close in the sense we are kin, but I do not talk to my family or else I do not know my paternal family and would rather not know them because they sound demented.

    I get along with my in-laws, namely my brother and sister-in-law and mother-in-law but I try not to keep too close because I feel the way I interact with others and present myself causes misunderstandings (e.g. some take my grumblings personally or I scare people when I flare up over something I deem idiotic and irresponsible).

    What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
    I don’t look. The friends I have, I did not look for. Every romantic relationship I had, I did not look for. I did not look for my wife.
    That said, I base friendship, or any relationship that is not familial, on rapport, a degree of open-mindedness, and respect. If we do not have rapport, there is no sense in maintaining contact. If someone is extremely close-minded in the sense that they believe their way is the only way, then I have no need to maintain contact since they will just try to convert me rather than listen to me.
    For marriage, I agreed to marry because my then-girlfriend was the only person I did not mind sharing a living space or bed with. Her phone calls and text messages rarely bothered me. I could be brutally honest with her and vice-versa. She never used me and I had no qualms with supporting her financially when I was in the position to and I never had problems with buying things for her, or with giving her rides when she could not drive. When she moved out of state for seven months after we were engaged, I had no anxiety that it would damage our relationship. It was not easy, but I think I took it better than she did, for the most part.

    What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
    Other than with arguing viewpoints online, I have not had any noticeable conflict except last Christmas. My nephew had picked up a Nativity Scene that was in our family for as long as I can remember. I was at the far side of the dining room, seated, when I saw him. I called out for him to put it down and my sister-in-law gave me a dirty look because she took it as I was trying to yell at him (more like pleading).
    I do not have regular conflict because I keep to myself, mostly.

    How would your friends describe you?
    I have been called weird. I think generous would apply. I, when I can afford it, do not mind buying drinks or food for a friend if the friend is inclined to return the favor. I have been regarded as angry, bitter, depressed, and funny in the past. I really don’t know what my fiends think about me because I do not engage with them often. My work friends, though, from retail, regard me as highly intelligent, funny, a team player, and an extremely hard worker who does not get rewarded and gets piled on with more work and responsibilities with no increase of pay. They would say I do not kiss ass. I can be too willing to help out and solve problems (for me it is intellectual stimulation to do so and to get out of my own head and to help quell anxiety).

    What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
    Strengths: I am seen as intelligent, tolerant of differences, honest, and just. I can be courageous on another’s behalf.
    I like the fact that I am intelligent and that I sincerely make an effort to understand what I do not understand and that I make efforts to minimize the inconvenience of others and help to make sense of why things are the way they are and how phenomena is interconnected.

    What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
    My main weakness is inertia. I lack drive and I lack motivation to make the best use of my talents, especially where it makes me more successful. I can be criticized for being messy at home. I can be criticized for being distant or disinterested. I am most often criticized for criticizing myself, not giving myself a chance/giving up on myself, and not taking care of my health (poor diet and bad habits e.g. when I used to smoke).
    I can be criticized that I am too hard to get close to and that I keep most of my thoughts and feelings to myself and that I do not try to open up.
    What I dislike about myself is my lack of drive and ineptitude in domestic and practical matters. I dislike that I plan ahead but don’t do much to accomplish short term goals. I fee like I try so hard to anticipate what can go wrong that I do not live my life. I feel like I am selling myself out to my self-doubt and paranoia of the worst happening. I can also make snap judgments without gathering all of the evidence and that I feel embarrassed for myself when it does occur.
    I dislike the fact that I find cigarettes alluring. I dislike being awkward at times. If I know people or work with them, I might try to enter the conversation to exchange ideas or add my perspective if it seems interesting. I worry this may be rude and/or annoying so I try to show self-restraint.

    In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
    I am good at keeping out of trouble and not undertaking risky activities. I am good at detecting BS and I am good at noticing if something or someone is sketchy and I do well in keeping away. I am good with working at technological issues and working out user errors.
    I need help in taking care of practical matters, such as fixing something broken and is not a simple fix. I need help with maintaining my home as I often neglect routine chores and being disgusted with myself. I need help getting me to socialize, meet new people, and to be a part of a group.

