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Thread: Am I a 4,5 or 9? or maybe neither

  1. #1

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    Post Am I a 4,5 or 9? or maybe neither

    1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
    - As much as I may like to deny it is really the molding of mind into something I deem to be satisfying and being able to come to terms with myself, Every single philosophy I have adopted, Science, piece literature was to understand existence itself and by effect my interpretation of it. As childish as it may seem Iíve always had a bit of an individualistic streak always wanting be the odd one out or to be recognized as creative or unique, almost manifesting as a hate for being subjected to normalcy or menial tasks viewing because it would break my self esteem and destroy my sense of self2. What were you like as a kid?
    -I think the most consistent patterns that I have observed as a kid leaned more towards a more self-centered manner. I guess my entire life even prior to me hitting puberty my brain has been spent clashing with multiple aspects of my psyche, always fitting in to multiple characters/identities but never content with one. I used to and still have thoughts of losing all my intelligence and state of mind and devolving into nothing more than an inert mass of brain cells, or it might even manifest as a negative thought on what it would be like to be within the consciousness of a wild animal and what those primal instincts would be like experiencing. Very talkative to those I was close to but most introspective and closed off from most everyone else. I'd say I was perpetually locked with one friend of course within the confines of our imagination finding satisfaction in creating imaginary worlds and taking the role of a variety of characters with different personalities for weeks on end without breaking character. I didnít really feel comfortable doing this with everyone as many of them viewed me as the outcast and weirdo, probably for good reason.
    3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
    -Probably different and if Iím being honest if I told my interpretation of how I view familial relationships they would view me as absolutely insane. The idea that I should be bound to them due to blood relations was kind of silly to me even as a child although I volcalized it in a far more childish way that they took all the same. My family generally held loyalty to blood and bondness to the end in high regard. I didnít as I felt that basing relationships on pure genetics was a limiter and that you should have every free reign to disregard anyone in your family as that is your decision and you shouldnít be bound to a set strict amount of beliefs simply on one aspect, especially when you try tube feed them religious beliefs or any other dogmatic way of thinking. My mother and I had an uneasy relationship always concerned with material wealth while I was quite the opposite finding solace within the confines of my own mind. She found it almost inconceivable to not achieve money as a finality to life while I found that focuses only on its attainment to be setting yourself up for hell. The point is I think itís better to use it as a utility resource in order to garner essentials but purpose must be attained through one own true self and not the kind wrapped up and packaged for you by society.


    Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:a.) anger: I accept anger as it is and not as malignant but a necessary part of mind, instead of bottling it up I channel in to something that I can use to my advantage instead of being torn into a vulnerable state.b.) shame: Mostly pertaining to myself in unusual ways and maybe from time to time a past deed I may have done.

  2. #2

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    I skimmed a bit because that's a lot of text, but especially based on your first and second answers, you seem to struggle with image triad related issues most.
    I relate to your first answer A LOT, especially the first three sentences. For reference, I'm a 4 with a strong 5 wing.
    Also, about your last answer about anger, it doesn't seem like you have a 1 fix, at least. I've a 1 fix and after discovering enneagram, I noticed I always suppress anger because I feel like it is not "right" to be mad in this situation.

    I would say you're a 4.

    Since you're unsure, try to figure out which triad (gut, heart, mind) issues you relate to the most.
    Look into harmonic triads if you haven't yet.

  3. #3

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    What is a 1 fix like though? Do all 9's view angers as a horrible plague? A bit of an exaggeration but I'm finding it difficult to identify the threshhold between tritypes like a 954 or a 594.

  4. #4

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    I don't know too much about 9, maybe someone else can help you here..

    For me, a 1 fix is like:
    -always judging if you're right or wrong..
    -relating to anger, if i'm not sure i'm "right" (whatever i define that to be), i'll feel like i don't have the right to be angry so i'll suppress it
    -if it slips through and i show anger towards something (usually passive-aggressive or snarky), i'll feel very ashamed (relating to 4 core), but also, I'll feel like just expressing the anger (being angry) has made me less "right"
    -i don't know how moral or ethical of a person I am, but I definitely strive to have integrity. definitely.

    As for my father who is a 1w2, sometimes he gets frustrated or angry at me, and I can sense it, but he just keeps it inside. and it pisses me off and I even try to get him to admit he's mad at me, because, just like, admit you're mad??? it's not that bad a thing? ladies and gentlemen, self projection if you talk to him, you'll know he keeps it inside not to keep an internal peace (9), but because of his "principles," though.


    I don't know how much I can help you figure it out because ultimately you know yourself best, but if you have any specific questions I'll do my best to help you out.

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