Am I a 4,5 or 9? or maybe neither
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
- As much as I may like to deny it is really the molding of mind into something I deem to be satisfying and being able to come to terms with myself, Every single philosophy I have adopted, Science, piece literature was to understand existence itself and by effect my interpretation of it. As childish as it may seem I’ve always had a bit of an individualistic streak always wanting be the odd one out or to be recognized as creative or unique, almost manifesting as a hate for being subjected to normalcy or menial tasks viewing because it would break my self esteem and destroy my sense of self2. What were you like as a kid?
-I think the most consistent patterns that I have observed as a kid leaned more towards a more self-centered manner. I guess my entire life even prior to me hitting puberty my brain has been spent clashing with multiple aspects of my psyche, always fitting in to multiple characters/identities but never content with one. I used to and still have thoughts of losing all my intelligence and state of mind and devolving into nothing more than an inert mass of brain cells, or it might even manifest as a negative thought on what it would be like to be within the consciousness of a wild animal and what those primal instincts would be like experiencing. Very talkative to those I was close to but most introspective and closed off from most everyone else. I'd say I was perpetually locked with one friend of course within the confines of our imagination finding satisfaction in creating imaginary worlds and taking the role of a variety of characters with different personalities for weeks on end without breaking character. I didn’t really feel comfortable doing this with everyone as many of them viewed me as the outcast and weirdo, probably for good reason.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
-Probably different and if I’m being honest if I told my interpretation of how I view familial relationships they would view me as absolutely insane. The idea that I should be bound to them due to blood relations was kind of silly to me even as a child although I volcalized it in a far more childish way that they took all the same. My family generally held loyalty to blood and bondness to the end in high regard. I didn’t as I felt that basing relationships on pure genetics was a limiter and that you should have every free reign to disregard anyone in your family as that is your decision and you shouldn’t be bound to a set strict amount of beliefs simply on one aspect, especially when you try tube feed them religious beliefs or any other dogmatic way of thinking. My mother and I had an uneasy relationship always concerned with material wealth while I was quite the opposite finding solace within the confines of my own mind. She found it almost inconceivable to not achieve money as a finality to life while I found that focuses only on its attainment to be setting yourself up for hell. The point is I think it’s better to use it as a utility resource in order to garner essentials but purpose must be attained through one own true self and not the kind wrapped up and packaged for you by society.
Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:a.) anger: I accept anger as it is and not as malignant but a necessary part of mind, instead of bottling it up I channel in to something that I can use to my advantage instead of being torn into a vulnerable state.b.) shame: Mostly pertaining to myself in unusual ways and maybe from time to time a past deed I may have done.
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if you talk to him, you'll know he keeps it inside not to keep an internal peace (9), but because of his "principles," though.