    What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?
    I do not like introducing myself to new people. I do not like selling anything I do not truly believe in. I do not like approaching people on anyone’s behalf unless it is necessary.
    I enjoy composing music, writing, analyzing, and I enjoy teaching on a conceptual level.

    What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
    If money and circumstances were not a factor, I would love to own an industrial hemp farm. However, my plans are to get a better job when it presents itself and one that does not damage my mental and physical health, preferably. I would like to work as a technical writer, but I would have to gain supplementary skills for that to happen. It would allow me to learn new policies, procedures, and systems and then explain them in a clear and concise manner. I am of the mind to become certified as a teacher or else in a more technical field such as Medical Coding. My wife intends to open a business such as a kava bar and/or a gym. If that happens, I intend to be responsible for the marketing, accounting, and general management of the business and basically putting the business plan on paper and designing the organization.

    If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
    I would compose and record music regularly, write non-fiction, join like-minded groups and volunteer. That and travel if it would be sustainable in my budget.

    What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

    I am endeared, if you can say that, with inquisitiveness. I don't mind listening to and answering a lot of questions if I see that the other person is working hard to understand it and when there is a purpose to answering those questions. Some might find it bothersome, I suppose. A recent example was with a history student who would ask many questions related to multiple choice and fill in the blank answers. We discussed the possible answers together and I knew he was doing the mental work because he suggested answers different to what I was suggesting. I checked to see if his suppositions held merit and several times I changed my answer because I realized I misunderstood the facts. I also did not mind him being extremely cheerful to see me online and asking me questions of what my hobbies were and so on. I avoided wasting too much time on those questions because he had a set amount of minutes for tutoring which I then explained. Apparently he did not realize this service cost money but I reassured him the school had paid for those minutes and he would not face any out of pocket charges. But while I enjoyed the conversation, I gave concise answers and worked to move on to what he needed help with so as to not cheat the school and him, especially after he made a few attempts at small talk (I assume to establish an open and friendly rapport, which worked well). I also knew he was doing his work and not trying to cheat because he reported that his grade was over 100%. I had no reason to doubt his honesty.

    What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
    I really don’t as my home requires a lot of work to be done: the painting is not finished, garage needs to be fixed/cleaned out, and tiles are not all done and I do not take the initiative to do any of those things unless it means financing or not wanting my spouse to do all of the work. Chores are not mentally stimulating but they derive a sense of satisfaction and stability when accomplished. I like the idea of doing chores regularly but the reality is I get sidetracked and end up becoming absorbed in a task that is not concrete such as filling out this type questionnaire, for example.

    How do you behave around strangers?
    I may nod, flash the semblance of a smile, and I try to behave politely when interacting with them. However, I tend to be tense, rigid, and but I do sometimes like to behave in manner that suggests a certain level of mental sharpness.

    How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
    I do not immediately react. I try to avoid making it escalate and try to keep calm and be the better person. I may apologize if I have done anything that I can see may have caused a misunderstanding. However, if someone is blatantly being an ass for the sake of it, I try not to engage (playing dead, in a sense).

    What is one common misconception that people have about things? Explain why it is wrong.
    A common misconception is that money flows down when it flows up. Any business entity will die if there is no demand for that business and no consumer base. However, this misconception made trickle down economics very popular (and it still is seen as the best economic theory by most, in the U.S. anyway. ). This misconception also justified tax cuts for the ultra wealthy. However, this has led to two things: an astronomical increase in the Federal Budget Deficit and increased taxes on the upper middle class, middle class, and working class. This causes many, especially the upper middle class and middle class, to believe the cause of this deficit lies in social welfare programs and in the maintenance of the conservation of public lands. This leads many of the middle class to support politicians whose policies support further tax cuts on the ultra wealthy and results in what is essentially victim blaming of the most vulnerable demographics of American society and further fuels the exploitation of child labor and other slave labor overseas and in our own prison-industrial complex.
    At the same time, the economy suffers because of a lack of competition and a lack of diversity in the market. This causes stagnation in the quality of goods and services and causes stagnation in American innovation.
    Because success often has more to do with ties to old money, a colossal aggregate of talent is wasted on dead end jobs that exist to amass astronomical amounts of profit that exists for the ultra wealthy to multiply their existing profits via the stock market and most of that wealth is horded overseas where the percentage that goes back into our economy is so small it may as well be invisible. And those who actually do the work to provide the goods and services and handle the actual gritty details of business get even less of a percentage of that nearly invisible percentage that goes back into the economy.
    This also goes back to the common misconception that slavery ended with the end of the Civil War, but that is another topic I will not get into.

    What did you do last Friday?
    Went out with my wife and our friend, paid for everyone’s food and paid for the first drink. This was at a pizza/burger joint and also at a kava bar located across the street.

    What is your biggest accomplishment?
    The closest thing to an accomplishment is getting my Bachelor’s and getting married, if that even counts. I suppose I can substitute with a more recent accomplishment where I was scheduled to work Christmas Day early morning until 7am. My supervisor, since I actually came in to work Christmas Eve, said if there were no papers, I could probably take the next night off. I single handedly brought the paper queue, which was close to 40 when I started, down to zero. Ironically, as soon as I finished the last paper, our Internet went down so I was forced to take pictures of my productivity score and the queue, which was already on screen as I was preparing an email to show her the evidence and to capitalize on the suggestion I get the next night off, with my phone and I emailed or texted her that way (I do not remember which).

    What is something you regret?
    Not getting a better degree and not living on campus when I went to school. I regret giving up on myself and not getting my commission as an Ensign.

    Who do you admire, and why?
    My wife because she is everything I am not. She is active, proactive, gets things done, and never gives up. She left home at 16, did not get a formal education past high school and vocational school, and she has had a number of prestigious jobs in aircraft manufacturing and I have no doubt she can get into NASA or SpaceX if she sticks with her career.

    What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
    I am always worried that my spouse may get denied for citizenship, that she might get deported over her record, that something might happen to her. My cat ran away over a year ago and I never found him. So that has always been on the back of my mind and I blame myself. I worry about money, about living up to my potential, about the safety and wellbeing of my family. I worry about a lot of things.
    Most of my personal problems are simply related to not feeling well physically or mentally. I worry about possibly having clinical depression and generalized anxiety and I worry that the symptoms have held me back. I worry about never being happy and I worry that if I believe in good things coming that I will be mocked with the opposite expectation happening. I fear never finding meaning or purpose in my life.

    What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
    Coming from someone who used to be extremely religious (Christian), I do not really have any religious beliefs anymore. I believe there may be other dimensions of what we call the astral plane and that there is something to what is called paranormal, but I am more inclined to believe that if such things exist, there is a scientific explanation for it and that we lack the science to comprehend it. As far as human origins, I believe in evolution but I also believe we may be a result of genetic engineering from extraterrestrials and that we are an invasive species on Earth. I believe this in part because our impact on the Earth’s ecosystems is like that of an invasive species in a more local ecosystem where other species cannot compete and are threatened.

    What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
    I self-identify as a Progressive. I believe the U.S. is reliving another Gilded Age and that progressive policies are necessary to help restore balance to our political system, economy, and quality of life. I also have traveled outside of the U.S. and one could say my mentality matches my Scandinavian heritage.
    I care about politics deeply in the sense that they have a major impact on quality of life, the environment, and the economy, and all of those things affect me and my loved ones.

    Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
    I would be interested in starting a business with my wife for the reasons previously stated. My role has been previously stated as has been the type of business.

    What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
    I like a work environment where I can be left alone, do not have to speak over the phone, clearly know what my goal is and where I have the flexibility to meet that goal using my own methods. I like a work environment that is flexible and trusts employees to do their work whether it is on-site or remotely and where independence is encouraged. However, I also like knowing what is acceptable, what is not acceptable, and what criteria must be observed, so long as it is not arbitrary. I like having sufficient resources to do my job in a timely and quality manner.

    What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
    Generally, it has been English because it came easily. However, my favorite class in college was an environmental science course. It was easy because it was mostly discussion, documentaries, and a project where we had to do so many hours of volunteering for an eco-friendly cause. I did not have a car so I picked up trash off the beach for a weekend (walking distance from home) and a friend helped take pictures for my presentation and as evidence.

    How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
    If I make a promise, I try to keep it. If I have an obligation whether it is my word, financial obligations, or work obligations, then I try to get it done as soon as possible or in an otherwise timely manner because I keep thinking about it if I do not and become anxious which is a waste of time where I could relax and not worry about those things.
    If I have a pre-existing commitment, I do not make plans that will interfere with that commitment. This has the drawback of me not wanting to take on anymore responsibilities than necessary because I worry that I will not be able to fulfill all responsibilities without it being at the expense of my health or at the expense of another obligation.
    I do not have much expectation of others unless it is a shared responsibility. Example: When I lived with several roommates, I was the one who paid the property management in advance with the full amount of rent for each month. This was because I had money saved and my roommates did not. My expectation was, of course, that I would be reimbursed for their share of the rent. I was usually pretty relaxed if it was not immediately reimbursed because I knew they struggled to stay afloat. However, when my roommate was going to Universal Studios with his girlfriend (who did not work or pay rent but had some health/mental issues), I bitched him out over priorities.
    So I tend to expect that people pull their weight, not take advantage or try to get a free ride, and not screw others over/take accountability and make some effort in fulfilling their obligations.

    Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
    I went to Orlando for my birthday for two days. My wife and I went to City Walk at Universal Studios. It was cold for Florida. I bought a daiquiri like a dumbass and did not realize it would be this frozen, slushy beverage that I could not drink in ten minutes. It was a Sunday night so all of the venues required admission (they are free Mon-Thurs). So I froze my ass off trying to drink a frozen alcoholic beverage that I couldn’t bring in the car.
    The next day, I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to get 50% off tickets for one park. My wife and I sat through an almost 3 hour long Windham Resorts presentation. Each couple was assigned to a sales rep who did the whole song and dance to try to get us to sign a contract to join their time share. After we tactfully declined the sales rep and his supervisor, their boss pulled us aside to try to change our minds. I, frustrated and having a harder time containing it, made an excuse about owing thousands of dollars to a relative and then made a statement about priorities and that it was not financially feasible and then made a point of how most marriages end in divorce over finances. They left us alone after that.
    Then, we went to Universal Studios and realized my wife could not ride any rides (except the E.T. ride) because of a recent neck injury from a major car crash. The lines were surprisingly long for the time of year, I thought, but I did manage to ride the one roller coaster where you pick the music (I picked a song by The Crystal Method).
    Overall, it was all right. I did not have much expectation but I probably would not do it again unless it was to go to Disney Springs/not pay over one hundred dollars to enter a mediocre park.

    What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
    When I was very little, I was very sensitive and had a wonder for the world around me. However, my father having issues in regulating his emotions, especially his anger, I soon was exposed to explosive outbursts towards other family members, himself, or at a situation (I was around my father a lot because he was a self-employed landlord and he was home almost all of the time or he drove my brother and I to and from school). And, of course, it did not take long for me to be at the receiving end (nothing physical except smacking sometimes and spanking, which never bothered me). I grew up being screamed at, cursed at, called every name in the book, threatened, belittled, gaslighted, and humiliated. I developed what I believe was Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder and could not pay attention in school or focus on anything. I lived in my head to keep my sanity, I suppose. I was withdrawn, socially awkward, terrified of people, wanted to cry when people were kind to me, complimented me, or if I saw a toy that was cute and sweet. Even to this day, I avoid any department in a store that has toys because it makes me emotional and reminds me of how fragile innocence is and of how devastating it is when that innocence is abused/harmed. And I am crying right now as I think about it, granted I am hormonal and that fact has been bothering me for almost a week.

    What was your high school experience like?
    It was a good and bad experience. My life at home was pretty awful. I was depressed. I was privately suicidal. I had cut myself when I lost control of my sanity and when the conflict was so unbearable and hid it because I assumed I would be bullied for being an emo kid (my peers mocked that culture left and right). I also became extremely religious. I did a lot of extracurricular activities with music. So that combined with my faith motivated me to come out of my shell more, to care about reality, and to make a sincere effort to discipline myself and to retrain my mind so that I would not slip into that maldaptive daydreaming state. So I went from chronically unfocused to someone very focused in most situations.
    I also realized I liked women like that and fell in love with a female friend. Nothing came of it because of a misunderstanding and I assumed she hated me. However, it was motivation to actually give a damn about real human beings for the first time in my life (aside from my mother).

    Talk about a significant event from your life.
    Losing my cat a little over a year ago was significant (I do not know if he is dead or alive...Schrodigner’s cat...I get it). It utterly destroyed me. My wife was out of state working. We had rescued a few cats from when living in the Mid-West. I moved back home and felt pressured by my family to find work. I purchased a BS program that supposedly helps someone find work via freelancing as a writer but the product wasn’t too impressive for the money. One of the cats rescued always had to dart outside, especially when letting the dogs out. Schrodinger’s cat, let’s call him, got out along with his sister. I tried catching him but he ran away, for some reason. I said fuck it, he will come back when he realizes how silly his game is. I finished watching a short video on how to optimize the product. I came back outside and he was gone. I looked everywhere and I have no idea what happened to him. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I was so angry and so destroyed, I contemplated hanging myself from the tree in the back. It just further reinforced my phobia of opening all of my heart to anyone or anything out of fear they will be taken from me. So I do not allow myself to care. It actually really fucking sucks because I would be happy to have no worries, live life, and not give a damn about what will go wrong and start to take risks that will maybe make a real difference for myself and a lot of other people.

    Do you like kids? Why or why not?
    I do now. I used to not like children because I perceived them as spoiled and as an excuse for concern trolls to dictate what grown adults can or cannot do with their bodies and in their bedrooms.
    Now that I am an aunt, I like kids. I also discovered I am good with kids and enjoy playing with them and helping them to notice new things and make new connections without telling them what to think directly.

    If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
    My main concern would be money. I do not think I would be afford to raise a child and set them up for success. I believe the United States does not make it feasible to raise children unless one is reasonably wealthy and has a very good job with very good benefits.
    I would be concerned with raising my child to be curious, to learn and experience new things, within reason, and to appreciate life and all forms of life. I would not take them to church but I would take them to a Buddhist temple or to a Unitarian Universalist church and maybe an MCC church but I would probably not make a habit of it.
    I would try to introduce them to Star Trek early on, to older video games, and take them to parks, the beach, and instill in them good habits such as picking up after themselves (without making it seem like a chore but more of a game), and to try different activities and interests and encourage them to do what they are interested in as a hobby in the hopes it might give them a competitive edge and be able to make decent money doing it.
    That said, I have no desire to have kids and never have.

    Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
    Yes and often. The reason is my inertia, mental state, and poor choices such as not giving math and science a chance (I used to get screamed at for not being able to do math in my head so I had an attitude against I have respect for math and try to catch up on what I missed out on). I regret this because I may have picked a STEM degree, likely in science, and I would like to have been a scientist. More and more, I think I may have the aptitude for it and the interest. It also would mean that professional interactions with the public would not be reduced to making money for someone who does not know and does not care if I exist.
    So I often feel stuck in a rut because I feel I have little upward mobility without having to take jobs I hate but provides better skills and experience and without having to fork over large sums of money to go back to school and to have debt and possibly hurt my credit which I am diligent about maintaining.

    How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
    I have contradictory views about people as a whole. On one hand, I see people as having good intentions but having to adapt to a society and system that is consumed with greed and lust for control. That system, then, corrupts human beings who were born into this world as good and kind beings, with the exception of those whose brains are naturally wired to not experience empathy and view other humans as prey. I even postulate that such people (those who are skilled at masking their nature) are the ones who have gamed the system so much and have manipulated the system to the extent that it is as corrupt and as broken as it is.
    On the other hand, I see humanity as a parasite and that our only purpose is to colonize space and recreate our biosphere on other planets (Kind of like the Genesis project from Star Trek: Wrath of Khan.). The reason is that in some billions of years from now, the Earth will be destroyed when the sun goes red. So the fact we are the most advanced species on Earth means that, as it is, we have the best chance of preserving existing life on this planet on other planets and interstellar colonies.
    As said, though, we are also the best chance of single-handedly destroying most life on this planet, as is evident in that we are in the time of the Great Dying. Countless species have gone and are doing extinct because of human activities and yet this is almost never broadcasted on the media or talked about by politicians.
    Truthfully, I believe us going extinct (or civilization as we know it being decimated) is the best thing that can happen. However, because of instinct, we will cling for life even if we destroy millions of other life forms in the process.
    Personally, I do not care for humanity because we are no better than the animals supposedly beneath us. Yes, we work and suffer and there are reasons for our destructive behavior, but there is no excuse not to act in our best long term interests and focus our efforts into fixing the system and fixing our energy infrastructure so that it is sustainable. However, I see humans overall as being too lazy, too stupid, too egotistical, and too afraid to act. I am not saying I am better, but I also envy those with billions of dollars and would love to create a company devoted to renewable energy and devoted to alternatives to our goods and infrastructure (an alternative such as hemp is to plastic).
    I would see it as creating new jobs, practicing ethics in the sense that innovations would be first tested by scientific and technical experts in their field to try to verify that our products are in fact sustainable and not merely assumed to be sustainable only to have negative ramifications on the environment down the road.

    What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?

    It depends on the situation. In a business or social setting, I typically consider if what I want is really that important. Even if I do think it is of importance, I tend to not say or do anything out of fear of making things worse. In an informal setting, I might become distant, express minor annoyance, and say something to the effect of that it wasn't important anyway because this and this is more important. But I might do it in a way that reveals subtle disappointment. I try to be careful with this, though, because some people, like my wife, will pick up on it right away and say something to the effect of "Get up! Let's go!" I will play stupid and ask why we are going. She will say for us to just go and get out of the house and do something enjoyable. The downside is she overextends herself between wanting to take the dogs to the park, the gym/kickboxing/MMA, food prepping (she is vegan so she has to food prep), and work. So I ultimately berate myself further for feeling ineffectual and like a dead weight. This usually results in me being pinned down via Jiu Jitsu moves and me whining like a little bitch.

    Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?
    I am not really comfortable being a leader as I prefer being the right hand of a leader who can advise the leader and lead behind the scenes. I do not like being in the spotlight where I must sometimes dictate what must be done. If I had to take that position, I would be happier advising my subordinates and leading them on behalf of a vision/mission statement rather than to simply lead for the sake of it. Because of my need for time to think and have freedom to choose what to focus on and because of my need for space and isolation, I would not want to be a leader as my primary function. I do not mind, however, covering for a leader and taking on their responsibilities when they cannot be there so long as it is temporary. The downside is I am not compensated for it, in my experience when I did cover as a Customer Service Manager for the front end night crew (retail). It would not have been so bad if it were not for the micromanagement and the broken and greedy system that is Walmart.

    How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?
    I get angry often but not in the sense I am truly enraged. Maybe annoyed is a better term.
    I do get angry when people demand I or others to perform services or think and act in a rigid way because they feel entitled to it. This is not the same as being obligated to do these things, such as when it is in my job description and when the demand is relevant to my job function and when the demand can be met in an orderly fashion. I do not mind going above and beyond when it is feasible and I have done so many times over.
    However, for example, I get mad, though I do not express this except to the computer monitor, if a student comes into a tutoring session where it is clearly stated that it is for writing and then demanding or trying to manipulate me into tutoring them in accounting practices or statistics when I am neither trained nor qualified to do so. I am willing, though, to try to learn the general principle of the concept and to then provide them with a method or resources that might be of help. But one instance that did bother me was when a business student expected help with math that required an understanding of business jargon and concepts I was not acquainted with and then basically told me that if I did not know what I was doing to let him find another tutor. Mind you, it clearly said “writing center’ from where he accessed the session.
    That prompted me to change my canned greeting to ask what specific writing-related question a student had. I have a had a few ignore this and ask about something beyond my capabilities in math that I could not help with without spending several hours learning the material for myself. She then got mad, thanked me for nothing because she was of the understanding that I worked for the university and did not know or understand that I work for a contracting company that takes on colleges as clients. At the same time, I did not take it personally because I felt her frustration was legitimate and that the school should offer STEM tutoring but the school is too cheap/greedy.
    But people who demand a service or favor without bothering to understand what that service is for or not bothering to practice basic reading or listening comprehension truly irks the shit out of me.
    Also, I get mad at people who are assholes just to be an asshole and give someone a hard time because they are bored and cruel. I don’t mind telling those people to eat my entire asshole (not in such blunt terms, of course).

    What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?
    I made myself vote early even though I was sleep deprived.

    What is the worst thing that happened to you during the past week?
    Sleep deprivation.

    What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
    My purpose is to be there for my wife and fur brats. I find being involved in social causes to be meaningful in the sense of chipping away at biases rooted in tradition for the sake of it and biases rooted in superstition or propaganda that has little evidence supporting it.

    What is the most interesting place you have been, and why?
    Norway because it is a different world. The landscape is so different and the culture is so different from where I live. It is interesting because of the wilderness, wildlife, history, and rustic atmosphere. It is also interesting because of how advanced they are in their technology. I met a friend of my aunt’s late husband and he showed us his hydroelectric plant that powered the entire town down the river. So the communal spirit and spirit of pragmatic innovation does interest me and garners my admiration.
    It is interesting, as well, in that I was neither born nor raised there but I feel more myself and more at home among my mother’s people than I do here and I hope to move my family there sometime after my wife becomes a U.S. citizen (so she can return to see her family in the U.S.).

    How do you dress or manage your appearance?
    Barely: I am clothed, but I do not put much effort on my appearance. More specifically, I tend to dress with what is washed even though it may have wrinkles and cat hair. I have accumulated a number of navy blue polo shirts from working at Walmart for four years. So I often go to work wearing that with sweat pants or black pants (the company dress code is very casual). Hell, I wear flip flops because other people do it, even my supervisor. I also sometimes wear shirts more typical of Millenial culture such as a Bob Ross t-shirt or Star Wars, cat, or video game t-shirts. I used to put more effort into my appearance when I was single, but I tend to save it for when I go out. When I go to a club-like event, I tend towards formal wear such as a tuxedo or shirt and neck tie.

    Do you like surprises?
    Last edited by aixelsyd; 03-12-2020 at 06:06 PM.

  2. #2
    sullutac's Avatar
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    Dec 2017
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    hi, maybe EII?
    probably f, probably j, weak se, seems introverted

  3. #3
    Hot Scalding Gayser's Avatar
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    May 2007
    The evolved form of Warm Soapy Water
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    Aww omg it's @aixelsyd my most favorite lesbian in the entire world. <3

    Idk why exactly but every time I read your posts I light up with faggish glee. Like everything you say just makes me ridiculously happy. It's weird. And kind of funny too cuz I know about your serious/grumpy side or whatever but it still brings me joy. Like I don't care. I unconditionally love you anyway.

    IRL you'd probably really dislike me (I would probably deserve it because I just don't think I'm as a good person as you- or most people really) and well real life is almost always boring or terrifying or depressing/dissapointing anyway but I like having you as my romantic internet pal that I can gossip about the L word with. I know that despite our strong friendship online, I can still be a jerk and I'm sorry if I ever pissed you off before in the past but we never really talked about it before because we both wanted to keep the magic alive. I know I can be a huge asshole at times. I wasn't a very good person for a few years and I am trying to make up for it. I don't think you ever really can but... maybe.

    Sooo I still think ur my semi-dual because of the typical affectionate semi dual-ish feelings I have for u. I heard somebody on here before said semi dual is like that. You just get these warm fuzzies man.

    I haven't watched the remake. I have a feeling it won't be as good as the original tho. I have missed it tho so I might re-watch the series again for the third time. Well I almost watched it thru the second time but I stopped just a few episodes before Dana died. I never actually watched the very end before, so I might do that- but I heard it sucked and wasn't worth it. Kinda want to make up my own mind about it so I might do that one of these days lol.

    The Jenny to your Shane,

  4. #4
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Apr 2015
    Midwest, USA
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    1555 Post(s)
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    Introvert, of course, with lots and lots of Ni.

    IEI-Ni? ILI-Ni? I need to read this again carefully.

  5. #5
    globohomo aixelsyd's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
    SLI 5w6
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    I guess between IEI and ILI, the latter makes more sense. Making sense of things and quickly understanding new concepts comes easily to me. Establishing emotional rapport, expressing my feelings, and contributing to the emotional atmosphere is awkward for me.

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